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Boyfriend in prison

Does anyone have a boyfriend who is in prison or jail? Mine has been gone since june 22nd 2007. He went away when I was two months pregnant. Now our son is 3 months old and I'm doing everything on my own. Full time job, mother and college student.

Fri. May 2, 11:41pm

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I just wanted to say I commend you for raising your son and going to school and holding down a job.. keep up teh great work.. make sure you get soem time for you in between

Friday, May 02, 2008, 11:52 PM

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thank you 11:52 it gets hard sometimes but I am actually going on on the 16th, woohoo lol the first time in a month and a half. Oh well I have more energy anyway when I dont go out

Saturday, May 03, 2008, 12:43 AM

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So what did your guy do, and why are you sticking by him?

Saturday, May 03, 2008, 2:16 PM

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umm, no. I don't know anyone in prison.

Saturday, May 03, 2008, 2:19 PM

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I am curious too. Why is he in jail? Why are you sticking with him?

Saturday, May 03, 2008, 2:29 PM

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I can sympathize, my husband and I went through this 17 years ago, right after we married and had our first child. He went away 6 mos after she was born for his third DUI arrest. He was there for 7 months and it was hell. I had a full time office job and had to work nights bar tending on the weekends as well to make ends meet. In addition to this had to travel an hour each way to go visit him and bring our daughter with me to see her father as well as secure daycare for all the hours I was working. He at least wasn't in a regular "prision setting" but it was still jail. It was specifically jail for vehicular offenses, etc and it was more like a boot camp/dorm setting but jail all the same. Very tough situation when they are calling you telling you how much they miss you and how lonely they are and all you are doing is trying so hard to keep your lives together and can't take listening to how "hard" it is for them at the time. I'll give you a bit of advice though that someone gave to me. "If you make it though this, your relationship will make it through just about anything" and they were right. Here we are 17 years later, my husband never took another drink since the day he got out (shows you what taking you away from your family can do to a man) and things are great between us. I felt like giving up on him so many times and now I am so glad I didn't because the man treats me like gold and I could not have asked for a better life partner. Hand in there and good luck to both of you!

Monday, May 05, 2008, 9:39 AM

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My boyfriend is going to County 8/10

My boyfriend got his 4th DUI over a year ago and got sentenced last week. His sentence was for a year in county with work release. He got his DUI before we were together, and has changed alot since. He no longer drinks, puts his energy into our relationship, fixing up the house, and work. Everyone in his family is so proud of him for the changes he has made, and its just such a shame that this had to happen when everything was going so well. He is a wonderful person, loves me for me, is great with our dog, and is dedicated to making our lives wonderful. I am going to stand by his side 100% thru this ordeal. I know that after all is said and done, that we will be great, wonderful, and forever in love. The good thing is that he gets work release during the day, and works for the local airport, so I am able to go visit him at work in the morning and during my lunch, and then at County after work at visiting hours. So, if anyone has any advice, itd be lovely. i never had to deal with this before, it is all new to me, and I don't know what emotional obsticals to overcome. I am not naieve, I was married before, going thru the final part of my divorce now from someone who wasn't so nice to me. My ex talked down to me, called me stupid, and was very demening. I got the strength to walk out almost 2 years ago, and met my boyfriend 6 months later and fell in love with him. He is everything wonderful in a man, I can't stress that enough. The only reason he even drank that night was because some girl stood him up on a date, and he sat at the bar and drank until he gave up on her. The good thing out of that is that the girl never showed up because if she had, we might not be together today. So, I know some might judge me and think that I am just in a situation I should get out of, but if you knew how happy I am after 33 years, you all would understand. I will be staying at his house with his father, and we are hoping that after a month, his attorney will put in for a change to home confinement for the rest of his term. Pray for us, that would truly be a blessing!!! Anyway, thanks for letting me share.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008, 10:27 PM

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^^ Not to burst your bubble, but that's his 4th DUI? And you say "the only reason he drank that night"... what about the other 3 nights? One DUI arrest should scare anyone into never doing again. You can kill yourself or someone else, and there's NO excuse for it. Ever.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 8:56 AM

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Wow these guys are lucky to have someone stick by them through this. I was in a relationship I thought was awsome. We had a big party to celebrate getting engaged and I drank a little too much. On the way home from the club I had an accident and one of the guys in the other car got hurt really bad, lost a leg and went in a coma. I got 14 months in prison. The prison was at the other end of the state 450 miles from home. Nobody came to visit me - ever - but they accepted my collect calls. After 5 months nobody was ever home at the time I called. So I wrote letters. My girl never answered. I tried calling her again and the phone had been disconnected. After I got out I went to see her. She had moved and left no forwarding address.

FYI - I was not a real drinker (only on very special occasions like weddings, holidays and my engagement party), I never had any kind of traffic violation before this, I never did anything illegal before this, so I never got arrested for anything ever. I had a really good job and was a normal regular guy. Can't for the life of me figure out why she dumped me when I was locked up.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 11:13 AM

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Wow! OP That has got to be mighty hard! How are you able to handle all of your responsibilities?

Let other people's mistakes and your's be a lesson. Was this the right time for you to have a baby considering the already full plate you had with a full time job and being a college student?

Is 10:27 the OP?

I like 8:56's thinking.

-buzzard


Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 11:23 AM

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Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But sometimes they happen to people who keep making extremely poor choices, and who need to pay the consequences.
One thing to keep in mind about people who wind up in prison: they keep making excuses. It's not their fault they're there, it's the girl who stood them up and made them get drunk and then made them drive and get caught.
It's not their fault, it's the way the grew up and the drugs they had to deal to get by,
It's not their fault, it's their family's for kicking them out and making them fend for themselves. So they robbed a store, but they knew how stupid it was.
Jail is full of these "innocent victims." The real innocent victims are the children in family's who are forced to continue their lives with these people. The kids learn that it is somehow not so heinous to wind up behind bars. There's some degree of normalcy.
I think these people, whether for DUI or larceny or whatever, need to do counseling or rehab or therapy and fix their lives before they attach themselves to screw up someone else's. I feel sorry for the people who love them, because they are more likely than not to be disappointed again and again and again.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 11:26 AM

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11:26,
I've heard a lot of that too. Like you said, the kids grow up to repeat the same mistakes. I was wanting to suggest to the OP about starting a fund for your 3 month old but that doesn't seem like a realistic plan unless you drop the college thing. But right now and for the next 17 years and 9 months, it's not about you but about your kid, you lost your priority status about a year ago unfortunately. You need to do what's best for your son.

-buzzard

Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 11:45 AM

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11;26 I have seen what you have said in so many cases. We have a very spoiled society right now that sues and/or blames others for our own actions. While he has never been in jail (although he worked for them) my ex blames me for his drinking. I informed him that I have never stuck a beer in his hand and made him drink it, that is his choice, and not to blame me for the choices he makes.
However, I have also heard of many one time offenses, a serious lesson learned the hard way. For some reason our society promotes drinking to celebrate, to socialize and have a good time, let's get together over drinks. While only one drink may not be a problem, it can lead up to bigger ones. In our happiness and desire to celebrate, some ounce of reality or awareness must permeate the celebratory so we dont over do it and end up regretting it for one reason or another. I am not promoting being a teetotaler, just wise thinking and planning. (You've heard the phrase "Dont drink then drive").

I also question 4 DUI's. I am glad to hear that he seems to be gettng his life together and that he has such a wonderful support system, but how will he handle other difficult situations? Sometimes when we feel we are in love, we tend to "color" over the problem areas. You look at just his good side, especially after coming out of a bad situation yourself. I wish you luck and sincerely hope that he truely does not drink any more and that things work out well for the two of you.
11;13, I am sorry for what you went through. Perhaps this girl loved you more for something you represented, rather then for you yourself. That was a cold way for her to handle the situation, but I will bet that she spent a lot of time crying. It is possible that she went through a heck of an ordeal herself with her parents and friends and couldnt handle them or seeing you again after what should have been a very happy occasion. Have you sought counseling? I would so recommend it, if nothing more then to release any pent up feelings or frustrations. Also, have you been to see the guy that you injured and apologized to him? While you may rightly feel envious of those that had someone stick by them, your accident was about more then just you. Look at how many people, how many families and friends, were affected by this. After you were gone, they all had something, someone to deal with while trying to get on with their own lives. Your actions will determine how they feel about you.


Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 12:23 PM

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I am the May 5th, 9:39 poster and you all raise some good points. As I stated I went through this many years ago and with very similar circumstances. when I met my husband I didn't know he had a drinking problem (his is the kind where he doesn't have to drink consistently but boy once he gets to drinking he doesn't stop until he has wiped out our bank account and is ten feet tall and bullet proof- a slightly different type of alcoholism) and I was pregnant and married to him before I was aware of this unfortunately. I was only made aware when I informed his sister he had been picked up for DUI and she said "oh Lord, here we go again, he's going away for sure this time, it's his 4th DUI" You can imagine my fear and panic. Anyway, my point to you all is that the above poster may not have "timed" the baby for this particular time in her life so you may need to cut her some slack. My second point is that you do raise some good points in that these people may go out and do it again, therefore, there needs to be therapy coupled with the punishment, not just jail time. You also mention, what happens when something else in their life goes wrong, will they then turn to alcohol again because of that? I'm pointing these things out because the jail situation my husband was in, as I mentioned before, was strictly for vehicular felonies, DUI's, Manslaughter through vehicle, etc and had intense therapy programs that not only he attended but that I was encouraged to attend as well. In addition to this, they would purposely wake him up around 4:00 a.m. to go outside and kick all over the place the big piles of leaves he had just raked the day before and tell him to get at it again just to see what his reaction would be, how he would "handle the stresses as they come" so to speak. They would offer him a long awaited furlough to come home on a weekend, which was a very very rare occurance, then all of a sudden revoke it for no reason, again just to get the reaction. Don't get me wrong, it was jail, they just incorporated additional classes, therapy and psycological tests, so to speak that, would further benefit these types of inmates and like I said, when he walked out of there he never drank again and we've been together for 17 years. People CAN and do change depending on if they've been held accountable for their actions and how they've been held accountable. Unfortunately, the state apparently didn't think this type of program was warranted any longer and shortly after my husband was released they closed down that program. What a shame, now these offenders will rot in jail, most will learn nothing from the experience and come out and do it again.
To the OP, I wish you and your family the best of luck. Keep in mind that you will get through this, God does not give us what we cannot handle even if at the time we absolutely think we cannot.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 1:01 PM

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I wasn't considering her boyfriend going to jail when I mentioned that she might have timed having a baby better. I think having a full time job and going to college, those two things alone, might be too much to have going on in a women's life to then consider adding to that with a baby, while being a semi single woman even.

Sorry I guess I wasn't clear on that point, does this make sense?

-buzzard


Wednesday, August 06, 2008, 1:10 PM

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