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This has nothing to do with weight loss, but it is something that affects my life regularly and I wanted to get some advice from other women. After I had my first child I completely lost interest in sex. I "do" it once a week for my husband's benefit (it's better than listening to him whine), but really, I couldn't care less. I have a wonderful marriage, just zero sex drive. I am 5'5" and 138 pounds so I don't think it's about body image. I am also not gay. I've had blood tests to rule out low testosterine levels and everything checked out OK. It's not even about the romance, because my husband is very good to me. I just naturally recoil when I'm touched and have to hide it from him so as not to hurt his feelings. This has been bothering me for 11 years. Anyone have any advice on how to "want" to have sex? Oh, and I climax everytime, so it's not that either. (I know, too much info, but some of you are probably thinking my husband just isn't good in bed.)

Sat. Feb 2, 5:10pm

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How old are you? After I had my first kid, sex was the last thing I wanted. Other than the 1st kids though - we had nothing in common. I was over weight, married to the least romantic man in the world, he wasn't that great in bed and I had never known an orgasm until I met my second husband! (Which came well after the 2nd kid!)

With that being said - I can safely say that my libido really didn't kick in until my early to mid 30's. But the last few years have been crazy! So your age may be something to consider. I also found that the older I got, the less "dirty" it felt to me because of the way I was raised.

When all else fails - seek guidance from a pro. Maybe you have some unresolved things in your past that you just need validated by someone who is a 3rd party. Still several variables that I don't know...

Best of luck to you though!

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 5:28 PM

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Perhaps you should seek the advise of a sex therapist... 11 years seems to be a long time of feeling this way. May you feel better soon :)

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 5:33 PM

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I am 38 years old and have 2 children now. Their ages are 11 and 8. I saw someone when I was in university because I had the same aversion when I was with a previous boyfriend (which went away when I met my husband, until after our first child was born). I didn't really learn anything, except maybe my Catholic upbringing made sex seem "bad" and I couldn't shake it as an adult. I even wondered if I had been abused as a kid, but I don't remember anything like that happening. My parents are great, although they were SUPER strict with me when I was growing up. Does that help?

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 5:55 PM

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You don't have to answer this, just think about it - how do you really feel about your husband?

I lost interest in sex with my ex-husband when I realized I couldn't get anything I wanted out of life if I stayed with him, and all he did was make me feel bad about not wanting two kids, a dog and a minivan. I pretty much stopped having any romantic feelings toward him at all, which was his first clue that the end was nigh - we went from having sex 5x a week to zero. My body processed the inevitable conclusions way faster than my mind did...or wanted to.

Anyway, just putting it out there that you might want to think hard about your feelings towards your husband and, since it's relevant to the timing, perhaps motherhood too.

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 7:17 PM

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There are so many thing that can cause this issue. You have ruled out hormonal so that can't be it. How do you really feel about you? What your doing with your life, where you are? DO you have something in your life that you are passionate about, other then the kids? Sometimes when you don't feel good about yourself, or you feel like there is no purpose the sex drive takes a dive. In you case though it is an oddity in the fact that this has been going on for 11 years. That is a really long time. I would take a closer look at how you feel about your life and how you really feel about your husband.

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 7:24 PM

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