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OT-Has anyone here been to Alanon?

If so, did it help you? Is every group different?

My mom is a raging alcoholic and things are getting pretty bad. I thought I was doing the right thing by just ignoring her (we haven't spoken in 2 months) but it is becoming obvious that I can't do that anymore. My own health is being affected now, along with the relationships I have with my other family members.

I went to a meeting once but found it to be too religious. Are all groups like this? Should I just keep trying different ones? Should I skip Alanon and run straight to a therapist?

Sorry for the drama but I really don't have anyone else to ask. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Wed. Jul 11, 4:14pm

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Sorry you are suffering right now.

There are some groups called, I think, rational recovery, which may be more to your liking. Google them.

I have been to alanon and OA meetings, and the basis of the program is essentially spiritual, though each group - and there are usually many in each community - will have its own character, including how one sees the concept of higher power.

The biggest obstacle for me to overcome was my helplessness and powerlessness to change another person, because, of course, the only person anyone can change is herself.

If you give it a chance, you may find that you learn new ways to think and respond.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007, 4:59 PM

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Sorry about your situation.

Some other people I've heard from that aren't religious say that when people in the groups talk about a "higher power" they picture it as being strength within themselves instead of about a God figure. I think the premise is the same (learning to accept that there are things you can't control) across all religions/beliefs.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007, 6:09 PM

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I went to alanon with a friend who was going because her father was an alcoholic. What happened was that I realized my friend was an alcoholic too and I was enabling her!

Alanon may be full of folks who talk about handing it over to a higher power, but I agree with the above posters - it's really about giving up the burdens that you can't do anything about and taking control of your own responses and behavior. It can really be an objective step back to watch others struggle with situations that are eerily similar to your own and recognize yourself (because we can all see what someone else should do, but not when it's us). I'd give it another shot and try to look past those who really get into the 'higher power' aspect. There's more to it than that, and if your group is particularly slanted towards this outlook, try another chapter. Best wishes and sorry that you find yourself in this position.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007, 7:14 PM

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Yes, I have been to alanon. I work in mental health and I still woudn't recommend it. I know that is probably not what my co workers would say, but I found it to be very stifling and a bunch of women (mostly) that were very "spiritual" as well. I am not that way per say. I found it much more help to go to a therapist and talk about my ex husbands severe alcoholism that destroyed our family and will most likely eventually take his life. :( It's sad, but whatever works for you, you should try. All alanon groups are not the same just as all AA groups are not the same. It's possible you could find one that works for you, but chances are you will find a great deal of the people that are really into the religion of some sort aka "the higher power" that is greater than them. Good luck.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007, 8:38 PM

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OP here

Thank you all for your comments and I have decided to do both.

Alanon with my siblings and therapy by myself.

After I had a chance to calm down, I thought about the title of this thread... my calling it 'OT'. I can almost guarantee that my food issues are a by-product of my upbringing and my mom's alcoholism. Not so OT after all...

It's time to quit denying things and work it all out.

I feel much better, thanks again.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007, 11:51 PM

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Best to you & your family.

Thursday, July 12, 2007, 1:27 PM

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