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hard time dealing
I would appreciate some insight and advice in the situation I am in.
I met this guy last summer at the time he was seeing someone it didn't seem very serious and it didn't last. before that he had ended a 3 yr toxic relationship in Feb. We started spending time with each other in Nov.We bonded instantly it was like nothing I have ever experienced and it felt amazing. I realized very fast that he is the type of person I want to be with. I could tell he felt the same way about me by the way he acted and talked to me. He would talk to me about our future together and make planes long term planes like bringing me to his family reunion which is a big deal in his family because if you introduce your girlfriend to them it means that you are gonna be around for a long time. He would always tell me how he wants to retire and how he wants me to be by his side. He told me that this is the first serious relationship he has been in even though he has been in long term relationships before he was never in that mind set and he can see us together for a long time. He was the one who brought up kids and marriage and everything in-between that is important and what we both want in a relationship. He asked me out after only a few weeks of knowing each other. We were on the she page about everything.
He told me that I was getting too clingy and it was pushing him away. i told him that I had no idea and I would step back and give him space. After we discussed it more he was glad that he talked to me about it. Then a week later he tells me that he feels he does not deserve to be with someone like me, so nice and sweet and amazing. He wants to take time to wk on some personal issues and becoming a better person so one day he can be in a relationship he deserves with me or someone else and wants to become good friends during this time. He still wants me to be in his life. He feels that at this time in his life he is not able to give me the attention that I deserve because he is going for a promotion and is working all kinds of odd hrs. He told me that when he is not with me he gets these thoughts and he doesn't want to hurt me. He told me that he can see himself marrying me. He really wants to work on becoming good friends until he has things figured out and when that day come he we will be together. he doesn't want me to wait around for him because its wrong to ask that of anyone. He will not be looking for a relationship with other girls. He kept reassuring me that this is a good thing. That a wise man once said a great marriage starts with a great friendship. i told him that i don't know how to handle this situation because this has never happened he told me he is breaking up with me, its what he need to do. he told me not to convince him otherwise and i told him i don't want to. he said that we are not going to talk about this for a while because it is hurts.
i don't know what to think about this. About two weeks ago we had sex for the first and only time. Does he just need space? Is he that good of a player? is he just making up a bogus cop out story? If he is telling the truth how long will this self discovery thing stake and when will we start becoming friends like he said? i feel miserable and the funny part is that we have only known each other a few months i don't get why I'm so blah about all this or how to bounce back to my old happy self. Every time I thing about thisI get knots in my stomach and can feel the waterworks coming on.
Tue. Feb 28, 11:16am
walk away and don't look back!
the boy is a PLAYAH!! and you deserve so much better than that. c'mon now, all those mixed messages! you know it's true... he BROKE UP WITH YOU.
I know you don't want to believe it, and think the worst (deep down, I suspect you already know)... I'm sorry you are hurt. But you need to do yourself a favor, and cut your ties clean. No contact. Move forward. Move along now.
Let the men chase you for a change. You deserved to be adored with no bulls%#t crap stories that this immature little boy is telling you... he is your EX for a reason, let it go, learn from this experience. Move on now.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 2:35 PM
So sorry for your broken heart. It's happened to all of us most likely. While I'm not a Dear Abby, I would definitely be honest with him and let him know that you love him, right? But that this scenario is too painful for you, and you will not be seeing him either. Don't give him any timelines or ultimatums. Do not sleep with him during this time. (Take a deep breath) You will also be taking some time for self reflection and personal growth. And do just that; grieve, cry as much as you need to in private or with very trusted good friend. And then go and have as much fun as you can. Try and stay active. Get in touch with those women friends who you probably put on hold while you were in this new love stage. These women are very important. Honor their words, see if they ring true for you, keep in mind they will have things in their lives that they will want to share with you which may or may not have to do with relationships. If it's meant to be, he will contact you at a later time. Then go slow.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 3:12 PM
Whatever his issue is, he has them, and you won't fix them. If you stay with him, you'll go crazy. Go see a counsellor- if you think he's what you want, you're looking for drama instead of reality.
When a man says he doesn't want to date you now, that really means he doesn't want to date you. The rest he's saying to make you feel better, or keep you around to satisfy whatever itch you scratch- be it sex, ego feed, shoulder to cry on, whatever.
Whatever 'relationship' you have, will always be about him. Always. Throw yourself after him if you want (you seem determined to do so), but you won't actually find happiness with him.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 11:23 PM
there are plenty of fish in the sea
what is the story you want to tell yourself?
start being that person who only gives her time and attention to genuine loving sincere relationships that don't make her feel sad, lonely and rejected, and that don't make her burst into tears.
a previous poster mentions telling him you love him. I think that is the worst thing you could do! he already knows you love him, you've already told him that enough. why even deal with him? you don't need closure, he already broke up with you. he is counting on you to keep coming back to stroke that ego of his. don't give him the satisfaction. you are much stronger than that.
I wish for you to have the strength to distance yourself from anyone that doesn't appreciate you.
It sounds to me like you have very low self esteem to let a man treat you like this. You deserve more. Love yourself. Have some dignity and self respect.
He is not the only man that will ever tell you he loves you. HONEST!! Trust me on this one.
Now go out there and be AMAZING!! Your heart will heal, and it will get better. ((hugs))
Wednesday, February 29, 2012, 8:04 AM
sorry you are having somuch pain. nomatter who says they have been there or there are so many other options out there it does not make you feel better or solve your problem. Love is so awesome it is the one true thing inl ife. I always say love shouldnot hurt or feel unkind betrayed or mean... if this is the discription of the one youare supoosedly loved by then in my eyes its not love. You are deserving of a commitment andhonesty and most of all love. Its a good thing and even though there may will be disappointments and down days in a relationship it should never be mean or hurtful or deliberatly meant to play head games.Dont second guess your gut! It moreoften can lead you even over your heart which can get fooled when its been wounded or deceived.
I wish you much peace at this tough time
Wednesday, February 29, 2012, 10:08 AM
" We started spending time with each other in Nov.We bonded instantly it was like nothing I have ever experienced and it felt amazing. I realized very fast that he is the type of person I want to be with. I could tell he felt the same way about me by the way he acted and talked to me. He would talk to me about our future together and make planes long term planes like bringing me to his family reunion which is a big deal in his family "
This right here is 100% PLAYER behavior. It was all a con on his part, right from the beginning. You're a good, sincere person and he isn't. Walk away, do not have further contact.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012, 11:58 AM
I'm sorry it hurts but like everyone else is saying, don't have contact with him, cut all ties and move on. He will only continue to hurt and confuse you if you allow any contact with him. He is NOT a real friend. Get out there with your girlfriends and let them soothe you. Go have fun and forget about this loser who has no problem hurting you. While you're out there being active, having fun, taking care of yourself and being TRUE to yourself, the right guy, who is *ready* for a relationship will find you and you will be glad you had this learning experience so you could differentiate between good and bad guys. I wish you the best of luck. I have been there, done that, and now I am married to the sweetest, nicest guy I have ever met. I wish you the same luck.
Thursday, March 01, 2012, 12:06 AM
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