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Does anyone else get offended by comments made after you lose weight?
After I lost a bit of weight a lot of people would come up to me and say things like "Wow you look great, you've lost heaps of weight" or "You look so much nicer now" "you've lost so much weight" etc.
They were compliments I guess, but they always made me feel bad as it implied that before hand I must have been awful.
Thu. May 15, 10:36pm
I think comments like those are made with the best of intentions no matter how poorly phrased they are. Consider this - I assume it's true you've lost heaps of weight, so people are noticing. It's something you can't not notice. And, you look fantastic. Both are great things. In general, people respond to change. If you use to have heaps of hair and got a great new Katie Holmes bob, people would be saying, 'Wow, you're hair is so short! I love the new haircut!" Doesn't mean the old haircut sucked, they're just inspired by the new you.
A while after I had lost weight I had people tell me they had noticed but they were afraid to compliment me for that very reason. I'm generally one to assume good will and don't take offense, in part b/c it's true - I look SO much better now ;)
Don't let a compliment make you feel bad. Let it validate all the hard work you've done, let it remind you that you do look fabulous, and let it inspire you to keep it up!
Thursday, May 15, 2008, 10:47 PM
Well said PP! I initially felt the same sting with the compliments, but then I realized I DID look bad before (they likely did not notice or judge anywhere near as much as I did, maybe they didn't even notice I looked 'bad' until they saw that I looked better) and the new improvement just highlighted it. IT IS A GOOD THING!
Thursday, May 15, 2008, 11:40 PM
I agree OP. I want to feel good about those compliments, but my self esteem and my negative side won't let it soak through--almost like a defense mechanism. And then i think "are you saying I looked like hell before?"
Friday, May 16, 2008, 8:57 AM
I don't necessarily get offended because I don't think people mean it the way I take it. I smile and say thanks, and for that minute it feels good, but then inside my head I'm thinking, "Holy crap I must have looked like a cow!" I tend to beat myself up for it than blaming them....
Friday, May 16, 2008, 10:37 AM
I guess I've always taken it that way but not taken offense. I didn't like the way I looked in the mirror that was the main thing that motivated me to lose weight. If I didn't like the way I looked then how did I expect others to like it.
Also I don't think it means you looked hideous but come on would you really be happy if you'd done all the work to lose weight only to be told, I can tell you've lost weight but really you don't look any different than before.
Friday, May 16, 2008, 10:47 AM
I used to not talk about losng weight. I didn't encourage any conversation about it. Then something shifted a few years ago and I started to see weight loss comments in an entirely different light. It was like someone was saying "I see you" and "you have changed."
My weight was my way of staying invisible. When I could hear weight loss comments in this new light I started to feel new fuel for moving ahead.
I started to smile and say 'Thank you" and talk about my strategies for getting healthier. Some really good conversations came out of this new approach.
Most people truly mean well. They want you to know they notice you and they may be looking for an opportunity to talk about their own struggles.
Friday, May 16, 2008, 10:35 PM
I am glad someone else feels awkward when a group of women start discussing your weight. I have been heavy for years. I still am, yet am getting to look much better and feel better. I still feel gross though and don't want to really talk about my weight as the "center of attention" in a group. I find it complimentary, yet embarrassing. And yes, sometimes I feel like they are saying "geez you looked like hell before", lol. Our minds are a weird thing huh?
Friday, May 16, 2008, 11:29 PM
I think it's also about how YOU are feeling ...
I think that as we lose weight we not only look better but we also FEEL better about ourselves. We walk a little taller, smile a lot more, engage in conversation where in the past we might have hidden - and people respond to that.
Carrying extra weight is a very visible "issue" and one that maybe only our closest friend or relative might feel comfortable to talk to us about - but it doesn't mean that all the others in the world haven't noticed. They just haven't said anything b/c it wasn't their place.
I'm with the poster who said that she thinks those comments are made with the best of intentions no matter how poorly phrased - I really liked that! :)
The reality is, your skin, your body, your posture and maybe even your personality ARE probably shining in a way that they haven't been for a while and someone wants to compliment you on that - it's a good thing.
Saturday, May 17, 2008, 11:14 AM
I tend to get embarrassed when I get complimented.
I appreciate though that people notice the work I have put into this. And even tell me that I have insipired them. That is really nice.
But I have one family member who put it really well. She said I looked healthier. and she is right. I still have a ton of weight to lose and have lost a LOT of weight but my skin looks better my eyes are brighter and I carry myself differently. And I am able to do more. She notices the changes and wanted me to know she sees it.
I think that is cool.
There are others thought that make a big deal out of how big i was and that can be hurtful.
The one thing that makes it more difficult though is I tend to feel like I will let people down if I have a bad day or a bad week. Like I owe them something, I don't want to disappoint them. Well I have to overcome that, it is something in me, not them. And I just have to determine it is for me that I am losing this weight not for them.
Anyway in the end I do believe the majority of people do have the best of intentions and just want you to know they notice your hard work.
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