I hate my friends

I've sat down to realize that I don't have any real friends. One real friend would be better than all of my acquaintances. Who has a few really good friends? How did you make them? All advice is welcome.

Tue. Mar 4, 9:15pm

craigslist...post your interest in the strictly platonic section. I met 3 of my best friends there.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008, 9:35 PM

I met my closest friend in grade 7- we've been friends for 14 years now.
Of my other two really close friends, I met at church about 5 years ago, and the other in my first year of university.
And I consider my mom to be one of my closest and dearest friends (now that I'm 27 and smarter than I was at 17...)

Otherwise I have lots of friends, but the above four are most important to me.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008, 9:40 PM

I recently went through a horrible personal ordeal. This time last year I had tons of friends. My phone rang all the time. Once my ordeal hit they all turned on me except for 2. The 2 that stuck by me were'nt even my 2 BEST friends. Needless to say that they are now. I don't know what I'd do without them.

My two best friends( the old ones) turning on me at the worst time of my life was really bad. But I now realize that I am a much happier person without them by my side bringing me down. I am 31 years old. I was friends with these two since we were 15. I finally feel like I am out of high school. Let me tell you it is so refreshing!

If you need to grow past your friends you will. Keep high standards and those friends will find you. In the mean time, think of what you are interested in. If you go to the gym there may be people there. If you have a dog go to the dog park. Try to find people with the same interests.

I wish you all the best.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008, 11:25 PM

I have a "friend" that calls constantly telling me how great everything is in her life. She actually is what I consider more of an acquaintance except she calls 4-7 times a week. If I try and talk about any problems that I have she flat out tells me. "I am not interested in that!"

She called yesterday because it was her birthday and she wanted me to gush over her. I did wish her happy birthday, but kind of left it at that. The last year I had sent her a present, she said we didn't need to exchange gifts anymore and then proceeded to tell me how great the present was that another friend gave her - incidentally, never thanking me for my gift. Then she ignored my birthday - which I did not bring up to her. In fact last year, the day after my birthday (which of course she ignored) she e-mailed how she forgot another friends birthday, and we must get cards out to her immediately.

I usually say "oh that's great," "how wonderful," etc, on the phone, knowing I just have to put in 5-10 minutes. I just wish I knew what game she is playing, and basically know she is not my friend.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 12:04 AM

12:04 here again. I basically have 3 very good friends and feel blessed to have that many. We don't talk every day, or every week, and sometimes not even every month, but I know we are good friends and quality really is more important than quantity.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 12:11 AM

I have 2 unreplaceable friends. One I met in high school. She's 3 years younger than me, but like me she has had a lot of difficulties in life. I'm sad at the moment because she will be moving to Washington in May. I don't know what I'm going to do with out her.
My second best friend is my husband. I can talk to him about almost anything. It's not the same as a female friend, but it works. I met him on-line 4 years ago. Just started chatting online when we were bored and the next thing you know, God worked out some things and brought us together. We've been married almost a year now.
I do agree with going to places of interest to meet people. If you like parks or churches, go there. If you are kinda geeky like me, online is great.
Good luck in your search.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 2:04 AM

I am 39 and have 1 best friend that I've had since I was 8. But we live in different states now, still talk all the time and we will forever be comfortable and close but only see each other maybe 1 or 2x a year. I have noticed since I've gotten older it is harder to make "real friends", people you connect with and want to hang out with, people your comfortable with, someone you'd call up and say hey lets go do this or that. The older I get the fewer people I meet and rarely are there any of those that I feel like I can really connect to. I have one pretty good friend up here now but it has taken me almost 8 years to meet her.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 2:54 AM

2 best friends that know everything about me. I don't have a big circle of friends nor do I want to.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:09 AM

In Washington, DC, a group of women were having the same problem, and they all turned to craigslist to try to meet people and found each other. They started a women's social club, the sole purpose of which is to help lost female souls ages 22-35 (or something like that) meet each other in this transitory town. It has become extraordinarily popular and has lots of members now. I recently joined the group, and I'm really excited to try to make some *local* girlfriends. I recount this story to encourage people to actually give craigslist a chance because it might work.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:14 AM

I have been blessed with several good friends. Most of them I met at church.

To have a friend, one must show him or herself friendly.

Friendship is like an apple seed, when you plant it, you must water it, take care of it, make sure it gets plenty of sun shine.Keep things away from it that would bring it harm. It takes time to grow; however when it does, it will bring back so much more. One must have patience and be tender with it. Speak lovely words to it. The harvest that it will yeild will be awesome.

Best Wishes in your pursuit.......

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:15 AM

I am not the OP, but I wanted to thank you for all your advice. I am in the same situation. Had a bad time with family and reexamined all in my life. I realized that the friends I had were just draining me. So, I had a little "me" time, have lost 80 pounds and am feeling confident again. hoping to attract more sincere friends this time around. Good luck to all on your personal happiness!!!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:38 AM

I met one of my best friends in elementary school, and the other two I met in junior high. Not matter what I've gone through in my life, these three girls have stuck by me. Two live out of state now, and the other lives an hour away, but we remain in constant contact.

The best way to meet friends is just to live your life. In college, I met a slew of great people, and at work I've met even more great people. I'm not a social butterfly type, I'm usually fairly shy and reserved, but if you open up just a little bit and let people in, you gain so much.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 11:02 AM

Friends are central to good living ...and sometimes they are hard to come by. I have gone through some lean years in my life that way. I am blessed right now. I met many of my present friends doing things I cared about....special volunteer projects. The volunteer projects led to good conversations and later evolved to friendship. So go forward and participate in things you really care about...let that energy pull you forward and the friends will show up.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 11:11 AM

Ditto on Craig's List. I've never looked for human companionship online, but found myself perusing the platonic section after moving to a new city. My job is all guys so I couldn't make connections at work and found myself at a loss for how to meet people. On CL I found a great group of girls (we call ourselves a 'book club', but get together all the time) and we've been fast friends for nearly 3 years now.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 12:10 PM

To 10:38 From 11:25 PM

Good for you! I also realized that my so called friends were draining. It's so nice to get off the phone with a friend and not want to take a nap.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Now just think of how much emotional and physical baggage you have lost. You must feel light as a feather!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 12:17 PM

Wow. I am so grateful for this thread. I never realized truly how important friendship is until recently. Last summer, I moved to a new city for a job, which also happened to occur about 3 months after my longterm boyfriend and I broke up. Friends are so so essential to a full life. I am currently struggling in a town that is new to me, and friends that are far away. I feel like food became such a comfort for me-- a coping mechanism to heal a broken heart, a troubled mind, and an expanding body. I finally realized (thanks in part to this thread) that instead of longing for the love of a significant other, I am longing for the love of true friends. Thanks OP, for this post and to everyone else for all the suggestions :)

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 4:59 PM

I don't have any real friends where I live...but I am more of an independent type of person ... meaning (loner)...I hang out with my bf and my dog mostly....and sometimes my bf's friends.

I actually have never gotten along with women...all of my women friends are lesbians...I just realized that....that's probably why I like them....their not obnoxious like girlie girls.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 9:57 PM

LOL,957. I'm so there with ya. Most of my friends are male and my one close female friend is bisexual. Some girls can be really catty and guys tend to just be like, "yeah, whatever"

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:01 PM

There is tremendous advice on here! I use craigslist all the time but wouldn't have even imagined that I could use the platonic section. That's great to know - and also the advice of participate in things you really care about and conversations ensue and friendships grow. That makes a lot of sense. I work all the time and haven't done this in a long time, if ever.

Thursday, March 06, 2008, 7:16 AM

I get the whole only men as friends thing. Women can be very catty and bitchy. The problem for me is that I'm married and my husband just would not be ok with that. It bothers him. But on the other hand it bothers him when I have girlfriends too. I guess I can't win either way. I like hanging out with him but sometimes I just need an identity of my own. Not the "mom" or "wife". Does anyone feel me?

Thursday, March 06, 2008, 11:56 AM

friends

I have this problem too. I've never really had alot of friends, but i usually had one or two that i hung out with fairly often. But since I've started college, ive realized how much time i spend alone. Yeah, me and my boyfriend spend alot of time together, and have been friends for over 5 years now, but its not the same as having other girls to talk to. I have a new neighbor who is really nice, but shes a good bit older than me and is already married, so we dont really have a ton in common. I just dont seem to connect with people easily. Im not like most people my age; I dont like going out to bars/clubs, im not in a sorority, and i dont go out alot. Id rather read, play with my cats, watch a movie or just hang out. Im not mean or anything, but girls just dont seem to like me. And guys dont even look at me anymore, but thats not a shocker.
Its amazing how lonely a person can be, you know?

Thursday, March 06, 2008, 9:32 PM

I know this thread is about friends and finding new/"better" ones; but I think my best advice is to focus on YOU first. Try to stop thinking of good places to go or things to do where you could connect w/ people, but instead think of what *you* really truly enjoy and find out what makes *you* happy. Whether its fulfilling big ambitions or simply joining a bookclub, do things that you think will make you feel special and i reaally think that along the way you will find worthwhile companionship.

:) Goodluck!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008, 12:20 PM

making friends

I first needed to make friends with myself (not to sound too new agey) before I could really identify the folks I wanted in my life as more than pleasant acquaintances. I figured out the things I really liked to do and then took classes in those things or volunteered doing those things and met some great people with those similar interests. Did I become best friends with all of them? No - but have come across a few who are big parts of my life now.

It's all about discovery! Have fun with it.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008, 12:46 PM

I completely agree with 12:20.
I find myself in this situation sometimes. I am an eternal caretaker and to a certain extent, a people pleaser. When I wonder why my friendships drain me, I can usually point to these characteristics and realize that my friendships tend to be more unbalanced and not reciprocal because of them. I have had friends that are in constant crisis mode who would disappear without a whisper when I was going through difficult times. I learned: Good friendships take work. Communicate, call your friends out when they drain you, ask and be explicit about what YOU need from THEM and when. Sometimes people do not pick up on cues or don't know how to help you so they do nothing. One of my dearest childhood friends who occasionally drains me was astonished to hear me tell her what I needed from her. She assumed that since a was such a strength to her that I had all the inner strength I needed. Her responses to me totally changed in a positive way and now she asks me what I need pretty often, although I sometimes have to remind her that I am having a crisis du jour, too.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008, 10:44 PM

i feel like my friends ignore me every chance they can, when i moved back from arizona they were calling me. but then when i told them i was back for good they all stopped. and now i spend everyday alone. im so use to having my own world in my head to think and resolve my problems that when i am with someone i have nothing to say or talk about. i like to play music but they seem to not enjoy doing that with me anymore. its the only way i can relate to them. i feel like i have to bribe them to hang out. when they blow me off i want to crush their skulls with my nightstick cause im so sick of it. i cant talk to them about my hopes and dreams, or my goals in life cause they say im stupid. if someone has avoided me for a couple weeks and i ask why they say i am weird. i dont remember what its like to have someone call me to invite me. so when i meet someone i try to never make them feel the same way i do, but it always ends up the same way. im left alone, my best friend is my guitar, my only relief is driving a truck. the only reason i dont drive into the other lane is the hope i'll make them feel sad when i leave there goal less asses behind when i finally leave to california in hopes to find something better. is it normal for your friends to be mad at you for being care free, because i like to climb trees, and roofs, i like to paint flowers green with red stems, and i like to do things that seem weird cause i like nonsense. i feel like nothing truly matters so i live the days in wonderland. maybe im crazy or maybe i'm beautiful, i fukkin hate being confused. my hair even has a stress spot of color in it from thinking so much. i know that im not a loser, cause i can paint better then they can. i can play guitar better then they can. i can skate just as good as they can. but im humble, i hate bragging, i dont gossip, i dont lie, i just want to be happy. but its the one thing i havent been able to find in this world.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 8:45 PM

Making friends is HARD!
When we're in school it's so easy to find people who we have an automatic bond with, but then we hit the real world and everyone is so different, finding people you relate to and enjoy the company of is next to impossible.
I've lived in the same area since I was little so naturally I'm still very close to my childhood friends. The only "new" friend that I've made since high school is a girl I worked with. She was one of my bridesmaids when I got married.
I think meeting people at work is a great way to expand your social circle, people that start out as an acquaintance can turn into a life long friend.
Also joining a meet up group, whether it be a group for your career or just a general hobby you have, you may meet your bestie in a meeting. Plus you already have a common interest.
Side note- My husband always had a ton of acquaintances but only 1 true friend, over time the friend moved away and they drifted apart. He was basically friendless for the last 4 years. Recently many of my girlfriends have started marrying off and settling down, he's gotten very close with a few of the spouses. Another great way to make friends (plus if everyone is friends it makes for even more fun outings)

Thursday, April 22, 2010, 2:31 PM

Honestly, I've met almost all of my close friends through work. They're all former co-workers or family members of former co-workers. You have to be careful in those situations though, because you never know who's going to go back and tell the boss you've been crabbing about work. :D

I also met another great friend on the AOL Instant Messenger, believe it or not. I always feel strange telling people that. It was ages ago when I used to actually chat with friends on there, and he randomly messaged me. We've been talking for years.

Sunday, May 09, 2010, 6:15 PM

Why do you say their not real friends? You know a true friend doesn't have to be perfect !

Sunday, May 09, 2010, 8:43 PM

Re to what you wrote

wow thats rediculous i feel like u deserve so much better i think if YOU want to tell her about all this you might not want to and thats ok BUT you definitely deserve better I wish the best for you! (: how everything now?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011, 3:39 AM

RE to what Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 12:04 AM WROTE

wow thats rediculous i feel like u deserve so much better i think if YOU want to tell her about all this you might not want to and thats ok BUT you definitely deserve better I wish the best for you! (: how everything now?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011, 3:51 AM

That is true. A real friend does not have to be perfect. After all, you are not perfect.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011, 5:31 PM

making friends

Making friends can be hard! Have some compassion. We are all going through struggles and doing the best we can. Even if we aren't telling you those struggles and it doesn't seem like it.

Monday, April 25, 2011, 9:45 PM

Making friends can be hard! Yup epically as one gets older I have heard that "meet up" is also a good way to go.

:)
Vanessa

Monday, April 25, 2011, 10:24 PM

I think it's different for everyone to make friends due to the natural introvert/extrovert personality of each individual.

I've been blessed with my friends, but one pointed out that they were lucky to have me as a friend which I'd never previously considered and it was nice to hear. I think every friend should remind themselves of that.

I consider friends can be friends of a minute, a day, a week, a month, a season, a year, a decade, a life-time...
Some friendships have a natural death, others I have occasionally had to make a hard decision and terminate the friendship as they were draining to the point of being unhealthy.

Some of my friends, I only see once or twice a year, with about the same amount of phone calls, but I know if any of us need a place to crash or support, will be provided without a moment hesitation as well as sharing good news. When we meet up, it's as if last time we met was yesterday..

Other friends, I see every week. We are women with nothing in common apart from having been in the same ante and post natal classes. A few of us, have even sorted our part-time work so as not to interfere with our catch ups. We are all very different and compliment each other through our different personalities, all with respect and love.

To find my "real" friends, I had to meet and sift through many people of which not all were nice. It helps that I'm one of the more extrovert and generally friendly and open, I suppose you could describe me as a Labrador. Every stranger (within reason) is a potential friend and I've found some real gems.. So keep looking as you'll find some diamonds, even if they wouldn't be your normal or conventional idea of potential friends.

My friends are the family I choose for myself, so they are very important to me. I love them and will do most things for them, and I know in return they'd do the same. We each have our strengths and use them to compliment each others weaknesses, but most of all we love and respect each other and our flaws make us the individual we are and we are still loved for them.

Friday, April 29, 2011, 6:39 PM

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