40 something - no children, no husband

I am in my 40's .. I always thought I'd have children, but don't. I've had lots of good/bad boyfriends .. I was okay with all of this but now, suddenly, really sad - more about being childless than husbandless. I can always fing another man - but it is too late for children.

So, I am wondering if anyone else can relate ...

Tue. May 9, 11:14pm

adoption? i did it!!!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006, 11:35 PM

I'm not in the same position, but from reading your post I wonder...what has changed in your life recently that sparks the urge for children? Is it a genuine want for off spring or could it maybe be that you are feeling a need for stability? or a need to take care of someone? It could be something is lacking in your life that could be filled by other outlets...for example volunteer work, or an increased effort to make stronger friendships and bonds, or just something new and enriching to do with your time :) But if it really is that you feel you are in a place where you could give love to a child and feel a strong mothering instinct then its never too late. I know a few wonderful women who are single and adopted well into their 40's and even 50's. My aunt adopted 2 children on her own when she was 51... and they are one of the happiest families that I know. She has the support of friends and family and she's made it work. Its a big thing to consider, but something i've learned in life is that if you arent happy with what you're doing or what you have there is always another option.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006, 11:39 PM

I'm almost 45, my husband is 55, and we are planning to adopt. You still have time! Check out GAARP on yahoo groups, support group of older adopting parents. They call me a young thing in that group. We are want to adopt from Guatemala which is very open to older parents and singles. You are also not too old for China but they are cutting back on singles adoptions.

And as for the husband, if you still want one, one of my best friends just got married, a couple months shy of 45, for the first time. It is possible.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006, 4:52 AM

Why not adopt from your own country? The international adoption trade, especially in third world countries, is rife with disgusting stories of children being sold or snatched from their true parents. Moreover, the psychological trauma of being ripped out of your own culture is devastating to a lot of children. It's appalling and very selfish on behalf of adopters.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006, 6:09 AM

I am 48, married at 43 and have remained childless. Growing up, I never thought I wanted children. Over the past few years though I have thought about children, should I have done that when I was younger. I am in good health and could probably, with medical intervention of some sort, have a child now. However, I really feel that if I wanted children, the urge would be stronger, more consistent. I am a pediatric nurse (hmm...what would Freud say) volunteer at a school for special needs children and have lots of nieces, nephews and kids in my life who call me mom. It is enough for me.

If you feel you want children and have sorted out the reasons for it, have the physical and emotional ability for it then go for it. As a pediatric nurse I have seen far too many children victimized by parents who should never have procreated. A child needs a parent. They should not be expected to fill a void in your life. If you are up to the challenge, then go for it. Please let us know what you decide to do.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006, 7:40 AM

I know many in your spot and they start to feel frustrated and lonely at their situation. The first responder had a lot of great questions and a lot of things to think about. I also know many women that have had children through their 40's so if this is something you want to do, you can! and adoption is always a wonderful gift.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006, 4:49 PM

How sad that the 6 am poster is so upset. Sure, there are some ethical issues with international adoption and some scandalous things going on in many parts of the world but the truth is that many children would not live or would live in abject poverty if they were not adopted through international adoption. In China if they are not adopted the girls recieve no education, have no families, and many end up in prostitution. This is also true in many other countries. Yes, there is a loss of the original culture for many, but every child one deserves a loving home and parents, and that's simply not possible at this point for the children in many of these countries. Yes, US adoption is a good thing too.

Thursday, May 11, 2006, 2:44 AM

i have been there

I know that you can create the life you want, whether with kids or without, and with a husband too, if that is what you want. I coach women in your position in my private practice. It is a painful place to be but very common so you are not alone.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 5:49 PM

6:09
Did you know there are 143 MILLION orphans world wide? Think about that. Do you really think third world countries with so many orphans are able to care for them? Can you comprehend that number? I challenge you to watch this video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6WEcrfCIwI

I'm competely offended by your stance. We adopted our son from Guatemala after having 3 biological children. He is healthy but has a serious speech impairment. Had he been left in Guatemala, he would be silent right now. He would not receive education. He would be one of the beggars you encounter on the street. It may turn out to be traumatic for him to have been taken from his culture (by the way, most who have adopted from other countries make sure their children learn about and even experience their culture), but he will be cared for, LOVED, and educated. If he ever wants to return, we will be there to support him. Much better than the street dweller he'd have been if it hadn't been for adoption.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 11:31 AM

OP,
I'm the pp. Now that I've gotten off my chest...

There are so many adoption options. You don't have to be childless if you don't want to be. Yes, there are problems with adoption, but that is domestically AND internationally...anytime money is involved, there will be those who abuse the system. There is also adoption through your state's department of social services. And foster care. You could be mom to lots of kids through foster care!

Explore your options...there are many!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 11:36 AM

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