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advice about the viciousness of girls cliques for my daughter

I saw gossip girl last night and couldn't help having all the memories of junior high of my clique hating me for a week. I've heard that girls cliques have gotten even more ruthless if that's even possible. There was nothing worse than having what felt like an entire school ganging up on me. Any advice? My daughter will be in junior high in a few short years and I'd love to know what you guys say. Thanks.

Tue. Apr 22, 11:21am

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Kudos for you taking notice...

Yes, girl cliques these days are vicious! I have a 12 year old niece with whom I am very close and I know a lot of her friends. Already at 12 these girls are pros at excluding others and engaging in some very negative behavior. a former victim of nasty cliques in middle and high school, here is my advice:

1. Your daughter needs to be able to talk to you about anything. Her home life and her relationship to her family should be a strong foundation where she feels protected, strengthened, and supported.
2. Begin building her confidence and self-esteem NOW. Through sports, music, hobbies, volunteer work, etc.
3. Be her cheerleader! She will need this because junior high is tough and high school is even tougher!

These are things I wish my parents had done and I see my aunt doing right with my niece. Work on building a strong personality and a thick will serve her well no matter what age she is! Good luck!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 11:40 AM

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If she goes in confident, she won't have a problem. I was a terribly insecure girl at that age, and I immediately fell in with the wrong crowd. By the second year of junior high, I had found myself and became a stronger person, leading me to seek better people in my life. You really can't prevent her being the target of viciousness, but you can instill in her that she deserves better.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 11:41 AM

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Our first instinct as parents is to always want to protect our children or stand up for them. Unfortunately, in these circumstances that can backfire and your child could end up alienating you for that. I've wanted to fight my childs battles for the longest time but my kids have always politely asked me to stay out of it. All you can really do is to teach her to be independent and strong. Stand up to people who don't treat her right or disrespect her and guide her from within in the hope that she will take that advice you give her at home and apply it at school and with her friends. I know it's not much to go on but the biggest piece of advice you can give her is to be nice and not to stoop to the other kid's level. Nice guys don't ALWAYS finish last, I promise you!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 11:41 AM

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Keep her active in a few different activities. The more friends she has from DIFFERENT groups of girls (rather than her world revolving around the same few friends) the easier she will endure the cliques. Bonus points for activities that take her outside of kids just from her school.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 11:45 AM

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Read Queen Bees and Wannabes and Kingpin Moms and Kingpin Dads (about the parents of mean kids!) The author Rosalind Wiseman (I think) will share her research, expertise and advice!!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008, 12:34 PM

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