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OT: Is there a polite way to ask for money as a gift?

My mom is turning 60 & my siblings and I are throwing her a surprise party. In lieu of gifts, we'd love to "get money" (I feel so declasse even writing it) to send her and our father on a trip. Anyone have any experience asking for money? How did you word the request? Advice is appreciated!

Thu. Apr 10, 10:43am

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maybe set up a donation website like they use for races - and put on the invitation "in lieu of gifts please donate to our "send momname and dadname to placetheyaregoing fund" and provide the website.
yes, asking for money sounds weird but it is not like you are asking for money to pay for the party or keep for yourself - it really is a gift.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 10:52 AM

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In answer to your question - No, it is not polite to ask for money or to direct gift giving in any way. If you're looking for polite then the best way is to inform people of what you'd like to do if they call to ask for gift ideas.

This was taken from an etiqutte website:
Honestly, there isn't a nice way to ask for money instead of gifts. You can do it if you insist on being tactless, but some people will be terribly offended. You shouldn't try to direct your guests' generosity in advance to something you want instead, whether it's cash or anything else--as if you are entitled to gifts of your choice (or to gifts at all, for that matter).

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 1:54 PM

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Any real friend of your parents would WANT to contribute to such a wonderful cause. I think that the website idea is great. Anyone that is offended is a bit overly sensitive, imo. Good luck!

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 3:39 PM

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I know some travel places when a trip is booked, can have other people donate monies to the cost- many do this for couples wanting a great honey moon instead of new small appliances, sheets and other things on a typical registry.

Call around, and some place should have something where you can simply put on the invites "Mom and Dad are 'registered' at XYZ Travel"

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 3:48 PM

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It is tacky, but becoming more and more the norm. I don't think those who are offended are overly sensitive, just attuned to etiquette!

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 3:50 PM

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When I am giving a gift to a friend or family member I try to be 'attuned' to what would make them happy, not the rules of etiquette!

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 5:56 PM

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thanks for all the answers guys. My sib's and I thought is would be perceived as "tacky" but we weren't sure b/c the world of etiquette has changed so much with the advent of cellphones and the internet, etc. There are registries at amazon and things like 'honeymoonwishes' but I couldn't find anything trip realted or general. I guess there's really no way to word it at the bottom of the invites, if people ask we could suggest "american express gift cheques" maybe?

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 6:20 PM

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5:56 - Being attuned to what soemone wants is being thoughtful. Being told what to give someone (especially when it's cash)...well, even the most thoughttful gift giver might bristle at that; obviously not everyone, though! People will inquire if they want to know what the gues of honor would most appreciate.

OP - If people ask, then I think it's perfectly fine to make your suggestion. Have fun planning your party - what a great gift in itself :)

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 7:17 PM

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