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Need advise about picking up women
Hi there, I have lost a few lbs and quietly have gotten a bit of confidence back. I am naturally shy, I have a difficult time meeting women. As there are more women are on this site I would like advise how to approach woman and what do woman want? What lines are good to use and how do I maintain a meaningful conversation. I appreciate everyone's response in advance.
Sun. Jun 10, 9:01pm
The best line you can use is, "Hi, my name is..." Seriously, just be yourself and be confident. You don't have to be skinny or perfect. Remember that most people are a little self-conscious, so she's probably worried more about how she looks than how you do. Just be friendly and be genuine. Don't try to put forth an image or be something you're not, because then you'll always be wondering "What will happen when she finds out what I'm really like?" Good luck.
Sunday, June 10, 2007, 9:07 PM
It depends on where you are at.
At a bar/lounge...send her a drink and be sure to have the waitress/bartender inform her where the drink came from. If she comes over to thank you, then you can easily strike up conversation. If she doesn't come over, she's ungrateful and probably not someone you'd want to get to know :)
At the gym...give her a nice compliment, keep it brief and if she seems really into her workout, leave her be.
Out and about, grocery store, mall/shops, etc. General chat, weather, things to do etc. I think I'd be a little turned off if someone came right up to me and introduced themselves, that is just too serious. A little humor goes a long long long way in my book.
Sunday, June 10, 2007, 10:01 PM
You can always try the online dating thing... it's easier if you are shy. Then you can meet them in person after it appears you have found someone worthwhile to get to know better. Good luck! Are you cute? I am single! LOL
Sunday, June 10, 2007, 10:06 PM
In general just try to be friendly, say hi and smile more often to more people (men, women-whomever) and you'll start to feel more comfortable/confident. If you are talking to a woman (in almost any situation-the grocery store, a bar, at a party, at work, the gym etc) and she is cutting her answers really short, and avoiding looking at you for any more than is necessary then she is probably uncomfortable with the attention you are giving her and it is best to just leave her alone. This doesn't mean she thinks you are a creep, it just means she's not open to being picked up. Women tend to want to be polite when a stranger talks to them-if a woman is into you/conversation she is going to look at you a lot, laugh, give you more than one word answers and ask questions back herself. The signs may be subtle but they are there. If the woman in question seems nervous or preoccupied and laughs at your jokes but doesn't really look amused . . .she isn't, even if she's laughing.
Also, if you have any female friends-spend time with them in public. I often find a man more appealing when i see him with other women than when i see him with other men. whether or not he is dating those women is not important-the fact that other women enjoy his company and can relate to him makes him more interesting and attractive. Good luck!! And just be yourself!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007, 10:56 PM
I suggest you find some groups or clubs that relate to your interests. Then maybe you will meet someone and automatically have a starting point. Or, try something new like dancing-ballroom ? I hear it is great exercise- and a man that knows how to dance is definately attractive... or a cooking class... maybe your local highschool or community college has some non or low credit classes.. community center might also have cooking classes. (a man that knows how to cook is also quite attractive- dh swooned me through food as my waist will attest- though if you get with a low fat cooking class, all the better!) Why not a running club or walking club?
Check out craigslist for your area- they do have a singles section but also a goings on section. If you are a churchgoer- maybe get more involved in your local church. If you are politically motivated at all- maybe there is a campaign starting somewhere- a lot of networking goes on during conventions- there are dinners and lots of fun stuff going on.
I met my husband through a newspaper ad... I had out an ad in 2 papers and it took about 3 months of dating 2-3 new guys (frogs) a week with multiple phone screenings where they did not make the cut (like if they were not gianfully employed, were living at home and or smoked I did not want to bother)
So you may end up getting a lot of practice that way- even though some of the women you meet, might not meet the image they initially portray. I have had instances where men have lied to me- it was quite obvious.
I also did stuff like hang out at bookstores...etc. I found it to be difficult.
Oh, check out "cracking the love code" by Janet O'Neal - I had one of dh's single aquaintences read it after some persuading and he ended up really enjoying the book.
Meeting a guy in a bar never worked for me... I was not looking for someone who wanted to spend time at a bar- and usually that is the way it works- you meet them in a bar, they like being there.
Sunday, June 10, 2007, 11:27 PM
From one guy to another
I'm not the most secure person when out of my element. (So I too have had a hard time meeting women, in the past. I'm married now). I don't speak much, I don't like being around other people, especially at bars.
On line dating is a pretty good way to get to know someone and break down some of the walls that you may have.
One point of advice though, just be you. If you're out with someone who doesn't like you, so what? They're not worth your time. If you hit it off, great.
I actually gave up meeting women to date when I met my wife. I went out to have a drink with a pretty cool chick. That's all. That drink turned into one more, then dinner, then breakfast. Then four months later, we got married (I told you I gave up didn't I?)
So, just be you. Be the same guy with your date that you will be in 6 months, 1 year or 5 years. Be you man. DOn't be some fool who makes us all look like asshats!
Oh ya, one more thing guy to guy, get a list of medications they're on after a couple of weeks of dating them, look them up on line and RUN LIKE HELL if you need to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007, 11:56 PM
OP here, thanks a lot for everyone's input I sincerely appreciate it.
Monday, June 11, 2007, 1:20 PM
i totally agree with just being your normal self, even with what you may consider your short-comings. the things you don't like about your personality may be very attractive to someone who might date you. personally, i would rather be disliked for being myself than to be liked for who i am pretending to be.
Monday, June 11, 2007, 1:27 PM
yes, being yourself and being friendly is step 1. but to really impress a woman you need to:
-exude a lot of confidence. not cockiness though.
-just enough humility to mix with the confidence.
-express an interest in being successful in whatever you do, show that you really want to push yourself. success is a choice after all.
-if you never had a sister, really work on being sensitive to women's sensitivities. This will sound un-pc, but women tend to be sensitive. There is nothing you can do about this, other than be nice about it. Not saying the wrong this is just as important as saying the right thing.
-gifts, and stuff that shows you care. Be old school, all the time.
-listen to them, and really work on showing that you are interested in what they are saying. Especially if she has nice boobs. ;)
Monday, June 11, 2007, 1:45 PM
my best advice would be to go out looking to be picked up, don't go out looking to pick someone else up. this will take the stress off your shoulders.
Monday, June 11, 2007, 2:10 PM
Another guy here- I can seriously relate. I'd suggest online dating- if you're shy, it's soooo very hard to chat someone up at the bar or the game, or the grocery store. I was alway completely oblivious even when I was being hit on. With Online dating, it's a lot easier to get past that initial awkwardness and actually get to know someone. It's how I met my wife, and we couldn't be happier.
Otherwise, just be yourself, be as confident in yourself as you can without being cocky, be ready to laugh at yourself and don't have any expectations.
Good luck dude!
Monday, June 11, 2007, 3:20 PM
9:07 hit it right on the head.
I was actually talking to some guys about this this weekend and the best thing to do is just be yourself. Take pride in your personality, attitude and appearance (you don't have to dress well, just practice good hygiene!). And definitely, the best line in a bar is "Hi. My name is . What's yours?" followed by "It's nice to meet you." Otherwise just general conversation is best like 10:01 listed.
Get out there and give it your best shot!!
Monday, June 11, 2007, 3:33 PM
As a woman who used to be shy, no one could see that in me now.
It took a lot of courage on my part, but I started to "banish" my shyness by mustering up some guts to go up to people I didn't know and to say "hi".
It took a lot of attempts before I got comfortable and realized that not everyone judges a person based on their looks, ethnic background, how they dress, etc...
Like others posted previously a few things will make it easier.
1) Finding a group interested in the same hobbies as you.
2) Finding a group where you can learn something new...
If you have friends with female friends you don't know, see if they can introduce you to new people at a gathering... If you are invited to a gathering, then by all means, take the leap to "expand" your circle of friends... Your immediate friends my not have someone who will click with you, but as you grow more self-confident, you'll find that your circle of people will grow...
Eventually, (and with a lot of work), you'll find approaching new people to be second nature. (I certainly did-- although now and again, I still get "shy" when confronted with people I don't know.)
I know that this is incredibly silly, but my hubby and I just watched the 40 year old virgin. The main character found that being himself was the best way to meet the right person for himself vs. trying to be someone he was not.... (Yes, it's a movie, Yes, it's obnoxious, and yes, I know that it isn't real life.)
Usually, when you least expect it, you'll find the right someone for you, but then again, you can't catch fish without throwing out a net (or line.) As a woman, I personally hate lines because they tend to be too contrived. However a friendly hello, is a good start-- as is talking about yourself and asking the other person questions about themselves.... As a rule of thumb, go with general questions at first... and also don't start out with politics, religion or abortion, as that can be an instant turn-off if your views are quite opposite.... (Even to this day, I know which friends I can discuss those issue with and which I cannot.)
Good luck! You've worked on your good physical health, and now is the time to work on your mental well-being as well! ;-)
We are all rooting for your success!
Monday, June 11, 2007, 4:12 PM
One other thing-- If you are shy, I'm not sure a bar is the best place to meet new people--some people can be incredbly egotistical and rude to people who don't meet their 'standards"....
Other places to meet people:
Social Clubs (not necessarily singles clubs) - local organizations within your community maybe targeted at people your age--or with your interests
Co-ed sports clubs - for instance a recreational co-ed softball league-- again, try to find something wtih people your age.
Church/synagogue/mosque/temple, etc. - if you are at all religious, this might be a good place to meet like-minded people
Cultural / Arts organizations - many museums and symphonies have "junior leagues" for "young profesionals" to gather and enjoy an evening of music, theatre or art. If you are interested in learning about these kind of cultural activities, this would be a good way to start.
Community service groups or charitable organizations- i.e. Habitat for Humanity, Join a community service project, go to a charity fundraiser, do a Poker Run, etc. Do something good for another person and you gain the benefit in yourself as well. Plus, you will know that the other volunteers are also ones willing to give their time to others...
Monday, June 11, 2007, 4:20 PM
What ever you do
Don't pick your nose on the first date. Wiat till the second to show her the mean green!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 12:24 AM
Yoga or dance classes are excellent places to find women that share fitness goals and show that you aren't too manly to try new things. Confidence is sooo attractive! If you're on the younger side, ones at the local community college would be a good spot, if you're a little older, try the YMCA. I'd also second the recommendation on cooking classes, especially if it's something exotic! Once you're in a target rich environment, just see who catches your eye and feel free to act interested.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 10:46 AM
10:46, you are so right about yoga! I'm in a yoga class with all single women... whenever a man comes to class, someone will *always* talk to him after and then next week say "he was so cute, hope he comes back!"
Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 11:58 AM
a great way to get a women's attention is to make em feel really important. ask them their opinion on something.......... just say excuse me. and just give a general survey question or better yet say something like my buddy and I were having this discussion and he is dating this woman for the last 3 months and his GF is still friends with her EX is that cool? How do you feel about this? What advise what you give at this time? women love giving advise on others romantic relationships its a great ice breaker and the conversation just gets going, once you have got her to open up chit chat a bit and if you feel via body language that she is opening up to you make your move.............this works my friend, I have used it and worked for me.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007, 6:06 PM
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