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Mon. Jan 1, 12:00am

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Think cocktail party

Sometimes it is like a cocktail go you have a good conversation and then you drift to another conversation or you see someone across the room. There are no rules for engagement here...just some guidelines that you set up for yourself. Maybe agreements you make along the way.

I have always been polite about leaving. I state that I am and I leave. Sometimes the group dynamics shift and you want something else. Or you just run out of steam. One of the things that I have found helpful is to look at the description with the remaining people (if I want to stay) and we change it if it isn't "who we are" anymore. Then we post an invitation on the community bulliten board.

Yeah, it can be surprising here sometimes because you don't get the bodily cues that someone is ready to looking elsewhere and smiling at a good friend....just posted words. Don't take it to heart ...just move ahead and figure out what next.

Do you need to join some other groups? Do you need to start a group yourself (do it!!! It is fun and you meet people who have similar interests).

Just remember, big room....lots of people. You may pause for a good long conversation...or maybe a quick catch up. You can benefit from both types of encounters.

Thursday, March 13, 2008, 9:57 PM

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There was one active PeerTrainer member who just stopped logging one day and never came back! She was beloved in all her groups, apparently, and was missed by many people. The group she and I were in together was private, and we kept her place for months and months, and worried about her....

Whatever you do, folks, please don't leave your group members wondering if you have died! We don't know where to send flowers.

Thursday, March 13, 2008, 10:39 PM

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I think you need to relax, OP, and realize that we all have lives outside of our computers. You are judging the people who left based on the idea that they were being malicious or hurtful, when they probably just moved on. The thing about internet groups like PT is that no matter how 'close' you think you are, you don't really know each other that well. So if they move on, let go of them and move on to other group members who are still around.

Thursday, March 13, 2008, 10:43 PM

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Heh, I'm thinking of my advice on another thread about a group where one didn't fit (she never commented or responded to comments), suggesting they all leave and start another group. Could that be you?

Friday, March 14, 2008, 12:27 AM

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If I don't feel the group is worth it, I'm certainly not obligated, nor do I feel the need, to explain my departure. I just move on. It's not that big of a deal.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 2:37 AM

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People do all sorts of things that piss other people off and hurt feelings. You have to really ask yourself, why are you taking it personally? Why does it bother you so much that someone up and left? maybe they were kicked out. maybe they didn't want to hurt feelings and they thought this was the best way to do it. If you think about the answer, and resolve it here, it will help you with other issues in real life.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 9:27 AM

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" I was raised to believe that, in life, there is a right way, and a wrong way, to do things, and that this is definitely the wrong way to leave a PEERtrainer group"

OP - YOUR way does not mean the 'right' way. There are always more than ONE right way to do something.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:07 PM

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I really see the OP's point. It is hard. I think about groups I have left and wish I could go and remove comments I have made. I made them to the people that I trusted and now they are out there for everyone who goes in that group to see. I guess it is a good lesson on privacy. Be sure you want it seen by all if you are going to write it.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:10 PM

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Yes, please, faceless internet stranger - tell me how to behave because I love being told what to do by people who mean absolutely nothing to me.

Gimme a break.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:16 PM

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I agree with the OP. You are trucking along in a group and talking about personal things. You think you have created a bond and then after say a month, they leave without saying goodbye. You know they are still logging just not in your group. Well that just sucks. The least they could say is, "Hey I am over grouped and need to pull out of this one, good luck and take it easy."

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:20 PM

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