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The difference between wanting something and expecting something...

This is a link to a new article by Joshua Wayne. Please read it discuss!

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Mon. Oct 20, 7:00pm

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Well, it may behoove us all to recognize what we really expect, then talk ourselves into expecting better. Positive talk. Look in the mirror and say, "I expect to get rid of 30 lbs within the next 6 months." Say it often enough until you really truly believe it will happen. Then maybe what you want and what you expect will both turn out to be what you get...

Monday, October 20, 2008, 8:26 PM

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I think this is very true in all aspects of life and not just weight loss. I have been learning about the power of attraction since january, and i think that this all makes complete sense. I believe it is important to have consistant positive thoughts about what you want to achieve.

I used to struggle with the process of affirmations, saying things like 'I am enjoying my thin healthy body' when actually i'd be thinking, but it's not thin and healthy is it, its lardy and wobbly. However i've just started reading a new book which incorrages you to uses phrases such 'i am in the porcess of...' i.e. 'i am in the process of creating a healthy thin body' the fact that you believe that statement, that that statement is true to you, makes it far easier to be happy about. This really clicked for me as although i'd been wanting a few things deep down i'd been doubting whether they would happen. I am now feeling far happier and more positive about all my goals, not juist those related to being slim.

I hope this article is very helpful to people who are new to the principle of thoughts effecting what you achieve.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 2:08 AM

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Wayne makes some excellent points.

According to Wayne, it's important to distinguish between desire and expectation. Ultimately, it's important to be realistic about our expectations. Our weight loss goals need to involve assessing whether our expectations are too high OR too low and to reassess and readjust them as we progress (or go backwards). He claims that he'll be offering tools in future to help us alter our expectations realistically.

Wayne's approach reminds me a lot of Beck Diet Solution, and, until Wayne provides us with those new expectation-altering skills/tools, I will do his first exercise as if it were a Beck chapter, (complete with Response Cards!):

"If [your desires and expectations] are not matched, however, then you first have to honestly look at where your expectations lie. So the first thing to do is get yourself in a clear, calm state of mind. Go take a quick brisk walk or just take some deep breaths to focus your mind. Turn off the phone and television and just sit with yourself for a minute, and fill in the blanks to the following question:

What I want is _______; what I truly expect is _______.

Be brutally honest. It doesn’t matter what the answer is. You have to start where you’re honestly at. Instead of setting yourself up for failure, break down your desire into smaller increments of expectation. If you realize that your expectation is to only lose 3 pounds instead of 30, that’s okay. Start there! Make this your goal for now. It’s still a very good goal."


Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 7:11 AM

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I was stunned by my expectations

It was a big eye opener for me when I realized - after reading Joshua Wayne's article - that even though I desire to lose 20 pounds, I do not truly expect that I will lose 20 pounds.

So as in the article suggested, I asked myself "what do I really expect?". Joshua wrote: Be brutally honest with yourself. OK, why not. So now guess what my answer was after some brutal soul-searching? "I expect that I will not lose 20 pounds". Period. That was the answer. Not even a "I expect 5 pounds, 2 pounds, half-a-pound." Nothing.

That's a pretty sucky starting point for weight loss.

But it explains why I always return to roughly the same weight after each attempt of losing weight FOR GOOD. And it shows, that I do not expect much of myself in the area of weight loss, which I don't like to admit. Not to myself, let alone to others here on PT. But here it is...

I just had to laugh about myself. It's time to expect more of myself in this particular area of my life and be realistic at the same time. I don't know if you can really talk yourself into higher expectations, as one other reader suggested, so I'd rather set myself up for success and more motivation in the future: My choice today is to expect to shed 2 pounds in 2 weeks.

I hope they keep these discussions around Joshua's articles going, because I look forward to sharing my 2pounds success with you today in two weeks, November 4th, election day!

JB

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 3:55 PM

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JB- Joshua will be writing an article a week for us, we are very excited to be working with him and overjoyed that you found it helpful. We might even convince him to participate in these threads himself!

-PT

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 4:03 PM

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other Joshua articles

Hey folks...this is Joshua...glad you got a lot of value from the article. I'm looking forward to sharing many useful tools in the weeks and months to come.

I've posted three articles on PT already and will have another one up next week.

If you haven't seen all the articles here are the links to them.

http://www.peertrainer.com/Fitness/coaching_training/Reasons_To_Lose_Weight.aspx

http://www.peertrainer.com/Fitness/coaching_training/Coaching_You_May_Know_
What_You_Want_But_What_Do_Yo.aspx

http://www.peertrainer.com/Fitness/coaching_training/delaying_short_term_gratification.aspx

I'd also love your feedback and also any questions you have. What are your biggest challenges with weight loss? What are your biggest challenges with getting and staying motivated?

Please let me know what's on your mind and I will do my best to address these issues in upcoming articles.

Best,

Joshua Wayne

ps...you can also ask me questions directly at my website...follow the link below

Link

Friday, October 24, 2008, 9:52 AM

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Is anyone else having problems reading this thread? The words on the right side of the screen disappear under the advertisements?

-buzzard

Friday, October 24, 2008, 10:58 AM

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omg this so hit home. I need help!! i expect i will fail and gain weight in the end. I expect I will break a bone along the way, or tear something, or some other catastrophic thing. I expect to be fat and miserable the rest of my life. I desire to be a size 2 in hot designer clothes uugghhhhhh this was a great article, now i just need to work through my own mind....

Saturday, October 25, 2008, 10:54 AM

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Ahhh! So much better PT, I can read it all.

Thanks.

The article was really good I thought, but how do you go about changing your expectations?

-buzzard

Saturday, October 25, 2008, 1:58 PM

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I did what the article suggested and took a hard look at my goals and expectations. I realize that my goal is easy to meet, and yes, I really do think I will make it. Further thinking told me that I expect to gain it back in a year or so. Hah! This is huge for me. Now that I realize this, I can work on it. Thanks.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 11:11 AM

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