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I need advice: My Fiance left me on my birthday

I have really bad news. I was engaged to a guy who I was with for 20 months. I thought he was in love with me. When we met I was living with my mom who is in her 60's. Him and I worked together and had the same shift. We spent our lunches together and after work we would spend even more time together. He asked me to marry him after 6 months of dating. I accepted. We found an apartment close by that he moved into and that I would move into when we got married.

He ended up breaking up with me 7 months later after he came back from a religious tent rivival acting like he was a King. I was devastated and confused. At that point, my lease was ending soon and I needed to figure out where my mom and I were going to move since I wasn't getting married. I found a good deal on a pre-construction home and I was quickly approved. Later my ex fiance wanted to get back together. I accepted his apology and told him about the house purchase. I had to move in with my sister while the house was being built. Four months later we lost the house and the money we put down. During that time my ex fiance financed a new car without telling me and when I found out I was still very supportive with him.

My ex fiance told me that the reason my mom didn't get the house is because she is not in Jesus Christ. He also said that he was ok with me taking a loss on the down payment my mom and I put down on the house. He said that I needed to find an inexpensive 1 bedroom apartment or a senior assisted living facility for my mom so I wouldn't have to help her financially.

My mom was so disappointed about the house that I didnt want her to move into an apartment. I found a townhome that was in the same area as the house we lost. I also looked into apartment living and the prices for 1 bedrooms were the same price as the townhome. The townhome included water and cable in the rent. By phone I tried to explain this to my ex fiance the night before I made a decision and he was on the other line with a boy he was preaching to that he only knew for a week. I told him it was important and I asked why he was on the phone so late. My ex fiance started yelling at me just because I asked him a question and he hung up. I called him back and he told me that he was tired and would talk to me the next day. He didn't even ask why I was calling. That really made me feel terrible.

I really tried to explain to him the options I had before I made my decision. The conversation the night before really made me feel uncomfortable about including him in my decision because of the way he was treating me. That wasn't the first time he yelled at me. I called him the next day and explained to him the details of the townhome. He asked me if my mom could afford it on her own and I said no I would have to help her with the townhome and even if we were to get a one bedroom I would still have to help her. He told me he would call me back and he never did. I didn't hear from him the next day when he was supposed to pick me up to take me to church and we had a double date that night. I thought something happened to him. I called our mutual friends and found out he did go to church. I kept calling him and he didnt call back. I finally heard from him a few days later. He told me that I went against everything he told me to do. He didn't want to speak to me during that time because he was very upset.

I explained to him that when we get married he could move into the townhome when his lease was up or I could move in with him but I would still have to help my mom financially. He was ok with that. A few days later I ended up in the hospital and was very sick. He ended up confessing to me that the day that I moved that night he was with the boy he was preaching to on the phone the other day and ended up having pizza at the boy's house with 2 females preaching. The boy works with him and is a lot younger then my ex fiance. They started to take their lunch breaks together and would meet eachother after work. They would talk on the phone for hours.

I got sick again after I was released from the hospital and my ex fiance didn't want to take me to the hospital. He told me to stop letting the devil lie to me. He was complaining that I got sick all the time and he was tired of telling the people at work that were concerned about me that I was sick. Later he changed with me and bought me some gifts and gave it to me at the hospital and then we planned to get married in Jan of next year.

To try to make a very long story short, a week later he ended up breaking up with me on my birthday weekend and told me he couldn't see past me leasing the town home....I explained to him that I would be helping my mom financially and he didnt have to help and he still didnt care. He said that me helping my mom would take away from our income and finances combined if we were married. He said that this was a trap. He told me that he let his love for me get in the way of his choices and that I couldn't change his mind. That his focus is on the Lord and that I made ungodly choices. He said that me getting the town home cost me our relationship and that he wasn't going to accept the situation that I am in.


Mon. Nov 10, 2:49pm

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I also lost my appetite and lost a lot of weight. I am trying to gain it back...

Monday, November 10, 2008, 2:55 PM

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Not only do I think it is a good thing you got the townhome, I think it is a good thing he is not in your life anymore. He sounds toxic.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:16 PM

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I personally don't think I would have made a committment like that for my mother. She's a grown woman and while there are probably reasons she should be able to support herself.

With that said I think you are good to have this person out of your life.

I think it sounds like you have a lot of co-dependent tendencies and I would advise you to maybe see a counselor and start talking to someone. The realationship with both your mother and your ex sounds a bit toxic.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:45 PM

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you are a wonderful caring person for thinking of your mother first. you need not have any second thoughts about getting the town house. count your lucky stars he is out of your life. no person should ever treat anyone with the disrespect he has shown to you. hold strong , you are worth it.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:47 PM

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Of course you did right. I don't recall any passages in the Bible about encouraging people to not help others. In fact, I believe it insists upon helping, doesn't it? Do onto others and all that.
That guy must have skipped some pages. Maybe he only read the dust jacket! :D
Don't worry, in a way, this might be the best birthday gift you could ask for. Freedom from a person that is holding you back.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:51 PM

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I agree with 3:16, he sounds toxic. Do you really want to marry a man like that? Do you talk about having a family with this man? Maybe you should reconsider.

I'm very sorry he is treating you this way, but YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT. And in order for this to happen, you need to demand it, from others and yourself. You deserve better treatment. Good luck to you.

And yes. I think you made the right decision in getting the townhome.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 4:02 PM

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Thanks for the advice everyone..I really tried to make it work...He told me that there is no man that would put up with the situation I'm in....Basicly it's his way or no way...Don't hesitate to continue commenting.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 4:54 PM

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what an asshole (excust my french) but seriously are you sure hes not gay? He seems to have a lot of his own issues that hes just taking out on you. Your so lucky you go out of that before it was to late... You did the right thing helping your mom and you will find someone who thinks your a saint to help your mom the way you do and THAT will be the man for you my dear.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 6:04 PM

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Sweetie, never speak to him again. Nothing you mention him doing is Christian, or even decent. You deserve better.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 6:04 PM

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You TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY did the right thing!! The townhouse was so not the problem, it was his insanity and control issues. What an absolute jerk! Don't question youself, and be so glad you got away fom this basta....I mean, man.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 6:38 PM

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