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When someone gives you a comment that hits you hard how do you deal with it?

I'm 5'7'' 115 pounds, In my mind i do not need to lose weight, I'm working on gaining muscle. I have battled with an eating disorder and although I have power over it now, it will forever lurk in my mind. I know this is one reason people's comments can be so depressing and hurtful. Yesterday I ran into a guy from HS i had not seen in about 6 years, he asked if I was expecting a child. I gasped at the thought of looking like I had a 1st or 2nd trimester baby belly. I nearly started crying right then and there. Intstead I saved the tears for when I was in my husbands arms.

My question is when people make comments to you that are rude, out of line, depressing or whatever how do you deal with the feelings it boils up? This is where I need help.

How do you respond when people compliment you?


Tue. Sep 26, 5:14pm

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I think that I would initally react the same way that you did. I would be upset and probably cry to my husband too.
But then I would remember that I am working hard to change my body. Whether it be to lose weight, as in my case, or gain muscle, it is a slow process. It does not happen overnight.
Focus on the hard work that you are putting in to change your body, and be proud of that.
Some people just speak without thinking, and don't have many social graces.
At 5'7", I cannot imagine that you look even remotley pregnant.
Don't put any extra thought into others stupid comments, it will only make you feel worse.
Sorry that happened to you.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 5:53 PM

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Good Lord, you cannot be remotely heavy looking at that weight!!
He must have been asking on the basis of a rumor he heard, not because of anything he saw. Some people assume that anyone who is married must be wanting kids right away.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 6:35 PM

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Interestingly enough a very good friend of mine is almost your exact dimensions and she has a bit of a 'belly' and also tends to stand with her back arched and her tummy pushed forward prominently. She honestly does look like she could be into a pregnancy - mainly because she has no extra weight anywhere else. I'm not trying to excuse this person's inappropriate comment, but am offering one instance in which it might make sense. However even then it's always better to be cautious with the personal observations.

Forgive the guy for being dense and work on what makes you happy. Getting in better shape and gaining more strength is often a mental transformation as well as a physical one. I would have been completely insulted and am sorry you had to deal with that situation :-(

Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 7:58 PM

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Oh what a complete idiot! The guy, I mean! People should all be given strict instructions to NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant. Some people appear to have normal IQ but need to go to remedial training for their social skills.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006, 6:04 AM

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That is not a compliment. You could not possibly look fat at that height and that weight.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006, 6:06 AM

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OP Here

Thanks! I am feeling alot better about all of this. And y'all are right if I keep working towards my goals I'll reap the benifits of a metnal transformation and physical one.

Thursday, September 28, 2006, 2:27 PM

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who knows, maybe this guy asks every woman he hasn't seen in years if they are pregnant? it's certainly a conversation starter...i think you have adopted a healthy attitude about this, op. best wishes for success on your journey!

Thursday, September 28, 2006, 2:33 PM

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I say to myself. I am a duck! Your hurtful comments just roll off my back I shake them off. Water off a ducks back!

Thursday, September 28, 2006, 3:54 PM

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how about "i'm rubber, you're glue. whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." although i guess if a man is asking about pregnancy, it wouldn't work, lol !!

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