Step Off The Broken Glass

The Role of Forgiveness in Weight Loss

By Joshua Wayne, MA and Jackie Wicks

We recently did a short piece about forgiveness in our coaching program and wanted to also share some thoughts with you all on this topic.  The reason for this is that forgiving others for their bad behavior can be an important and powerful step in your weight loss efforts.  (In this article, we are going to discuss the importance of forgiving others.  In our next article, we will discuss the role and importance of forgiving yourself for past shortcomings.) 

Forgiveness is so important because holding onto old anger and judgments towards others eats up tremendous emotional energy in your life that you can direct into more powerful things.  It keeps you stuck in the past rather than oriented towards creating a positive future.  Moving positively towards your future is necessary for growth and for achieving your goals in life- weight loss and otherwise. 

You've heard this before, but it bears repeating:  when you don't forgive, you're only hurting yourself. 

How is this so? 

Just ask yourself this question: who is the one still carrying the resentment and anger?  While you may be 100% justified in your anger towards those who have wronged you in the past, it is only you who can decide what to do with it now.  In some respects the choice is simple (not to be confused with easy, which we totally understand it may not be): either you continue to carry your anger or you find a way to let it go.  If you choose to continue carrying it, then understand that you are the one who is most harmed by it. 

Imagine somebody forced you at gunpoint to walk along a path of broken glass that was 5 feet wide and 100 miles long.  It would indeed be a cruel thing.  Your feet would get bloodied and hurt. 

But let’s say that after about 2 miles of walking on that path, the perpetrator left.  Would you keep walking the rest of the 98 miles on the glass, or would you simply step off that path of glass?  The answer is obvious, and in many ways this analogy is the same as the anger/resentment you may be carrying.  Regardless of the cruelty or ignorance of the person who caused the emotional wound, it is 100% your responsibility to decide what to do with it now.  You can either keep walking along the path of broken glass and keep the wounds alive, or you can step off the path and let the wounds begin to heal.

This great quote came from Anne Naylor's article about forgiveness:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anne-naylor/how-to-forgive---and-be-h_b_173789.html

"When you forgive it takes you from the place of the victim to that of a victor." -- Unknown

So how do you do it? 


First understand that it truly is an emotional process, not an intellectual exercise.  You can’t just will yourself to let go and forgive. 

Second, you have to be fully willing to truly forgive the other person- even if it hurts and is scary.  The genuine willingness to move from a place of hurt and anger to forgiveness must be there.  Understand that as you do that, your feelings of anger and hurt are likely to come up.  That’s normal- in fact, it’s part of the process.  Accept it.  You can’t just pretend to not feel angry or hurt.  Also understand that this means you must be willing to give up any “hidden benefits” you have gotten from not forgiving.  Many times people are reticent to forgive because they like the sense of justice or righteousness they get from holding onto their anger.  Even though this may feel good at times, it still only harms you in the long run.  It still eats up emotional space in your heart and mind.

Third, begin forgiving, even if you don’t know how.  Close your eyes and take some deep breaths.  Breathing deep allows you to process your emotions more effectively.  It doesn’t necessarily make them go away, but they may lose some of their potency.  You will feel more in control.

Start to generate compassion for the other person.  If you feel resistance to doing so, then feel the resistance but don’t let that hold you back.  Look at the ignorance or suffering they must have endured in order to behave the way they did.  See their own humanness and vulnerability.  See the struggle they have gone through in their lives and aim to have compassion for them.  Shift your attention away from harboring anger, and start to generate love and understanding towards the other person.  You are not condoning their acts, you are setting yourself free. 

It’s okay if your emotions are very strong; it’s okay if you want to cry.  These are often parts of the forgiveness and letting go process.  You are letting go of the extra weight (pun intended) that has been holding you back and bringing you down. 

Take a look at this video about a father's forgiveness about a son's killer.  It is an extremely powerful embodiment of these ideas. 



When you forgive, you truly transition from feeling sorry for yourself to a place of strength and resolve. Forgiveness will help you create the peace and happiness you deserve, and it might also be the key to letting go of all the excess weight you’re carrying- both emotional and physical. 

Joshua Wayne is a Personal Development Coach and Jackie Wicks is the Co-Founder of PEERtrainer. Together they run the PEERtrainer Coaching Program and guide the development of a broad array of tools to help people transform their lives on the site.