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I feel bad for my husband our baby looks like me ONLY
let me start by saying my husband and I have a beautiful 4 month old son. We both recogonize our incredible blessing. We have never been so happy. I am just looking to see if any one has been through this b/f either side..is there anything I can do for the following situation. My amazing husband is truly an incredible father, I mean I always imagined what a great dad he would make but to see him go beyond any expectation of mine, well I am truly a blessed wife. My situation is that our son looks like me..why is this a problem well it is not,except everywhere we go ..doctors,church,mall, strangers,friends and family all keep saying OMG he is like a mini mom..my concern is I feel as though these comments are hurtful to my husband,some friends have litterally asked my husband if he was even present for the conception of our child since he does not resmeble him at all. OK I think you get the idea, I am wondering have you been here from either side? I always say to my husband that he really has his happy and calm attitude. My husband has made a comment recently after someone's observation"gosh he looks just like his mom" my husband said to me "if I hear that one more time I'm gonna scream!" and then laughed it off. So now I know it is not just me , I just try and imagine if roles were reversed I would be sick of hearing it I must say it took him 4 months to make that comment I do not think I'd be that patient..So what do you think? Is there something I should be saying?Doing? Am I over thinking this? I'd appreciate your input.
Sat. Mar 1, 9:34pm
Deep breath. First, congrats and enjoy. These are truly wonderful times. And, yes, you're overthinking it - you've got so many other things to think about these days - let this one go. You cannot control what others say, so it's wasted energy to fret over it. And people mean no harm when they say it - it comes from a good place. It's not like they're saying 'Oh man...yeah...he looks like you. Ooof." Nor can you control how your husband reacts, and it sounds like aside from a laugh-off comment - he's not thinking too much about it. And if the roles were reversed, why would it bother you, really? It's not a slight against the other parent - it's just an in the moment observation.
Funny, my husband and I were just talking about this yesterday b/c I've seen women bristle when others comment their child looks just like the dad. Why is that?
My husband and I have gotten the same thing about our daughter from day one - all the comments ("Was he involved" to she's a mini-me). We never thought (or think) much about it one way or the other. He considers it a compliment for our daughter b/c he thinks I'm pretty darn cute :)
Saturday, March 01, 2008, 10:22 PM
I am with you! I don't think you are overthinking it at all. My husband an I have 3 children. And, my hubby is half hispanic - you'd think that'd give him some pull where genes are concerned! However, we have 3 golden haired children 2 of whom have blue eyes.
It is great that you are comparing their personalities! What a great thing to inherit from your father, right! Also, when our 11 year old daughter was born the nurse in the hospital handed him this blond blue-eyed baby and told him that she had his profile. I thought she was trying to be nice - but to this day it is soooo true! Even though they are different "colors", they really look alike.
I'd say look deeper - it may be a way your son crooks an eyebrow, curls his lip, or holds his head. It'll be there, you'll find something. My boys both walk like their Dad, things will be learned that will change others perceptions. It'll take time, and all that matters is if you and your husband see it! usually the family members will, too!
Congrats on the baby - enjoy him!!!
Sunday, March 02, 2008, 11:48 AM
I work at a birthing center, and I see this happen alot. Usually the baby resembles one of the parents more, and I think thats a little difficult for the other parent to hear all the time BUT if your husband isnt over thinking it to much, I dont think you should be. It probably bothers him a little, because everyone has this image of their baby looking just like them, but he probably also knows its silly and that he has bonds with his son that are deeper than physical features.
As your son grows he may develop more of your husbands physical features or not but be just like your husband personality wise. Before you know it he'll be walking and people might constantly be saying " he's just like his father!". Hang in there, dont think too hard, people make lots of comments when babies arrive lol. just relax and cherish your beautiful baby and loving husband:)
Sunday, March 02, 2008, 12:01 PM
I'm on the other end of your dilemma! I have a seven month old son who looks EXACTLY like my DH, and everyone mentions it. Usually I just take it in stride, but sometimes it annoys me because I'm the one who got fat, stretch marks, heartburn, costipation, etc. Either way I still think he's the most adorable baby I've ever seen, and I'm glad he's mine.
I doubt it bothers your husband as much as you think it does. He might get a little annoyed by it sometimes, but he's not going to love you or your baby any less. :)
Sunday, March 02, 2008, 3:00 PM
I just wanted to say Thank you all for your comments and input, I appreciate you all taking the time to tell me some true life experiences..It has been helpful!
I will take all your advice and try not to over think it
Sunday, March 02, 2008, 3:36 PM
I think your making a big deal out of nothing. Almost every baby resembles one parent more then the other, in some cases only one. So what, your husband knows the baby is his, and he should be happy since I'll assume he thinks your beautiful. What is the issue? My daughter is the exact image of me when I was little, my husband knows this and actually appreciates it. I fact she is a mini me to the point of attitude as well but when we put her baby pictures next to mine you can't tell who is who, even my mom has a problem with this, almost scary. We joke and talk about how funny it will be when she gets older cause chances are she will hate to look just like mom, just like I did when I was a pre-teen and everyone said I looked just like my mom. It is not a surprise that the baby looks more like you then him, there is nothing to do about it and it shouldn't bother you or your husband. Maybe your next child will look more like your husband. My now 2 month old son looks a lot like me still but there is definitely some of the hubby in there, he has his eyes and coloring and ears. My hope is that even though we are both intelligent that the kids get his brain and desire and passion to learn all things new.
Sunday, March 02, 2008, 7:26 PM
My son was like that, but now he is 7 and has looked more like his dad the last few years. Life is too short to worry about this - just enjoy your baby. As long as your husband is ok then life is good.
ps - my son got all of my husband's smarts = for that I am really grateful!!!
Sunday, March 02, 2008, 10:23 PM
In my baby pics I look like a little-girl version of my dad. In the pics wheres he's holding me we have the same eyes, grin, chin, cheeks, everything... So I've always grown up with people telling me how much I look like my dad, but recently I got a chance to see a pic of my mom in college and was really surprised to see how alike we are now that I'm older. I look alot like her at that age. We have the same shade of blue eyes and the same skin tone, same brows, black hair, lips, neck and nose.
Just say: "He gets his patient good nature from his father!" ;-)
Monday, March 03, 2008, 10:12 AM
at 4 months your baby is constantly changing - as long as he is healthy that is all that matters! how lucky that you don't seem to have anything else to worry about.
Sunday, March 09, 2008, 11:06 PM
Children always look like the 2 people who conceived them
Children are a mix of 2 parents...always.They are not always 50/50,but there is always some recognizable features present from both parents.
You're child may not look anything like you're husband,but they do look SOMETHING like the father. You're husband has OBVIOUS doubts in the back of his mind. Even if you are confident that it is his child, do an easy dna test. He may tell you he doesn't want one, but....he does. If the test comes back as positive, then I guarantee you and he will be much happier.
Looking for validation on some online forum will not help him feel any better.It only shows how guilty you feel.
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