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AM I VAIN if I want to spend thousands of dollars on myself?

Okay look. I'm a 39 year old woman who has lost 35 lbs in 6 months, and has 6 months to lose another 35 to get to my goal weight before the big 4-0. I used to be skinny in my twenties, so being overweight has not been easy to take, but I am bound and determined that my stuff is going to be smokin' by my birthday. However, I also want to do some other cosmetic procedures. Here's my list.

Active FX face laser therapy to get rid of my lower eye-crinkles.
Botox around the eyes, which I've done once before and loved.
Laser hair removal on some parts.
Vein therapy to make my hands look younger.
Treatment of some light veins around my nose.
Lumineers, which is the most expensive of the list.

And if truth be told I'd like to get some breast imlants, but I can forego that as my breasts have started to perk up a little since I've started exercising, and as this is the only one my husband would have a problem with.

But here is my problem. I kind of feel vain for wanting to do all this stuff, especially since I don't reeeaaalllly need any of it, and since it will set me back over 10 grand. But on the other hand, I can't see it being much different from husband going out and spending 20 grand on a Harley that he didn't really need either. It is just that it's kind of the underlying motivation that is pushing me to lose the weight - knowing that I will get to reward myself with something I really want, while easing my fears about getting older. What woman doesn't want to still be considered hot stuff at 40?

So what do you guys think? Am I being vain? By the way, we're not rolling in the money, but we have decent jobs, and we keep our bills down to a minimum. All of this would go on a credit card.



Sat. Aug 23, 5:10pm

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When I finally meet my goal weight and maintain for a year I will be looking into surgery to remove the excess skin I will have. It has already started and it really bothers me badly. IMO if you want to have this done that is your business. I won't have my surgery done until I save the money to pay for it. I can't stand the thought of yet another bill to have to be tied to for however long it takes to pay it off. If you have the money then I say go for it!

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 5:26 PM

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How much interest would you be paying on your credit card and for how long? Is it really worth it? Yes I think its vain and could think of much better ways to spend that much money.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 6:18 PM

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healthy fit - surgery

If you are comfortable with that, many people do.

Can you really afford that? It will be more than 10K. I'm 45 I feel fit and healthy and great. I'm still working to lose some pounds. I was always fit, healthy, thin before age 35. The last ten years I have more weight than I care for with having kids. I feel great knowing I'm fit and healthy, I see people much younger than me with big fake boobs, that are not fit and healthy. Eating right and fitness is important to me. What ever your goals are...good luck.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 6:29 PM

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I wouldn't knock anyone's desire to spruce up a bit, especially after all the hard work you've put in so far. BUT, financially speaking - financing these updates is not the most sound move. Ultimately, it will end up costing you thousands more and this is what most financial experts would call 'bad' debt. And just because you deserve it - it's not a rational for putting it on credit!!

BTW - Yay you and all your hard work and accomplishments!!

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 7:15 PM

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yes it's vain - that said - do it if you want to - except the boob job - I wouldn't recommend that.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 7:16 PM

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If you can afford it without going into debt, and if your kids have everything they need, why not go for it. If it makes you happy, everybody in your world will be happy too.

When I get through I'll have to have some surgery. Because the less I weigh the more my extra belly skin is drooping. They call it an apron I think. When all the fat is gone that skin will still be there, hanging. Sigh. Maybe my doctor will say it's medically necessary to remove it so the insurance will pay for it.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 7:27 PM

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Well ya had me until the very last line ...

Honestly, I see nothing wrong with this unless you are going to suffer financially for it and putting it all on credit is, in my humble opinion, suffering for it financially.

If I were in your shoes, I think I would put the money away first, pay yourself along the way maybe and then spend what you have at that point???

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 7:30 PM

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I'm with everyone else, do it, but just save up the money first.

Also, in my opinion, veneers look terrible. I think everything else you were talking about would look great, though.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 8:21 PM

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I say do it! We women tend to be too focused on everyone else's happiness and comfort and don't spend enough time and money on ourselves. I want a Salvatore Ferragamo bag this Fall and I shall have it, dammit, and this winter I'm getting Lasik and serious dermatological help. My skin is clear but I want it to be radiant.
I hope you feel like a million bucks come your b-day, and that you feel that way now too!!

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 8:28 PM

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WHen you can pay for it - do it!!

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 9:37 PM

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8:28 " We women tend to be more focused on everyone else's happiness" I'm sorry but I think altering the way that you look is still focusing your attention on other people's happiness. We want to look a certain way because we are told that we will be happy if we do. I think that in order to truly be happy you have to love the skin you're in. Surgery won't make you a happy person., and if you have to put it on a credit card you will be paying off forever instead of sending your kids to college, then you're no better off. Sure you may look a little bit better and get more attention, but that has nothing to do with true happiness.

Do yoga, that will make you look younger.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 10:15 PM

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I agree, do what you want if you can afford it. I too am saving up for cosmetic surgery to have the loose belly skin removed once I'm done working off the excess fat. I can't stand the idea of looking like a "dripping candle" after all the hard work I've put into getting healthy.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 10:26 PM

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I will not go quietly into the night!! I'll tell you what...with as hard as I have worked to lose weight, I will be damned if I don't do everything possible to keep the rest of my parts oiled as well. Short of going into debt, if there is a procedure that takes years off a person, I say go for it, and have fun flaunting it while you still got it.

Saturday, August 23, 2008, 11:51 PM

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yoga makes you look younger.....do tell.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 10:03 AM

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There is a difference between you spending 10k on upgrades to your appearance vs. your hubby spending 20k on a bike. Your hubby will have an asset he can sell if finances become tough. You however will have no such asset, unless you plan to become an escort.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 10:53 AM

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Yes it is vain. It is a self centered motivation of not being good enough as you actually are. You have bought the advertisements that "looking" younger is better. If you believe this you will never have any peace of mind, as we all get old and die...enjoy the journey. You are resisting what actually is the real you. You might achieve the worlds approval, but with seeking it you will never find your own approval.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 1:46 PM

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I would set a limit on what you want to spend.. decide which you want most and get whatever stays within your budget. if the lumineers are number one then it would mean not getting ALL of the other ones.. I think budgeting yourself is really important because it's easy to get carried away... that way you get what you want and aren't as in debt as you could be.

so yeah, i'm totally for it. I'm 19 and I plan on having my boobs done once I'm done having kids in the future. so go for it- just be smart about it.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 2:13 PM

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OP - what are yuor thoughts, comments on what has been posted so far?

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 6:40 PM

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Yes, I think you are vain. (Hey, you asked.)

And you would be foolish to put anything on a credit card that you can't pay off at the end of a month.

But is this question really, "What would you do with 10k?" Let's assume that I have this money in the bank, the car's all paid off, the badly-needed bathroom remodel is done, the kids are through college, and my "emergency fund" equal to 3 months' salary is put aside and earning interest for a rainy day.

I would give it to charity to help people in need. Okay, I really would, but that's trite. Against the rules of this question? I have to spend it on myself? Well.... I would buy something I loved that I could hand down to the next generation as well, like gold jewelry or a piece of art such as a painting, handmade carpet, or scupture. That is truly having your cake and eating it too!

Hey, I started losing with the goal of looking amazing at 40, and I succeeded, so you can, too! I wholeheartedly support THAT goal. You will be healthy, you will feel fabulous, and you will look like a million bucks without any surgery. And if your husband doesn't think so, that's HIS problem.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 6:44 PM

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Do you really need to make your HANDS look younger?!?

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 8:30 PM

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I agree, OP, get it all done! My POV may be different because I live in NYC, and making sure you look good is as basic as brushing your teeth. New Yorkers tend NOT to go anywhere, not even the front stoop, in jammies and a horrendous scrunchie.
I disagree about you improving your appearance being for other people. The bottom line is that feeling good is mostly about looking good, and that means being and looking fit. Yoga can be a part of the plan but it doesn't address loose skin or age spots on someone's hands. Go for it, and don't worry about feeling vain. The fact you're asking means you're not. :)

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 10:05 PM

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I agree with the majority here - go for it when you can afford to do it without financing it.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 10:13 PM

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OP here. First let me say that I really appreciate all the comments. I knew I would get both ends of it.

This is for 6:44 who unintentionally, I'm sure, tried to make it sound as though I were ungenerous for not donating my hard earned money to the poor. It's easy to "fantasize" about giving money to the poor, but let me say that you don't have to be rich or have extra money to do that, so you just knock yourself out doing it, and feel good about it.

So let me fill you guys in on a little, so that you might better be able to give your opinion, which I did ask for. First, I never had children of my own as I chose to help raise my three stepsons instead. Also, I have been paying for my mother's home for the last 12 years, and have one year left before it is paid off. I give to the church generously every month. I cheered my husband on when he wanted to get his motorcycle because I wanted to see him happy, and I knew he was going through his own mid-life crisis. My husband and I contribute about 10% of our incomes to our 401K, Roth, and mutual fund. We owe $1200 on one credit card and pay 90 a month (interest free) on our tempurpedic mattress. We have three years left on our house. So to sum it up, I have been very responsible with our money, which is why this is a struggle for me, but part of me wonders when is it going to be my turn, and why should I keep feeling guilty for wanting something for myself.

So there you have it. Do you guys still feel the same? Oh, and 8:30, no I don't really need to get my hands done. I just want to.

Sunday, August 24, 2008, 11:48 PM

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I don't think it's vain, I think it could be considered a "Reward" of sorts for all of your hard work or motivation to continue your healthy lifestyle. Take it from someone who's been there and knows! I've lost well over 100 pounds many years ago and today I continue to take great care of myself both with my eating habits as well as extensive workouts. However, I have excessive skin. I didn't do any fad diets and lost my weight slowly but lets face it, 100lbs is a lot and no matter what you do there will be skin. I have it not only on my stomach but on my arms and inner thighs. I look "hot" at 39 with my clothes ON! However, some days I think why bother, I do all of this and this is truly the best I'll ever look. I kept thinking if I did weights it would tone it all up, well it gave me muscle but there is still the skin, there is nothing I can do about that and I truly can't afford the surgery. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat!! I say if you can afford it, go for it!!

Monday, August 25, 2008, 8:46 AM

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Op - it sounds like you have followed a financially responsible path in life and b/c of that it also sounds like you'll be able to pay cash for much of you want in a few years. Or who knows, maybe there's room in your budget or changes you can make right now to speed up the savings. In any case, your turn is coming up very soon and there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty for wanting anything for yourself. And, fortunately, very few things in life are now or never. Continue with the financial responsibility, save your money and go to town when you can pay for it! You never know what life will throw you and you don't want financed breasts standing between you and financial security.

*Americans are in about as good financial shape as they are physical shape and some of that has to do with impulsive - I deserve it right now - behavior.

Congrats on your weight loss journey, so far! No matter what - you'll be fabulous at 40!

Monday, August 25, 2008, 9:51 AM

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Go for it!! You deserve it and it is not vain to want to feel more confident! Oh and btw I got my boobs done..best decision I have ever made...they are fantastic! Congrats dear!

Monday, August 25, 2008, 2:17 PM

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If you have to put it on credit, you should consider doing one of the improvements, charging it, paying it off fully, and then doign the next, and so on. You may find that you are happy with fewer improvements than you think you need right now. Also, you'll be motivated to pay down the debt as fast as possible to be able to get to the next item on the list! So, the debt will likely all be repayed far faster than if you do it all at once and have this huge chunk of debt waiting for you.

Plus, then you get to reward yourself frequently over a few years, instead of getting it all at once, and then a few months later thinking "okay, what now?"

Monday, August 25, 2008, 2:23 PM

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I've been doing some improvements on my house the last couple of years and putting that all on a home equity loan. Granted these things are investments that I will see a return on....hopefully.
Next year I was planning on having maybe a facelift done over the summer. About $4,000. I haven't decided yet if I'm actually going to do it but that would be going on the loan also. Much lower rates than a credit card. And the return, if it's done well, will be there when I look in the mirror.

I think everyone here has the right idea with not going into crazy debt with something like this. Let us know what you decide.

-buzzard

Monday, August 25, 2008, 2:43 PM

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Have you thought about the negative? Are you ready for some of the complications that may occur due to these procedures?

Monday, August 25, 2008, 4:26 PM

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If you have the 'extra' money to do it, DO IT!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!

Monday, August 25, 2008, 5:43 PM

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4:26
What are some of the complications? I've got a friend that I hopes loses enough to warrant having a body lift. Would those complications be the same?

-buzzard

Monday, August 25, 2008, 6:03 PM

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If you're going to get a facelift in a year, then why not save that $4,000 over the course of a year? Why plan to take a loan for something a year out?

Monday, August 25, 2008, 8:36 PM

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OP here

I like the idea of doing one thing, paying it off, then going for the next one. It doesn't sound so burdensome, plus it makes it seems as I'm rewarding myself more than once. Thank you guys for all of your opinions.

Monday, August 25, 2008, 8:46 PM

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I agree with not going into debt for this. I also agree with those who have come down on the side of this being vanity.

Do it if you want to, but be prepared for the fact that your multi-thousand-dollar investment will be temporary. All this work will fail as you continue to age. At some point, you will look in the mirror and again not like what you see, because you aren't comfortable with the natural process of aging. At that point, you have the choice of spending more money (and eventually having that "pre-embalmed" look if you continue having work done), or finally coming to terms with aging.

I know. It's hard in a culture obsessed with youth and beauty.

Personally, while I recognize immature beauty when I see it, I find mature beauty to be of a deeper and more profound kind. I look forward to it.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 12:46 AM

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What woman does't want to be considered hot stuff at 40? Not me. I'm 42. My husband thinks I'm beautiful, I'm happy with myself, and I'd rather be complimented on my compassion, my intelligence, my competence at my profession, almost anything besides being "hot stuff." My husband compliments my looks all the time, but the best compliment from him recently was for my grit and determination. Man, that felt great!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 12:51 AM

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Beautifully said 12:46. Your beauty is seen in your meaning. Thank you for posting it.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 8:35 AM

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Things you do for yourself

This might be a little OT.

Reading through all the responses, I see a number of posters saying variations on, "Do something for yourself for a change!" I feel as if I'm missing something here -- if a person is putting away money for retirement, building equity in a home, losing weight and gaining health, aren't those ALL things that he or she is doing for himself or herself? I'm sure not putting away my 401K money for someone _else's_ retirement.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 8:47 AM

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OP here

The last few comments, while taken for their true meaning, make me feel as though I'm trying to reach Pamela Anderson status on a poverty level income. Come on. Let's really be honest. How many of us, just here on peertrainer, haven't spent thousands of dollars already, on the latest diet fad, unused equipment, unused meal plans, and unused club memberships, all for the sole reason of trying to look better? Okay, sure, a few of you can honestly say it is for your health, but most of us wouldn't lie anonymously about wanting to lose weight for the sole reason of wanting to look our best. And at what cost already?

And as for not accepting fading beauty. I accept that I will never look 20 again, and that when I'm 50, I will never look 30, but I won't feel bad if people guess my age as being 10 years younger. How many of us have lost and then regained the same 30 lbs over and over again, but that doesn't stop us from trying or wanting to lose it.

And as for wanting to be considered hot stuff? I have no reservations or questions about whether I am considered intelligent, successful or compassionate. The people close to me let me know I am all of the above. What I want to know is when it became a sin for women to want it all? Most won't ever have it, but that doesn't make us bad people for trying to achieve it. It just means we have an extra dose of grit and determination ;).

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:07 AM

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Well put OP.

I'd like to add to this discussion and I'm hoping there is no tone of 'bullyness' or smugness or anything like that. I just think this is a great discussion and would like for it to continue because you all seem to have some wonderful points. My next point would be....

I see a lot of women spending money on purses, the latest clothes, makeup, etc, etc. Do these last items have a different goal other than enhancing how a woman looks? Are those items just as Vain as a facelift since all either purchases do is enhance (hopefully:-)) how a woman looks. Yes, clothes, and bags to serve a purpose but why not just purchase the bare minimum to serve its function instead of buying things that we feel comfortable and confident in. Where does the makeup fit in?
Is this money wasted as well since these purchases offer no return value.
I agree that there might be complications involved in a facelift (I don't know exactly what they are yet) but that does not change the fact that a facelilft, like makeup, clothes, etc, still changes how we look and how we feel about ourselves.

-buzzard



Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:49 AM

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Vain? I think a large motivator for most of us here is to look better, so I can't really fault you for that. What really surprises me is that you are only 39, and you are talking about drastic action to clear up a few wrinkles and veins. I can't imagine anyone but you really noticing them.

One of the most beautiful women I know is my aunt-- she's in her 60s, has had 3 children, and taken no drastic beauty measures like the ones you are contemplating. Instead, she is always well-dressed and perfectly groomed, and she lives life with gusto. Sure she's got some wrinkles, but I don't even notice because SHE grabs your attention, not her face. I'm in my 20s, and I want to be her when I grow up.

It's your money, so I really have no say in it, but have you looked at the alternatives? For the price of all that work, you could get a fabulous haircut, hit the spa for all sorts of facials and wraps, get a hot new outfit, and have money left over to do more! Especially since things like the botox around the eyes will wear off anyway.

Or even pick one of those things to do at a time, and appreciate every one-- if you do it all at once, the novelty will wear off at the same time. Why not stretch it out?

The one I'd really say no to is veneers, especially if you have healthy teeth. To put in the veneers, they whittle down your actual teeth to glue on the veneers. It's really quite nasty. And if you don't pick out the perfect set, you end up looking like you've got a mouth full of chiclets.

To summarize: You've lost tons of weight (congrats), so I bet you're already feeling hotter. I say spend your money on treating yourself like a princess, not a patient. It costs less and you can do it as often as you want.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:59 AM

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How many of us, just here on peertrainer, haven't spent thousands of dollars already, on the latest diet fad, unused equipment, unused meal plans, and unused club memberships, all for the sole reason of trying to look better?

My guess is that PT serves a broader demographic than the middle-aged upper middle class, and that a LOT of people have not spent thousands of dollars. I'm in groups with students working their way through school, starting first jobs, etc., who are younger and poorer. Also, there have been a number of threads on the least expensive ways to eat & feed a family, with a lot of participation. So I think the OP shouldn't be too surprised if some of the responses reflect different financial perspectives.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 11:06 AM

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"spend your money on treating yourself like a princess, not a patient."

I love this sentiment! very well said!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 11:12 AM

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I haven't read through the whole thread...it is quite long and this may have been said already. It's about putting it all on a credit card.

My recommendation is to go through your list and pay as you go, one step at a time. By the time you pay it all off 10 grand on a credit card is going to end up costing a whole lot more AND you the effects of all the work may have changed enough that you will resent all the money spending to pay it off.

I am a dentist. In all honesty, when I look at someone's smile (not in a clinical setting), my first thought about veneers is that person paid a whole lot for that work. I don't see them as a vast improvement on someone's appearance. Healthy teeth and gums are a lot more attractive. If you are having teeth issues, check with a periodontist because frequently it is a gum issue that is the real problem. Go for health first and don't let someone sell you a bill of goods.

If you have a tooth problem that involves your enamel, see a board certified posthodontist for any kind of work on your front teeth. You will spend a fortune but if there is a real problem, you want a long term solution, not a quick fix.

Congratulations on your weight loss. Wishing you a happy and heathy 40th.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 4:24 PM

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