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Would you adopt if you couldn't have kids or if you didn't want to go through pregnancy?

I'm contemplating it. I'm 39 and think it's a much better option. Has anyone here done this?

Wed. Apr 16, 8:40am

Hi there. I work at an infertility clinic and see cases of every type, including bad eggs or sperm in 24 year olds, or 45 year olds who want to use their own eggs, or sex selection to avoid conditions that could be passed to offsprings (PGD).

May I ask the reason for which you cannot have children? Bad eggs, no uterus?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 8:54 AM

I want to go through pregnancy to have kids (havent started trying so i dont know if i can) AND adopt.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:13 AM

Ditto. I've had a child and we're now waiting for an adopted child! It's just as exciting :)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:18 AM

I've never had kids and have never wanted them, BUT if I suddenly really did (somehow I doubt it, but people say this happens) I would consider adoption, because I am older than the OP. I believe that with age it becomes a lot harder to conceive, chances of a healthy kid are a little lower, and pregnancy can be a lot harder on the mother's body.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:20 AM

No, I wouldn't

No, I'm not the adoptive kind. I think it takes a strong, unselfish person to be an adoptive parent....and that person is not me.

I'd either want my own flesh and blood as my child or I'd want none.

Am I selfish? Yes. Am I ashamed of that? Absolutely not.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:26 AM

That's what I plan to do...

Schizophrenia and manic depression run in my family. The women on my mother's side all had a hard time with post-partum depression and were never quite the same after their pregnancies. I know that those conditions are genetic pre-dispositions and since I already suffer from mild depression, I do not want to risk the hormonal flux of a pregnancy. So years ago I decided that if I were to ever have children, I would adopt. Funny thing is, I've been dumped at least once because of this decision...and criticized by other boyfriends. But that will not deter me...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:28 AM

I absolutely love the idea of providing a home and family for a child who doesn't have one. I just can't imagine what it's like to grow up without a family. So, yes, I would absolutely consider it - over infertility treatments even.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:31 AM

9:28, there are a lot of guys out there who don't want to have their own children for genetic reasons. Hang in there and you'll meet some of them.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 9:43 AM

I would definitely adopt if I could not carry babies of my own. I know how much one can love children, even if they are not one's own. I think adoption is great!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 10:01 AM

I have one biological child and would love to adopt an older child who otherwise would stay in the system. Just waiting til I make a little more money & my daughter's a little older...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 10:06 AM

Have LOTS of friends who have adopted children and one family member. Every story is a different one. If you are open to life (my number one recommendation if you want kids) adoption is a great way to go. Family is who we love....

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 11:05 AM

interesting topic

I was 24 when I found out I couldn't conceive and went through fertility treatments for over a year. After not getting pregnant and told I would never have a child, I just let it go. For some reason, adoption never even entered my mind. Maybe because I was so young. I don't object to adoption at all and if it were a time factor for me, I probably would have pursued it. However, my dh and I just forgot about it and then a year later I ended up pregnant! 4 kids later...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 11:19 AM

A lot of kids who are adopted have genetic dispositions to mental illness as well - not trying to rudely stereotype, but it's often the not-quite-right people who end up pregnant with a child they cannot care for, whether they're too young or financially incapable.

I don't mean this as a deterrent, just, if you decide to adopt, particularly if you're trying to adopt from the caucasian American pool (I don't think this applies to, for example, children adopted from other countries, where the reason for giving children up for adoption is different), make sure you're prepared for a child who may turn out to be difficult.

Of course, you could have a difficult child yourself, as well.

I don't say this to start a fight, I say this from experience. My younger sister is adopted, was adopted at 2 days old, and she has numerous behavioral/psychological problems (she's 21 now, and still has behavioral problems and is entirely dependent on my parents.) Also, several friends who either are adopted, or have adopted siblings, see similar issues. I have no idea how common it is, I just know that I've seen it in a number of cases.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 11:47 AM

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