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My husband sabotages me....

I have come to realize that any time I start losing some weight my husband starts bringing all kinds of things home, cakes, cookies, chocolate, my fav ice cream, he's more likely to take me out to eat as well. I am 5'2 and right now at 205, basically a good 80-90 pounds overweight. I have talked to him about doing this but he still does it. I am tired of being fat and want to succeed but he is always enabling me to fail. I know that he prefers a little junk in the trunk but I am at my heaviest and I am starting to feel the strain. What else can I do to stop his behavior? He thinks I am perfect the way I am, since being with him I have put on about 60 pounds. He is always squeezing me and telling me how awesome I am. Part of me worries that he would like me to just keep getting bigger and bigger. I love him, he's a great man, kind, fun, intelligent and truly giving and caring. But this is just becoming to much, I need for him to support me not make me fatter. Any advice would be appreciated.

Tue. Feb 26, 5:57pm

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you really need to sit down and talk to him, and if you talking to him doesnt work i would ask a friend or relative he trusts. i know if it was in my face i wouldnt have the willpower to not eat, but if you can restrain yourself, do it, eventually he might see. or throw it away when he's not home, give to the dog, whatever it takes.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 7:48 PM

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it might be a guilt thing. He feels guilty that you are eating better than he is? If he derails your diet he doesn't have to feel guilty anymore.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 7:59 PM

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I'd encourage a marriage counselor. I think it might help to be able to get to the bottom of why he's doing it, and allow the counselor to help him help you.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 8:10 PM

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It could be as simple as the fact that he likes you fat. Have you ever just come straight out and asked him? Maybe you need to ask to know if he really does like you fat. And if he does then that is a whole different problem.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 8:17 PM

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Is he overweight? If he is than it could be guilt that you are doing something and he isn't, or that once you lose the weight you will be a different person.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 8:14 AM

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Op here, no he is not overweight at all. His mom and most women in his family are though. I think it is apparent now that he does want to keep me fat, I just don't know why or why he wouldn't be concerned about my health. Just walking up our stairs I get winded, something that didn't happen just last year. I am going to take the suggestion and just throw the crap out in front of him when he brings it home. Maybe then he will know I really need this. I feel sort of angry at him and sort of feel like my fatness is his fault. When I look back I can see such distinct patterns of him encouraging me to enjoy all the junk and bad foods. I mean I know its up to me to chose not to eat it but when you have your main support supporting it it is really hard to turn away from it. My family is in another state so all I have here is his family, I guess in a way I am feeling pretty isolated. I will talk to him and make it clear that I need him to support me and help me, that if he loves me he would be more concerned by the fact that I am at higher risk for all sorts of bad things, that my joints are starting to hurt, I'm out of breath most of the time I do things and its getting to the point where I avoid going out cause I feel like I look so bad. Maybe he will finally get it. But today I am going to "clean house"!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 9:58 AM

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I am always amazed at the willingness with which some people throw away food... please, if you have unopened items, bring them to a homeless shelter or something like that. There are people in this world who actually appreciate cookies but cannot afford them... please!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 10:59 AM

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When I first started losing weight seriously, I had to make a rule for my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) - he was not allowed to offer me food, ever. That took the stress off of him, b/c he'd want to eat junk, and feel bad about not offering it to me, and if he'd offer it, I'd probably eat it. But once he wasn't allowed to offer anymore, he stopped feeling bad about eating it, etc. I could eat it if I wanted to, but he couldn't offer it.

So, he wants a bowl of ice cream, he stands up and fixes himself a bowl of ice cream. He doesn't say "honey, do you want one?" If he wants chips, he opens a bag, has a couple handfuls, and when he's done, he puts it away, he doesn't leave it out in case I want some.

That's been very useful to me in losing weight. Don't know if that'd work for your husband, but it helped a lot for me!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 11:39 AM

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