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OT...Nervous about Engagement, Just Need advice!

Hello, sorry this is OT, but this is the only forum I come to and you guys are great!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm 24 and became engaged to a guy I love whose 36 last october. I know it's because he's older that he really wants to get married this winter, but I am dreading this! I do want to marry him, but we were only dating 7 months before we got engaged and I just need more time! I have confessed to him I can't bring myself to get married until Summer 2009 at the earliest, and I told him from the start that I'd need along engagement. He's quite fustrated, but I think what are a few more months to wait?

I just am all confused over this issue. I think this whole issue is due to our age gap.

Tue. Apr 15, 1:43pm

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I've always said if you have to answer something with I DON'T KNOW, then the answer is no! If you can't whole-heartedly make a decision, then don't do it until you are 100% ready. If he loves you, he'll wait for you.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 1:50 PM

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Instead of setting a date for the wedding, why don't you set a date that you'll agree to talk about the engagement/wedding. If you are stressed out for the whole time between now and September 09, you won't want to get married then either. You should agree to not discuss it at all for a specific (ok if it's long) period of time. If you're not ready to get married, don't do it! :-)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 1:52 PM

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Wow, I just have to say I relate to this almost %100, it's almost scary! Definitely looking to see how everybody else feels about this too.

Thanks for posting, even though it was off topic =)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 1:52 PM

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At this point he seriously needs to back off and let you be the initiator of future conversations. I can pretty much guarantee than although he's frustrated and doesn't see why you guys can't just go forward that any further efforts on his behalf will not have the desired effect - they will just make you feel 'hunted' and stressed out. It takes a lot of strength, but by putting the ball in your court and dropping the issue - he guarantees that whatever you decide is the result of your own thoughts and feelings, not a knee-jerk response to external pressure.

However, if he can't do that and you're not ready, then you guys need to consider moving on because he's at a stage in life right now and you're not there with him. Nor will you be if he continues to try to push you there, but at the same time he has a need that is not being met, so if you guys can't find a way to meet your need for more time and his need for security and family in the immediate future, then you both owe it to yourselves and each other to find someone who can meet those needs. Best wishes to you both!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 2:35 PM

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I am 24 dating a 35 year old for 8 months and if he asked me to marry him tonight i would say yes - but I would want a year or more engagement. If he really wanted to do it in the winter I would agree though - I know he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with regardless his age. In fact I would rather get going on it than wait so that he isnt a really old dad (I want to be married a bit before kids).
Why does he want to get married this winter so bad?? and why are you so scared??

Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 6:36 PM

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