EMAIL THREAD My first small success as a BINGE EATER, the story of todays lunch... There is not really a point to this post, except that I am proud of myself for avoiding a binge session, the first time I was able to see it coming and take control again before the food started controlling me. Just thought I would share my story and hopefully hear stories and comments from other people that have trouble with Binge Eating. 12:00 1 piece of pizza about 3 small potatoes in some kind of mustard dressing 1/2 muffin 1/2 brownie thing 1 small slice apple cinnamon bread with butter. 1 small bowl of muesli like cereal with soy milk. It was the weirdest thing, I was at a cafe having a tea and studying when this older lady insisted I take half of her lunch, she had a huge plate full of food and she said she could not eat it all and did not want to see it go to waste. She was so nice and warm and generous I felt like I could not say no, so she dished over half of her brunch plate and I sat and ate with her. She didn't speak any English at all so it was a great chance to practice my french. I did not even really want the food, but I felt like she was being so generous I couldn't say no, like somehow sharing her meal was making her day, like I was somehow meant to eat lunch with this stranger and it would be stupid of me not to, even though the whole time I was thinking about the calories and fat in this meal. Anyway, after that when I got home I almost had a binge fest, but didn't. I felt like I could eat anything I wanted, more then felt like I could, I felt a kind of compulsion, like I had to eat all of the foods I am trying to avoid, all at once. My binge eating always starts that way, " Well, I've already eaten this and failed, so I should eat this, and this, and this and get all those food cravings out at the same time" etc. I did eat a small bowl of cereal when I got home, but managed to stop it at that. I have a bad habit of beating myself up and getting depressed when I have even one bite of something I shouldn't have. It normally spirals into a binge eating session and takes days to get back on track after just one bite of something unplanned. Hopefully I will stay on track for the rest of the day and make today an example of what I should do in situations where I eat something I was not planning to, get back on track right away, the same day, instead of going into binge mode. Maybe I did make that older lady's day by having lunch with her, I don't know, but I know she sure made my day. Living in a big city it is rare that people you don't know actually look you in the eyes and it was worth eating the extra calories in order to be completely surprised and refreshed by the generosity and kindness of this stranger. Also, it was good to prove to myself that is possible to eat something you should not and leave it at that instead of taking the whole rest of the day (or week, ha ha) to binge, maybe the reason I felt like I was suppose to sit and eat with her was because I had something to learn today, and I needed to eat with her to learn it; that getting off track for one meal does not mean I have to spend three days eating the whole house. Maybe I'm just looking for meaning and reason in the workings of the universe when in reality everything is just coincidence and chance, but somehow eating lunch with this lady seems to have given me the strength I needed to finally make a change, and break my binge eating habit. With food I am either a complete control freak, noting every calorie that goes in my mouth, or have absolutely no control at all and eat everything, non- stop. I need to find a middle ground and today is a step in the right direction. In any case, today was the first time I ate unplanned high calorie meal and got back on track right away, without having a complete binge. As I am currently doing a personal four week challenge that allows for four cheat meals, I will just consider this one of the four meals and say that I am still succeeding in my challenge. Wed. Mar 11, 1:34pm

I am doing a personal challenge as well, and I know from experience, that being tough, but fair is how to win at these things... so I am very proud you as you should be of yourself!!! Sometimes, the people around you who aren't dieting, don't make things easy, and this lady sounded like she wasn't out to destroy your diet, so good job not doing it to yourself. Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 1:56 PM

To the OP --CONGRATULATIONS !!! You were generous to share your story. I love it when the kindness of strangers and our kindness come together in good ways. Eating is meant to be a social activity and your kind stranger made it that for you. Binging on the other hand is secretive and feels shameful. Something in the interaction with the older woman reframed your situation in a good way. It's fabulous that you were both open enough to have this experience together and I love that you shared it with us. May it be the first of many positive experiences with eating and with consciously stopping the binge behavior before you feel out of control Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 2:59 PM

Good for you. I can totally relate (though I am convinced there is Meaning and Reason in the universe). I really liked the follow up comment about the social aspect of eating a meal vs. the secretive and shameful aspect of binging. So well said. Thank you for sharing your story. Thursday, March 12, 2009, 9:50 PM

This thread is one of the most interesting I have read on PT. Yes indeed, there is something secretive and shameful about binging. But there is also something anti social about dieting/restricting. When I was in college I tried desperately to lose 25 pounds. I rarely ate with other people because it seemed impossible to weigh, measure, count, essentially control my intake. But when I wasn't controlling I was binging and the excess weight stayed on. After graduation I got a job and my social life really picked up. The second summer after graduation I was working hard and going out almost every night. A bunch of friends rented a beach house and we had barbeques and drank margaritas all weekend. I was having fun but I thought I was eating so much that I was afraid to weigh myself. When I finally did I had lost 9 pounds! I continued losing this way until I was down a total of 20 pounds. And I maintained the weight loss through my 20's and 30's. During this whole time I only dieted once, to lose 6 post pregnancy pounds. (Now I am in my late 40s and I have gained 7 pounds back but i attrubute that to my age and perimenopause.) When my college friends asked me how I lost the weight I didn't really know what to say, but I guess the answer was that I stopped dieting. I was so busy I no longer had time to even think about counting a calorie. I worked a long day, met friends for dinner, ate what i wanted until I felt satisfied and went home too tired to feel guilty about what I had eaten or even think about binging. Sharing a meal with others is one of lifes greatest pleasures. Whether it is a quiet lunch with a new friend, a wedding banquet or a 4th of July barbeque we honour our own place in the community by partaking in the meal. Diets can work, but only when they teach us how to do this and still be slim and healthy. Thursday, March 12, 2009, 11:12 PM

THAT Was Freakin Awesome! Thank you so much for sharing that. That was an incredible story! I am very much like you. So to combat my compulsion, I give myself one day off to binge. Because I NEED a plan to stick to, I planned not sticking to it. Every Sunday I eat what I want when I want and Monday through Saturday I stay regimented. I find that I CAN be really good for about 4 days before the urge to binge starts up (although, I must say that working out 6 days a week and increasing my water intake has made it quite a bit easier!!!). Day five is usually the day that I start my "foods I gotta have" list for Sunday. I tell myself that I can have absolutely anything I want. I'm not deprived at all, I just CHOOSE to consolidate it all to one day. It's very empowering and I've been very successful with it for the past 7 months (only been exercising for 2 weeks, but have been doing the diet and lost 43 pounds in 7 months). It sounds like you did a great job reigning yourself in... maybe allowing yourself one slip a week might help even more. Thursday, March 12, 2009, 11:45 PM

Thanks everyone for the comments! Friday, March 13, 2009, 1:18 PM

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Good for you. This post is wonderful. Someone who is overcoming binging while improving their life. Quite honestly, I binge when I'm alone. When I eat wtih someone, I eat in pace with the others - less food. On the utterly human side, how wonderful! Someone sharing their meal with a stranger. -- Making a friend/acquaintance, creating community -- eating should be a communal activity -- a pleasurable event. I really miss that. Wednesday, October 28, 2009, 9:35 PM

Wow, that was amazing! To the OP.. Are you in a group or on a team? I felt like I was reading something I had written when I saw that you were either a control freak about everything you eat, or went crazy and had free reign over eating everything.. That is me too.. When I diet, especially at first, I am 100% hardcore and I do everything right. Then, usually about the 3rd week, I get frustrated or make a tiny mistake and give up.. I would love to be in a group/team with you. My PT name is Destonia and my email is ddmc74@yahoo.com. Thank you SO much for posting that! Monday, November 02, 2009, 4:10 AM

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