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This has nothing to do with weight loss, but it is something that affects my life regularly and I wanted to get some advice from other women. After I had my first child I completely lost interest in sex. I "do" it once a week for my husband's benefit (it's better than listening to him whine), but really, I couldn't care less. I have a wonderful marriage, just zero sex drive. I am 5'5" and 138 pounds so I don't think it's about body image. I am also not gay. I've had blood tests to rule out low testosterine levels and everything checked out OK. It's not even about the romance, because my husband is very good to me. I just naturally recoil when I'm touched and have to hide it from him so as not to hurt his feelings. This has been bothering me for 11 years. Anyone have any advice on how to "want" to have sex? Oh, and I climax everytime, so it's not that either. (I know, too much info, but some of you are probably thinking my husband just isn't good in bed.)

Sat. Feb 2, 5:10pm

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How old are you? After I had my first kid, sex was the last thing I wanted. Other than the 1st kids though - we had nothing in common. I was over weight, married to the least romantic man in the world, he wasn't that great in bed and I had never known an orgasm until I met my second husband! (Which came well after the 2nd kid!)

With that being said - I can safely say that my libido really didn't kick in until my early to mid 30's. But the last few years have been crazy! So your age may be something to consider. I also found that the older I got, the less "dirty" it felt to me because of the way I was raised.

When all else fails - seek guidance from a pro. Maybe you have some unresolved things in your past that you just need validated by someone who is a 3rd party. Still several variables that I don't know...

Best of luck to you though!

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 5:28 PM

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Perhaps you should seek the advise of a sex therapist... 11 years seems to be a long time of feeling this way. May you feel better soon :)

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 5:33 PM

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I am 38 years old and have 2 children now. Their ages are 11 and 8. I saw someone when I was in university because I had the same aversion when I was with a previous boyfriend (which went away when I met my husband, until after our first child was born). I didn't really learn anything, except maybe my Catholic upbringing made sex seem "bad" and I couldn't shake it as an adult. I even wondered if I had been abused as a kid, but I don't remember anything like that happening. My parents are great, although they were SUPER strict with me when I was growing up. Does that help?

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 5:55 PM

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You don't have to answer this, just think about it - how do you really feel about your husband?

I lost interest in sex with my ex-husband when I realized I couldn't get anything I wanted out of life if I stayed with him, and all he did was make me feel bad about not wanting two kids, a dog and a minivan. I pretty much stopped having any romantic feelings toward him at all, which was his first clue that the end was nigh - we went from having sex 5x a week to zero. My body processed the inevitable conclusions way faster than my mind did...or wanted to.

Anyway, just putting it out there that you might want to think hard about your feelings towards your husband and, since it's relevant to the timing, perhaps motherhood too.

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 7:17 PM

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There are so many thing that can cause this issue. You have ruled out hormonal so that can't be it. How do you really feel about you? What your doing with your life, where you are? DO you have something in your life that you are passionate about, other then the kids? Sometimes when you don't feel good about yourself, or you feel like there is no purpose the sex drive takes a dive. In you case though it is an oddity in the fact that this has been going on for 11 years. That is a really long time. I would take a closer look at how you feel about your life and how you really feel about your husband.

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 7:24 PM

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I dearly love my husband, and my children. My husband is my soul mate and I cannot imagine my life without him. We knew within 7 weeks of dating that we were meant for each other (and this right after a 4-year relationship I had with someone else, so I didn't take it lightly...) My problem is just that I have no sexual desire. I've tried different products on the market to get myself in the mood, and I exercise everyday. If there was a Viagra for women, I'd take it! I think my problems started when the kids were little and I was so tired. My husband and I no longer had the same interest in sex, and I resented having to do another "job" at the end of the day. I know that sounds insensitive, but when you're tired, that's how it feels. I finally got him to agree to only once a week, and I've stuck to that, but even that feels like a chore sometimes. Once I get into it, I'm OK. It's just that initial touch that makes me want to turn inside out. Am I the only woman who feels this way?

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 9:25 PM

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Wow, I find it really sad that you think of having sex with your husband another job at the end of the day. Maybe that is your problem, the way you think of sex. I also find it hard to imagine that you actually climax every time when you finally do put out for him, most women I know would love to be able to get off every time and they actually enjoy sex. I feel bad for your husband and can't imagine he is all to happy with the situation. Don't you think he knows how you feel, don't you think it comes across loud and clear that you have no interest in sex? How do you think that makes him feel? There are drugs on the market that is like viagra for women. I think what you need to do is talk to your doctor, talk to your husband and take a good long look at whats going on inside of you. Most of the time women have no sexual desire it is usually because of 1 of 2 things, either you don't feel good about yourself, or you just are not willing to admit your husband just doesn't do it for you. You have already ruled out a hormonal issue so it has to be either of these things. You can still love someone and not be sexually attracted to them, but how sad for the other person. Any woman who says that her husbands "initial touch that makes me want to turn inside out" is just simply turned off by her man. So I think you need to do some real soul searching and stop being in denial. For some reason you are not attracted to him and can't even stand to be touched by him. I think you need to go see a therapist.

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 10:37 PM

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Hi All, I too can care less about sex. I try to see if its just my husband but even trying to picture myself with someone else having sex does not interest me. I too had my hormones checked even sighned up to be part of a study. The only thing with the study was I had to take way too many pills. I do know that I am not romantically passionate about my husband though. We do have 2 daughters. We've been married for 10 years and together for 17. My husband and I are close to coming to our cross road.

Saturday, February 02, 2008, 11:54 PM

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thank you for having the courage to bring it up. It is unfair to your husband but it's not like you are with holding out of spite or anything. You feel the way you feel and no one can judge you. But we all can continue to engage in healthy conversation around it. Again, it took courage fornyou to bring it up. Clearly, this is weighing heavily on your mind.

Sunday, February 03, 2008, 12:03 AM

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Thank you to the last two posters for your empathetic response. Clearly, the one before you doesn't realize how hard this is for me. My husband is aware of my low libido, but I don't make him suffer for it. I hardly think weekly sex is suffering on his part. I'm the one with the emotional issues. I don't think I need to feel any more guilty than I already do. And, like one poster already said, I don't want to have sex with anyone else either. What I want, is to WANT to have sex with my husband.

Sunday, February 03, 2008, 6:53 PM

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