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A Polite Letter To My Boobs...

Dear Boobs,
I just wanted to let you know how I really appriciate you being around. I really like you guys! Here's the thing. Lately I've been noticing that you're, well...shrinking! I know I've been working out and losing weight. It feels great and all, but I think you've done your fair share of getting smaller. You should really let my Butt have a chance to get smaller. There you guys are, sitting lighter and lighter, while big old butt continues to do the chunky monkey. So anyway, I just thought it would be very gracious of you to take a rest and let dear old butt step up to the plate for a while, if you don't mind.
Thanks for listening, Boobs! And remember, we're all part of the same team!
Yours Truely,
Me


Thu. Apr 17, 11:04am

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Dear Feet,

Seriously? YOU shrunk a size?? I appreciate the effort, but honestly, you know how I hate shoe shopping so you are doing nothing but causing me problems. I had no problems with the size you were before, please keep all the carbs you want...to get back to your original fattiness...feel free to take them from my midsection.

Love, me

PS Sorry about the blisters yesterday...

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 11:18 AM

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Dear Thigh Cellulite,

I do a million lunges a day and still you persist! Let's face it, things with us haven't been good in quite a while. I don't want you to blame yourself; Pizza Hut and Chinese take-out had a lot to do with it. Regardless, you aren't attractive and I need a break. If you could kindly pack up your stuff and get out, me and the rest of team would be a lot better off.

Regards,
Me

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 11:37 AM

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Stretch marks, I know many women regard you as a badge of courage for bringing children into the world and dont get me wrong, my children are a blessing but Can you find a way to disappear??? I mean come on, I can improve and reshape every part of my body but there you are in all your glory all stretchy and shiney. It is just not fair to have you around anymore, I dont deserve you! I have worked to hard to hide myself in a 1 peice swimsuite because of you!! So if you will not go on your own, I shall be forced to remove you. Consider this your first warning! Thank you kindly, Me



Thursday, April 17, 2008, 12:06 PM

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Dear Thighs

While I am glad you support the weight of my torso I would appreciate it if this summer you would try not to rub together. Our Butt is a little upset because all that rubbing together causes my shorts to ride up our crack. Thighs, lets face it you can't be happy rubbing together. I have to keep you baby powdered when I wear skirts or else you chaff. Nobody likes that.
Thank you
Me

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 12:12 PM

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A Letter to Cease and Desist:

Dear Baby Belly,

This is to inform you that I do not appreciate your attention seeking behavior any longer. The rest of the body has obliged by getting smaller, but your determination is wearing on my nerves. You have managed to make yourself look even bigger because of the hard work done by the rest of your bodily friends. The upper abs do not take kindly to the fact that they have gotten tighter and you are just hanging there like a fanny pack. The lower pubic region does not like being referred to as a "gunt". And as PP mentioned, no one finds your outlandish stretch marks appealing. Stripes are SO last year!!! Get your act together or you're going under the knife!!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 12:14 PM

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Oposing side of OP's Letter

Dear Boobs,
Ok girls, it's time we had a talk. Betty, Veronica, you are larger than life!! I need you to shrink some already. I'm starting to get my own confidence, and I don't need you in the way of my happiness. Also, I don't know if you realize this, but all the hard work I've been doing, you girls are hurting me terribly!!! The bras I have found just don't seem to keep you in place while I work on me. Don't you two realize the pain too??? I'd really appreciate it if you stepped back. If not, once I have regained full confidence in myself I will make an executive decision. You will be phased to a smaller size. You can either go willingly and make this easier on all, or you can keep ticking me off and face the consequences.

Your owner and decision maker,
ME.

P.S. the guys that notice you all the time...most of them are jerks. You two are way too big and keep attracting the wrong kind of attention.

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 12:24 PM

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Dear South,

Clearly all my hard work is doing nothing, you are still heading south. I believe you would be much more comfy if you headed north again, not to mention the nice cool air flow the northern region has. I do not appreciate the fact that you are forcing me to seriously think about having my hills and valleys sculpted. So lets just be friends again and rise up, come visit the north again. Stand tall and proud and lets show the world how beautiful you all could be again. And if not maybe we could find comfortable ground and meet in the middle.

Love you, miss you, hope to see you soon - Me

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 12:29 PM

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LMAO....this is priceless...thanks for the chuckle!!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 1:03 PM

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Thanks for the laughs! I don't remember the last time I laughed until I cried!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008, 1:14 PM

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Dear Body Fat,
Please consider this letter as your official eviction notice. I don't feel this living arrangement we have is working out. Please pack your bags and vacate the premises. If you put up any kind of fight, drastic measures will be taken. I think the skinny lady next door has a vacancy!!
Thanks for the memories,
ME


Thursday, April 17, 2008, 1:18 PM

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