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OT - NEVER wanted kids EVER, but I might be changing my mind

I would love to hear from people who may have been "on the fence", or totally against having kids, who had a an "Oopps - honey we're pregnant", and how they felt about having the family.
I am in my very late 30's,, married and had a bit of a panic, spent the last 4 days begging not be preganant, took the test (negative) - and was soo happy, but now, I'm wondering.
My husband and I love our freedom, and are selfish (being honest), and do not want kids. I am just wondering if this is just my brain, telling me behind the scenes (pssst its your last chance), and that is why I am thinking about it.


Tue. Dec 4, 8:34am

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I always wanted kids from the time I was little but my other friends, who were on the fence, were very happy that they did. I think you end up being happy with whatever decision you chose because you don't really know what it's like any other way. I do know friends that wanted children desperately but didn't find the right guy until it was too late and they were upset about it.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 10:28 AM

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i NEVER wanted kids, I now have a 7 and 6 year old. There are times when it's trying, they fight, all the homework, the mess, the daycare expenses, they don't want to listen to me, I'm not patient enough, etc. But, I will say even with all that, I'm glad I did it.

Here's my suggestion: get a puppy first. Then you'll know if it's for you. Don't get yourself into something you think you want. Know for sure.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 10:45 AM

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Could it be on your brain simply b/c you had a scare? Along with the scare if you had suddenly found yourself thinking about wanting kids, then maybe there's soemthing going on there, but you stated you were begging for a 'negative.' You sound like a person who has made up their mind! And that's great - it makes any decision easier!

I got a puppy before I had kids and it killed any maternal instict I had for a long, long time! Now having kids doesn't compare to having a dog, as I'm sure the pp would tell you, but it does make you realize what life is like when you're responsible for another being!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 11:51 AM

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Don't get a puppy if you aren't a puppy person.

My husband and I got a puppy about 9 months ago. We love her to death! She's really the greatest little bundle! However, we can never be out for longer than 6-8 hours, and that's only if we plan ahead and take her outside right before we leave (which requires planning b/c we live in a high-rise, can't just open the door and let her out.) If it's cold, raining, snowing, etc., we still have to take her out. Also, we had to hire a dogwalker during while we're at work - $13/day for 20 days a month is a big chunk of money!

6-8 hours doesn't sound like such a barrier, but, for example, if we're out running errands during the day, we usually can't decide to just grab dinner out, b/c we have to stop home first to walk the dog. And, if we just stop home to let her outside and then leave again, by the time we come home at night and are tired, she's been sleeping all day long in her crate, and it's playtime!

She also doesn't understand when we're busy, tired, stressed, etc. If it's 3am and she wants to play, she doesn't understand that we have to wake up in a few hours and would rather sleep.

Anyway, we love our pup and are glad we have her, but if you are not a dog person, it is a huge commitment, and you may end up being resentful.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 12:10 PM

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pp - sounds like having a baby...except you can't leave a baby in a crate all day. :)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 12:29 PM

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My wife and I were both committed to not having kids- we met in our mid-30's. Then, same thing- pregnancy scare, and suddenly, we found ourselves wanting a baby. Now we've got a beautiful daughter and I wouldn't change it for the world- it's not the same as being child free, and there's a lot more responsibilities, but man watching her grow and learn is the greatest thing ever.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 12:32 PM

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Wow I love my kids. Yes they drive me crazy at times and it's really hard, but they are my pride and joy. I have never regretted having all three of them! Good luck to you with whatever you decide.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 2:21 PM

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OP Here

Thank you for all of your feedback.
My husband and actually got a puppy (which we both REALLY wanted), and she is 9 months now, and just incredible. We love her death, and she is spoilt rotten, I mean people actually make fun of us for how much we dote on this dog, she is in a sense our baby.
And like a pp mentioned it is probably beacuse of the scare, that it embedded itself in my mind, as opposed to being at a crossroads.
I really appreciate all of the input - Thank You

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 2:29 PM

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OP- dogs are proto-kids. You are so having kids now.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 2:54 PM

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I was reading an article a few months back in the New York Times (I believe). It was about happiness and what makes a person happy. They polled people around the country about various things in there lives. They found that people with children were neither more happy or less happy than people without children. At first, I thought "this can't be true". I figured people with children MUST be happier. Then, I realized, after reading the whole article, happiness is a state of mind and is not determined by the things that happen in life-happiness is determined in your mind. Happiness is a choice, and not something that happens to you.

Anyway, OP, I believe you can be happy with or without children.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 3:03 PM

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