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OT - Relationship Drama.. need advice.
My guy and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 years. What began as a friendship blossomed into something more. We've had issues with the distance from day one, but our communication and trust in one another kept us together.
For the past week we've been struggling with the 'us' factor. He is questioning his future, his choices, and also our relationship in terms of being together in the long run. I've made it clear that I am willing to make the move to be with him when/if that time comes, but he's being emotionally distant. I understand that he is struggling on his end to find answers, but our communication has shut down.
One moment he says he needs time and space to work through his chaos so we can be a couple once again, other moments he says he wants he to end the relationship and be just friends.
I love this man and don't want to lose him over this episode in his life. I'm trying to be supportive, but my patience is wearing thin.. very quickly.
Friends have told me to cut my losses with my pride intact, but my heart refuses to budge thinking that he will come around once he has calmed down.
I'm confused and frustrated. I don't know what to say or what to do without allowing my emotions to overcome me.
Anyone who has handled a long distance relationship issue and can give a few words of advice would be dearly appreciated.
Tue. Jan 29, 12:59am
I did the long distance thing for 5 years with my now husband. It is hard, but it's doable.
It says a lot when your bf says he wants to break things off and be friends. I know it's hard for us to hear those words and we women love the fantasy of 'he'll realize how fabulous I am and won't want to be wtihout me.' Guys are often weak in this department and they sometimes pull this b.s. in hopes you'll break up with them and save them the dirty work. If nothing else, you don't want to have to chase down, encourage, or convince the person in your life to want to be with you. You deserve a guy who thinks you rock his world and he can't imagine being without you.
I'm with your friends on this one. You could simply give your guy a, 'You know what? You sound confused right now. I'll make it easy on you. Figure out your life and if you want to talk you know where to find me. " Then give him space and go about your life as hard as that may be. And, who knows, maybe he WILL figure it out and realize you rock and come back. But at least YOU decide and you're not waiting around for some guy to determine your future.
p.s. We had a rough patch at one point in our long distance thing and he was in a similar confused state - not sure he wanted to be in a relationship. I said, "Okay. You no longer have a girlfriend.' I was willing to walk away. He freaked - we've been together 20 years now. I'm sure if I had reassured him how great we'd be together, etc. he would've run for the hills!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 8:21 AM
I agree with the 8:21 poster. However I would also add that you should be cautious about the "friends" business. Being a bit unavailable, as much as it may hurt your heart, may also help him realize how important you are in his life.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 9:46 AM
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