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Spouse look alikes

You know how they say when you've been married long enough you tend to start looking alike? I think there's something to that...because, you practically eat the same meals (except for lunch perhaps). My spouse and I have grown in size throughout the years, as we have grown closer in our relationship.

The problem...we are both overweight and both from families with cancer and heart disease. I am doing what I can to change my ways (eating healtier and exercising. He on the other hand, says "I hate to exercise" I would love for him to be my partner in fitness as well as my partner in marriage. He said he loves red meat and potatoes and doesn't want to commit to an exercise routine. I'm feeling really alone now. HELP! What should I do?

Wed. Feb 8, 4:07pm

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Sometimes it is best to use your feminine side to your advantage. Tell him you do not feel comfortable walking by yourself and ask him if he will walk with you. Or if you do not want to fib to him tell him that you would like it if he would commit to exercising at least one day a week with you and build up from there. Once he starts he will find out that he enjoys spending the time with you and he will do it more often:o)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 4:34 PM

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This is just one, humble opinion: You can only worry about yourself at this point--- I realize that's very frustrating (I've quit smoking, but my husband is still puffing away). But, it's too much to put your energy into losing your own weight and wishing it so for him too...

Actions speak louder than words so if you lead by example and don't partake in the diet he does, he may decide "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". And, I don't know if you cook for him every night, but if you do, then provide healthy meals period. If he doesn't like it, tough.

Unfortunately, if you do get lean and mean and he stays fat and unhappy, you will most likely grow apart as your hobbies/habits will be 180 from each other... I hope that doesn't happen and hopefully he'll see the light.

In the meantime, focus on your short-term and long-term goals and dont' worry about what he's doing. It's his life and he's a grown man, just as you are a grown woman.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 4:37 PM

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Also - dieting doesn't mean giving up red meat and potatoes! I eat lean sirloin and garlic potatoes often and have no problem working it into my food plan. But with an 'all or nothing' attitude it's hard to make any good changes (forgive me if I'm wrong but that's what it sounds like).

Hopefully you can help him see that getting fit and healthy doesn't mean giving up what you love - just moderating it. When the tme comes to give up something altogether it won't be the big huge sacrifice it seemed when you were first getting started. Start makeing small substitutions in cooking, slowly cut back on the fat ans whole dairy and start adding more veggies.

Give him positive encouragement and yes, ask him for his 'help' - I often ask my husband to walk with me because a lone female can be a target. Now he really looks forward to it because we have some great conversations when we're out walking.

No matter what though you do need to get healthy for yourself. Of course you want your loved ones to do the same but they have to arrive at that conclusion on their own. You can be a great role model though :-)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 5:05 PM

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Just to add on---if I had waited for my husband to join me in my smoking cessation, I'd still be smoking a half pack a day. He wasn't ready-- I was. Where health is concerned you can't wait on someone else and you can't blame it on someone else. Stay focused and do your thing... don't get me wrong, I love my husband and vice versa, but we are two individuals who have come together as a couple. We enjoy many things together, but I am still responsible for my own health. If your husband won't walk with you, get a big dog :)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 5:37 PM

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If you're feeling alone, find a workout buddy from work or family/friends or if you already belong to a gym, join some classes or get a personal trainer...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 5:41 PM

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Thanks, I will give it a try. I like the one day a week idea. As for cooking, he's a really picky eater, and he loves all the things that I am trying to pass BBQ, cream puffs, big steaks, fat hamburgers, etc...

We really have a wonderful relationship, but boy, when it comes to dieting or working out, he's just not into it. I have tried just cooking healthy foods, but sometimes he will just do without dinner than to eat some of the things I make (he hates chicken and most green vegetables). Then I feel guilty for making him miss a meal. Maybe I'll cook for him, then eat frozen dinners myself. However, then I have the temptation of the good food sitting in front of me. This is a tough one...but thanks so much for your input!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 8:22 PM

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No way- to the OP

PLEASE, dont have frozen donners just b/c you feel bad that your hubby (a grown man) will not eat the food YOU prepared for him . You COOKED, all he has to do it eat! I would die if my man ever tried that! Then again, he will eat almost anything, lol. Also, he doesnt have a weight issue- he has/can eat a 1lb bowl of pasta by himself, lol
Good Luck!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 9:53 PM

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You know what - you make yourself a nice healthy dinner and let him have a frozen entree!

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 8:03 AM

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Great idea to the op :) Really, he is a great guy and we get along so much better than anyone I have ever known. My kids' friends all say they never see their parents act like we do, and some even said they hope they marry someone so they are as happy as we are. I just worry so much about his health. I wouldn't know what to do without him if his health failed him, and I couldn't do anything to prevent it.

I can't believe I did this, but I've had some symptoms, and was scheduled for a biopsy. I told him no biopsy, no more tests, not even physicals until he make a commitment to improve his health. I told him that I want to live with him, and if he chooses to go down the risky health road, then I am too. I know it's wrong, but I really need him, and I needed to get his attention so he can see. STUPID, I know, but love makes us do some really crazy things!

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 8:34 AM

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That was actually a good approach. Sometimes it takes a little guilt trip to get through the stubborness to the male brain. Ask him if he wants to spend the next 30 years with you when he says yes then tell him he sure isn't acting like he wants to be around in 30 years. A few tears might help. I have actually used this on my husband and now he is considering quitting smoking and he stopped drinking so much:o)

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 10:25 AM

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