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My husband ignores and avoids me

I started dating my husband a month after my 20th birthday. I'm 35 and we're still together. After the birth of my first daughter, who is now 3.5 and ESPECIALLY during the pregnancy of my second daughter who is now 2, he has totally ignored me. We used to go everywhere together. Now he leaves me at home and continues with his life as if he doesn't have children or a family. He's not going to bars. But he is staying late at work to surf the net, chat online, whatever, just so when he does get home we're all in bed. He plays sports all of the time: every Friday night, every Sunday morning. When he's not playing, he's watching. He leaves in the morning and doesn't come home until between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. After both babies I needed to lose about 10 -15 pounds. But I'm telling you, this is really depressing, distressing - you name it - and now I'm up to needing to lose about 20 pounds and it's not getting better. Now tomorrow is Halloween. It's going to be beautiful here. And he won't give up volleyball (this is friendly match with old people) to go trick or treating with his children. Last year he said he forgot and left to go do something else. The girls showed up alll dressed up and excited to show daddy and of course... no daddy. It happens all of the time. I do EVERYTHING alone. What the hell is going on? Of course I've tried talking to him. What should I do?

Thu. Oct 30, 7:13pm

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Have you ever asked him to go into marriage therapy together?

Sounds like he still hasn't accepted the fact that he's a father, and that could be tied up with some sort of resentment towards you.

I hope you at least seek some counseling for yourself if he doesn't agree to it. It could help you get some perspective that doesn't involve blaming yourself when you shouldn't be.

Thursday, October 30, 2008, 7:29 PM

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Is it possible that he's going through some sort of mid-life crisis? Seems like you guys got married young so maybe he's having some sort of identity crisis? I know you said you tried to talk to him about it but you didn't mention what happens when you try to talk to him about it. Is he dismissive? Shut down? Argumentative? Defensive?

Maybe you guys can go to counseling? Or maybe he would be open to a weekly date night where you guys could reconnect and possibly talk openly with each other without the kids?

Thursday, October 30, 2008, 7:35 PM

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I'm not sure what to say I do not feel I am one to offer some advice that may steer you in the wrong direction because my heart broke reading your story and I am angry and sad for you,so I will just remember you in my prayers tonight and hope that someone here has good sound advice. Hang in there, your girls are so lucky to have you!

Thursday, October 30, 2008, 8:00 PM

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Don't worry...this is very typical of men. Very common are his actions. Just smack him in the head once in awhile and you'll be good to go!

Seriously. ;)

Thursday, October 30, 2008, 8:00 PM

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I'm sorry. That sucks.

This is not typical of men. He is seriously and completely checked out. If he wont' go with you, I would seek professional help on your own. It could be the best thing you do for yourself right now.

In the meantime, do you have anyone you can call upon to babysit so you can get out and exercise, go for a walk, anything that's just for you? What would happen if you just told your husband that at 6pm (or whenever he is for sure off work) you need him home b/c you're going to go workout?

Thursday, October 30, 2008, 9:36 PM

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