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affair at work?

I know you will all tell me not to do it, but assuming i'm going to do it anyway-- what do you think. been there, done that?

Wed. Sep 19, 4:53pm

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Being that you're going to anyway, my best advice is, don't tell anyone! Anyone! Not even your best friend! Not even the strangers here on PT. Someone will find out, and when they do, all hell will break loose.

Also, be prepared to leave your job at a moment's notice - you may be fired.

Finally, recognize that even if you aren't fired, if anyone at work finds out, it will get to upper management, and it will affect your chances for promotions, etc., especially if you are a woman (sorry, but it's true; this is a guy's world! I've seen it happen!)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 4:57 PM

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totally disagree, one can find love anywhere. Better at work than at a bar.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 5:02 PM

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i'm not going to tell you not to do it or to do it. It's up to you, just because it's not my style doesn't give me the right to tell you what to do.

I will tell you what i've experienced being an employee of a company that has this going on right now. It creates alot of anger and divisions amonst the workers. I feel bad for the girl in the relationship here because people aren't nice to her because of the affair, she's a nice gal, but receives raises more than others, special treatment, doesn't have to do her work, etc. You have to be prepared for the backlash.

are either of you married?

Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 5:03 PM

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you are right 4:57!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 5:04 PM

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I was in a very bad marriage, and had an affair at work. It wasn't right, but I did that.

I now love the man I had an affair with at work to the ends of the earth. I got divorced, and my 'affair' and I now have a son and are so happy. He is truly amazing and supportive.

People meet people at work. It happens.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 9:31 PM

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4:57pm poster here. The OP said "affair," not "relationship," or even "date." That implied to me that someone is unavailable, and doing it anyway. That's why I reacted how I did.

I am actually married to a man who works for the same company that I do (but a different subsidiary - we do not work together.) We were engaged before I began working here, and we never work on the same projects or in the same areas (as we are in different subsidiaries), so most people do not have a problem with it, but I have still gotten a few odd comments that tell me that I need to watch my behavior as well. I wouldn't change my situation for anything; it works for me. Just, OP, be careful! There is not much you can do to save a reputation once it has been ruined.

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 12:58 PM

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an affair as in cheating on your spouse or them on their's? don't do it!!!
an affair as in a tryst with someone new and exciting but available? go for it, but i agree keep it quiet and be professional at work no matter what may happen between you two.

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 12:59 PM

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I agree, be careful. My boyfriend and I worked very closely together and kept our relationship a secret for one year.

Finally, when we "came out" we had proven to everyone we can work together, professionally.

Everyone was really happy for us.

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 1:01 PM

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I think (and you asked) that you'll always be known as a cheater after this gets out. And even if it all "ends well", he can still do to you what you are doing to his current wife - you will not be exempt so be prepared.

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 3:24 PM

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DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 3:30 PM

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DO IT!!!!

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 3:47 PM

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One of my close friends just lost her marriage, her home and many friends after having an affair with a co-worker. Not only was he devastated, both families were devastated and I can tell you that she is miserable and it wasn't worth it for one minute.
If you don't mind losing those things go ahead!

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 4:11 PM

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Hmmm...are you a single woman contemplating an affair with a married man? This seems to be the worst of all scenarios - in terms of being a professional, being taken seriously, getting a reputation,etc. The women where I work who hook up with the married men, usually in higher positions of authority, are not looked upon with much respect. I see it as a disservice to professional women, but that's just me and that's making a lot of assumptions about your scenario!!

What are you looking for? If either party is married or in a relationship - chances are it's not going to end well!

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 4:32 PM

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What thats comment, don't shit where you eat.... everyone has been in this position but what happens if it doesn't work out then you will have to see him or her on a daily basis. It will be an uncomfortable situation..... The factt hat it has to be hidden will cause problems as well. eventually everything comes out of the closet. what is so romantic about a relationship if no one knows about it. I wouldn't do it if i were you it could cause a great deal of problems.

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 4:38 PM

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Don't Do it...

It's not worth it. I've been on both ends of an affair. The first time I was the victim and to this day (it's been over 3 years) I suffer from the dissapointment and heartbreak. If anything that led me to fall for a co-worker as an outlet and now it's causing nothing but stress & unhappiness. I've now realized I can't be that person to cause that sort of pain to someone who's completely innocent to the situation.

Nothing good will come of it. Trust me - I know! Be the bigger, stronger, more responsible person and just say no. Or if you're unhappy in your current situation - deal with those issues first.

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 5:58 PM

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I've been there, done that. You end up losing either the person, the job, or both. Really not worth it....

Friday, September 21, 2007, 9:14 AM

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My best friend had an affair. It took her about 5 months to admit it to me, but when she did she seemed incredibly composed and self-justifying. Within the year she committed suicide.

Saturday, September 22, 2007, 9:46 AM

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First what is your works policy about co=-workers dating? And since you say affair I can only assume one of you is married? If thats the case, don't do it! Nothing good can come out of having an affair let alone with someone you work with. You will have to be prepared for someone to either lose their job or be ready to quit, be able to continue working together if the affair goes sour and you can be sure that other people at work will know.

Saturday, September 22, 2007, 5:27 PM

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