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OT but relationship advice needed.

My bf and I have been together for 5 happy (mostly) years. 3 years ago he decided that we should take a break for 6 months while he traveled in Southeast Asia. He wanted to be free to do whatever (or whom ever) he wanted. This was devastating to me since I wasn't included in the travel plans. But I couldn't break up with him because I loved him too much and didn't love or respect myself enough. I realize now I should have broken up with him right there and then like my family and friends told me to. But no use in dwelling on the past that can't be changed. So he came back and we got back together and things were back to normal. During his time away, he admitted to having sex with one woman, just one night. But I suspect there were more but he didn't want to tell me because he knew that would probably jeopardize our relationship and I probably did not want to know it. Recently through our mutual friends, I discovered there were many more woman and many more indiscretions even when he came back to the USA. I feel angry and betrayed. 3 years later, his trip and his infidelity still bothers me. And I think about it for long periods of time, which leads to bouts of crying and emotional eating. I don't know what to do. Do I forgive and forget? Or will he never change or really grown up? I am so torn.

Tue. Mar 25, 3:33pm

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The 'Time out' that you agreed to is one thing. However, if he slept with other people while you two were together that shows very little respect for you. These so called friends, why did they know? Is he flaunting it? You know what needs to be done.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 3:36 PM

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OP here. I'm not sure if he has slept with anyone here, but he's been seen flirting and hitting on other women in front of our mutual friends (some of whom are closer to me than him). I don't think he's flaunting the past, but our group of friends is tightly knit so word gets around. I asked one of our friends directly if they had seen him cheat on me. He told me "technically no but really thinks I should move on." I'm so tired. I wish things were less complicated.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 3:41 PM

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Of course the infidelity still bothers you, it sounds like he hasn't been entirely forthcoming or honest about it. Until that happens it's pretty hard to have a mature, honest relationship. What are you torn about? Giving up a guy who cheats and lies? Love is great, but it doesn't change a person. A good predictor for future behavior is past behavior. Imagine the feelings you have now - x10. That's what it feels like to find out your spouse has cheated and lied when you're married. Definitely forgive - that's for you. Then move on.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 3:46 PM

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If a guy friend is telling you to move on - move on!!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 3:47 PM

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3:36 here

That is so heart wrenching when you lose faith in someone you care for. Have an open and honest conversation with him. Then, if he can't be what you need, go find what you need. Nobody deserves to have their love treated as if it is unimportant. Best of luck and love to you.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 3:50 PM

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