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Help... Guy's cheating

HI PTers,

Need to vent a little to keep me from going on a HUGE binge right now. Imagine.... about an hour ago I was with my boyfriend of six months and just got back to his house after a picnic at the beach. Another girl shows up and my b/f casually says hello to her as he finishes up his conversation on the phone while I stand there wondering who the h*** she is! He hangs up and she asks if I know she's his girlfriend... let the arguing begin now. He explains he hasn't seen her for 4 months and she says he just texted her this morning telling her he loves her. I grab my purse and take off to leave while he runs and jumps into my car after several slaps from the other girl. Yelling at him to get out of the car he tries to explain she's been "stalking" him for the past four months. So, I ask to see the text message on her phone... we go over to her and while she looks it up, he grabs the phone. By the time the "other girl" grabs it back she says the message is gone. Don't know if it was accidentally deleted or if she was making the whole thing up like he said. I try to leave again and my b/f jumps in my car again... we talk and he tries to explain that they broke up about 8mo ago and that she has been stalking him... he says in tears that he is so in love with me and wouldn't have me over all the time, anytime I want if he truely was seeing someone else. He said the only proof he can give is his friend's word.... but can I truly believe HIS friends?

So... advice is needed!! We were planning on moving in together soon... he changed around his job so that he could leave the state if I got accepted to a graduate school out of state and we talked about the future. Do I believe that this girl really is a pyscho and trying to ruin all future relationships... or do you think he really is seeing this girl on the side???


Sun. Jun 1, 9:26pm

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So sorry to read what you are going through. Don't binge! No one is worth it, and you will feel bad afterwards anyhow. As for the bf, what does your gut tell you? Personally, it sounds like he is telling the truth, although I'm not sure why he would grab the phone away from this other girl, if not to delete a message. However, if he does have you over all the time, any time and planned to move in with you, he's either true to you, or completely ballsy. Good luck honey!

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 9:45 PM

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He broke up with her eight months ago, she's been stalking him, you've been with him for 6 months and he never mentioned her? You know best what the situation is, but I would not be able to trust him and would probably break it off. I definitely would not move in with him right now.

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 9:51 PM

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Also, if he hasn't seen her in four months and didn't text her, why wasn't he surprised to see her just show up?

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 9:53 PM

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My boyfriend did the exact same thing to me. I ended up dating him for a year, and when we broke up (which was just recently!) I found out he really HAD been cheating on me with her the entire time!

It all made sense when he hooked up with 3 of my best friends the NIGHT he broke up with me! So stay away. Once a cheater, always a cheater. There is probably alot you DON"T know about, and it's best to stay away..far awayyy..from him. Hang out with your girlfriends, because they're the ones that will always be there for you..Well, unless you have friends like mine! :/

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 10:30 PM

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OMG DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.

Too messy. Take a breather, take a break.

You don't need to binge! And you do not need this drama queen man!

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 10:30 PM

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I am so sorry! I know this is not what you want to hear, but my advice would be to let him go. It sucks, I know. He most likely is cheating, and even if not, or even if he is casually cheating, or whatever his deal is, the trust has been shaken and you will be forever questioning his moves and what he tells you. Better to let 6 months walk away than 6 years.
xoxo

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 10:39 PM

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OP here

Just an update... I went out and had an In & Out grilled cheese.. not exactly a binge because it still fit in my calorie allotment for the day, but not healthy either. Thanks for your support guys, I really should have read this before going for a drive and going through the drive thru. You have kept me away from the Ben & Jerrys in my freezer.

He has been calling and texting how much he loves me and how crazy the other girl is. Now his friends have even been calling me telling me ths is bulls***. I am so confused. I know it's been a short time but I really did fall in love and I am afraid to walk away if it truly is a misunderstanding.

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 11:05 PM

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Ok if he's NOT cheating, he's got a mess to sort out before he has the right to bring another person into it. If he is being stalked, he should go the police b/c REAL stalkers are DANGEROUS!

If he had nothing to hide - WHY did he grab her phone???

At the very least, he needs to clean up his situation before he brings you into it - if he has a stalker, she will FLIP A GASKET if/when he moves in with someone else.

I would NOT move in with him.

If he is desperately phoning/texting with expressions of undying love, and you have only been dating 6 months, that's a red flag too! He should be concentrating his energy on fixing this so that he is able to freely move on.

whatever you do, do not binge, NO ONE is worth that!!!!!

That said, I don't believe the once a cheater always a cheater and I have seen that statement proven wrong ... but it takes the cheater to want to change from being a cheater NOTHING anyone else EVER says or does will change him, if that is what he is.

The bigger problem here is that if he has a stalker and you move in with him, guess what, you have a stalker now too!

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 11:14 PM

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I guess first you need to ask yourself if she really was his girlfriend and he text her why wouldn't she have been pissed off seeing you at his house? I would take a guess that he is telling the truth, especially considering he was willing to arrange leaving with you if you went to grad school. Sounds like he's thinking of a future with you. If she was calm, I would believe him. Anyone who is cheating or has 2 girls would never just have you coming over when you wanted to or make plans for moving in together.

Sunday, June 01, 2008, 11:43 PM

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Run, girl!!!...

At least wait to move in with him until this mess is figured out!




Monday, June 02, 2008, 9:18 AM

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