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Mon. Jan 1, 12:00am

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Think cocktail party

Sometimes it is like a cocktail party...you go you have a good conversation and then you drift to another conversation or you see someone across the room. There are no rules for engagement here...just some guidelines that you set up for yourself. Maybe agreements you make along the way.

I have always been polite about leaving. I state that I am and I leave. Sometimes the group dynamics shift and you want something else. Or you just run out of steam. One of the things that I have found helpful is to look at the description with the remaining people (if I want to stay) and we change it if it isn't "who we are" anymore. Then we post an invitation on the community bulliten board.

Yeah, it can be surprising here sometimes because you don't get the bodily cues that someone is ready to leave...no looking elsewhere and smiling at a good friend....just posted words. Don't take it to heart ...just move ahead and figure out what next.

Do you need to join some other groups? Do you need to start a group yourself (do it!!! It is fun and you meet people who have similar interests).

Just remember, big room....lots of people. You may pause for a good long conversation...or maybe a quick catch up. You can benefit from both types of encounters.

Thursday, March 13, 2008, 9:57 PM

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There was one active PeerTrainer member who just stopped logging one day and never came back! She was beloved in all her groups, apparently, and was missed by many people. The group she and I were in together was private, and we kept her place for months and months, and worried about her....

Whatever you do, folks, please don't leave your group members wondering if you have died! We don't know where to send flowers.

Thursday, March 13, 2008, 10:39 PM

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I think you need to relax, OP, and realize that we all have lives outside of our computers. You are judging the people who left based on the idea that they were being malicious or hurtful, when they probably just moved on. The thing about internet groups like PT is that no matter how 'close' you think you are, you don't really know each other that well. So if they move on, let go of them and move on to other group members who are still around.

Thursday, March 13, 2008, 10:43 PM

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Heh, I'm thinking of my advice on another thread about a group where one didn't fit (she never commented or responded to comments), suggesting they all leave and start another group. Could that be you?

Friday, March 14, 2008, 12:27 AM

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If I don't feel the group is worth it, I'm certainly not obligated, nor do I feel the need, to explain my departure. I just move on. It's not that big of a deal.


Friday, March 14, 2008, 2:37 AM

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People do all sorts of things that piss other people off and hurt feelings. You have to really ask yourself, why are you taking it personally? Why does it bother you so much that someone up and left? maybe they were kicked out. maybe they didn't want to hurt feelings and they thought this was the best way to do it. If you think about the answer, and resolve it here, it will help you with other issues in real life.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 9:27 AM

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" I was raised to believe that, in life, there is a right way, and a wrong way, to do things, and that this is definitely the wrong way to leave a PEERtrainer group"

OP - YOUR way does not mean the 'right' way. There are always more than ONE right way to do something.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:07 PM

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I really see the OP's point. It is hard. I think about groups I have left and wish I could go and remove comments I have made. I made them to the people that I trusted and now they are out there for everyone who goes in that group to see. I guess it is a good lesson on privacy. Be sure you want it seen by all if you are going to write it.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:10 PM

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Yes, please, faceless internet stranger - tell me how to behave because I love being told what to do by people who mean absolutely nothing to me.

Gimme a break.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:16 PM

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I agree with the OP. You are trucking along in a group and talking about personal things. You think you have created a bond and then after say a month, they leave without saying goodbye. You know they are still logging just not in your group. Well that just sucks. The least they could say is, "Hey I am over grouped and need to pull out of this one, good luck and take it easy."

Friday, March 14, 2008, 4:20 PM

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In response to 3:35 poster, You actually think that Common decency, common courtesy, would dictate that established PEERtrainer group members open the matter up for discussion in the group comments section. PLEASE
You don't need to get the approval of anyone to move to another group.
You said they told you they were leaving and left, time to move on.
They must not have been getting what they needed from the group and decided it was time to move on. You should do the same.

Friday, March 14, 2008, 8:39 PM

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It means original poster

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:08 AM

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sometimes things happen out of thier control to and cause them to be kicked out.. like I had no internet for almost over a month and I lost all my groups.

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 2:35 AM

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OK, I am one the group members who decided to leave. I wrote a note saying that I enjoyed getting to know them and wished them the best of luck in their weight loss journey. I had no idea that this would cause such an uproar and hurt feelings, and I would be hunted down to explain. I decided not to explain in detail why I was leaving to try to spare their feelings!
Since our past group members have decided to call us out by naming our group and names I am left with little choice in the matter.
I try to be a positive person and need to stay upbeat to be motivated.
I don't feel these past members have that attitude.
I like to exercise alot and feel good about that.
Since the past members have health issues (which they can't help)
I almost felt guilty about how much I worked out.
The other member who left and I had walking challenges to keep us motivated.
The past member did not want us to do this again.
I almost felt bad to enter that I had lost weight, because if the other member did not she would be so depressed that I didn't want to do that to her.
Some weeks I would say it was 1 lb instead of 2 to make her feel better.
There are other issues which I don't want to drag out, but it just wasn't working anymore. I am sorry that I had to say these things and hope that we can put all this behind us now. I did enjoy you as a person and only wish the best for you, but we are here to try to loose weight and felt that another group might be a better fit. I sincerely wish great things for you and know that you will find other group members that will be a better fit and we can all meet new people learn from. Take care!

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 11:04 AM

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Ok and I am the other member and think calling out our names in a community log like this is worse than us leaving your group. We left as we did not want to hurt your feelings.. You were on vacation a lot and were not motivated. The other team member had only been there a couple weeks and she too had to go on vacation.. Interesting that you would go on vacation yet log in...
this web site is suppose to motivational and inspirational. When you fear writing your successes is going to make someone else feel bad it is time to go. We did not owe you anything...... ask yourself did you inspire others or were your daily notes about how bad you always felt , what was wrong in your life.. sorry it was time to go... sorry MOVE ON>>>>>> no one is obligated to stay in a group....

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:26 PM

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how takey for you to mention thier names in your blog... YOu talk about privacy and then you do this.. I can see why they left your team.
Get a LIfe!!!!! were these two strangers behind a computer your only friends?
Did you drive them away with your whining....
There is no obligation to stay in any teams here and I leave a time if it does not work out and have team members leave teams I am in and just move on. Hard to believe someone would take it this far cause two team members decided it was not working for them.....

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:33 PM

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To the Original Poster

You called out those two group members by name. The least you could do is post your name. Only seems fair. and honest.

how honest are you?

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 1:09 PM

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Please add OP that you were only in the Help to Motivate group for two weeks.. YES TWO WEEEKS so as not to mislead people that you were with us in that 10 months... You were there 2 weeks and went on vacation... I am sorry that your feelings were hurt... but we need to do what we need to do and that was move onto a more positive place to reach our goals of loosing weight... Please let this go and move on.... our intention was not to hurt anyones feelings and that is why we left... If you did not have anything good to say better to not say it and just leave right??? BUT NO you had to air it to all of the community for a group you were with for two weeks... I can understand the other teammember being hurt as we were with her for a couple months but I have too much class to mention her name... If we hurt you we are truly sorry.. It was just not a good fit.. and this website is about loosing weight and inspiring others to do the same and be accountable...

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 1:19 PM

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OK girls, We have all commented and we have aired almost all of the dirty laundry, even the underwear. PLEASE, lets all move on.
You are good people, We are good people!!
It wasn't working anymore and we can all move on to new friends!!
GOOD LUCK!!

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 3:19 PM

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Just wondering. . .

Does this really belong in the community threads?

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 4:33 PM

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No this is not an issue that has helped anyone accept maybe the person who wrote it to feel imortant. Most things on this thread would have been better left unsaid. People leave groups everyday and find another one that better suits them, it's nothing personal. This was blown way out of proportion. If the thread would have asked for opinions on how best to leave a group, then it may have been helpful and not just hurtful.

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 4:47 PM

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If the last member of this group has left for good than I believe alot of the reason for that goes to the original poster. Instead of supporting her and talking her through the breakup of the team, she drug her through all the dirty details and only brought more hurt. Next time a group breaks up it's best to remember not to take it to personally and dwell on it. Find a new team and look upon it as an opportunity to grow and meet new people.

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 5:00 PM

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I would to. They made some good points.

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 6:00 PM

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Yes, oh wise OP, tell us the right way to do everything!

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 6:18 PM

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mercy!!

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 6:46 PM

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Hey there, OP. I'm from your first group, and this is hilarious!

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 11:34 PM

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8:33, you should be nicknamed The Peertrainer Slut - you get bored with a group, you move on without warning or remorse, always hooking up with freshly reduced-fat meat...

Saturday, March 15, 2008, 11:49 PM

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I guess we can see what kind of people the op hangs out with.

Sunday, March 16, 2008, 12:03 AM

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Note of Interest

This may be of interest to you OP.
The last member of your group that you have been trying to help because she got her feelings hurt and got a dirty deal when 2 group members left a note and didn't discuss it with her before they left, did the very same thing to her old group in January. She left a short note to say she was leaving and that was it, no discussion. One group member was left to wonder what had happened and that member was me!

Sunday, March 16, 2008, 12:50 AM

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where you an active member? where you posting everyday? i wonder?

Sunday, March 16, 2008, 9:59 AM

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Why don't we string her up by her hair.LOL

Sunday, March 16, 2008, 10:28 AM

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Yes, I am a very active member and post every day.
I have no bad feelings towards bb.
She left the group because it didn't fit anymore and that's exactly what happened with this group.
I got over it and moved on as people do every day.

Sunday, March 16, 2008, 10:42 AM

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maybe they kicked you out for violating trust and naming a group and draggin people through issues that did not need to be written or read...

Monday, March 17, 2008, 5:00 PM

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