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The difference between wanting something and expecting something...

This is a link to a new article by Joshua Wayne. Please read it discuss!

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Mon. Oct 20, 7:00pm

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Well, it may behoove us all to recognize what we really expect, then talk ourselves into expecting better. Positive talk. Look in the mirror and say, "I expect to get rid of 30 lbs within the next 6 months." Say it often enough until you really truly believe it will happen. Then maybe what you want and what you expect will both turn out to be what you get...

Monday, October 20, 2008, 8:26 PM

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I think this is very true in all aspects of life and not just weight loss. I have been learning about the power of attraction since january, and i think that this all makes complete sense. I believe it is important to have consistant positive thoughts about what you want to achieve.

I used to struggle with the process of affirmations, saying things like 'I am enjoying my thin healthy body' when actually i'd be thinking, but it's not thin and healthy is it, its lardy and wobbly. However i've just started reading a new book which incorrages you to uses phrases such 'i am in the porcess of...' i.e. 'i am in the process of creating a healthy thin body' the fact that you believe that statement, that that statement is true to you, makes it far easier to be happy about. This really clicked for me as although i'd been wanting a few things deep down i'd been doubting whether they would happen. I am now feeling far happier and more positive about all my goals, not juist those related to being slim.

I hope this article is very helpful to people who are new to the principle of thoughts effecting what you achieve.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 2:08 AM

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Wayne makes some excellent points.

According to Wayne, it's important to distinguish between desire and expectation. Ultimately, it's important to be realistic about our expectations. Our weight loss goals need to involve assessing whether our expectations are too high OR too low and to reassess and readjust them as we progress (or go backwards). He claims that he'll be offering tools in future to help us alter our expectations realistically.

Wayne's approach reminds me a lot of Beck Diet Solution, and, until Wayne provides us with those new expectation-altering skills/tools, I will do his first exercise as if it were a Beck chapter, (complete with Response Cards!):

"If [your desires and expectations] are not matched, however, then you first have to honestly look at where your expectations lie. So the first thing to do is get yourself in a clear, calm state of mind. Go take a quick brisk walk or just take some deep breaths to focus your mind. Turn off the phone and television and just sit with yourself for a minute, and fill in the blanks to the following question:

What I want is _______; what I truly expect is _______.

Be brutally honest. It doesn’t matter what the answer is. You have to start where you’re honestly at. Instead of setting yourself up for failure, break down your desire into smaller increments of expectation. If you realize that your expectation is to only lose 3 pounds instead of 30, that’s okay. Start there! Make this your goal for now. It’s still a very good goal."


Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 7:11 AM

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I was stunned by my expectations

It was a big eye opener for me when I realized - after reading Joshua Wayne's article - that even though I desire to lose 20 pounds, I do not truly expect that I will lose 20 pounds.

So as in the article suggested, I asked myself "what do I really expect?". Joshua wrote: Be brutally honest with yourself. OK, why not. So now guess what my answer was after some brutal soul-searching? "I expect that I will not lose 20 pounds". Period. That was the answer. Not even a "I expect 5 pounds, 2 pounds, half-a-pound." Nothing.

That's a pretty sucky starting point for weight loss.

But it explains why I always return to roughly the same weight after each attempt of losing weight FOR GOOD. And it shows, that I do not expect much of myself in the area of weight loss, which I don't like to admit. Not to myself, let alone to others here on PT. But here it is...

I just had to laugh about myself. It's time to expect more of myself in this particular area of my life and be realistic at the same time. I don't know if you can really talk yourself into higher expectations, as one other reader suggested, so I'd rather set myself up for success and more motivation in the future: My choice today is to expect to shed 2 pounds in 2 weeks.

I hope they keep these discussions around Joshua's articles going, because I look forward to sharing my 2pounds success with you today in two weeks, November 4th, election day!

JB

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 3:55 PM

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JB- Joshua will be writing an article a week for us, we are very excited to be working with him and overjoyed that you found it helpful. We might even convince him to participate in these threads himself!

-PT

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 4:03 PM

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other Joshua articles

Hey folks...this is Joshua...glad you got a lot of value from the article. I'm looking forward to sharing many useful tools in the weeks and months to come.

I've posted three articles on PT already and will have another one up next week.

If you haven't seen all the articles here are the links to them.

http://www.peertrainer.com/Fitness/coaching_training/Reasons_To_Lose_Weight.aspx

http://www.peertrainer.com/Fitness/coaching_training/Coaching_You_May_Know_
What_You_Want_But_What_Do_Yo.aspx

http://www.peertrainer.com/Fitness/coaching_training/delaying_short_term_gratification.aspx

I'd also love your feedback and also any questions you have. What are your biggest challenges with weight loss? What are your biggest challenges with getting and staying motivated?

Please let me know what's on your mind and I will do my best to address these issues in upcoming articles.

Best,

Joshua Wayne

ps...you can also ask me questions directly at my website...follow the link below

Link

Friday, October 24, 2008, 9:52 AM

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Is anyone else having problems reading this thread? The words on the right side of the screen disappear under the advertisements?

-buzzard

Friday, October 24, 2008, 10:58 AM

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omg this so hit home. I need help!! i expect i will fail and gain weight in the end. I expect I will break a bone along the way, or tear something, or some other catastrophic thing. I expect to be fat and miserable the rest of my life. I desire to be a size 2 in hot designer clothes uugghhhhhh this was a great article, now i just need to work through my own mind....

Saturday, October 25, 2008, 10:54 AM

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Ahhh! So much better PT, I can read it all.

Thanks.

The article was really good I thought, but how do you go about changing your expectations?

-buzzard

Saturday, October 25, 2008, 1:58 PM

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I did what the article suggested and took a hard look at my goals and expectations. I realize that my goal is easy to meet, and yes, I really do think I will make it. Further thinking told me that I expect to gain it back in a year or so. Hah! This is huge for me. Now that I realize this, I can work on it. Thanks.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 11:11 AM

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what if you don't expect nothing I mean I want a lot but I don't expect nothing. How do I change this what if I fail to meet even MY expectian I am lost but I expect that even IF I mess up I WILL Start again the next day,

Friday, November 21, 2008, 1:58 PM

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excellent!

Perhaps I can use this article to explain to my mother, my sister, my sister-in-law, and others why I HAVE had success and why maybe they haven't. They look at me and congratulate me on my weightloss success and revere me as though I've done something astounding. It always bothers me a little bit. Not that I'm not proud of myself or don't like to be congratulated - - but I know I haven't done anything they couldn't do!

Thursday, December 04, 2008, 10:54 AM

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Expectations for life

Joshua - This discussion has been very insightful. Not only am I trying to lose those last 5 kgs that have been hanging around since my first child 9years ago, but I'm also going through a separation and divorce. The difference between my desires and my expectations is relevant to both of those situations. I think this is a great way to look at things realistically, avoiding the pitfalls when success isn't what we envisioned.

Thanks!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 2:21 PM

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great article

Wednesday, May 13, 2009, 11:54 AM

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I want to finish this journey.. I started off 370 pounds. I have released 185-190 pounds gone I have beeen yo yoing the same five pounds, but the scale is moving now. I am 47 pounds from goal and I expect and KNOW I can do it... and I know and believe you all can to.. lets do this together... believe in yourselves and nothing is impossible.

*lynneta*

Wednesday, May 13, 2009, 12:01 PM

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expectations

It's finally clear to me how important realistic expectations are. Instead of telling myself I will lose 25 pounds, I've changed to the expectation that I will lose 2 more pounds. It's working - slowly, but that's okay. This article was VERY helpful!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 10:05 AM

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small steps= big goals.. keep th big picture in mind, but know it wil take small steps to get there.. it doesnt happen overnight, but the climb up the mountain is worth it. we are worth it.


*lynneta*

Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 2:48 PM

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very interesting article. When i asked myself the question of expectations I truly expected to lose nothing. This is what happens 98% of the time. Maybe I won't even think in terms of pounds lost but getting thru each day by exercising and keeping in my calorie range. The rest will follow.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009, 8:06 AM

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wow

this article really hits home but I see that I am the first comment since last October. I am going to go to the website and search for more articles on thsi.

Thursday, June 25, 2009, 7:24 AM

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expectation and wanting

If you are a Bible student you know the verse: "Faith comes by hearing..."
That is the way God designed us. We LEARN what we HEAR.

Scientists have learned that YOU will LEARN what YOU HEAR and furthermore, you will learn better if you SPEAK IT...the channel from the inner ear to our mind is a powerful one! So If you are listening, let's say, to a recording of YOUR VOICE speaking the text of a test for school - - - YOU WILL LEARN IT BETTER.

WHY? You have SPOKEN IT (inner ear thingy) , you have listened to it IN YOUR VOICE...you learn it better than any other way!

Think about this... YOU TELL a child he will never amount to anything... he hears it over and over and guess what! HE Believes it! FAITH COMES BY HEARING. YOU, AS A MOM, BELIEVE IT and the CHILD believes it! Children (and others and you) will live up to YOUR HIGHEST EXPECTATION!

I have lost well over 100 lb. and kept it off 4 years.

I tell people all the time...BECAUSE I NEED TO HEAR IT MYSELF "I know what works for me. I have a proven track record and I was 55 years old then! I can do it again!"

SPEAK SUCCESS AND EXPECT SUCCESS!!!!

Link

Sunday, July 12, 2009, 3:06 AM

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What has this to do with religion??? If you have a point to make why can't you do it without referring to religion?

And please, the capitals are so hard to read!

Sunday, July 12, 2009, 4:51 AM

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Umm, to be brutally honest?

I want to lose 15 pounds. I expect to lose four, and then gain it back, and then some.

SO, I am going out to buy a scale (weird goal but i just can't find ours and i am only guessing that i weigh 130--it may be more or less), and then to weigh myself every five days in the morning (on an empty stomach) and when i lose four, i will make a new goal :)



Tuesday, August 11, 2009, 7:47 PM

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wants vs. expectation

here's the problem. There have been so many failures that it is hard to hope for success. The disappointment is too big. So if i don't really expect to success the pain isn't so much?

Friday, September 25, 2009, 8:34 AM

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exactly!!

i want to lose the 10lbs i keep losing and gaining.. but i expect i either won;t or will just to gain it back...

SO I am going to expect to lose 5 by thanksgiving... then I will set up my new goal. I to will weigh in every Friday morning.. empty stomach.

Saturday, September 26, 2009, 5:46 AM

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That's a different perspective, but makes sense.

Wow. Makes sense. My bad the whole time to myself.

Oh well. Love the article and will implement.

Sunday, October 04, 2009, 10:36 PM

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My responses while connected to weight loss were more associated with an obviously deep-seated belief that I am unhealthy.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 7:45 AM

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this was an interesting question to ask myself again. For me, what I desire turned out to be a general, and not a specific thing.

What I expected was much more granular and specific. My expectation revealed to me that i am totally on track to get what I desire, and that I will get there no doubt.

The question I asked myself had to do with finances, not weight or health. Now that I have my health and energy in order, I have a LOT more energy to focus on financial goals.

Some of the things I am working on:

-daily massive action
-being as productive as I can in my interactions with business partners
-being very help yet very selective about what I choose to prioritize
-learning a big new thing every day
-making a new friend or colleague each day
-being more bold in asking for the sale and increase my "at bats"
-whiteboarding my daily goals every morning



Wednesday, March 24, 2010, 10:06 AM

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I dont think just saying affirmations and really thinking hard will do enough to change desires into expectations. I can visualize a clean kitchen but unless I load the dishwasher, it is still dirty. Expectations are based on actions, in my opinion. I cant expect something to happen if I am doing nothing to make it happen. When I move from just wanting something to acting upon that desire, then I can expect results.

Monday, March 29, 2010, 9:16 AM

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Stunned by by expectations

JB--a thought that might help
Can you change your expectations from "results" to "behavior"? Instead of expecting to loose x pounds, maybe you can Expect to tackle a specific aspect of diet or exercies. Could you look in the mirror and say "I Expect to walk 10 minutes 3 days a week and increase it by 2 minutes each week"? Or maybe "I Expect I can only eat 3 bites of any really fattening food"?

Just a thought--hope it helps.
DT

Wednesday, March 31, 2010, 11:19 AM

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Desire and expectations

I desire to lose 30+ pounds but expect to fail as I have done before.
This article made me realise I have to set smaller goals and not just look at the big picture.
Its a bit like desiring to go on vacation but not saving to do so.
To go on vaction you put a little away each week or month until you can have the amount you need.
To shed 30+ pounds I need to set smaller goals a desire to shed 4 pounds a month and expect to do that if I lose more that is even better.
Yes I will have to work at it just as I would if I want to go holiday I won't get there if I don't save just as I won't lose weight if I keep thinking I am going to fail again.
Realising I have a desire to do this is not going to get the job done, now I am expecting to do something I will be able to acheive that.

Friday, April 16, 2010, 5:57 AM

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My expectations

It's kind of a relief to read this article and realize where I'm going wrong. Even though I want to lose 5 lbs of fat and get rid of the jiggles, the truth is, I've been here for years and don't really expect anything to change. So I look forward to the next tip which tells me what I can do about my expectations that I will not change.

Friday, July 16, 2010, 11:13 AM

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Wanting vs Expecting

Joshua Wayne has completely hit the nail on the head for me. I can say what my goal is and have begun again too many times to count but I do not really Believe the goal will be achieved. I catch the negative self talk coming out of my mouth & I self sabotage my resolve over & over again...I do NOT expect to achieve what I want! ...I will take the steps outlined in the article & look forward to the follow up. THANK YOU for the eye opener.


Link

Wednesday, December 05, 2012, 11:14 AM

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Very low expectations

I did not expect him to say "If you realize that your expectation is to only lose 3 pounds instead of 30, that’s okay. Start there!". I expected more of the "you need to learn how to visualize your goal" that I'm used to". After thinking about it I realized that my expectations are very low, since I have been hovering around the same weight for a long time. But I do expect to eat well for the rest of the week, so I think I will start there. Maybe I will not even weight myself until I have achieved that goal.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012, 8:35 PM

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I just listened to this talk again and it's amazing how much you can learn when you listen to the modules over. I definitely expect something different than I want. I am working on making goals without the excuses. It's true: the past does not equal the future.

Sunday, December 16, 2012, 1:09 PM

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What I want is _______; what I truly expect is _______.

What I want is _______; what I truly expect is _______.

What I want is the curvy tone body of a swim suit model. What I want is to try on cute clothes at the store an feel good at the reflection in the mirror. What I want is, to not struggle so hard to find something decent to feel sexy in on a night out with hubby or a Harley day ride out with hubby and friends. What I want is, to walk into the gym in a cute gym outfit an feel confident, good, proud.

What I truly expect; That I will reach thin, lower body fat/weight, that I will be more tone. But it will be gritting my teeth the whole way! It will take longer for all the back steps, an I still wont see the body I want. I wont be as curvy with my 43 year old pancake butt (I want a nice butt). I want have a lot of a waist line, My frame is more tomboy H frame. I will be happier but it will kill me, take away half my fun life to maintain this acceptable thin tomboy frame.

The truth is; I can pick this butt up, (its a large mucle) but the work it would take is very intense. I can take my body to a place where I would be pretty happy, but it would be INTENSE. I read an study a lot on Bodybuilders.com. I know what u have to do to get a body/booty/curves I want. At the moment, I don't in the back of my mind think I'll ever reach it. Ever be strong enough to do the intensity it would take in diet an exercise.

This has greatly helped me to see this article, I have a new plan. I am going to break my plan up in 2 phases.
Phase 1- Reach my skinny/more tone/fairly happy/comfortable doable body that I know I can reach with consistent work. Its about 20lbs lighter an 10%less body fat. A perfect starting point for Phase 2.
Phase 2- Go for my sexy/curvy/tone/Hot body with intense diet/weight training/cardio.

I already feel so much better! My goal to reach Phase one I expects to see! I believe the goal was to try to raise your expectations to your wants. But for not all I want is to reach my phase 1. I'll worry about phase 2 when I get there. An I'll probably be pretty motivated after reaching phase 1 goals.

bikrchic



Thursday, February 07, 2013, 1:15 PM

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