ot-ever record your spouse yelling at you?

i watched a re-run of Everybody Loves Raymond and Ray was fed up with his wife yelling at him one minute then being all nice-nice the next. so he tape-recorded her in a screaming rant and later, during another argument, played back the tape for her to hear. she was mortified. i wonder how regular people would react to that sort of thing? i think i would also be horrified, but looking at it objectivly first, it might prove to be a useful tool in resolving some anger issues. opinions?

Fri. Sep 22, 11:40am

Lol- I think it would send me into another rant if my husband did that.... I mean I know I yell sometimes.... and he knows it too. Instead we say "Code Red!" when the other person seems to be overreacting about something.

Code Red is great because is kind of injects a little humor into the situation (because you have to say it in a funny southern-type accent: "Code Red!, We've got a Code Red here!") It makes us both stop and really think about the situation- are we overreacting? Is this tone of voice necessary? I think this is a better option then whipping out the ol' tape recorder and bringing up a dead subject- with Code Red you deal with your issues at the time- recognize where it went bad, and move on with your life- except this time hopefully a little more aware of how to react in a future situation.

Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:02 PM

12:02 - that's really funny - and healthy, i think! I need my internal voice to say that when I'm yelling at my kids!

Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:29 PM

i've never recorded someone yelling at me or been recorded, but i think that seeing or hearing yourself recorded is a really useful tool in general. taking that step backward and looking at ourselves from another perpective lets you see things you wouldn't have otherwise.

Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:40 PM

I had a "friend" secretly record a telephone conversation between the two of us once. When she played it back, she heard her own inflammatory statements for the first time, realized that she was the problem, and called me a few hours later to confess her taping and apologize. Needless to say, I learned to kept my distance from her after that strange little episode.

Friday, September 22, 2006, 1:38 PM

1:38 again... keep, not kept.

Friday, September 22, 2006, 1:51 PM

kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept, kept,

Saturday, September 23, 2006, 10:20 PM

what is that about ?!

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 9:32 AM

Interesting! I personally try to think before I speak rather than have to hear about it later! :) It is hard though, but I do ask myself "what is this going to accomplish if I (yell, curse, nag, accuse, be sarcastic)?" 9 times out of 10, I rephrase or just don't say it. I mean, really, if my husband hasn't gotten the concept of putting his dirty socks in the hamper, is my screaming at him going to make a difference? No.
I like that someone mentioned about kids too...I think that what some people say to their children is awful and I think they often don't even recognize it...(watch Nanny 911 sometime!).
Anyway, perhaps the tape is the only way to make people stop and think about what they are doing.???

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 10:57 AM

My husband and I have never had a screaming fight but we do bicker. His tone of voice when he talks, even to other people, suggests he is superior to them, I feel like often times is is talking to me like I'm 2. My sister suggested I tape record him so he can hear what he sounds like when hes talking to others.

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 11:26 AM

This hasn't every happened to me personally, but it happened to my parents on accident. My dad was playing around with the video capture feature on his digicam, trying to video his fish, and my mom started yelling at him (she has been known to fly off the handle). When we played the video back, you could hear her screaming at him in the background. She was mortified and made him delete it. It seemed to calm her down some and it looked like she was truly thinking about it. It didn't bring any lasting change or self-realization, though. She's still flying off the handle at all of us.

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 2:22 PM

9:32 poster

That, is about people who should have some tact. Get over yourself and leave others alone. It is possible that they are busy, have children and are sneaking in a moment, or countless other things that they may be focusing on. At least they are here participating in a forum, giving or asking advice, they don't need to have their grammar or lack there of picked apart. If you want to critique writing then go to an English forum.

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 10:21 PM

I would be so angry. I don't think I would talk to him. I have been happily married 24 years. My husband is the yeller. I have yelled on occassions. When our fight is over its over. Taping recording some ones short commings is creepy. We all have our short comings i for one don't want mine recorded!

Sunday, September 24, 2006, 10:30 PM

it was the poster who actually wrote "kept" instead of "keep" who corrected the word, not a different poster. talk about un-warranted discipline...

Monday, September 25, 2006, 9:05 AM

Heard at a 12 step meeting

I was at an Alanon speaker meeting and the speaker had said that when before his wife got into AA, she would be a very angry alcoholic. She would never remember that she acted that way. One night, he asked if he could record their time together (when she started drinking that night) and she said yes, so he did. The next day he handed it to her and said she should listen to it sometime. He never knew if she heard it or not, but years later, he asked what had changed her attitude and she said she DID listen to it and was mortified. She realized her problem.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 3:10 AM

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