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Help! OHHH the GUILT

I am 5'5 103lbs and underweight, recently i have chucked all my healthy habits to the curb and just have been doing what i wanted. Not working out not eating right just living. I am trying to gain weight but a part of me feels guilty for not working out and eating whatever i want. and part of me feels really happy and myself again .I dont know how i got to this point. I havent had my cycle in 3 mths, so i feel as though i need to get this under control. I am trying to fix this on my own, and i feel as though i need to get this out , i am obsessed with food, i am constantly planning what i am going to eat, its like i am crazy. I dont know maybe its because i am underweight. Do you think i should continue to exercise or should i just stop completly till i get back to a normal weight? I really need some advice cause i am cracking up i feel like and i just want to be myself again. I have also recently noticed that if i eat a carb rich meal i will feel almost like a high after i have finished eating and i dont like it, its like i drank 10 cups of coffee or something and my heart races, it is so weird. Also I think i am having problems with my blood sugar or something cause there are times when i will get really angry if i dont get something sugary. I guess i have really screwed myself up. has anyone out there experienced this? I havent seemed to gain any weight even though i have been overeating like everyday for 2 weeks now, I used to eat 1800 cals day but know sometimes i dont even count calories and i know i am eating at least 2000-2500 per day. I have to admit i am scared to gain. I guess i really like being skinny, but i just cant maintain this weight and i feel like i am dying. Its like something has clicked and my body has told me alright thats enough, lets get real and get back to normal. So i have been just eating, but i feel guilt ridden inside and disgusted with myself. Plz any advice on what i should do would be appreciated!! Especially on the exercise because i think i should stop for awhile but i dont know if it will just ruin all my muscles and endurance.

Wed. May 28, 10:11pm

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I have been there. I lost too much weight, developed an addiction to eating and food and then finally realized I needed to get out of that life.
I did not get help and tried recovering on my own. I spiraled into a mess I am still working my way out of years later.

I know we are not the same person but your story does sound so familar. I hope you can learn from my mistake.

Please find the closest eating disorder help clinic to where you live. is a good resource for this (click treatment finder). They have professionals to guide you through gaining weight the right way and maintaining once you are at a healthy weight and everything else.

best of luck to you.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008, 10:28 PM

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You've got a lot going on here and I recommend professional help. My inclination is to maintain the exercise while you find balance with food, but you sound like you have all or nothing tendencies. And maybe you engage in excessive exercise? Ultimately, I'm just a lay person with only a snippet of information about what's really going on with you, and it sounds like you need guidance from a professional. Do it if for your health and your emotional well being.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008, 10:33 PM

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Possible Hyperthyroidism?

I am not a doctor, and my problem is rather the opposite of yours, but if I were you, I'd have a endocrinologist or a good thyroid doctor check your thyroid. Those symptoms sound similar to Hyperthyroidism, where you body produces too much thyroid, believe it or not. If you see one doctor and they say it's all O.K., I'd get a second opinion. What you are experiencing sounds like something physical, not mental, and not something you can control with positive thinking. Do a Google search for Hyperthyroidism and its symptoms -- do this right away, as I'd say this is a problem that requires immediate action, whatever the outcome. I've posted a link here for you that talks about both hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism. It's by Mary Schoman, who has written books on the topic. Make you sure look at the link on that page to the Hyperthyroidism Checklist, which offers a detailed, comprehensive checklist of hyperthyroidism symptoms that you can review and bring to your doctor to aid in getting a proper diagnosis.


Wednesday, May 28, 2008, 10:56 PM

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Honestly you need to seek professional help. You also need to have a complete blood work up done. Do it soon, talk to your doctor about your concerns and what you have done and what you are doing.

I actually have Graves Disease, basically hyperthyroidism and the things you talk about isn't really part of the symptoms. Good luck to you.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008, 11:13 PM

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You DO need to go to a doctor and get a blood panel done. You could be having a blood sugar problem, or a thyroid problem, or even a low triglyceride problem. You might also want to print out your food logs and see a nutritionist who can tell you if you're eating a properly balanced diet and getting the nutrients you need.

That said, not everything is clinical. If I don't eat enough, esp. carbs, I get in a terrible temper! Alternatively, I have panic attacks. I have no medically diagnosed blood sugar problem, but have learned to live as if I do, eating 6 small, balanced meals during the day.

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 7:08 AM

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Yes, you need to see a doctor. In the meantime, don't stop exercising (assuming your workouts are reasonable). Exercising in itself will not prevent you from gaining weight, and you really don't want to let your body get out of shape if it's having other problems. Being a healthy weight does not equal being out of shape.

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 8:25 AM

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Thanks so much for the advice i really needed some outside opinions, i agree with all of you step number 1 is to see my doc, I will continue my exercise but i think i will take it down a notch because i think i might be overdoing it, just taking these last 2 weeks off i have noticed an increase in my energy and strength. About the thyroid , i looked up those symptoms and i do have alot of the symptoms, so i will get checked, although im not sure if that is my prob but it would explain alot of things. i think i just need to take a chill pill and enjoy life and stop being such a perfectionist. Before i even cared about my weight i was so happy and enjoyed life, now i have actually turned weight loss and exercise into a negative thing, and almost killed myself in the process. I still dont understand how i got to be so skinny, i dont weight myself very often and it was like 115 one day to 103 a couple of weeks later. Maybe i will just try to commit to 30 min cardio per day and 3xwk weights instead of my norm 5days both for 2hr, and see what happens. As for the food i guess i will just have to control myself better, i am trying to keep myself within a calorie limit no matter what i am eating, eating no more than what i need for weight gain period.I hope once i get back to a healthy weight these feelings will go away.

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 9:20 AM

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