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need advice

This is a messy situation: my boyfriend of 5 yrs 's brother is getting married in July. I was originally asked by his to be wife to be an usherette, a play on ushers, 2 ushers, 2 female usherttes, to make matching pairs. i was very excited for that, since they would dance with the wedding party, and all. 2 months later i was demoted to personal assitant, which was a disapointment to say the least, but i took it in stride.she had me buy a special dress to match for that position. now 4 months later i have been demoted again to candid pic taker or "photographer" as she said it would say in the program. my bf thinks i should just say no instead of a pity position. we feel she asked me to do this so that she wouldnt just have to tell me she didnt want me to be a personal attendant. i dont know what to do. if i do it i'll get to do with the wedding party bar hopping (im 22 yrs old) but i would have to be taking pics. she made it sound as if this was the only way i could come along bar hopping. if i dont my bf said he would not go along with them. i would take pics while hair is getting done (mine as well). even if i dont take the position, is it wrong of me to go along and get my hair done, or is it not appropriate to tag along? should i just get it done at another salon? i am pretty upset at her, she really has hurt my feelings and has not taken in account how it feels. i dont wanna cause trouble, if we were married id would pry make a stink about it (we've dated longer then the marrying couple) but i feel as if i cannot. idk i just need some advice and needed to vent a lil

Tue. Feb 26, 7:45pm

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It depends -- are you actually friends with the bride? If you feel like your relationship with her isn't actually all that tight, then maybe you should forgo the responsibility of photographer and just attend the wedding. Maybe you can round up some friends on another occasion and get your party on then, when the atmosphere would be more enjoyable anyway.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 8:02 PM

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OP, I can completely understand how hurt you must feel. But, that said, I'd encourage you to do what feels right, but do it with grace and a smile. If you back out of taking pictures..then, don't appear pouty over missing out on the wedding events. (vent and cry in private...don't let them see you sweat!) Go to the wedding, and have a great time with whatever you do, and wherever you sit, etc. If you choose to say 'yes' to picture taking...then, also do that with confidence, grace and a smile. I wouldn't let the bride have any satisfaction (or pity or whatever) in knowing that she hurt my feelings.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 8:08 PM

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need advice

I always seem to really know what's best to do by sleeping on it, and it's what comes to me first thing when I wake up. Do what feels true to you, what you want and based on how you feel. Your feelings are valid, your wants and needs are valid. Praying on the "right' thing to do never hurts either. Good luck!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 8:48 PM

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From the sounds of it, you're not the bride's friend, you're the gf of her future brother in law. Be grateful she's letting you have anything to do with HER wedding, or don't be a part of it. But don't be all whiney about your feelings or anything- you don't *deserve* to be a part of her wedding, you're not entitled to anything from her. Brides change their plans for a variety of reasons- and she's entitled to change things from when she first started planning 8-10 months ago.

Personally, if I'd seen you write this post, I would be so aghast at your attitude, I'd cut you out and grant you nothing more than the right to be a guest of your bf.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 9:12 PM

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yes we are friends, not in the sense that we hangout all the time, but we talk on the phone peridoically, spend time at the lake in the summer

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 9:41 PM

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Wow, that bride sounds a disorganized!

Whatever you decide: keep your distance. Just be along for the ride.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 10:50 PM

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of everything, that sounds the best! all i can say i dont want any more drama, im not a offical part of the family and still it heaps on

Tuesday, February 26, 2008, 11:16 PM

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OP, she sounds like a total bridezilla. In a week or two she'll change her mind again, or something will come up. I'd bow out gracefully and say that some things have taken place and you are thankful, but cannot do it. She sounds like a roller coaster ride and as a "member of the family" (since you've been with your bf for 5 years) you do deserve some respect. The whole demoting and what not sounds like she is doing it because she doesn't want you in it and someone is requesting her to. Also, if she keeps changing her mind like this, who's to say the rest of the party will still be game 2 weeks before the wedding? It sounds like she's stepping on toes, best to go out on your own and just be a guest at the wedding.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 4:20 AM

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I would thank the bride for the consideration, but indicate that you wouldn't really be that great at taking the candid pictures that she might be looking for and that maybe there was someone who was better suited to it, and withdrawl quietly.
So you don't go partying, honey you are 22 years old, believe me you have PLENTY of partying left to do in your life., and MANY more weddings to attend, it hasn't even started.
And finally don't get upset, take the higher road. As far as getting your hair done with them, just say that you really like the salon that they were going to and that you were thinking of making an appointment at the same time s them.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 8:10 AM

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I don't think staying in it to go bar hopping is a reason to want to stay in it. Sounds like she needs to get organized and you need to decide the reason you're doing it. This wedding is about her and her husband, not about you going bar hopping. She's trying to involve you in some way as to not hurt your feelings. Take it or leave it, but do it for the right reasons.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008, 9:29 AM

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