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Ok sometimes I think I am the only women that has this problem. Please tell me that I am wrong.
My husband wants me to be the one to ALWAYS, start things in the bed room. It's a turn on for him. Well it's not for me! I have told him this over and over but he hasn't changed or won't so, when I get on my bandwagon...it can be days (3) is the most before I give in because he starts the grumpy butt attitude, and it's at the kids too, so I being the nice wife give in. And when I do give in, I hate to say it but it's not a night that I enjoy because I am "giving in" What other ways besides telling him can I show him that it could be just as fun for him if he was the one to start it?
Sun. Jul 22, 9:28am
I have the same problem!!!!!! Ugh!! I thought it was just me. I dont mind starting it. I just dont like to ALWAYS start it. What i did to help was always harp about it and I got the grumpy butt attitude. And that seemed to help. But you know what? He sucks when he starts anyway. Its almost like he's shy or doesnt know what to do. So he compromised a little and i just give in and start most of the time. it really wasnt worth the fights.
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 9:45 AM
OP HERE...HOW RIGHT YOU ARE ON THE FIGHTS..I AM SO WITH YOU. GLAD I AM NOT ALONE...I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS! THANKS!
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 10:54 AM
How weird that you couldn't figure these things out before you got married.
Maybe your husband feels inadequate of his performance, and needs to feel like someone really wants him in order to get things started. I say you reap what you sew. You married him, you live with it :(
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 11:40 AM
Hi ladies...how about this....ask him for a back massage or give him one and then as you're getting one in return you can start things up. Personally, if I can at least get a back massage out of the deal I'm happy.
However, I do think that it's completely unreasonable for him to always expect you to do it. You deserve to feel wanted and desired just as much as he does. My suggestion is to talk about sometime when no one is in the mood...sometime when you have a chance to talk about how you feel and nothing more is expected. Maybe there are certain days of the week when one of you is home earlier or puts the kids to bed or somehting like that and then other days when the other one of you can do it. Like maybe you're doing laundry or cleaning the kitchen and you come to the bedroom and he's got candles lit and just kisses you for a while. I know, I should be telling him this, but maybe if you told him something as simple as that could be helpful and help him realize there are other ways of getting things started.
I've only been intimate with a few guys, but they all need directions and sometimes a map....sigh. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 11:47 AM
hey 11:40 IT'S good to know you have a pefect life your husband or boyfriend~ I'm happy for you!!! I just don't belive you....I don't think any relationship is perfect! but you go and think it is!
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 1:42 PM
I wish I didn't know this stuff, but either your husband has an ego problem or he's a submissive (there are a kazillion ways this manifests, and with any luck it doesn't go deeper than needing to be in "the woman's role", where he's the object of seduction).
You've got to get him to articulate why he needs this (and by the way, that's the classic definition of a fetish - when someone can't get off without a specific behavior/act/accessory). If you can't or if you have an issue with what he comes out with, it's time for some counselling either for him or for you as a couple. And I'm generally not a big fan of counselling, but you need to either get him to change or determine if this behavior is a relationship dealbreaker.
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 2:35 PM
I second the massage .. it can lead to very erotic senses. and both of you can be involved. I know my husband will start kissing me and caressing me while im cooking or such. I do the same to him. he also rubs my feet and runs my bath sometimes.. we take turns pampering each other.
all these things can lead to something. another good one is waiting till oneof you is showering than climbing in and surprising the other. washing each others hair and bodies canlead to some heated moments which leads to a hot night!!
ummm I think Im going to go grab my husband now.. wish you guys all the luck.
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 3:52 PM
I've been married to a wonderful guy that started maybe 2 times our whole married life which is 25 years Oh well! It really bugs me But what can I do He is soo good in many other ways. I love him!
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 7:36 PM
I'm with you OP. I've been pregnant almost the whole time my husband and I have been married (birthcontrol is ONLY 97% effective ... we seem to find the 3% very easily) and I just don't feel sexy so it's hard for my to innitiate but after a fight durring our first 6 months of marriage I get guilted into it. It's a HUGE turn off and i get nothing from sex then. And when he finally gives in and initiates he jumps on does him thing and is gone. I seriously don't like sex right now. I try to find ways to spice it up but it always turns out to be dissatisfying. I don't know what to do but it needs to change.
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 10:49 PM
Hey it is nice to know I am not the only one with this problem. It can get frustrating most of the times. I almost get the feeling that he doesn't want to start anything if I don't want to so he just waits until I do. The thing is I don't always want to be the one to start things up. I would be nice if he would take the lead more often
Sunday, July 22, 2007, 11:50 PM
Tell him to grow up, marriage is about sharing, giving, doing things you don't like to do some times. If he doesn't listen, then don't give him sex, as with all men, they will come begging soon, right?
Monday, July 23, 2007, 12:28 PM
to 11:40 poster yesterday
Why so negative? Are you the one that writes negative comments on EVERY post?
If so. I feel sorry for you. We are here for SUPPORT. Not your negativity.
Monday, July 23, 2007, 12:46 PM
12:28PM Do you not get it? Not everyman is dying to have sex. My husband trys to wait until I am ready! Are you married?
Monday, July 23, 2007, 2:03 PM
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