A group member who doesn't fit

Hi there! I started a group with a fairly specific theme to it. One person joined who doesn't really fit in at all with the theme.

What is the best way to handle this as the group is now closed and I would rather have someone else join who is better suited?

Thanks for the advice.

Wed. Oct 19, 2:34pm

My advice would be to err on the side of accommodating. You can always start another group, and by advertising it here in the community you'll be able to find people who are a perfect fit.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005, 4:03 PM

Missing the Point

Many of these groups have members who don't post regularly or contribute much. If you have someone eager to join, active, and be positive, then you would benefit more from her being there than someone who "fits" but doesn't bring anything to the party. If you were ever excluded from a group anywhere because you were too this or not enough that ...you might remember how that felt.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 10:21 AM

Since you started this group with a specitic theme you could just be nice and honest and privately post a message to the person in question. Explain how you wanted this group to be something in specific, that you would like for them to maybe try a group more specific to their needs because you think they might get more use out of it and how someone else could be more suited for your group. I don't think that is mean and I think if said nicely anyone would understand and with draw.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 11:56 AM

Maybe, instead of asking the person to leave, you could privately ask them if they are having trouble adhering to the motivations of the group, and if they need help in getting there. Say "this group was formed to support people who are trying to accomplish X,Y,Z. Is that one of your goals? If so, please let us know how we can help you to do X,Y,Z. If that isn't your goal, maybe you could open some room for someone who does have those goals."

Then at least the person won't feel like they were kicked out. There are probably a ton of people on this site who have self-esteem issues, and the last thing they need is to be excluded here too.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 1:00 PM

I'm the girl

Hi All! I'm pretty sure I'm the girl who was more or less asked to leave the group. The group was for young women who live in big cities and are single. I asked if I could join but revealed that I'm married and live in a small town and am in mid thirties but I said I wanted to join the group because most women my age have kids and I can't relate to that. Also I'm into things that big city women are into such as dining out, clubbing, going to concerts, shopping, music, and staying up on current events. I post in my groups several times a day and write to everyone in my groups encouraging them. I can understand why this person objected to my being there since I didn't fit the specifications but she really lost a potential good friend by excluding me. I'm almost certain I would have been one of the most encouraging, interested in her people in her group. Others there asked me to stay but I volunteered to excuse myself. Just wanted to let posters here know that I wasn't "kicked out" because I was not participating or helpful and friendly. It was because I wanted to diversify my groups and be around people slightly different from myself to learn from them and share with them.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 3:48 PM

Err on the side of accommodating

As women, as students, and human beings we have to deal with so much garbage and being excluded or striving to 'fit in', it is truly a shame to me to find that also happening here. As the last poster said how she thought it would be helpful to learn and share from people different than herself...it's a great point! We should open our minds and our hearts and sincerely support each other here and help each other feel good about ourselves, not insist upon strict sorority-type: you're in or you're out based upon some type of demographics.

This has such great potential to be a safe, encouraging and accepting site, let's keep it as a haven from the judgment and and cattiness that plague us elsewhere.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 3:59 PM

This is for "I'm The Girl", we have an opening in our group "30-ish Stay At Home Moms". We talk about all sorts of stuff even though we have kids. I'm sure no one in our group would mind if you joined if your interested. Its always nice to have people in a group from different backgrounds especially when they are active in the group. So join us if you want.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 4:52 PM

Yes, err on the side of accomodating.

Sorry this hapened here and I really like the comment to have this as a "haven from judgment and cattiness that plague us elsewhere"

Friday, October 21, 2005, 6:57 PM

You just made the "I'm the girl's" day

Thank you beautiful women for your support. They say one bad bean can spoil the broth but I see it that 'ah, it's just one little old bean, the rest of the broth is quite tasty. Love you all! Hope I end up in all of your groups one day! And you in mine!

Friday, October 21, 2005, 8:47 PM

I have found that there is always one bad bean everywhere. I igonre them and chaulk it up to them having issues and go on my way. They will always be there, just don't let them get to you.

Saturday, October 22, 2005, 9:21 AM

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