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How is it that a man can directly affect how I eat?

I know this sounds dumb and it is probably more than anything a self esteem issue, but if I don't get what I am looking for from a guy that I am with, I eat. I am okay if I am getting what I need emotionally from him, but as soon as I sense him withdrawing I eat. I feel down, depressed, and feel unloved. It sucks. I don't know how to break this cycle.

Fri. Nov 2, 11:10pm

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Carbohydrates release seratonin in the brain - a calming feelgood hormone. You need to find other things to reach for that set off the feelgoods, things that you can access as easily as a box of cookies. For me it's walking and sex (obviously not an option when it's man-related), but it took me years to get to this point and I'm not sure where to suggest that you start. It's easier to figure it out when you're not on a downswing, as I'm guessing you are this weekend. Good luck.

Friday, November 02, 2007, 11:40 PM

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A couple of years ago I was in a relationship and if I was with him I would eat perfectly because he would give me a hard time if I didn't. As soon as he was gone I would stuff my face with anything that would satisfy. I ended up gaining 200 pounds when we separated. I was miserable and thought it was all my fault. Basically internalized everything. But here I am now making my way back. I decided that men or a man can't have that much control over me. I am a decent person and if he/they can't see that it is not my problem but theirs. So though it is not an easy process by any means, look at the good in yourself and reach for your goal. What will make you happy.
For me, I had to decided that I am not going to let someone, anyone else determine how I feel about myself.
I don't always make it, sometimes I get caught in the moment and forget that I am worth something. But day by day it gets better.
And lastly watch the negative self talk. I don't know that, that is a problem for you but I tend to think it is for everyone at one point or another.
The more I tell myself how able I am, You know, I can do this. I am worth the effort.....
And I am not sure about all the different hormones that are released and all but exercise can really help a mental attitude.
Good luck
Hey and keep reaching out when you need to. That is what this is life is all about, being there for one another.

Saturday, November 03, 2007, 4:06 PM

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This hits home

I just started a diet today and my sister-in-law had suggested this web site. Well, I am a very emotional eater and for my big first day, guess who I ran into . . . my ex-husband (who left me for another girl, a skinnier girl). I haven't seen him in a very, very long time and of course I've gained about 50 pounds since I saw him. So - I don't know how it happens, but after seeing him, all I wanted to do was eat myself silly and spend money - I could have sat down in front of the computer with a gallon of ice cream and probably gotten all of my christmas shopping done! I have resisted (luckily I had a lot to do today to keep me busy) - but what is it with the emotional connection to food??? Can it all be a self esteem issue?

Saturday, November 03, 2007, 8:19 PM

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This is crap... I am tired of it! I hate having that feeling that whatever they do is able to wreck my entire day moodwise, foodwise, and otherwise. YES, it is definately a self esteem issue. I am going to change that.

Sunday, November 04, 2007, 1:40 AM

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I had the same binge eating issues, except it wasn't just men, it was everyone. I always took everything so personally. That's probably the biggest difference between me now, and me a year ago. I stopped feeling guilty, responsible, and worthless. I was also able to recognize that I was emotionally eating, and stopped. It's so scary to actually deal with the feelings instead of jumping into food for comfort. It's not easy, but every day it gets easier.
We train ourselves to deal with issues through food. We have to take a step back and think about why we are actually eating. Write it down. Cry. Yell. Feel what you are allowed to feel....and if you're not ready for that, at least replace your eating with something positive like taking a walk, taking a bath, having some tea and reading a book, calling a friend, or something else not self-destructive.
I know you can do it OP...because I did...and still am.

Sunday, November 04, 2007, 7:43 AM

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good for you 1:40!

Sunday, November 04, 2007, 10:32 AM

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LOL 10:32. I am just fed up. I am tired of them having that much power. GRRRRRRR.....

Sunday, November 04, 2007, 4:27 PM

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We women have a bad tendency to internalize these things. Anger isn't usually our first response. Nature, nurture, doens't matter--the reality is that in situations like this men more often have banged-up knuckles and women more often have swollen eyes (and extra pounds).

One trick is to channel it into anger, and use that anger to do something active. It's a short-term trick unless you want to be angry for the rest of your life. But sometimes, when you feel yourself welling up with all those emotions and looking around for chocolate, just yelling out loud to an empty room that YOU are fine but HE'S a jerk and getting some adrenaline flowing. And using that adrenaline to punch a bag or pound some pavement or spin some spokes can work for you rather than against you.

Monday, November 05, 2007, 10:02 AM

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