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have you ever been discouraged by the weight loss success of others?

"In a group support setting it is completely normal to be discouraged by the rapid success of others. Understand that this is a potential pitfall of group support, but that the benefits totally outweigh the drawbacks."

We wrote this based on some feedback from a long time PT user (feel free to identify yourself!), and we wanted to draw out the discussion a little more and place it into the category of "expectation setting". Have you ever been discouraged by others doing really well, and what other advice would you give new members in terms of how to properly set expections?




Tue. Oct 21, 3:29pm

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it is hard to be fighting an uphill battle and watching others succeed while you're not.

it is like that in all things in life. watching friends move away because of promotions, getting married, having babies, etc.

It bums me out for a second, but then it gives me that little extra "oomph" to get my butt out of bed when I'm nice and toasty and go work out...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 3:54 PM

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Yes. When it seems like things come easy for others while continuing to be so difficult for me, it's easy to give up & dissacociate myself. It sounds horrible, I know, but if I'm being honest, seeing a friend's weight loss success makes me feel down. I'm happy for them don't get me wrong, I just feel that it magnifies my failures.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 9:11 AM

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The person that is losing has many ideas and behaviors that the person who is not losing does not share. Often times when one is losing they are developing a new self image and this self image naturally is a comparison with other self images and changes with relationships that were once aligned. Then of course there is the actual evidence of body differences.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 10:02 AM

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10:02, your point is an important one

And it made me think of why one might be given to self-sabotage once they start succeeding (whether they're dealing with weight loss or alcoholism or whatever).

A person who might be losing weight (or successfuly giving up drink) could feel uncomfortable, or perhaps no longer accepted, as they start to give up old ideas and behaviors, and might head backwards in order to regain their previous standing within a relationship or group.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 10:25 AM

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I think this leads to the notion "I am losing weight for myself." I have lost and gained many times over the years, and currently I have maintained for 2 years. This time there were lots of differences but one of them was that I didn't make a big deal of it except to those who were closest to me (who actually could not avoid the changes). I think part of the weight problem was being concerned about what others thought, good or bad. When I gave that up it relieved me of a lot of wasted energy.

I think we can fall back into addictions if the pull is strong enough around us, and we are not aware. We equate "thinking alike" to love and the need for love is all powerful. I think love is beyond our thoughts, our opinions, it is more a realization that we are all here now, and all confused on some level. Compassion for our mutual confusion, both when we are thin and heavy is closer to love from my view.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 12:05 PM

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12:05, are you familiar with Pema Chodron, by any chance?

She talks a lot about addictions, awareness and compassion/love, especially in "Getting Unstuck: Breaking Your Habitual Patterns & Encountering Naked Reality" which I started to listen to (but haven't finished) a few weeks ago.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 12:13 PM

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No I haven't. I have seen her name. I will look into it. Thank you for the tip.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 12:18 PM

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12:13 that is a great suggestion. We are going to add her book to the new shop section we are building. The shop section is designed to be mostly product suggestions from the pt community.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 12:19 PM

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I realize that everyone is different and loses weight at different rates. I decided long ago to just go about it steady and slow that way I don't get manic (I'm bipolar) and obsessed about weight loss to the point of dysfunction. So I've learned to fuel myself with other people's success stories to motivate myself to get my butt in gear. It's really great seeing others make that transformation which gets me so motivated to change myself as well.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 12:27 PM

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12:27, helpful comment. I have often thought that what I hate most about being overweight is the obsession. I noticed quite some time ago that most people who didn't have a weight problem just couldn't understand why anyone would give some much importance to food. I appreciated their physical health, but mostly I admired their freedom.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 1:00 PM

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