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Nothing to do with weight but I need to get this out...

I dumped my ex for the 5th time last night. I'm feeling really lonely. Yesterday was my birthday. Its times like that plus the holidays that can make a person really think about relationships. My ex and I were together for 4 years. He did not want to get married and I did. I left to find someone with similar goals. While we did not get back together this time, he was hanging around texting me and emailing me every so often. I let him do this for 5 months. Then last night I just got so sick of it. I could have been feeling a lot better now if I'd had no contact with my ex this whole time. I felt angry at him and myself for letting him string me a long again. I actually had hopes that he'd take me back and would propose. What a fantasy! He was going to take me out to eat for my bday. He said he is my #1 fan. He finds me more interesting since we broke up. Blah, Blah, Blah!!!! Last night I called him and said...you either want me or you don't. He said he was only trying to be friendly and had no interest in romance with me. I hung up on him. I am crushed all over again. I'm almost back to square one in getting over him. UGH!!!! I want next year to be better than this one! Any advice for the heart broken? How do I get out of this slump? I'm losing weight so that's a start. I want to give myself a break from dating until I pull myself back together. I have a lot of projects going on around my house and I started oil painting. These are good things but I feel so off balance and just plain lonely!

Tue. Nov 27, 9:16am

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Call a girlfriend to go get a drink or a cup of coffee or see a girly movie or something - just to get out of the house and be around someone. Even if you think you don't have close girlfriends in your area, just call someone - it may take guts (almost like calling for a date!), but people are generally flattered to be invited places and I can't think of any girl I know that I wouldn't go meet if they needed company post-breakup!

If you're starting to oil paint, if you can afford it, take a class. You'll meet people with at least one interest in common with you, and it'll be something to look forward to. If you have any friends who have projects going on around their houses, maybe you can help them with theirs in exchange for them helping you with yours. Work is more fun when you have company.

Delete your ex's number from your phone, e-mail from your address book, etc. Don't call him and don't answer his calls. It doesn't have to be permanent, but at least until you are happy without him. Don't worry, you'll get there!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 9:35 AM

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I've been in your shoes. But my ex and I broke up over 3 years! Not kidding. Why did it take that long ? Because I kept in contact with him. Finally after 5 years I had it. I finally got to a point where i couldn't take it anymore. So when the last break-up happened and I felt releived I knew it was time to be done with the relationship.

It was soooo hard. But I worked out a lot... lost 15 pounds actually :). I know its drastic but I had to change my phone number, blocked his email address and finally had to tel lmy secretary to no longer put his calls through at work. Seriously she had a post-it on her desk that said "J is no longer accepting your calls"!

Do it now... before you waste the pretty (to quote that guy from Oprah). It will get better. Oh and by the way after I finally stopped communicating with him I met my now husband six weeks later. No joke!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 9:49 AM

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Don't beat yourself up over it. I think that has been the hardest thing for me in the past.
If he is not good for you and you don't have similiar destinations in mind you have to let it go. It is painful. But not worth the excess energy drain he creates.
There is someone who will have your same goals. You work on yourself and being happy with you and in the right time you will find what you need and want. And be so thankful that you didn't waste more time with someone who was not putting you first.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 9:55 PM

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Great book for this. Its "It's Called a Break-up Because its Broken"

I am pretty much anti-self help but this book was a LIFESAVER during my last break up a month ago. It really helped me sort things out. I read it in the tub with wine :)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 8:36 AM

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Get out of town for the weekend if you can.

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 1:30 AM

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He's full of shit, he just doesn't want to be the one to give in. Its good you dumped him, you had already dumped him 5 other times, I think you already know deep down that its not a good fit for you. Now you can go out and celebrate! Don't think that having a man in your life makes you complete. Now is the perfect time for you to really discover who you are, what you want and what you need. Sometimes these are different things. Never settle because your lonely. Enjoy yourself, your friends. It sounds like there are lots of things to keep you busy. I always say and I totally believe this, men are like buses, there is always another coming along. Be pickier next time but take it slow. Rejoice in your freedom!

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 3:29 AM

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I want to wish you a happy year in honor of your birthday, because I know your b-day wasn't so happy.

Just remember - you deserve better. And you seem to have a good smart head on your shoulders.



Thursday, November 29, 2007, 11:04 AM

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Have to throw in my 2cents worth. The reason you feel so badly now, is you've just let go of a sustaining fantasy -- that he will become what you want. You finally acknowledged he won't, so now you're grieving the loss of the fantasy. (You lost him some time ago.)

I agree with everyone else here: Call a gf, see a chick flic, take a painting class, take a shelter dog for a walk.

Saturday, December 08, 2007, 5:01 PM

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So I dated my ex on and off for 8 years!!! He just wasnt the man that I needed him to be. I read "He's just not that into you" from one of the writers on Sex and the City. It changed my life. If he cant get it together- he's just not that into you. If he does drugs - he's just not that into you. If he doesnt want to marry you- he's just not that into you- ETC. Then it asks you why you would want to waste your time on someone who isnt that into you.
I started dating other people and wouldnt respond to his beautifully written love letters. A year later I met my husband. He is SO into me!! :)

Monday, December 10, 2007, 10:51 AM

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OP says thanks...

Thanks for all of your reassurring advice. I too have read 'He's just not that into you'. It was funny and empowering. I also read 'why men love/marry bitches' I was the nice girl out of fear of losing 'him'. Now that I'm on my own (my ex has not contacted me at all since I redumped him) I'm getting to know me again. I realize now how much I gave in while I was in the relationship. Its just not worth it. So, I'm finishing my weight los goals and will start dating again in a few months. No hurry though. In fact, I'm starting to really like just being on my own.

Monday, December 10, 2007, 5:30 PM

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OP, I love reading that you're in a good, positive place and examining who you are and what makes you happy.

Monday, December 10, 2007, 5:32 PM

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