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Are you really happy with your husband?

I just love that no one knows me and I can say exactly what I want to say. Everyone thinks we're happy but I have a lot of problems with him. Sure, I love him but I still have to do everything. I have to take care of our children, and take care of him. It's as if he's my third child. He doesn't help, he only works and then plays video games. Are women who are single actually happier? They have one less adult to take care of.

Thu. Apr 10, 11:37am

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I just celebrate my 9 year wedding anniversary Tuesday and yes I'm honestly very happy. I wouldn't want to not have my husband around. He helps me so much in so many ways, but on top of that he is truly my best friend in the world.

I think you need to speak to a counselor, preferably jointly with your husband if you can talk him into it.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 11:44 AM

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Yes, currently very happy with my Husband. Have not been in the past. Might not be in the future. However, we choose each other. Be sweet toward him even when it is difficult to do so. Since you can not change his behavior, change yours.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 12:00 PM

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Statistically married people have it better in many ways...

I love the anonimity too, my wife yells and starts fights and throws things and makes our son cry with her outbursts + can't keep up with the house / budget despite only working a little... I am gone 6am to 6pm with v. stressful job, but still help with our son and cleaning and talking to her + bought her flowers and chocolates this week but still she says I don't do enough and get furious GRRR

...but I am stickin' with her 'cause she is my girl, we will better...

I agree with the PP counseling is great.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 12:02 PM

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you sound like my husband a little.
whenever we get into an argument he throws inmy face that he works 40-60 hrs a week and then on the weekends he has to do house work and watch our daughter. when in reality when we had our daughter i gave up my career so he could pursue his and we could still have our daughter stay home with us. plus i work 30 hrs a week on top of doing the housework during the week and watching our daughter all week everyday and running all the errands. but i still love him despite his quirks and am very happy with him

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 12:14 PM

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Well, as someone who divorced a man that ultimately wanted a "traditional" wife (meaning it was okay if I worked, but no need to bother with a career because I'd be a baby factory one day soon), I'm DELIGHTED to be single. Most men out there want - and secretly think they have a right to expect - their perception of a 50s-era wife. After 10 years of doing their own bachelor laundry, they forget how to use the damn machine. I know that not all men are like that, but there are so few that aren't that it's hardly worth dating, falling for, and then moving in with a guy just to find out they're paying lip-service to equality.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 12:56 PM

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I've been married 19 years, lived together for a total of 22. We are as happy today as newlyweds. Our secret: respect, open communication, understanding, keeping a sense of humor and most of all...treat the other like he/she is your best friend. We believe that often, when couples marry, they think "he/she is mine"...and a sense of "ownership" kicks in...creating a new type of dynamic in the relationship: controlling, or setting new expectations.

My husband and I both have very stressful jobs. We work all day and come home to each other. We RESPECT each other's need and style of winding down for the day. When we get home, we talk about the our frustrations or accomplishments, then that's it. We set it aside, and then focus on the family. OP, your husband may need video games to wind down. That's where OPEN COMMUNICATION comes in. Talk about your needs, frustrations, concerns, joys, etc...anything and everything. That's how you sympathize, appreciate, and UNDERSTAND what's going on between the two of you. Don't sweat the small stuff. Identify and express his good qualities and how he does help. Give a chuckle about his challenging qualities. Maintain a good SENSE OF HUMOR. Most importantly, treat him like you would a friend. If your friend stopped by and automatically picked up a video game, would you yell at her...would you laugh and tease her...would you just keep talking girl talk while she plays? Just because he's YOUR husband, doesn't make you his boss or mother (and vise versa).

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 1:01 PM

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12:14 - I NEVER throw it in her face that I work and help - that is the thing - I am pretty nice and sensitive all the time (I know you don't beleive that but whatever) - she works half what you do and still fall behind on everything and then is stressed out and angry b/c overthing around her is a mess and now I found out she is watching TV shows online all the time while I am gone. She is in a downward spiral and takes it out on me and our little guy

12:56 - "50's era wife" - that is funny - you mean all of global human history except post feminist america type wife ? ? Roles are good. Being a stay at home mom is hard but don't blame roles 'cause your ex was a bad husband


Thursday, April 10, 2008, 1:26 PM

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Am I happy with my husband?

A resounding, "YES!"

And I'm so grateful.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 1:49 PM

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Oh yes!!! So happy with my husband..he amazes me. I would say talk to yours about how your feeling, sometimes they dont like them, but he married you and he needs to get over it and realize that he has responsibility too!! Good luck.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 1:59 PM

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Dang! 1:01 is married to my husband and has my job ;-)

We've been happily married for 7 years and dated for 2 prior to tying the knot. We both have very stressful jobs and different ways of dealing with it. However right from the beginning I was upfront that I spent my entire childhood watching my mom play servant and I was not-by-god going to have a marriage like that. There's nothing less sexy than feeling like someone's maid or mother and I refuse to stew in my own resentment. Fortunately he had already realized the quickest way to incite lust in a woman was to do dishes ;-)

We have over the years worked out a fair and equitable division of duties so that we both have time to goof off and time where we take care of family life. Really if you keep on top of stuff it doesn't take that long and 2 people seem to be able to do a task 3x faster than one person. Some things we work on together and some things we divy up - for example I love to cook so I generally do all the cooking and he has no problem sticking in a load of laudry every other day, I take care of the cars and the yard and he vacumes and pays the bills the second they come in, etc... You have to figure out what works for the both of you but you both have to feel it's fair so keep working on it til you do.

You really need your strategic planning sessions where you talk about what's going on and what is coming up in your lives. Tell him what you do - and insist he do the same, if you don't know it's easy to start feeling like the overburdened one. Our time is while we cook and sometimes carries over to eating. I do the bulk of the cooking but he loves to hang out in the kitchen while I do and be my extra hands if I need something, and that's when we talk about our days and it's a great way to connect. He's really my best friend and lover and we're a great team.

I wish you the best and hope you find a way to make your marriage more equitable.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 2:15 PM

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