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Do You Ever Think About An Ex - YOUR OWN EX

I am married, happily married, love my husband without a doubt, but for some reason I have never been able to shake thoughts of my ex boyfriend/fiance.

We were friends for over 5 years, together for less than 6 months, and really the best of friends. After we got engaged, it all went to hell and we broke it off. We dated off and on trying to make it work and it didn't. I don't miss him, I don't want a relationship with him, not even a friendship, I don't think we could be just friends. I don't want anything to do with him, but I think about him often. I wonder what he is up to, if he's married, does he have kids yet, how his family is, etc. We did end things on a good note, very maturely, but no longer speak.

Why do I feel this way? Especially since I don't want anything from him and I truly do love my husband and my marriage?


Tue. Dec 11, 1:43pm

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OMG!! I am going through the exact same thing! I am so blessed to have met my husband. We are celebrating our 1 year anniversary this week. And I would have been miserable with the EX.
I think it has somethign to do with the ruke of thumb that it takes half as long to trully get over someone as you were with them. I was with the Ex for 8 years. OR that when I was younger that I thought that I would be going through all these life stages with the ex.

Waht do you think?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 2:01 PM

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i'm in the same boat. I am happily married with kids and my x was actually quite a jerk towards the end of our relationship. I think about him often and I even googled him and found out he got married and has a kid. This info shocked me - what I wasn't the girl of his dreams. A very humbling experinece. I felt a bit stalkerish that I googled him and I wondered why I was obsessing. Soon after I googled him, I was driving with my family and I saw him, with wife,kid and stroller in a very busy mall. I ducked so he couldn't see me. Strange huh. Is this normal or does it say something about my marriage?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 2:34 PM

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LOL- so I just googled mine but he didnt show up. Guess a waiter druggie has no reason to show up in a google search...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 2:43 PM

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Wow, this sounds exactly like me! I was in a hot and heavy long distance relationship for 6 months with an old high school boyfriend when I was in my mid twenties. I was fresh out of bad marriage and I thought this old high school boyfriend was everything my ex husband wasn't, everything I wanted in a new relationship and possible 2nd marriage. After 6 months he broke my heart and dumped me to start dating another friend of his. They're now married and have at least 1 child. I obsessed about him for about 6 years after that although I haven't seen him since. He still crosses my mind almost every day, which I wouldn't admit to anyone since it embarrasses me. I'm happily remarried and with someone who seems nearly perfect for me. However it bothers me that this old boyfriend still crosses my mind nearly every day and has for the past 15 years! I know! Pathetic! Since I would NEVER want to be with this guy again, I chalk it up to neural pathways and the deep trenches I dug in my brain over those 6 years of obsessing. I would love to never think about his name again but what are you gonna do? The best revenge is living well and I couldn't be happier with my life, my husband and my choices.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 2:58 PM

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The best revenge is living well and I couldn't be happier with my life, my husband and my choices.
I love it! I guess if i start focusing more on my life and my husband the ex will fade. I have to reteach my mind- everytime the ex comes to mind think of my wonderful hubby instead! Okay- this I can do.
Its all Behavior modification. weightloss and thining of exes.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 3:01 PM

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Op here, glad I'm not the only one. I have a few close friends that I could talk to about this, but I really do fear what they would think. I know I shouldn't, but I don't want them to think something is wrong with my marriage or that I could possibly do the unthinkable.

My ex and I were the very best of friends, we hit it off right away while he was dating a sort of friend of mine. After they broke up, he and I kept in touch and even though the majority of our relationship we were miles and miles apart, it was steamy, and the few times that we did see each other, fireworks! and I'm not talking about the bedroom, in general, we were caliente together! But as soon as we got engaged, I don't know what happened, it all went down the drain. To this day, I do love him, I don't think I ever will stop, he really is a wonderful person and I hope that he finds someone to love him the way I do, but that can be in a relationship with him.

I've thought of talking to my husband about this, but feel like it'll open up a nasty can of worms. He knows of my ex, knows how I felt about him, and occassionally we talk about him, in a joking kind of way. But I want to really tell him so that I don't feel like I'm hiding something from him, plus I feel like if I do tell him that some weight will be lifted and I'll be more able to forget him..........but then my husband just might end up with my ex on his mind! HA!

Again, glad I'm not the only one :)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 3:10 PM

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DO not tell your husband. If something was actually going on, that would beone thing. But this will jsut hurt him for no reason! I think it would be really selfish.
Make your husband feel like he is the center of your world. your one and only. Dont put any doubt in his head.
He might just start thinking about his ex.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 3:23 PM

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I am the same way. My ex and I broke up 8 years ago but continued to talk and see each other for about 4 years after the break up. We tried again but it never worked. Anyway, I'm happily married now but I will admit he crosses my mind sometimes. Not that I want to be with him but similar to other posters: just wonder...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 3:28 PM

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I do the same thing! I am much happier with my husband than I was (or would be) with my ex. I notice I tend to dream about my ex when I'm doubting myself. He's always hurting me or avoiding me in my dreams. I wish I could stop thinking about him!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 3:35 PM

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I do understand where you're coming from. I have an ex I almost married and it was a good thing for both of us that we didn't. We loved each other, but just weren't compatible even though we respect each other and enjoy the other's company - kind of like friends who could never be roomates.

I am now married to a wonderful man that I love dearly and am very happy in our relationship. However I think I feel a nagging sense of responsiblility that my ex has not found similar happiness. And I truly hope that he finds someone who makes him as happy as my husband and I are. I guess I feel sort of guilty that I moved on and quite frankly he doesn't really seem to have grown much as a person or done that much with his life.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 4:06 PM

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My ex hasnt grown either, but that is not my responsiblity

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 4:22 PM

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Get him out of my dreams!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 4:22 PM

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My ex started texting me a few weeks after the break up. He told me of dreams he was having about me. The amazing thing was, I hadn't given him much thought and he was certainly not in any of my dreams. I was dating other people and had enough going on. It seemed when ever I was having a good time, the texts would show up on my phone. I finally had to put and end to him contacting me in any way. I think of him almost daily now. He is not contacting me at all now. He actually listened!!! I don't think of him like oh how I miss him. Nope! I think about all the crap I put up with and how we were never equal. I have a career, he doesn't. I bought a house, he still lives with mommy! Good God!!! How could I have even considered him? He was a rebound! That's why! I had a rebound pattern for a number of years. I'm on my own now and it feels good. In fact, I'm a little afraid of a new relationship. I don't want to lose myself again. I think I'll be ok. I'm just not ready to date yet.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 4:56 PM

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