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Better ways to deal with emotions than eating?

A few days ago, I broke up with my significant other and since I tend to be an emotional eater, it's been very difficult not to bury my emotions with food. The depression is also making it hard to get motivated for exercise. He told me that the reason he wouldn't marry me is because of my appearance, and I've been dealing with that by eating secretly to comfort myself. However, afterwards I just feel guilty and disgusted with myself and my weight. I've always handled stress through eating, so I don't know how to go about dealing with my sadness in a healthy and constructive manner. Could really use some suggestions.

Ash


Thu. Jun 9, 3:53pm

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S.O.B

Hey Ash, sounds like you just had a wonderful opportunity in life and you don't even realize it. This break up thing sounds like the best thing in the world!!!!! If he wouldn't marry you because of your appearance, well the jerk didn't love YOU anyway. Why in the world would you pine the loss of such a shallow person? Sounds like a S.O.B. !!!! Even if he's an ok person, he sounds narrow minded and superficial. Not the marrying type. Please quit being depressed, quit any emotional eating you are doing, get control of your mind and body and follow your dreams. Did you hear me? Follow YOUR dreams. Go for your goals. Love and marriage and everything else you desire will follow. You must take care of yourself now. No one else will. Good Luck.

Thursday, June 09, 2005, 8:39 PM

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taking a walk will get you out of the kitchen, exercising and clear your mind of him or give you time to sort it all out.

Thursday, June 09, 2005, 8:39 PM

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As much as it's hard, force yourself to transfer that urge to eat to "comfort" yourself into your exercise.

Take a boxing lesson. Start walking, and throw some short jogs into it. Do some pushups. Try a yoga class. The breathing and focus does wonders to refocus your mind on what's most important: you.

If you find yourself sneaking a snack, go do some pushups or situps. If you start to snack at the office, go for a walk and say hi to some coworkers. Replace the bad behavior with the good behavior. Exercise will not only improve your mood, help you allievate frustration and depression, and provide a much healthier outlet, but it will also help you be more fit, confident and happy with who you really are. And that's when true happiness comes from.

Some day, when you're happy with yourself, some man will see you and wonder why you're just glowing. He'll ask, he'll fall in love, and you'll find your happier ever after. I know you can do it.

Thursday, June 09, 2005, 9:05 PM

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Comfort CDs

I use several CDs to help me sleep. One is for weight loss, another is for positive thinking, and another is for anxiety/peace of mind. I got them at Barnes & Noble and they're all put out by Effective Learning Systems. But I'm sure there are others out there, and possibly even some at your library. The BEST book for this, however, is 'How to Survive the Loss of a Love,' with used copies available for a few bucks or less on sites like half.com or amazon. You might also find it at your library, as it is a classic.

Anyway, best of luck with your struggle. I know how painful that is. Next time you feel like eating just cry instead. The crying is easier to treat with medication.

Thursday, June 09, 2005, 9:22 PM

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talking to friends

I will literally open my phone book and go down the list until someone is home. My friends even know that I do this that they joke, what number am I? hahaha
But it works. I'm there for them too and if I don't feel better after 1, I call people and talk until I do. Talking to my group members and the boards have really helped as well.

Friday, June 10, 2005, 8:21 AM

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Shouldnt' say this but...

Shopping!! and when I feel better, Returning!!!

I shop til I drop, bring home so many bags of clothes, don't wear any of them and then spend the next couple of days returning. I know this sounds CRAZY but it's better than a hot fudge sundae.

Friday, June 10, 2005, 8:22 AM

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Dr. Phil gives some good advice here.

I am ABSOLUTELY an emotional eater and I'm also the type of person who eats (without thinking) when I'm bored. I read Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight S. book, and much of it I decided I didn't like. What did make sense and has worked for me is his advice about how to deal with this sort of thing. Those food urges and cravings only last a short time, so if you can keep yourself occcupied for 10-15 minutes, you stand a good chance of making it through. He suggests things like taking the dog for a walk, playing a game with the kids, taking yourself for a walk, taking a soothing bath (a good one if you're emotional--you need some pampering!), or washing the dishes. That's one of my big ones. I always feel better when the dishes are washed or the bathroom is cleaned, so when I'm completely out of control I do one of those. By the time I'm done, I feel good that my kitchen/bath is clean, I've forgotten about how much I wanted to eat.

I know this is a little bit different, but when my mother passed (who was the most important person in my life--a total mamma's boy! =) I journaled whenever I felt that desire to eat emotionally. I'd write the journal to her, and I'd tell her whatever I was feeling and what I wanted to eat (lol), and then just wait for the calm to come over me--and it did. I used the same trick when I left my partner--the journals would be angry, and sad, and I'd write whatever came to mind no matter how irrational, and 1/2 the time I would end up laughing at how silly some of the things I wrote were, but by the time I was done I felt better, and usually avoided eating a cake. =)

We're all thinking tons of positive thoughts for you! You'll come through this a better and stronger person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, June 10, 2005, 8:36 AM

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To the above poster. Thank you for writing this.

I'm a mom to a little boy and this brought tears to my eyes. I really want to be healthy for him because at least this is something I can control and I want to spend as much time as I can because I love him so much. Thank you thank you for your post.

Friday, June 10, 2005, 10:14 AM

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You can turn this around - trust me! I got into the best shape of my life after a break up. Looking great is the best kind of revenge! Try to find a way to put the energy into a workout (I found running to angry hard rock worked well).

In the end, you end up heathier happier and more likely to find a person that will love you for you:)

Friday, June 10, 2005, 11:07 AM

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Take control

Ash,
I am dealing with the possibility of the breakup of a 3 yr relationship at the moment. What an awful week. Ive been so emotional, but able to stay away from emotionally eating. Exercising really helps with this-it is such a release that I find I cant get any other way. I cant cry while I am running, and it totally takes my mind off of everything just for a little while, and I bet you need that. I agree with the other comments, that if he wont marry you b/c of the way you look then in the long run it is better off. But in the short term, do things that make you feel good (besides eating). Take a walk, do something different. Get in shape for you and no one else. The times I have had the most success in losing weight is when I have been single and have more time to devote to me and improving me. If you find yourself in the kitchen looking around, pour a glass of water or milk and get out of there. You may want to consider talking to a counselor a few times to see if that helps; I find it helps get through some tough times, and helps you take control of your life in a healthy direction.

Friday, June 10, 2005, 1:49 PM

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I post on personals

Somehow the full inbox makes me feel better and reminds me of all my other options. I like Match, but if you're really plump, try http://www.fullfiguredonline.com ... It's a lot easier to find a guy that's into it than it is to change it over the weekend. And there's something very satisfying about seeing a whole website full of guys who like fat chicks. Or you can go to Curves parties... But you need to be really fat to get any action there according to my coworker... I do the Tall Girls club since I'm over 6' and not in the fat category, but the theory is the same.

--Amanda911

Link

Friday, June 10, 2005, 8:22 PM

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full figure clubs

I'm sorry but this sounds "SICK". It sounds like you're exploiting yourself to freaky guys that have a fetish for fat chicks instead of finding respectable men that will like you for "who you" are. It sounds disgusting! I really don't mean to sound negative about the writer of this post but it just seems like women are settling for less! No way!!! It sounds like you're saying, "I won't ever be anything different than fat so I'll just expose myself to guys who like fat chicks" It's ridiculous!! Please, if you are not happy with yourself regardless of your size, how do you expect anybody to be happy with you. Everything comes from within. Do what you need to do to find TRUE inner peace and happiness, then love and everything else you desire will be attracted to you. NEVER settle for less!!!!

Saturday, June 11, 2005, 8:40 AM

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Oh please

Full figured groups are no different than any other special interest groups. Is it a fetish if you post on a sports dating website?

And no I don't goof around... If there is a guy on the website that is cute sounds normal and is local, I go meet him for a beer. If that works out, I invite him on a group hike or trip I'm leading. The guys who like plumper women also like taller women. I can change my weight but I can't change my height.

I've made some good friends that way. So don't knock it till you've tried it.

Amanda 911

Saturday, June 11, 2005, 2:56 PM

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away from the subject

This has gotten way away from the original posting idea. I am in no way putting you down or judging you for how you meet people. To each his own. I just don't see it being a healthy idea for the original poster who says she is disgusted with herself and her weight, stay in the same rut by settling for only guys who like fat women. If she is not happy with herself, she needs to change instead of feeling hopeless and miserable. It's up to her and her only, we are all just here for support. I in no way meant any harm or disrespect to you for your choices. If I offended you, I apologize.

Sunday, June 12, 2005, 8:57 AM

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I agree that you can turn this around for the better. And by the way, you don't have to start dating a condescending control freak who you have to depend on to tell you whether you're fat or not - talk about sick, that gives me the creeps!!

A lot of women whose relationship issues revolve around their appearance are stuck caring too much for their partners and not enough for themselves. You can take this opportunity to be more selfish and become the person you want to be. I would suggest working with a therapist if you have trouble envisioning how you would actually like to change, or if you have trouble following through on promises you make to yourself.

Take time to do good things for yourself while you're recovering from this. Even your future relationships will benefit from your ability to know yourself and do what's good for you - when you're truly where you want to be (both mentally and physically), then you can feel secure in a relationship where your body is under your control and only your control. Over time, you can tell anyone who wants you to be skinnier, fatter, taller, shorter, whatever to go to hell!

Sunday, June 12, 2005, 10:16 AM

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It's about FUN- not about who you meet or how you meet them

There are 2 questions no one asked... Is the original poster really fat or is the asshole just giving her a head trip? I've weighed maybe 10 pounds more than I should and had idiots tell me I'm fat. My theory is is that they are secretly gay. But anyway... My point is is that is you are just trying to make it through the first week alone reaffirm your options and make a new strategy. The key to not emotional eating is having fun. There are a hundred ways to have fun, talking to a friend, aerobics etc. But the more FUN you have the less power the idiot has to ruin your life post-breakup.

-Amanda911

Sunday, June 12, 2005, 1:42 PM

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Taking it a step at a time

It's important to realize that your not going to be able to change your bad habits in one day. You need to think about when is it you feel like eating (is it right after work, when you wake up, when you're alone, etc.), and then the key is to plan activities for those times. Also, don't punish yourself for messing up. It's really likely that you may lose your self control and binge, but don't give up, it's a process you really have to take one step at a time.

Monday, June 13, 2005, 1:45 PM

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i totally cant believe that! my heart really goes out to you. since when did appearance decide who you were going to spend the rest of your life? someone tell me how this man ever got anywhere in life plz! the only advice i have is eventhough its hard suck it all up and use it as power and everything will get better. the best way to avoid emotional eating is find a new way to express your emotions. if you enjoy singing, writting, talking whatever makes you happy do it. distract yourself but not so much that you dont let your emotions out b/c then you'll end up with an even bigger problem than you started out with. plz keep posting with your success and problems i wish you the best of luck.

Thursday, October 06, 2005, 1:02 AM

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