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I can't stand when my husband criticizes me.
He does it with love - to grow, and usually what he says is right. He's not rude, doesn't yell or personally attack, but I still don't like being criticized. I don't want to grow anymore, I don't care that it's good for me. I wish he would stop. Thanks for the vent.
Wed. Mar 5, 9:11am
what kind of things does he say? I do understand - sometimes you want to say, "how about mind your own damn business and worry about yourself" LOL
Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 9:44 AM
Any thing that does not grow, dies. We never arrive, life is a journey. Some days are better than others. It should be our desire to become better, not bitter.
Be thankful, you have a wonderful husband that wants you to be the best that you can be, not only for yourself, but for him and your family.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 9:49 AM
although growing is important it is also important to know when you are happy with who you are. even good critizism can alter who you really are. it is important to say i love myself the way i am and for who i am.
my husband often does the same thing but i have learned to settle with what i got.
take care and keep your marriage strong.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 6:39 PM
I find myself telling my husband how to take care of himself. I have had to learn to back off. He is not my child. There is a line in marriage you do not cross. My time with him is to love him. There is a big world out there to tell him what to do and how to do it. There is so much pressure to grow and to be healthier and to eat better and to be greener, the list goes on and on. My place is to share a home with him where we can both go and relax and be comfortable. I believe he will find the love in himself to take care of what he needs. I need to respect him not mother him. He would move back home if that is what he needed. To me, that is why people stay together, to share time together, not mother each other.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 7:26 PM
"I believe he will find the love in himself to take care of what he needs."
"people stay together, to share time together"
that sounds like a casual roomate not a spouse. A great marriage means you are sharpening each other like good friends do and that hurts sometimes - it is not "mothering" it is the natural back and forth of a realtionship which hurts like hell like all things worth doing in life. Your whole post is just so wrong...the OP is just venting and that is cool, but then she needs to suck it up and keep sharpening and being being sharpened.
You are just nagging that unmanly husband of yours.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 7:54 PM
I'm guessing the OP doesn't want to 'grow anymore' b/c that's the natural response to criticism. It rarely inspires, no matter how well intentioned or gently delivered. And repeated criticism is almost a guarantee nothing will change. People are most likely to grow and thrive when they feel accepted and nurtured.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 7:56 PM
Sharing time together is what its all about, not sharpening, keep it up and you will fall on your own point! I hope you are not married.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 8:02 PM
Sorry, 7:54 - have to respectfully disagree. When it comes to 'improving oneself', especially when it comes to things that the person is aware of (as the OP stated) people don't need or generally respond to the frequent 'reminders' of their spouses, loved ones, or friends. In fact, it often has the opposite effect. It inspires the peson to rebel, whether it's conscious or not.
In the context of other issues, I will agree with you. Sometimes we need and benefit from another person's honest perspective. But that looks, feels, and sounds different than constant criticism.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 8:10 PM
I hear ya sista!!!! I love my hubby dearly and I know he means well but I have been looking after myself for many, many years ... if I don't ask for a "suggestion" chances are I may not be looking for one! I find the more often he does it, the less likely I am to even hear him!
... that said, I'm sure I'm not entirely guiltless in this department either - especially with the kids. I'll try harder.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 9:18 PM
8:02 - no, as in :
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." -- Solomon
I don't know about you but I have a lot of rough edges to wear off and my wife loves them off all the time :)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 9:30 PM
I get ya OP. I get ya. Criticism is challenging if you were criticized growing up.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008, 7:46 AM
Yeah, I totally dislike criticism. Especailly when it comes across as a complaint about me or what I am doing. I have a critical spouse and I have worked to get those criticisms reframed as "I am concerned about..." statements.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008, 8:12 AM
If I ask for suggestions and I receive what feels like criticism, then that's on me because I did ask. But unsolicited "advice" is never comforting, and certainly doesn't encourage me to follow it.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008, 8:59 AM
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