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Is it possible to increase my husbands sex drive?

He's kind of a low energy guy, I knew this when I married him and once a week was enough for me. Now as I enter my 40's and am leading a healthier lifestyle, I find that my drive has increased and I am needing so much more than he can give. I have tried really spicing up my technique to no effect on him.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make him want me more often? It's not lack of desire, he does find me attractive sexually, he just is happy with once a week and I'm ready every couple of days at least.

Is it normal for a guy to only want sex weekly? I'm so frustrated.

Sat. Mar 22, 1:55pm

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Even guys have variations in their sex drive. That could be the case with him, assuming he doesn't have some underlying medical (low testosterone) or psychological (depression) issue. Has he been checked by a doctor? I

s he unhealthy? Have an unhealthy lifestyle? Overweight? If so, even then all you can do is lead by example and hope he gets inspired along the way.

If none of those are issues - I don't know that there's anything you can do (have you asked him?) I imagine it must be frustrating for the partner who wants more than the other.

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 2:01 PM

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Could it be that since you're getting healthier and maybe looking better that he's feeling a little self conscious? It's typically thought of that women get all body image conscious when it's time to get nekked, but men can be just as susceptible. When you don't feel attractive (and even when someone tells you are, it doesn't always convince you) the last thing you fee like doing is putting it out there for someone to see.

And if you're still doing it once a week, that's still pretty good. I hear from friends who have the mentality of "The month's up already????" Good for you!!!!

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 2:23 PM

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from what I have been reading, this might (might) indicate an overall vascular issue. The penis is a pump, and when your blood is not flowing right- it does not flow right. Hence the need for viagra etc. But when your heart is moving the blood around properly, this should not be an issue. So it may be that your husband needs to make some changes to his diet. If this is really not the issue, and he eats lots of fruits and vegetables, doesn't drink much, gets sleep, exercises-- then the issue lies elsewhere obviously.

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 2:24 PM

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OP here, thanks for your responses.

He is not overweight, maybe a little pudgy around the belly but really not much. He is eating quite alot better than he used to as I am preparing most of his food and trying to get the whole family healthier as a whole. He is not very active at all and does no exercise, he has an office job and is on the computer mostly on the weekends. He seems to tire easily. He has regular physicals and there seems to be no health issues.

When I try to initiate sex more frequently he will make it clear he's too tired. I never thought about him having 'body issues', I thought it was more a girl thing but thats something worth bearing in mind.

Holy cow! Once a month, I would go out of my mind, lol.

Maybe I can try to get him more active by planning hikes etc on the weekend, maybe that might increase his energy in the bedroom. Thanks for listening to my vent.

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 2:38 PM

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hate to admit it...been there

Keep in mind every step of the way, it is not you. Your self esteem is probably better than mine since it sounds like you are already cool with that. The difficult balance when married, is to approach it without one feeling pressured, and the other rejected. I think since you are the one in need, try to get creative and think back to what has moved him in the past. More spontaneous? Lingerie on your new fit body? Music that inspires him? Ultimately I found that unplanned time together enjoying whatever you have in common (usually not TV) or just talking a lot without the married habit of correcting, rigid old ideas and better listening has always increased sex in my relationships. Unfortunately the best sex was always on my way out the door! Something about them finally realizing that I was really going since they had completely given up :(
good luck with this one.

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 3:06 PM

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Yes my self esteem within this relationship is very good. I have never been made to feel unattractive or unloved or had any reason to believe that my husband has looked elsewere. Within myself though, thats a whole other matter. I have lost a whole lot of weight but could stand to lose quite a bit more and I don't like him looking at me naked, maybe I need to get over that and give him more visuals. I prefer sex with the light off or low, maybe this is an issue, something I hadn't thought about.

Great ideas, thank you!

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 3:28 PM

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Perhaps getting into shape will give him some energy. Being out of shape and never exercising pretty much guarantees fatigue at the end of the day!

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 7:06 PM

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I'm sure you are right, thank you!

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 11:48 PM

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I feel your pain. My husband is 57. I am lucky if we get together once a month. It is so hard. He has no energy at night and we are both really busy. Other tthen sex, he is a wonderful husband. Whats a woman to do?

Sunday, March 23, 2008, 3:30 AM

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i agree with the no tv thing... we don't have cable (i used to be a tv addict) and now we find other things to do :) which includes lots of talking, working on the house together, reading and cuddling. the foreplay is the time we spend focused on each other with our clothes on which leads to a wonderful sex life (which i didn't have with my ex).

Sunday, March 23, 2008, 10:33 AM

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