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I need advice: My Fiance left me on my birthday


I have really bad news. I was engaged to a guy who I was with for 20 months. I thought he was in love with me. When we met I was living with my mom who is in her 60's. Him and I worked together and had the same shift. We spent our lunches together and after work we would spend even more time together. He asked me to marry him after 6 months of dating. I accepted. We found an apartment close by that he moved into and that I would move into when we got married.

He ended up breaking up with me 7 months later after he came back from a religious tent rivival acting like he was a King. I was devastated and confused. At that point, my lease was ending soon and I needed to figure out where my mom and I were going to move since I wasn't getting married. I found a good deal on a pre-construction home and I was quickly approved. Later my ex fiance wanted to get back together. I accepted his apology and told him about the house purchase. I had to move in with my sister while the house was being built. Four months later we lost the house and the money we put down. During that time my ex fiance financed a new car without telling me and when I found out I was still very supportive with him.

My ex fiance told me that the reason my mom didn't get the house is because she is not in Jesus Christ. He also said that he was ok with me taking a loss on the down payment my mom and I put down on the house. He said that I needed to find an inexpensive 1 bedroom apartment or a senior assisted living facility for my mom so I wouldn't have to help her financially.

My mom was so disappointed about the house that I didnt want her to move into an apartment. I found a townhome that was in the same area as the house we lost. I also looked into apartment living and the prices for 1 bedrooms were the same price as the townhome. The townhome included water and cable in the rent. By phone I tried to explain this to my ex fiance the night before I made a decision and he was on the other line with a boy he was preaching to that he only knew for a week. I told him it was important and I asked why he was on the phone so late. My ex fiance started yelling at me just because I asked him a question and he hung up. I called him back and he told me that he was tired and would talk to me the next day. He didn't even ask why I was calling. That really made me feel terrible.

I really tried to explain to him the options I had before I made my decision. The conversation the night before really made me feel uncomfortable about including him in my decision because of the way he was treating me. That wasn't the first time he yelled at me. I called him the next day and explained to him the details of the townhome. He asked me if my mom could afford it on her own and I said no I would have to help her with the townhome and even if we were to get a one bedroom I would still have to help her. He told me he would call me back and he never did. I didn't hear from him the next day when he was supposed to pick me up to take me to church and we had a double date that night. I thought something happened to him. I called our mutual friends and found out he did go to church. I kept calling him and he didnt call back. I finally heard from him a few days later. He told me that I went against everything he told me to do. He didn't want to speak to me during that time because he was very upset.

I explained to him that when we get married he could move into the townhome when his lease was up or I could move in with him but I would still have to help my mom financially. He was ok with that. A few days later I ended up in the hospital and was very sick. He ended up confessing to me that the day that I moved that night he was with the boy he was preaching to on the phone the other day and ended up having pizza at the boy's house with 2 females preaching. The boy works with him and is a lot younger then my ex fiance. They started to take their lunch breaks together and would meet eachother after work. They would talk on the phone for hours.

I got sick again after I was released from the hospital and my ex fiance didn't want to take me to the hospital. He told me to stop letting the devil lie to me. He was complaining that I got sick all the time and he was tired of telling the people at work that were concerned about me that I was sick. Later he changed with me and bought me some gifts and gave it to me at the hospital and then we planned to get married in Jan of next year.

To try to make a very long story short, a week later he ended up breaking up with me on my birthday weekend and told me he couldn't see past me leasing the town home....I explained to him that I would be helping my mom financially and he didnt have to help and he still didnt care. He said that me helping my mom would take away from our income and finances combined if we were married. He said that this was a trap. He told me that he let his love for me get in the way of his choices and that I couldn't change his mind. That his focus is on the Lord and that I made ungodly choices. He said that me getting the town home cost me our relationship and that he wasn't going to accept the situation that I am in.

MY QUESTION TO EVERYONE OUT THERE IS DO YOU THINK I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN GETTING THE TOWNHOME????


Mon. Nov 10, 2:49pm

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P.S.
I also lost my appetite and lost a lot of weight. I am trying to gain it back...

Monday, November 10, 2008, 2:55 PM

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Not only do I think it is a good thing you got the townhome, I think it is a good thing he is not in your life anymore. He sounds toxic.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:16 PM

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I personally don't think I would have made a committment like that for my mother. She's a grown woman and while there are probably reasons she should be able to support herself.

With that said I think you are good to have this person out of your life.

I think it sounds like you have a lot of co-dependent tendencies and I would advise you to maybe see a counselor and start talking to someone. The realationship with both your mother and your ex sounds a bit toxic.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:45 PM

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you are a wonderful caring person for thinking of your mother first. you need not have any second thoughts about getting the town house. count your lucky stars he is out of your life. no person should ever treat anyone with the disrespect he has shown to you. hold strong , you are worth it.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:47 PM

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Of course you did right. I don't recall any passages in the Bible about encouraging people to not help others. In fact, I believe it insists upon helping, doesn't it? Do onto others and all that.
That guy must have skipped some pages. Maybe he only read the dust jacket! :D
Don't worry, in a way, this might be the best birthday gift you could ask for. Freedom from a person that is holding you back.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 3:51 PM

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I agree with 3:16, he sounds toxic. Do you really want to marry a man like that? Do you talk about having a family with this man? Maybe you should reconsider.

I'm very sorry he is treating you this way, but YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT. And in order for this to happen, you need to demand it, from others and yourself. You deserve better treatment. Good luck to you.

And yes. I think you made the right decision in getting the townhome.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 4:02 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

Thanks for the advice everyone..I really tried to make it work...He told me that there is no man that would put up with the situation I'm in....Basicly it's his way or no way...Don't hesitate to continue commenting.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 4:54 PM

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what an asshole (excust my french) but seriously are you sure hes not gay? He seems to have a lot of his own issues that hes just taking out on you. Your so lucky you go out of that before it was to late... You did the right thing helping your mom and you will find someone who thinks your a saint to help your mom the way you do and THAT will be the man for you my dear.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 6:04 PM

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Sweetie, never speak to him again. Nothing you mention him doing is Christian, or even decent. You deserve better.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 6:04 PM

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You TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY did the right thing!! The townhouse was so not the problem, it was his insanity and control issues. What an absolute jerk! Don't question youself, and be so glad you got away fom this basta....I mean, man.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 6:38 PM

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You are renting a townhome for your (apparently impoverished) mother? As long as you can afford it, there's nothing wrong. That's what children are supposed to do, in any culture, Christian or otherwise, that I ever heard of. Sounds like you should thank the Lord for protecting you and your Mom from a future with that nutcase boyfriend!

Monday, November 10, 2008, 7:53 PM

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That guy is way too controlling. "His way or the highway'? Give me a break. Marriages are a partnership.
I am sorry you lost the one house, but am glad about the townhouse. Not enough people look after their parents and that is the way it should be.
Someday the right guy will come along and will think the world of you for your selfless act. Don't give this jerk another thought. thank God, you dont have to put up with any more of his abuse.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 9:09 PM

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Come back to this post and read it out loud to yourself if you have any moments of weakness. Yes, we all want to be loved and chereished, but he's waaay out there. It's a darn good thing you didn't find out what a jerk he is after you were married.

You definitely did the right thing on the townhouse. Less maintenance, less yard and it's the right thing for you and your mom. If he can't see that, then he's not the right one. And it's a fairly sure bet that if you had married him, he would have been trying to control her too. She'd never know from day to day when he was gong to kick her out in the street (which it sounds like he'd do in a heartbeat if he was convinced it was 'god's will').

Monday, November 10, 2008, 11:08 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

All of you have given great advice. Thank you....It has been very helpful..You are welcome to continue with your comments....

Monday, November 10, 2008, 11:17 PM

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I couldnt read this word for word but from what I did read..I dont know if you made the right decision with the town house you not..your helping your mom and you feel good about it..it sounds like anyway
However I would thank your lucky stars that wack job broke up with you and consider it the best birthday present and move on with you life..I can only imagine the head games you would live with if you actually married him. D

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 2:06 AM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

He even told me that I couldn't please him and my mom at the same time. He said he didn't want to share me.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 2:10 PM

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Ok I don't even know what to say.
First of all, having him out of your life is the best thing that could have happened to you. It sounds like he is more in love with himself and God than with you. Your life partner should NEVER make you take a back seat to their "ideologies" and in his case - his ego.
You did nothing wrong, you are a very thoughtful person to take your mother's welfare into consideration, and you deserve so much more. He just couldn't
deal with the fact that your mother is important to you because it meant that he would not be the center of your world. Stay far far far away from him, he is exhibiting some major control issues.
Take care of yourself and know that you did the right thing.

And for 3:45 .- very rude - .. just because you wouldn't do it for your mother DOES NOT mean that the op should seek therapy for co-dependency issues regarding hers. She is just a very selfless person, and especially in this economic climate it is about helping those that need it even more so when it is family.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 2:44 PM

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I can see where some people are coming from in regards to renting the townhouse. If you are in a financial situation to afford it, I think it's great. But if it financially restricts you from branching out on your own, then it may not be the best course of action. Taking care of parents is absolutely important, but not at the cost of creating a life of your own.

Now having said that, thank heavens for this townhouse because it gives you a reason to get away from this absolute nut job. I have to be honest and say that only about a paragraph into your blog I was ready to give this guy the heave ho. As I continued to read, I was really hoping that you weren't going to ask if you should choose between him and your mother. I would have had to cyber slap you because this guy is a domestic abuser waiting to happen. Do not ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have anything to do with him again. He sounds like the kind of guy who would say you "made" him beat the crap out of you, and that God ordered him to do so. Don't take his calls, don't see him, don't listen to anything he has to say. He is bad news and you can find someone so much better. I guarantee the minute you cut him loose he's going to freak out a bit and beg you to come back and be all sorry and teary, but that will simply be a ploy to get you back under his control. Don't fall for it and kick him to the curb. Stop referring to him as your "ex fiance" and consider him from now on as the bullet you completely dodged.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 3:36 PM

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People like that are not true Christians. He may believe he is, but he is just using his religion to get what he wants. He does not want to "share you" ? That is what life is about - sharing. That is what Christianity is about as well. As a true Christian, he should have embraced your mom and helped to find a way to make it all work. I am sorry, but I am a Christian and he is a piece of crap.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 9:14 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

I totally agree with the comment from 9:14. He kept asking me what are you going to do with you mom after we already discussed it. He wanted everything to be his way. He wanted to be in charge of where my mom should live. Like if it wasn't her own choice.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 9:34 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

He even said since I didn't get the one bedroom for my mom it proved to him that I wasn't serious about our relationship.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 9:28 AM

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He's trying to bait you and continue the conversation so he can wear you down. Stop talking to him immediately. There's nothing he can say to you that would be any good so there's no purpose in bothering with him. Screen his calls and let him go. If he said you're not serious about the relationship, turn it around and say "You know, I think you're right. Maybe I really didn't want to marry you and needed a good excuse to get out gracefully." That will fix his little red wagon. At this point, do you really care what he thinks?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 10:18 AM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

All of you are right....Many thanks....Continue commenting if you'ld like...

He also said that I showed him that even if he tells me what to do I won't do it.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 7:05 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

Even though it has been difficult to forget about him, right now I'm trying to focus on gaining the weight that I lost back.....

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 11:59 AM

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The two of you are clearly not meant for each other. You shouldn't be heartbroken.

As for the "Like if it wasn't her own choice," honey, if you're paying for where mom lives, it isn't her choice, it's your choice. And while it seems financially to be the same townehouse or apartment, maybe you didn't communicate that to the once upon a time fiance properly. Marriage is supposed to be about two becoming one, and large financial decisions should be made together- if you're not doing that before marriage, that piece of paper saying "married" ain't going to change it.

Personally, you should have dropped him long ago. That you stayed with him through all that shows you have a lot of self esteem issues to deal with as no self respecting woman would put up with that garbage for so long. Sadly though, there is an abundance of women with little self respect, so you're not alone.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 12:12 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

Thanks for the advice 12:12...I didn't buy the townhome I am leasing it. The townhome is actually the same price as the one bedroom apartment homes in my area which was clearly stated to my ex. He just insisted that I put her in
a senior asisted living facility.

I was actually going to get married in January 2009 and move in with ex after the wedding. He just couldn't take the fact that I would still have to pay half the rent for my mom while she pays for the other expenses. I am able to afford helping with the rent in addition to my own expenses.

So, he left me only because he didn't want me to help her financially at all and because I didn't obey his demand of what he wanted me to do with my mom.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 1:00 PM

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If you can attach words like "obey" and "demand" to a man, he shouldn't be that hard to forget and get over. There is nothing redeeming about this guy at all so don't sweat another minute over losing him. I'd rather live alone for the rest of my life than live with an Ahole just for the sake of having someone.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 1:05 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

Also, he just paid off his vehicle earlier this year. He ended up financing another vehicle a few months later and didn't tell me until after he purchased it. Then he decided to sell his paid off vehicle and didn't get that much money for it. That car was in good condition he could have kept it.

After all of that, I was still supportive with him and I didn't turn my back on him like he did to me.

He took out a 5 year loan on a vehicle and all I did was lease a townhome for 1 year and he left me.

That makes absolutely no sense.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 1:11 PM

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Don't try to look for answers, don't try to look for explanations, don't try to make any sense of it. Don't long for things to get better, don't wish he'd change his mind, don't hope he realises he was wrong. Just move on completely.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 2:00 PM

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count your blessings

My hope for you today is that you've stopped wasting brain space on such a loser ! God gives us "life lessons"; if you keep repeating the same mistakes, He will keep giving you new scenarios to try. I hope you understand that your ex is a controlling, manipulative, selfish, pitiful excuse for a human being. If, in the future, ANYONE demands you do something "if you love me", they are being just like your ex and don't deserve the time of day. Each day should start with "how can I make someone happy today", instead of "what can I make YOU do for ME?". Have a closure party - invite some of your nearest and dearest friends and everytime someone mentions the "ex" or the break-up will have to put $1.00 to $5.00 in a jar. At the end of the party, the money is tithed to your church (I hope you find a new one without the ex - he's obviously learning something from there and it doesn't sound Christian) and you MOVE ON. Spend your time counting your Blessings, not your sorrows, and your life will be so much sweeter !

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 5:10 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

I just wanter to thank everyone who left comments on my post. All of you were very supportive and helpful during my time of grief....Thanks again...

Sunday, November 16, 2008, 9:24 PM

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take good care of yourself

take good care of yourself and be SURE to never fall for such an unsupportive guy again. There ARE great guys out there, from all religions. Jesus loves them and that jerk too... ha ha.

Sunday, November 16, 2008, 9:38 PM

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I read your story front to back, and I completely understand. My friend and her boyfriend went through a similar experience, and I was really good friends with both of them. Have you read The Crucible? Or The Witch of Blackbird Pond? He sounds like he is similar to the Christian zealots in those books. You more than made the right decision in buying the townhouse: you took a stand. And even though you may not see it now, you will be wonderfully glad in the future that he decided to leave you and your relationship ended. I, and everyone else here, have no doubt that you have a good head on your shoulders, and will one day meet a wonderful man who will support and love you, no matter what the circumstance. All there is left to say is: You Go Girl! You got out when you still had time. :]


Monday, November 17, 2008, 12:28 AM

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I assume that your mother raised and cared for you all of your childhood, so I do not think that it is inappropriate that you are helping her in her time of need...that is what family is for! And your ex sounds like a real jerk. Being more religious should make a person more caring and understanding. God is not meant to be a sword to hurt people. I am happy that you are not with him. Heal your pysche and then find someone is more balanced. Good luck to you.

Monday, November 17, 2008, 2:52 AM

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As far as gaining your weight back, I think you need to take some time to take care of yourself. Try to focus on eating very healthy foods so that you can gain weight and strengthen your immune system. I would also like to suggest some one on one counseling to help you heal, as well as improve your sense of self worth.

Monday, November 17, 2008, 2:55 AM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

I have been eating healthy so far and I have gained about 2lbs back. So, I am off to a good start. Thanks for the advice...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008, 6:27 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

Hi,

I just recently found out that my ex is going to move to a 2 bedroom apartment with his new young male friend that he has only known for alittle over a month.

My ex still wants to keep in contact with me. He told me that just because we are not together doesn't mean that we are not going to get married.

He told me he will be leaving the apartment that he and I picked out. The very place that I was going to move into when we were going to get married in January.

Now he will be signing a 1 year lease with the boy and he told me that that should give me time to fix things.

I am soo devastated that he chose this young boy over me.

Sunday, November 30, 2008, 11:02 AM

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He sounds like a control freak and can't accept that you might not want him back. It also sounds like you're having a hard time cutting him out of your life too. I really think you need to take care of you and do what you feel is right by taking care of your mom. As hard as it's going to be you need to cut off all contact with him and focus on you. He's not a healthy person to be around and he will only make you miserable if you stick around. Abusive and controlling people start out in a way you think it isn't so bad, but it will only get worse.

Sunday, November 30, 2008, 12:24 PM

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wow this guy sounds like a total dweeb....i mean i am a christian too, but he sounds like he's being ridiculous. be glad he's not in your life anymore.

Sunday, November 30, 2008, 3:55 PM

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Get yourself to a counsellor!!!! That you're so disappointed he picked someone else, is pathetic. Hard truth. If you can't see that, then you need to get to a counsellor quick. Drop the drama, get out of the situation, quit dreaming of getting back together, just write him off completley.

Monday, December 01, 2008, 10:55 AM

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I agree with the pp!!! You need to cut your losses and move on.
STOP communicating with this man. Do not call him and do not accept his calls. Do not write him e-mails or even send him a card on his b-day.
He doesn't deserve it!!!
Once he is out of you life you will be able to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and will respect your relationship with your family (which seems to have started this whole thing to begin with).


Monday, December 01, 2008, 11:10 AM

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He is a control freak that has himself on a pedestal. He thinks he is quite a good deal. He is signing a one year lease so that "you have time to fix things" ? What things? Like realize what you are missing with him out of your life? If he loved you he would be working things out with you, not going off into another relationship. Can't you just hear him saying " just wait til she realizes what she is missing?" He's a loser. Get him off your back and out of your hair. Don't let him control you by even thinking about what he is doing and that he left you for some young boy. Be glad you found out what he is like before you got even more involved. Soon you will find yourself a real man and wonder what the hell you ever even saw in him.

Monday, December 01, 2008, 5:36 PM

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WOW. I think he is bad news. I am a Children's Pastor and believe and rely on God, but he seems to be putting alot on you. You seem to already have enough on your plate, him adding his drama to your plate makes it all a bigger mess. You taking care of your mom is wonderful, no man should EVER try and keep you from your mom or from helping her. Goodluck!

Monday, December 01, 2008, 6:02 PM

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when your feeling vulnerable you might fall for those lovey words he uses on you ....you need to stand back out of your situation and look at it thru the eyes of a stranger...look at his character and imagine that in your future..then imagine having children with him..and when you do get tired of his character imagine you trying to leave him, and with your children...darling your life will be hell..you need to decide once and for all that you dont want this and move on and when you really make that decision any thing he tries to tell you will go in one ear and right out the other and you will feel great and at peace

Monday, December 01, 2008, 6:45 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

The worse thing about all this is that I work with him. It is getting very difficult to go to work everyday. It's like a nightmare.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 2:01 AM

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get a new job.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 10:06 AM

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agreed! start looking for a new job NOW! you need to get as far away from him as you can

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 10:24 AM

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Never mind that he thinks he wants to marry you...this guy sounds like a pedophile to me.

When are you going to cut this guy loose for good? I get it that you were engaged to him, but how much more evidence do you need that he is a bad, bad person? Stop taking his calls, if he approaches you at work then tell your supervisor that he is harassing you. Don't be devastated over losing a guy who at the very least sounds like a closeted homosexual.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 12:39 PM

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I think you did the right choice in getting the townhome for your mother. I also think that if he had loved you and wanted to marry you, that he would've been more supportive and listened to you...and tried to help you with your decisions. He sounds like a guy who is very selfish.

I'm glad that you don't have him in your life anymore!

I know that it's hard because you loved him, but you'll find someone else that treats you right and that will be there to support you! :)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 1:04 PM

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12:39 - Why do you think this guy is a gay pedophile? Anyways -

He's a total jerk! Asshole! Piece of crap!

Now - *READ ALOUD* HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME! -

Honey, deal with the work thing, just ignore him. If he calls you, and you happen to answer, blow a whistle as loud as you can into the phone. Delete emails without reading, throw away letters/cards without opening, and ignore him and move on with your life.



Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 5:18 PM

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I think he is gay

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 6:30 PM

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yup !

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 6:58 PM

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omg me too! Not a pedophile, but gay. He may be interested in the boy he's living with. Wait. How old is this "boy?" Maybe he is a pedophile....

Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 7:04 PM

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FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE BLOG

You all really think he is gay? I never thought of that. I think the guy he is moving in with is about 10 years younger than my ex. I think he might be about 2 years fresh out of high school.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 1:05 AM

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I vote - gay!


Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 10:49 AM

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I vote "it doesn't matter" The relationship isn't healthy at all, and it is completely unsalvageable, so there's no reason a self respecting woman would stay. None. If the OP has no self respect, she should see someone to help her get some.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 10:54 AM

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I thought he was a pedophile because she kept referring to his "friend" as a "boy". I'd be concerned if a grown man was having a "boy" move in with him. Having now learned that this boy is at least 18, I'm voting gay. And sounds like he doesn't want to admit it and is trying to use you as a cover.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 11:07 AM

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He is doing all this to me because I got a 2 bedroom townhome for my mom so she could be close by our family. He was very serious with me when he told me to get a 1 bedroom apt for my mom that she could afford on her own. The townhome is the same price as a 1 bedroom apt. Just the idea that he wanted me to put her in senior assisted living gave me a bad feeling. Now he is getting a 2 bedroom condo with his new friend just to spite me. The condo is more expensive than the townhome. He told me he was going to get the apt with me. Then he changed his mind. He couldn't stand the fact that I got the townhome. It was almost like he was jealous. I believe that he didn't want me to help my mom at all. He wanted me to pay half the rent for the place that him and I would live at. Now that I'm paying half the rent with my mom I wouldn't be able to help him. so now he has the young guy to help him pay half his rent. If he loved me he sould have been supportive. He told me that I went against what he told me to do. This is just his way of getting back at me. All this is coming back to me because I work with him. It's terrible. He told me that me getting the townhome was an ungodly choice and out of order.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 1:36 PM

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He told me I can't please him and please my mom at the same time.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 1:41 PM

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He told me I can't please him and please my mom at the same time.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 1:42 PM

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Turn his religion right back on him. Tell him he's absolutely right, you can't please both your mother and him and since the Bible says "honor thy father and mother" you are choosing her. End of story. Sounds like he's continually baiting you into a discussion about it knowing that you'll try to disagree and continue the communication. Agree with him, take away his argument then walk away.

Anyone who would do something to spite someone they love is not worth talking to anymore.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 1:50 PM

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He told me I can't please him and please my mom at the same time. I work with him and his new friend.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 1:55 PM

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And like a PP said before, avoid him at work and if he continues to approach you there, complain to your supervisor that he is harassing you. You need to get tough on this dude and be firm with him that you're done. I'm getting the vibe that you are engaging him and letting him continue a discourse with you. Cut him off and put everything he has said and done behind you. You did the absolute right thing for your mother but he's banking on wearing you down. It will be the biggest mistake of your life if you let him do that. Guaranteed.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 2:00 PM

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I did ignore him at work recently but I felt really bad about it. I just keep saying to myself that I am doing it for my own good. Thanks for all of your great advice. It has really helped me. You all can continue commenting if you'ld like.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 12:29 AM

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There needs to be an end to this ridiculousness. Whatever his problem, it shouldn't involve you anymore. He broke up with you. LUCKY YOU! And I mean that sincerely. He is a loser. He DOES NOT love you. Love isn't spiteful. He basically is looking for an easy button and you were it until you showed him you had a mind of your own. This is a guy who needs his significant other to be very docile and submissive. Besides the fact that he needs the person to contribute half of living expenses, he needs to be in control.

You obviously are a woman who does not want to be controlled. Kick his lame ass to the curb and don't look back. Stop talking to him at work unless it is totally work related. And then keep it strictly business. You don't have to be mean. Just be businesslike with no hint of a chance he could play his games on you.

The best thing for you to do is to stop thinking about him when you are away from work. It is counterproductive. Join a book club or go out with girlfriends to socialize. Start a hobby like painting, sculpting in clay, knitting, crocheting, sewing, quilting, etc. Enroll in some community non-credit classes like cooking, mosiac making, ceramics, etc. Keep yourself occupied in fun and interesting ways that don't include him -- or any other man at this point because you are not ready to start dating again until you don't think about him or talk about him anymore. No new guy wants to hear all about your angst with old guy.

So chin up, take a deep breath and move on.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 10:08 AM

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I agree 100000% with PP. Why do you feel bad about ignoring this guy? He's a total loser and you should be heaving a huge sigh of relief that he dumped you because you probably would have married him. Count your blessings and keep giving him the brush off. No more engagement, no more reason to talk to him, and no more reason to feel bad about it. And definitely don't date....seems like you need to find out a little bit about your own self first if this is the kind of man you were willing to settle down with. And I don't mean that in a mean spirited way.....if you were willing to accept this garbage from him then you might want to re-assess what you want/need in a partner and use that info when choosing the next guy you date. Invest some time in you and your friends. $5 says as time goes on they're going to start telling you how they really felt about him all along but didn't say before because they didn't want to trash your fiance to you.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 10:19 AM

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Yes, you made the right choice. It also made room in your life for someone who you love and loves you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 7:33 AM

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