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Roberta's Reflections: Musings of a Psychotherapist

A PEERtrainer Series on The Psychology of Weight Loss and Health

How I Like To Be a Friend

By Roberta Temes, PhD

My friend Barbara has complained about my friendship style ever since we met, decades ago, in the 4th grade at PS 28 in the Bronx. She complains because I'm not so good at getting together to go to the movies or to hang out. I'm not that good at chatting on the phone, either.

When life is smoothly flowing, when theres no crisis and no calamity, I prefer to remain by myself. I like to read, to stay home, to putter around. In my younger days I preferred playing with my pre-school children to playing with my peers. And now, after a days work, going out with girlfriends seems unnecessary.

But what about Barbara? And my other friends, too? They like attention. They crave companionship. They want to chat, to shop, to actually see me. I offer an argument. I tell them, I am here for you. You can count on me when you need me.

And I am a good friend whenever a good friend is needed. I went to the oncologist with Naomi and duly took notes. I invited Ellen for Thanksgiving when no one else did. I showed up at Lauras moms nursing home and at Rita's dads funeral. You can count on me when you need support. I'll pick you up when youre stuck on I-95, and I'll pick you up after your mammography.

I'll calm you down when your daughter decides nose rings are attractive and when your brother decides hes in love with the town slut. I will talk to you all night if necessary. But, if not necessary, please call someone else. Don't depend upon me for daily conversation. Call me when your life has a snag. When things are not going well for you I will prove my friendship. PEERtrainer has my kind of friendship style. You need support--here I am. I am your foul-weather friend.

Roberta Temes Article Archive:

    Click Here To Read How Roberta Can Help You Eliminate the Psychological Barriers Keeping You from Following Your Diet. Her program comes with an iron-clad 1 YEAR no questions asked money back guarantee and it's easy to order. If you like Roberta's writing style, you'll probably like her approach to helping you lose weight!

    About the Author

    Roberta Temes, (pronounced Temmis), Ph.D. is Clinical Assistant Professor, Department of Psychiatry, at Downstate Medical School, New York City. She had a private practice in New York City in psychotherapy, coaching, and medical hypnosis for 30 years, and has now relocated that practice to Westfield, NJ.

    Temes is the author of many self-help books and psychology books, as well as the first medical school textbook about hypnosis. She is also the author of the best-selling book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Hypnosis. Her latest book is called, The Tapping Cure.

    Dr. Temes lectures around the country at corporate meetings, at medical conferences, and at health spas, too. She did a stint as a columnist for a country newspaper where she wrote about acquiring a country house and the trauma of adjusting to fresh air, quiet, and nature. For twenty years Temes wrote a monthly column for True Story magazine. Dr. Roberta, as her clients call her, is now in practice in NJ where she lives with her husband. Her 3 children are grown, with families of their own.

    "The research is mounting: hypnosis can help you lose weight and keep it off longer . . . This set Enjoying Weight Loss has a lot to offer: a warm, fun hypnotist offering sound dietary advice and a variety of trances for a range of issues, from choosing a food plan to avoiding temptation."

    -Jean Fain, Harvard Medical School

    August 2006 Thread Archive.

Topic: Replies: Last Post:
Pineapple question! 3 Thu. Aug 31, 11:59pm
Yay, Me! 9 Thu. Aug 31, 11:55pm
I love peer trainer ! 4 Thu. Aug 31, 11:46pm
skinny jeans 5 Thu. Aug 31, 11:11pm
Confused - Scale Weight Fluctuations - Water Weight? 14 Thu. Aug 31, 10:16pm
Not a weight loss question but I value your opinions.... 6 Thu. Aug 31, 9:46pm
Is it wrong to weight yourself after a workout? 11 Thu. Aug 31, 6:16pm
photo editing in magazines 15 Thu. Aug 31, 2:09pm
Would you allow your 11 year old to shave her legs? 49 Thu. Aug 31, 12:51pm
Recruiting new members... 0 Thu. Aug 31, 4:08am
You all are ruining my appetite which may be a good thing 8 Thu. Aug 31, 12:37am
awesome easy veggies 12 Thu. Aug 31, 12:05am
Extremely silly way to avoid temptation; cellulite is sexy! 15 Wed. Aug 30, 11:17pm
Calorie Wiki Contest - question for PT 5 Wed. Aug 30, 4:54pm
OT: How do you avoid getting depressed by all the bad news in the world (Terrorism)? 44 Wed. Aug 30, 4:06pm
New Years Challenge 0 Wed. Aug 30, 2:31pm
Should I be counting a portion of sugar as fat? 2 Wed. Aug 30, 1:28pm
Yogurt 1 Wed. Aug 30, 1:25pm
diet + exercise?? 22 Wed. Aug 30, 1:05pm
(Gross) Question About Health (Not Weight Loss) 14 Wed. Aug 30, 11:58am
completely off base- but anyone here in Pharmaceutical Sales? 3 Wed. Aug 30, 11:48am
Motivation to do your cardio or your workout! 7 Wed. Aug 30, 9:58am
name this tune... 3 Wed. Aug 30, 9:29am
Moms with kids 2 Wed. Aug 30, 9:02am
Are humans meant to digest dairy? 17 Wed. Aug 30, 6:44am
sick of feeling sick 5 Wed. Aug 30, 12:59am
Possibly gross for some! 18 Wed. Aug 30, 12:14am
"I am my own worst enemy" 3 Tue. Aug 29, 11:10pm
Nooooooo!!!!! 4 Tue. Aug 29, 10:49pm
Sugar Free foods? 6 Tue. Aug 29, 9:55pm
Group of three looking for number four! 0 Tue. Aug 29, 9:40pm
Do you have a secret? 7 Tue. Aug 29, 4:47pm
WTF!? Stupid foods you love to hate 23 Tue. Aug 29, 4:41pm
I'm new 5 Tue. Aug 29, 4:40pm
I'm sick of being fat 17 Tue. Aug 29, 4:24pm
Intuitive Eating 11 Tue. Aug 29, 3:14pm
Yogurt Burst Cheerios 0 Tue. Aug 29, 3:06pm
This is for the MEN on PeerTrainer 7 Tue. Aug 29, 12:45pm
way off-topic. bad food experiences... 11 Tue. Aug 29, 10:18am
do you shave your legs? 23 Tue. Aug 29, 2:03am
Crossing the starting line w/10,000 runners 11 Mon. Aug 28, 11:34pm
Pregnancy and Obesity 6 Mon. Aug 28, 7:06pm
Guilty Pleasures Anonymous: Potentially Off-Topic 7 Mon. Aug 28, 6:52pm
Booo!!! 12 Mon. Aug 28, 6:44pm
I want a snickers for breakfast. Stop me now. 12 Mon. Aug 28, 2:34pm
Pretzels 4 Mon. Aug 28, 2:16pm
anyone know the points for turkey pastrami? 2 Mon. Aug 28, 12:32pm
Football and eating 4 Mon. Aug 28, 11:57am
Orlando/Winter Park Team 1 Mon. Aug 28, 11:28am
frustrated 7 Mon. Aug 28, 10:34am
is this okay? 8 Mon. Aug 28, 10:27am
Letterboxing 6 Mon. Aug 28, 9:52am
New Weight-Watchers Close to Goal Group 1 Mon. Aug 28, 9:31am
Want do you really want to say, but can't? 31 Mon. Aug 28, 9:27am
who is powerfrau? I have to have that sachetorte 1 Sun. Aug 27, 10:49pm
Quince recipes! 3 Sun. Aug 27, 3:39pm
Period question - sleep-related 15 Sun. Aug 27, 12:52am
ladies- whats 1 thing that catches ur attn? 55 Sun. Aug 27, 12:32am
weightloss webpage 0 Sat. Aug 26, 11:51pm
Raleigh/Durham Team? 1 Sat. Aug 26, 5:36pm
Ladies who go to the Ladies Workout Express 2 Sat. Aug 26, 1:53pm
Is doing it for someone else really THAT bad? 11 Sat. Aug 26, 9:33am
Smokers? 9 Sat. Aug 26, 9:29am
Who wants a challenge with their weight loss? 0 Sat. Aug 26, 7:24am
Bowel Movements and Belt Holes (a little graphic) 8 Fri. Aug 25, 7:31pm
What percentage of your friends and relatives are nuts.... 8 Fri. Aug 25, 4:48pm
working out more = eating more, OK? 7 Fri. Aug 25, 3:52pm
So....should members in public groups be removed from the system in less than 7 days? 20 Fri. Aug 25, 11:59am
Vacation is Over 2 Fri. Aug 25, 3:57am
no one is too fat to exercise... 15 Thu. Aug 24, 9:42pm
Philly Weight Loss 0 Thu. Aug 24, 5:36pm
When to stop? 2 Thu. Aug 24, 11:57am
I don't get why people use the word "fat" or "can'tlose" for their member names 1 Thu. Aug 24, 11:55am
For the Veg-Challenged 0 Thu. Aug 24, 11:12am
HOuston and Surrounding areas 2 Thu. Aug 24, 9:07am
lousy excuses 21 Thu. Aug 24, 6:59am
favorite chili ingredients? (hot but NOT offensive :-) ) 14 Thu. Aug 24, 5:11am
chiropractors...helpful? 11 Thu. Aug 24, 1:40am
How do you use whey protein? 5 Thu. Aug 24, 1:12am
don't you just love... 30 Wed. Aug 23, 10:20pm
OT: would you ever vote for Rudy Giuliani as president? 18 Wed. Aug 23, 7:23pm
Organic Multi Vitamin 0 Wed. Aug 23, 6:17pm
To eat all food as if it's tiramisu... 2 Wed. Aug 23, 6:09pm
Anyone interested in joining this group? 0 Wed. Aug 23, 11:53am
I need serious help- Please read!!! 7 Wed. Aug 23, 10:37am
mini revelation 3 Wed. Aug 23, 3:01am
ISO pmoseman 2 Tue. Aug 22, 10:26pm
Salt alternative? 11 Tue. Aug 22, 9:41pm
I want a dog but my husband is allergic 18 Tue. Aug 22, 4:23pm
Soy Milk 11 Tue. Aug 22, 3:40pm
Cutting back on sugar? 3 Tue. Aug 22, 2:18pm
Need new members 0 Tue. Aug 22, 1:58pm
Exercises for a sore shoulder? 1 Tue. Aug 22, 7:44am
Help? My bf found a weird lump on his testicle 17 Mon. Aug 21, 6:01pm
Anniversary!!! :D 5 Mon. Aug 21, 4:44pm
Need advice for this weekend~~ 17 Mon. Aug 21, 4:28pm
my date is too aggressive 19 Mon. Aug 21, 3:38pm
Thick brows are in. 6 Mon. Aug 21, 12:45pm
technologically impaired 1 Sun. Aug 20, 11:25am
How repeatable is your weight measurement? Scale problems. 17 Sat. Aug 19, 4:48pm
Height - Weight - Body Fat - Body Water 1 Fri. Aug 18, 9:38pm
Rant... 36 Fri. Aug 18, 9:32pm
Low Cal Alcoholic Drinks 8 Fri. Aug 18, 8:36pm
Miller Lite? 2 Fri. Aug 18, 3:50pm
Let's try and total up how much we've all lost. Is this crazy? 30 Fri. Aug 18, 1:49pm
How often should you change your workout routine? 7 Fri. Aug 18, 1:39pm
Calorie Wiki Suggestions 2 Fri. Aug 18, 12:34pm
Ice Cream Recipe anyone? 4 Fri. Aug 18, 11:23am
just search once before posting... 3 Fri. Aug 18, 11:21am
Birth control weight gain 6 Fri. Aug 18, 10:55am
Nominate your favorite, creative wiki entry 42 Fri. Aug 18, 9:40am
Learning to maintain while losing. 8 Fri. Aug 18, 9:32am
Workout Rut? 4 Thu. Aug 17, 11:55pm
Bald men 27 Thu. Aug 17, 11:45pm
headache help 4 Thu. Aug 17, 10:39pm
OT: heard of snakes on a plane? This is a funny parody 1 Thu. Aug 17, 10:38pm
good work-out shoes?? 4 Thu. Aug 17, 10:32pm
alternatives to doing lunges 1 Thu. Aug 17, 10:15pm
The winner of the IPOD is.... 4 Thu. Aug 17, 9:45pm
Actual Calories or Net Calories 7 Thu. Aug 17, 7:14pm
What does it mean when your stomach grumbles? 3 Thu. Aug 17, 5:00pm
Helpful Running Tip!!!! 1 Thu. Aug 17, 4:05pm
Want to get fit? 0 Thu. Aug 17, 3:48pm
headache remedies? 12 Thu. Aug 17, 1:19pm 3 Thu. Aug 17, 12:45pm
how many calories burned in a mile? 11 Thu. Aug 17, 12:41pm
Unhealthy obsessing with weight/body image. Help? 3 Thu. Aug 17, 12:29pm
Only one more week left for the calorie wiki contest 2 Thu. Aug 17, 12:10pm
The Contest 25 Thu. Aug 17, 12:06pm
footwear for sweaty feet 3 Thu. Aug 17, 11:48am
lets talk about sex ( some may be offended) 18 Thu. Aug 17, 11:35am
Fight on the wiki thread. 0 Thu. Aug 17, 11:20am
Philly Team 3 Thu. Aug 17, 11:10am
NYC Team 1 Thu. Aug 17, 9:52am
What would you do if fear wasn't holding you back? 31 Wed. Aug 16, 11:59pm
If they don't log, how long before PT kicks them out? 10 Wed. Aug 16, 11:21pm
Pressure to be thin in New York? 13 Wed. Aug 16, 10:32pm
The voting booth is closing for the most creative caloriewiki entry. 2 Wed. Aug 16, 9:23pm
Anyone up for a PEERtrainer dinner? 29 Wed. Aug 16, 8:56pm
adding a comment to a TEAM 1 Wed. Aug 16, 5:29pm
Peertrainer Gear..... 21 Wed. Aug 16, 4:31pm
tofu question 2 Wed. Aug 16, 3:23pm
Counting Calories 5 Wed. Aug 16, 1:39pm
Has anyone used Curves Phase III to break a plateau? 0 Wed. Aug 16, 11:05am
Going camping - strategies? 12 Wed. Aug 16, 10:11am
Healthy Camping Food 9 Wed. Aug 16, 10:11am
it's late. i'm hungry. 2 Wed. Aug 16, 9:03am
Boston area PEERtrainer dinner 10 Wed. Aug 16, 8:57am
Did the "Biggest Loser" show get cancelled? 20 Tue. Aug 15, 11:22pm
Dizzy after drinking water 3 Tue. Aug 15, 9:48pm
coffee, the miracle drink! 2 Tue. Aug 15, 9:44pm
Motivation 0 Tue. Aug 15, 6:23pm
Just 5 0 Tue. Aug 15, 3:55pm
Best of PT Wiki? 1 Tue. Aug 15, 3:25pm
Deodorant 11 Tue. Aug 15, 2:08pm
More comfortable in other contries..........with less clothes 7 Tue. Aug 15, 10:44am
The Ultimate Compliment 19 Tue. Aug 15, 10:33am
More 20 somethings needed! (Active Poster! Come on!) 6 Tue. Aug 15, 9:56am
Sharing the talking to I gave myself, and I hope it sticks.... 3 Tue. Aug 15, 9:45am
Last day for CALORIEwiki entries! get them in.... 0 Tue. Aug 15, 9:38am
Looking for Active PT'er using WW 2 Tue. Aug 15, 7:25am
Hello anyone out there from the Atlanta Area? 5 Mon. Aug 14, 9:45pm
Is there anyone else out there? 0 Mon. Aug 14, 7:42pm
Dallas Fort Worth 0 Mon. Aug 14, 3:54pm
CALLING ALL STITCHERS! 0 Mon. Aug 14, 3:40pm
chitown Peertrainer Dinner? 4 Mon. Aug 14, 3:12pm
Does anyone skip dinner? 17 Mon. Aug 14, 2:56pm
How many of you actively weigh in on Monday? 7 Mon. Aug 14, 2:52pm
global warming continued 1 Mon. Aug 14, 1:45pm
NY Times article 14 Mon. Aug 14, 1:16pm
Healthy4Life group 0 Mon. Aug 14, 1:03pm
The last 10 pounds... 6 Mon. Aug 14, 10:58am
Vegetarian-to-be 7 Mon. Aug 14, 10:57am
Colorado I love your peaches!! 4 Mon. Aug 14, 10:43am
The new SPOTLIGHT 2 Mon. Aug 14, 10:00am
Which label is lying? 2 Mon. Aug 14, 9:37am
Question for those of you who have already lost a lot... 7 Sun. Aug 13, 4:26am
4 LB Weight gain in 1 day after 6 miles on my Treadmill yesterday? 13 Sun. Aug 13, 4:22am
Can I print out all of my logs? 5 Sat. Aug 12, 10:13pm
How many calories do you add for exercise? 14 Sat. Aug 12, 6:47pm
progress pictures 10 Sat. Aug 12, 1:22am
vacation status? 1 Fri. Aug 11, 9:54pm
How many calories in eggs? 1 Fri. Aug 11, 4:49pm
Shaving or Waxing 14 Fri. Aug 11, 4:23pm
ATTN: Calorie Counters! 20 Fri. Aug 11, 4:03pm
What do you eat for breakfast? 33 Fri. Aug 11, 3:41pm
vegetarian food 8 Fri. Aug 11, 3:10pm
Join in! 12 Fri. Aug 11, 1:58pm
Soda? 15 Fri. Aug 11, 1:30pm
Big on Top 29 Fri. Aug 11, 1:25pm
Rough Guide to Calculating Points? 1 Fri. Aug 11, 10:32am
Completely off top-domestic partner benefits 19 Fri. Aug 11, 9:17am
Anyone have experience with TOPS 12 Fri. Aug 11, 5:32am
Yogart- Low fat or Light? 8 Thu. Aug 10, 3:50pm
How do I remove a photo from my profile? 5 Thu. Aug 10, 2:37pm
Gu Energy Gels 10 Wed. Aug 9, 10:22pm
what supplements do you use in daily routine? 2 Wed. Aug 9, 9:56pm
JOIN US 0 Wed. Aug 9, 7:16pm
Feels so good to confront problems 3 Wed. Aug 9, 6:31pm
interesting "ideal body weight" calculator 9 Wed. Aug 9, 10:19am
What happens if you leave a team when you're the only one? 6 Wed. Aug 9, 5:14am
3-Day Walkers (Think Pink!) - Open for members! 1 Tue. Aug 8, 11:42pm
Plateau Busters? 4 Tue. Aug 8, 6:03pm
Recipe for meals with 5 or less ingredients ??? 25 Tue. Aug 8, 2:55pm
Hey! My skin looks better! Thanks PT! 24 Tue. Aug 8, 2:48pm
Back Exercises?? 5 Tue. Aug 8, 2:06pm
Appetizers for dinner 10 Tue. Aug 8, 12:47pm
Gym Memberships 9 Tue. Aug 8, 10:36am
How much weight gain during PMS? 6 Tue. Aug 8, 10:33am
Gluten-free/ Wheat-free 4 Mon. Aug 7, 3:14pm
I had a great weekend! 7 Mon. Aug 7, 11:16am
Students - How do you do it? 11 Mon. Aug 7, 8:18am
back pain 13 Sun. Aug 6, 9:24pm
tiny steps to progress (just a thought I had....) 3 Sun. Aug 6, 1:11pm
any suggestions for low-sodium lunches? 7 Sun. Aug 6, 3:53am
Gaela, Where are you?? 4 Sun. Aug 6, 12:02am
any suggestions for a good multivitamin? 4 Sat. Aug 5, 1:21pm
Quick fix for 40-50grams of protein 4 Sat. Aug 5, 7:24am
yoga practice 0 Sat. Aug 5, 7:00am
When to stop 17 Sat. Aug 5, 5:59am
live in the twin cities???? 0 Fri. Aug 4, 11:52pm
180's and dropping- Previous group member! 3 Fri. Aug 4, 8:58pm
let hear them ladies... 22 Fri. Aug 4, 7:51pm
Advice on filling up for lunch 6 Fri. Aug 4, 3:56pm
treadmill and knee pain 3 Fri. Aug 4, 1:19pm
poll: do you prefer a guy who's buff or one who could lose a few? 21 Fri. Aug 4, 12:32pm
exersize in the heat 10 Fri. Aug 4, 11:54am
What Emotions are Controlling you? 9 Fri. Aug 4, 10:04am
Seattle "Adventure Boot Camp" 2 Fri. Aug 4, 9:15am
weightloss retreat 6 Fri. Aug 4, 8:17am
How many points am I allowed on Weight Watchers? 4 Fri. Aug 4, 6:19am
Carbs/Fat/Protein 7 Thu. Aug 3, 12:59pm
in a rut 9 Thu. Aug 3, 11:30am
search before adding new thread 7 Thu. Aug 3, 11:11am
This heat is a great excuse to not exercise. 2 Thu. Aug 3, 10:35am
It's Official 8 Thu. Aug 3, 10:34am
Oatmeal! 5 Thu. Aug 3, 9:45am
swimmers' ear 8 Wed. Aug 2, 10:00pm
Newbie Running Advice Needed 9 Wed. Aug 2, 9:13pm
How much do breast implants weigh? 25 Wed. Aug 2, 9:10pm
Calorie burn link 4 Wed. Aug 2, 7:03pm
To work out or not to work out...that is the question... 11 Wed. Aug 2, 6:56pm
Will I still burn calories doing the same exercise every day? 7 Wed. Aug 2, 4:38pm
How many calories in a turkey burger vs. a regular hamburger? 4 Wed. Aug 2, 9:07am
One a day Weight Smart 6 Wed. Aug 2, 8:53am
counting calories is exhausting! 17 Wed. Aug 2, 8:30am
How many calories should I be consuming? 4 Tue. Aug 1, 7:38pm
OT- The keys on my laptop suddenly stopped working. 4 Tue. Aug 1, 5:18pm
Reminder.... 0 Tue. Aug 1, 4:33pm
Anyone in the Lower Bucks area? 0 Tue. Aug 1, 3:32pm
Anyone in my area? 0 Tue. Aug 1, 3:13pm
Partial Hunger Strike??? 3 Tue. Aug 1, 2:48pm
Epiphany 24 Tue. Aug 1, 1:38pm
how do I get in the logs/blogs? 2 Tue. Aug 1, 1:11pm
Flaxseed Oil? 3 Tue. Aug 1, 11:33am
Is Beer really that bad if you count it in your calorie count? 25 Tue. Aug 1, 12:04am

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