Mental health...

So I've struggled on and off with anxiety for about 8 years now. Later, the anxiety would cause depression and I would also end up with Hypochondriac symptoms. About 1 1/2 years ago, I was put on Prozac because of some major depression/hypochondriac stuff that I had going on. They believe this episode started as post-partum depression that went untreated for too long.

We've recently been through a lot. Moved away from our support system and family. Not too far...but about an hour. We were within 15 minutes away before. I also have had other health issues going on and have been off work for 3 months on disability for this. On top of all of this...we filed bankruptcy, which just finally went through yesterday.

In spite of all of this, now that I haven't been working (very high stress job w/long hours) I've been feeling good mentally. Not necessarily driven by any means, but felt good. At times I felt unfocused and scattered...but just thought that was from my being perpetually unorganized.

Close to a month ago, I ran out of my Prozac refills. My old doctor is notorious for refusing refills without a visit and he's 2 hours away. I decided that since I'd been feeling good, and hadn't had any depressive or hypochondriac episodes in forever, that I probably didn't need it anymore and just stopped taking it. Apparently, this was a big mistake.

Since then, I've still felt the same as I did before. I didn't notice a difference in myself except for some horrible dreams.

Last week we went out of town for an annual get-together with friends and family for the week. I was told be a few people close to me that I'm not myself and that I should go to the doctor, blah, blah, blah. They also offered to take my daughter for a week or so if I needed. Nobody really went into detail on how I was different though, except for my mother-in-law. She just mentioned that I seem lost and have that deer-in-headlights look lately. Asked if I was feeling depressed or overwhelmed and that if so, I shouldn't feel alone and that there were so many people in our group that I could turn to.

Fast forward to today...I've made a few mistakes in the last couple of weeks (dilly dallied on things that ended up costing us a lot financially and really put us in a bind). My husband was desperately upset with me about this and called his mom for advice (which I told him to do, because she usually takes my side, lol). Turns out, she didn't. She told him how everyone in our group last week kept mentioning how "distant" I seemed and how I wasn't myself. They think I'm detached from my husband and daughter and that it's probably not safe for my daughter to be left alone with me (really?!?! wtf?). She offered to take DD for 2 weeks so I can take care of this with the doctor.

Then my mom called and he answered. He told her what was going on and she agreed (again, another shocker to me). Everyone seems to think that I need to "go somewhere" and get this straightened out. Apparently the whole damn family is talking about it. Mother-in-law has offered to take DD while I take care of this and my mother is picking me up tomorrow to come stay with her for a couple of weeks to make sure I stay on top of all of my appointments and the paperwork that go with them. We can't afford daycare until my long-term disability kicks in (the paperwork I dilly dallied on) so DD has to go somewhere, I guess.

I'm just kind of freaking out here. I'm not sure why I'm posting this or what I'm looking for in doing so. I think part of me just needs to get this out. I'm also not sure what to expect. Will they send me somewhere to get some medical attention? That scares me. I'm also terrified of being away from my daughter for so long. She'll be close, but I just don't know what I'm doing. I feel so lost right now.

Tue. Jul 14, 7:29pm

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