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Roberta's Reflections: Musings of a Psychotherapist

A PEERtrainer Series on The Psychology of Weight Loss and Health


By Roberta Temes, PhD

Three kids live in the same family. They have the same mom and dad and attend the same school. They are siblings and all were born with good bodies and good minds. They do well in school and in sports. They were all home the day of the fire. The fire was electrical. It rapidly spread throughout the house and it destroyed everything. Thankfully, all family members escaped with no injury.

The three kids moved with their parents to a hotel and called that home for almost a year. Finally, the house was rebuilt and they all moved back in. That's when I heard from them. Two of the children were just fine and quickly settled back into their regular routines. But Ben was having trouble. He was afraid to sleep alone in his room. He lost his appetite once they left the hotel, and hadnt yet regained it. Ben was suffering. He had anxiety all day long at school. He pleaded with his parents to sell the house and buy a new one.

Why is it that one family member cannot adjust to a trauma and everyone else in the family quickly gets over it? Scientists are looking for a resilience gene. Researchers know that some people remain psychologically healthy no matter the traumas that befall them. Other people, with similar backgrounds and situations, may have great difficulty coping. Resilience is the ability to endure stress and bounce right back.

Ben was short on resilience. He was unable to bounce back by himself and required several sessions of talk therapy where he was taught self-calming techniques. Fortunately his parents quickly took him for help. Sometimes I see kids, and adults, too, who tried to soothe themselves after a trauma by smoking, eating, drinking, or drugging. Those substances sometimes work at calming but their side effects are horrendous. Self-soothing with food, alcohol, cigarettes or illegal drugs usually causes more harm than did the original situation.

There are some techniques that are quite effective at neutralizing memories so that a trauma need not have a lasting imprint. The technique I like best is a form of acupressure which involves tapping on particular parts of your body. I'll tell you more about it next time. If this technique, and others similar to it, were taught in school perhaps substance abuse and emotional eating would be less. Why are self-soothing techniques not more known? Maybe its because scientists have not yet figured out precisely how they work. But, since we do know that they work shouldnt they be used? What do you think?

Roberta Temes Article Archive:

    Click Here To Read How Roberta Can Help You Eliminate the Psychological Barriers Keeping You from Following Your Diet. Her program comes with an iron-clad 1 YEAR no questions asked money back guarantee and it's easy to order. If you like Roberta's writing style, you'll probably like her approach to helping you lose weight!

    About the Author

    Roberta Temes, (pronounced Temmis), Ph.D. is Clinical Assistant Professor, Department of Psychiatry, at Downstate Medical School, New York City. She had a private practice in New York City in psychotherapy, coaching, and medical hypnosis for 30 years, and has now relocated that practice to Westfield, NJ.

    Temes is the author of many self-help books and psychology books, as well as the first medical school textbook about hypnosis. She is also the author of the best-selling book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Hypnosis. Her latest book is called, The Tapping Cure.

    Dr. Temes lectures around the country at corporate meetings, at medical conferences, and at health spas, too. She did a stint as a columnist for a country newspaper where she wrote about acquiring a country house and the trauma of adjusting to fresh air, quiet, and nature. For twenty years Temes wrote a monthly column for True Story magazine. Dr. Roberta, as her clients call her, is now in practice in NJ where she lives with her husband. Her 3 children are grown, with families of their own.

    "The research is mounting: hypnosis can help you lose weight and keep it off longer . . . This set Enjoying Weight Loss has a lot to offer: a warm, fun hypnotist offering sound dietary advice and a variety of trances for a range of issues, from choosing a food plan to avoiding temptation."

    -Jean Fain, Harvard Medical School

    November 2006 Thread Archive. Back to Previous Page

Topic: Replies: Last Post:
Ready to form three new good habits or break three bad ones? 0 Thu. Nov 30, 11:26pm
Why exactly does water help you lose weight? 10 Thu. Nov 30, 8:35pm
Join Team Dallas 0 Thu. Nov 30, 7:27pm
Join Christian Believers United in Christ 0 Thu. Nov 30, 7:25pm
red faced during exercise . . . 11 Thu. Nov 30, 3:29pm
MP3 workout "coaches"? 5 Thu. Nov 30, 3:02pm
advice for getting over 3week drop out 4 Thu. Nov 30, 3:01pm
looking for group/team 5 Thu. Nov 30, 12:08pm
Sick from Multivitamin? Is that possible? 8 Thu. Nov 30, 12:05pm
running teams 0 Thu. Nov 30, 9:33am
Healthy Holiday Traditions 11 Wed. Nov 29, 11:54pm
Tasti-D-Lite 12 Wed. Nov 29, 7:32pm
Quitting coffee 5 Wed. Nov 29, 6:18pm
What do you do when you fail ! 5 Wed. Nov 29, 5:26pm
Ski season is almost here! 14 Wed. Nov 29, 3:51pm
Sweetners vs Sugar 38 Wed. Nov 29, 3:15pm
any little tricks? 18 Wed. Nov 29, 3:06pm
Winter bathing suits? 10 Wed. Nov 29, 10:03am
Pickles 7 Tue. Nov 28, 11:13pm
OT: my boyfriend makes me wear his underpants 11 Tue. Nov 28, 10:39pm
Let's get fit in Philadelphia 0 Tue. Nov 28, 9:30pm
Frustration with BMI 7 Tue. Nov 28, 8:13pm
Women who are 5'8"... or around there and under 160.. how did you get there? 18 Tue. Nov 28, 8:07pm
Husbands/Men on here? 5 Tue. Nov 28, 7:02pm
For Those of You Who Quit PT for a period and then came back 12 Tue. Nov 28, 11:02am
calories in white rice 1 Tue. Nov 28, 5:39am
Cottage Cheese Diet? 11 Mon. Nov 27, 4:16pm
"Shape" of ab muscles 14 Mon. Nov 27, 3:28pm
Runner's High - Need members!!! 0 Mon. Nov 27, 1:52pm
Body fat % - how do you reduce this? 7 Mon. Nov 27, 1:46pm
New spotlight! Sorry about the delay 0 Mon. Nov 27, 1:30pm
5'5" and 149 pounds. Am I fat? 10 Mon. Nov 27, 1:04pm
PT Profile "Description" Question 2 Mon. Nov 27, 12:45pm
measurements-suck in or let it all hang out? 10 Mon. Nov 27, 11:45am
The average calorie consumption on Thanksgiving Day is 5000-6000 7 Mon. Nov 27, 11:19am
Is my goal realistic? 6 Mon. Nov 27, 11:05am
a good problem with no good solution 9 Mon. Nov 27, 9:57am
I look sexy!!!! 5 Mon. Nov 27, 8:58am
half and half or milk? 9 Mon. Nov 27, 8:56am
I wish I'd known... 27 Mon. Nov 27, 8:55am
Starbucks strategies 74 Mon. Nov 27, 8:54am
New group for the Holidays 2 Sun. Nov 26, 10:14pm
OT: new relationship 5 Sun. Nov 26, 9:12pm
Sweating at the gym 19 Sun. Nov 26, 8:31pm
Probiotic foods? 0 Sun. Nov 26, 12:20pm
Core Rhythms 2 Sun. Nov 26, 12:29am
PT, why won't you let me voice my excitement? 42 Sat. Nov 25, 10:53pm
Swimming... 24 Sat. Nov 25, 8:37pm
The smaller I get the less I burn? 4 Sat. Nov 25, 7:35pm
I wish I had..... 2 Sat. Nov 25, 5:13pm
Managing tummy problems & getting lighter! 0 Sat. Nov 25, 3:02pm
Gained 5 pounds and friends are unsupportive. 7 Sat. Nov 25, 10:12am
man kicked out of gym for grunting 18 Fri. Nov 24, 8:04pm
happy thanksgiving 3 Fri. Nov 24, 6:07am
What is your body fat percentage? 24 Fri. Nov 24, 3:04am
It's Thanksgiving and I'm thankful for... 10 Thu. Nov 23, 9:11pm
Looking for power members! 3 Thu. Nov 23, 9:04pm
no meat, no wheat, please... 13 Thu. Nov 23, 12:40pm
Solution to hunger besides drinking more water 15 Thu. Nov 23, 9:59am
THANKSGIVING 1 Thu. Nov 23, 9:49am
where is everyone? 3 Thu. Nov 23, 8:28am
How many people listen to Music or watch TV during a workout 8 Thu. Nov 23, 8:26am
What is a normal, healthy body fat percentage? 5 Wed. Nov 22, 11:43pm
how to bake yams 5 Wed. Nov 22, 3:54pm
Fiber and BM's 6 Wed. Nov 22, 3:42pm
Help! I'm Looking for a relatively inexpensive getaway in Vermont in January or February. 3 Wed. Nov 22, 3:32pm
PT, how do I get myself out of public log? 1 Wed. Nov 22, 2:35pm
Which is better, Chocolate Bar or a slice of Cake or scoop of your Fav. Icecream? 15 Wed. Nov 22, 8:40am
Thank You! 0 Wed. Nov 22, 6:05am
food substitutions 0 Wed. Nov 22, 2:42am
What's your food plan look like? 17 Tue. Nov 21, 6:13pm
Water Weight? 6 Tue. Nov 21, 4:55pm
New Source of Carbs? 5 Tue. Nov 21, 2:32pm
Interested in keeping the lbs off this holiday season? 0 Tue. Nov 21, 12:55pm
A bit overweight and now thin 16 Tue. Nov 21, 10:39am
Anything bad in eating hard boiled sweets? 6 Tue. Nov 21, 8:16am
Looking for member Nikson 0 Tue. Nov 21, 12:25am
Using weight watchers system to lose weight 0 Mon. Nov 20, 10:07pm
holiday eating strategies? 16 Mon. Nov 20, 9:59pm
Low-Cal Pizza Recommendations? 21 Mon. Nov 20, 8:45pm
turkey day strategy 6 Mon. Nov 20, 7:30pm
is this gross? 7 Mon. Nov 20, 5:45pm
anti-inflammation diet 7 Mon. Nov 20, 5:38pm
join 3 Mon. Nov 20, 3:09pm
weird allergy? 7 Mon. Nov 20, 1:43pm
new spotlight starting soon?? 1 Mon. Nov 20, 1:27pm
new 0 Mon. Nov 20, 11:42am
beg for forgiveness or ask for permission? 5 Mon. Nov 20, 9:45am
happy anniversary to the NYT joiners! 3 Mon. Nov 20, 9:35am
PILATES 30 DAY CHALLENGE TEAM 15 Mon. Nov 20, 9:14am
Laxatives?? 39 Mon. Nov 20, 8:43am
coffee and weight loss? 4 Sun. Nov 19, 2:33pm
DID I GAIN 6 POUNDS IN ONE DAY?? 6 Sun. Nov 19, 1:43pm
Getting rid of fat 0 Sun. Nov 19, 11:29am
Drinking green tea 28 Sun. Nov 19, 11:05am
arc trainers vs. ellipticals? 8 Sun. Nov 19, 12:37am
Healthy Holiday Recipes 10 Sat. Nov 18, 8:54pm
Office party ideas for potluck 3 Sat. Nov 18, 1:32pm
Has anyone tried "fluidity"? What do you think about it? 1 Sat. Nov 18, 1:23pm
Pain while running 9 Sat. Nov 18, 11:46am
ipod for dummies 7 Fri. Nov 17, 8:45pm
GOOD WORKOUT SONGS! 14 Fri. Nov 17, 3:37pm
New Team: Turkey Trotters! 0 Fri. Nov 17, 12:05pm
Sugar is the root of all evil 14 Fri. Nov 17, 7:01am
Recommendations for iFit? 0 Thu. Nov 16, 11:41pm
The horrors of the Gym 10 Thu. Nov 16, 11:26pm
warning this is a little gross but I cant find answers. 1 Thu. Nov 16, 11:14pm
Dancing with the Stars 7 Thu. Nov 16, 10:19pm
Lose Weight and Enjoy the Holidays 0 Thu. Nov 16, 9:41pm
Anyone doing The Biggest Loser diet? 0 Thu. Nov 16, 5:11pm
Calories Burned During Basic Activities? 5 Thu. Nov 16, 1:47pm
Trainer confidentiality: Does your trainer gossip about you? 3 Thu. Nov 16, 11:22am
OT: pt deadheads will like this 2 Thu. Nov 16, 9:48am
question for runners 4 Thu. Nov 16, 8:22am
Looking for group members in their 20's 0 Thu. Nov 16, 7:04am
sexless marriage 22 Thu. Nov 16, 1:52am
Weight/Height/Size 281 Wed. Nov 15, 11:09pm
Where are all the South african girls? 2 Wed. Nov 15, 4:10pm
Pregnancy workouts? Suggestions needed! 1 Wed. Nov 15, 3:02pm
What on earth is the Special K Challenge? 4 Wed. Nov 15, 1:02pm
Body Fat % 7 Wed. Nov 15, 12:34pm
20 pounds in 3 months 8 Wed. Nov 15, 10:59am
Pilates 5 Wed. Nov 15, 9:53am
getting rid of belly fat 14 Wed. Nov 15, 9:02am
Is salsa a vegetable? 8 Wed. Nov 15, 2:11am
How much sugar should I get? 9 Wed. Nov 15, 12:37am
not eating after a certain time 28 Tue. Nov 14, 10:55pm
ode to my collar bone 2 Tue. Nov 14, 10:50pm
Check out Peer Trainer Veterans Team 1 Tue. Nov 14, 8:35pm
LA Weight Loss Team/Group? 3 Tue. Nov 14, 8:26pm
There's a guy doing 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 consecutive days! 26 Tue. Nov 14, 8:05pm
GOT iPod workout playlist 4 Tue. Nov 14, 2:22pm
spam 13 Tue. Nov 14, 1:59pm
Picture in Public Log 5 Tue. Nov 14, 1:45pm
Increase in protein leading to weight gain? 6 Tue. Nov 14, 1:34pm
wheat free 1 Tue. Nov 14, 11:59am
Most Ridiculous Infomercial Claim Yet 10 Tue. Nov 14, 11:39am
wheat and hives 3 Tue. Nov 14, 9:39am
metabolism boost 16 Tue. Nov 14, 7:20am
Metabolism and dieting 15 Tue. Nov 14, 7:09am
Help me lose weight 2 Mon. Nov 13, 9:05pm
Lost TV show 21 Mon. Nov 13, 7:29pm
Come join us! Bikini Reveal Summer 2007! 0 Mon. Nov 13, 6:51pm
Need an extra motivating factor/challenge to get you to your goal? 2 Mon. Nov 13, 6:48pm
Best ways to stay in shape with an injury?? 9 Mon. Nov 13, 4:43pm
i can't get my butt to the gym 23 Mon. Nov 13, 3:32pm
Any Weight Watchers Close to goal or maintaining? 0 Mon. Nov 13, 2:10pm
any splenda addicts? 11 Mon. Nov 13, 12:14pm
Videos instead of a gym? 6 Mon. Nov 13, 12:10pm
Stretches for a herniated disc 3 Mon. Nov 13, 12:45am
Leah Remini's custom diet? saltines? 11 Sun. Nov 12, 11:34pm
Tailbone Pain 7 Sun. Nov 12, 4:08pm
Cooking red meat 14 Sun. Nov 12, 3:43pm
new one day fat flush plan 5 Sun. Nov 12, 3:40pm
How quickly can you REALLY lose? 4 Sun. Nov 12, 3:07pm
Sexiest Politician 15 Sun. Nov 12, 3:04pm
What to do about wrinkly facial skin after weight loss 8 Sun. Nov 12, 1:58am
Doctors using Google to diagnose illnesses 3 Sat. Nov 11, 11:05pm
Am I gaining Muscle or fat? 5 Sat. Nov 11, 11:04pm
Chromium Picolinate 7 Sat. Nov 11, 10:54pm
Diastasis Recti 7 Sat. Nov 11, 7:52pm
Psyllium? 5 Sat. Nov 11, 7:46pm
Anyone give up caffeine? 11 Sat. Nov 11, 7:12pm
so i have 'velcro-fat' and i can't get it off... 6 Sat. Nov 11, 12:36pm
Any Asian Indians out there? 5 Sat. Nov 11, 11:48am
I need lunch ideas-Please help! 15 Sat. Nov 11, 11:34am
yesterday's Got Nothing On Me 1 Fri. Nov 10, 10:20pm
hip pain 1 Fri. Nov 10, 6:48pm
Age appropriate exercises? 8 Fri. Nov 10, 5:15pm
what's with all the quick-fix threads? 10 Fri. Nov 10, 3:37pm
NEW GROUP 1 Fri. Nov 10, 2:22pm
anyone have a success story this morning? I need to 10 Fri. Nov 10, 2:01pm
OT -Disney World 11 Fri. Nov 10, 2:01pm
Please Start More Groups, Thank You 3 Fri. Nov 10, 12:56pm
Poll: Have You Lost Weight Switching to Diet Soda 5 Fri. Nov 10, 12:06pm
ever feel out of touch with your body? 4 Fri. Nov 10, 11:37am
Interesting Political Article That is Not Partisan 8 Fri. Nov 10, 8:18am
Pooja Where Are You??? 5 Fri. Nov 10, 2:04am
Jen8/26 Happy Anniversary! 0 Thu. Nov 9, 11:19pm
Weight Watchers Activity Points-Please Explain 13 Thu. Nov 9, 7:20pm
OT: Need help making stromboil! 3 Thu. Nov 9, 2:11pm
grad school hotties 1 Thu. Nov 9, 12:44pm
Before and After claims 12 Thu. Nov 9, 11:33am
Politcal thread 8 Thu. Nov 9, 10:30am
Out of Control 6 Thu. Nov 9, 10:09am
*New* - Community Discussion Archive 7 Thu. Nov 9, 8:26am
People into Video workouts? 0 Thu. Nov 9, 4:44am
10 ways to burn an extra 100 calories 9 Thu. Nov 9, 12:15am
Poll: Should We "Retire" the Political Threads? 19 Wed. Nov 8, 10:19pm
How much water should I drink per day? 5 Wed. Nov 8, 9:15pm
Questions for PT 3 Wed. Nov 8, 8:41pm
I love John stewart (OT) 3 Wed. Nov 8, 8:20pm
Dem Victory Would In Fact Be A Victory For The Terrorists. 18 Wed. Nov 8, 6:26pm
wheat germ, flax seed, others? 1 Wed. Nov 8, 6:02pm
why do lunges and squats hurt my knees? 9 Wed. Nov 8, 5:02pm
need to lose by thanksgiving and dont know what to do. HELP 5 Wed. Nov 8, 3:30pm
CarrieAnne, got bumped out 0 Wed. Nov 8, 1:33pm
Poll: Vitamins and Minerals 12 Wed. Nov 8, 12:24pm
Any fast food addicts here? 23 Wed. Nov 8, 11:01am
VOTE DEMOCRAT TOMORROW 7 Wed. Nov 8, 10:01am
Lose the Weight...Lose the Republicans! 20 Wed. Nov 8, 8:43am
Exercising with herniated disc 1 Wed. Nov 8, 2:04am
OT: mold allergies, and getting rid of mold in the house 4 Wed. Nov 8, 12:48am
All Athletes welcomed 0 Tue. Nov 7, 10:18pm
post menopausal bleeding 30 Tue. Nov 7, 10:07pm
New local team for Grayson County, Texas 0 Tue. Nov 7, 9:40pm
essentials for weight loss list? 9 Tue. Nov 7, 8:36pm
Question for PT 2 Tue. Nov 7, 7:36pm
Why do carbs fill you up so much more than protein? 4 Tue. Nov 7, 7:00pm
How long does it take to see results? 11 Tue. Nov 7, 6:05pm
Election Day 1 Tue. Nov 7, 6:00pm
Dining out... 8 Tue. Nov 7, 4:52pm
perimenopause advice? 7 Tue. Nov 7, 3:31pm
OT Reccommendations for a Romantic Restaurant in Chicago 6 Tue. Nov 7, 3:24pm
Stay at home moms who love to log 2 Tue. Nov 7, 3:11pm
Strength Training Videos with Resistance Bands? 2 Tue. Nov 7, 3:03pm
When did PT get so political? 11 Tue. Nov 7, 11:30am
Another 'ol birth control question 1 Tue. Nov 7, 8:59am
Looking for some ladies or men that are serious! 0 Mon. Nov 6, 10:44pm
Activia anyone? 4 Mon. Nov 6, 9:19pm
IBS 4 Mon. Nov 6, 9:00pm
VOTE and VOTE REPUBLICAN NEXT WEEK 22 Mon. Nov 6, 8:24pm
what literature do you follow?? 6 Mon. Nov 6, 7:39pm
tree nut allergies 1 Mon. Nov 6, 2:29pm
Looking hot for your 10 year Reunion - 2007 7 Mon. Nov 6, 1:41pm
Stressful Weight Gain 1 Mon. Nov 6, 11:32am
what is more important? advice really needed. 9 Mon. Nov 6, 11:28am
Vitamin C Crystals vs. Calcium Ascorbate Crystals 2 Mon. Nov 6, 9:14am
It's not the critic who counts.... 0 Mon. Nov 6, 8:19am
Inactive members - advice needed 8 Mon. Nov 6, 8:15am
Managing a hiatal hernia or Acid Reflux (GERD) 14 Sun. Nov 5, 3:21pm
Stressful Weight Gain 3 Sat. Nov 4, 7:49pm
Here's a new group looking for members! 4 Sat. Nov 4, 6:59pm
STOCKTON WOMEN 0 Sat. Nov 4, 10:06am
Cali Girls Especially Stockton WELCOME! 0 Sat. Nov 4, 9:32am
VOTE and VOTE DEMOCRAT NEXT WEEK! 21 Sat. Nov 4, 7:43am
macrobiotic diet 1 Fri. Nov 3, 5:54pm
Diabetic Cake??? 4 Fri. Nov 3, 5:24pm
Pregnancy weight gain 9 Fri. Nov 3, 5:20pm
OT: Solution to negative campaigns 3 Fri. Nov 3, 3:49pm
PSA: if you order a PEERtrainer tshirt 2 Fri. Nov 3, 10:34am
muscle gain? 3 Fri. Nov 3, 7:36am
Team Dallas 0 Thu. Nov 2, 10:24pm
come join me 0 Thu. Nov 2, 9:30pm
New Team: Challenge Yourself 1 Thu. Nov 2, 9:20pm
running in the cold weather. 17 Thu. Nov 2, 7:30pm
It PAYS to be good-looking -- and CONFIDENT 6 Thu. Nov 2, 4:54pm
BM issues 9 Thu. Nov 2, 4:49pm
Interested in joining our desert group? 0 Thu. Nov 2, 4:36pm
Recipe Organizing Software 8 Thu. Nov 2, 4:31pm
Obsessed and little sex 14 Thu. Nov 2, 1:03pm
Ok, whatever, French women do get fat. 7 Thu. Nov 2, 12:12pm
fat smash diet - after reading, seems like a habit, not a diet 0 Thu. Nov 2, 11:52am
Mentaly abusive boss 18 Thu. Nov 2, 11:13am
Political Wisdom from Chris Rock: 2 Thu. Nov 2, 11:09am
What do you do when you feel like giving up? 8 Thu. Nov 2, 8:47am
Can I count this as exercise? 3 Wed. Nov 1, 6:04pm
So SORE 7 Wed. Nov 1, 4:06pm
OT: Roommate Stress/On-topic: Stress & Weight gain 4 Wed. Nov 1, 4:06pm
no pain no gain? 3 Wed. Nov 1, 3:07pm
A note from the self professed laziest woman in the world 5 Wed. Nov 1, 2:57pm
Do people treat you differently now that you are skinnier? 8 Wed. Nov 1, 2:41pm
Cardio Training 2 Wed. Nov 1, 1:42pm
UNO's pizza and other secrets 2 Wed. Nov 1, 12:44pm
actual weight gain or scale being mean?is it water? 2 Wed. Nov 1, 12:28pm
swollen belly 2 Wed. Nov 1, 10:44am
why am i gaining? i need opinions! 17 Wed. Nov 1, 10:20am
OT: Is Reese Going To Be Walking The Line? 6 Wed. Nov 1, 12:20am

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