CommunityBrowse groupsBlogEtiquetteInvite Your friendsSuccess Stories


how important is sex in a relationship?

Okay ladies, I interested in how you all feel about this one. I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months, I am 25years old and when we met I felt like I finally found the right guy. I am very much in love with him and could see him fathering my children, but there's one catch (why does there always have to be the catch) our sex life is okay. We started off having great sex and at this point itis not as exciting. I faked a few orgasms the last few times, and if I really look back I haven't had an orgasm in 2 months! He makes me feel good but I am not really turned on like I used to be.
He sexy but he like to be funny and is taking his playfulness into the bedroom where I would just like him to be more seroius. I've tried to tell him but he makes a joke.
Any suggestions or personal experiences you might share with me, I really want this guy to be around forever. I hate feeling this way.

Fri. Mar 3, 10:09am

Add comment  
If you want him to be around forever, your going to need to start talking to him. Just tell him what you want in terms of a suggestion. i e whatever behaviour he does but you don't like, suggest the opposite without critizing him. If you read any cosmo mag they help you with these things. You need to start a conversation like " what would make you happier in our sex life" " is there anything different you'd like to do" etc. That way ifyou ask him, then there is no need for you to not chime in or for him to ask you himself! Just be honest, because if you can't bring it up with him, you probably dont have as good as a relationship as you think you do. Best of luck

Friday, March 03, 2006, 10:24 AM

Add comment
For goodness' sake, quit faking orgasms!! How is he supposed to know whether or not something is working for you if you aren't honest?? This isn't his fault, it's yours! Tell him what you want. And don't act like something is working for you if it just isn't, because then he is going to conclude that you don't KNOW what you want.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 10:28 AM

Add comment
wait a sec

let me clarify, I don't fake all the orgasms, in the last say 10 times we've had sex I faked 2 because I felt bad for him and I remeber one of those times I really just wanted to go to sleep. I have talked to him and approached the situation like you have both suggested but he just makes a joke, the other night I got upset with him for the first time but I told muself to calm down and let it go. Listen to what happened.....(this gets personal)..stop reading if you don't want the extra info....

We didn't have condoms so I went down on him, something which he doesn't do in my case (which kinda sucks but I can get over it) after a good 20 minutes and a neck cramp, he was like well let me use you vibrator on you. I have a vibrator but I honestly don't use it ever, it was a gag gift. He took it out and proceeded to try to use it on me, every one in a while he chuckled and I said,"stop laughing, it's making me hard to focus why are you laughing?" Then after 20 minutes of this I finally said "stop this isn't working!" and I took the think from his hand and threw it on the floor and ran out the room. He said"come back here, let me try it again." But at that point I was like forget it, and then we both just got ready for work and that was it.
I kind of felt hurt because sometimes it's like he thinks it's mission impossible to get me to have an orgasm, but it's not. I have had boyfriends in the past who soul purpose in the bedroom was to make me have an excellent time. It also doesn't provide that "close" feeling you share after a great sexual experience.
Then last night we started to have sex and he came in a matter of 15 min. and said he was sorry, then tried to put on another condom but it didn't work, so I gave up this time just got off him and laid there to see what he would do, and he touched me a little and I got up after a while cause I could tell it wasn't going anywhere from there, last night I was real pissed but I didn't say much and went to bed.

Hey ladies I know this is peer trainer and not sex and the city, but I don't have many girlfriends. I am trying to stay fit and healthy and I am thankful for your support.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 10:58 AM

Add comment
This early on your relationship I say sex does matter. If it is not working now, it probably never will. I believe that sex is very important. I have been with my husband now for 15 years, and we have our ups and downs in the bedroom, but I know that when it isn't going well it will get better. I let it go because we have a history togethe - we have kids together - and having him in my life is more important than having him in my bedroom.

However, if I were at the start of my relationship and it wasn't working in the bedroom - if we were not a fit, then I would tell him so and ask tell him that if you guys want to try and work on it, great, but if not, then you're out of there.

Of course, in the good ol' days - supposedly - people didn't have sex before they were married so you never knew. Of course in those days the woman's job was to please the man and the man could have as much pleasing from as many women as he wanted.

But it's not those days anymore. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Don't stay with the guy just because you told yourself "he's the one." There are lots of "ones" out there.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 11:05 AM

Add comment
I agree with the above poster.

If you stay with him and the situation won't work itself out, it won't be a matter of having a relationship in which sex just isn't that important, it will become a source of emotional hurt and resentment and it will sour other aspects of the relationship.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 11:28 AM

Add comment
I was with my ex husband for 29 years and never had a orgasm. He never asked me if I did. We had great sex but I never felt satisfied. I finally left him and I'm now with a wonderful man who makes me feel forfilled. The first time we made love he asked me if I had a orgasm which I did but nobody has ever asked me that before I thought it was kind of strange. My new husband is my best friend, we talk about everything. To me it sounds like you have to please him and not the other way around. Try new things. Dress up for him etc. In my past relationship that's all we had between us was sex we never talked or anything. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk if he won't do it then he's not worth it.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 11:46 AM

Add comment
Step back and look at this in the context of the rest of the relationship.

The fact is, he's either not concerned about your satisfaction or he's both ignorant and uncomfortable talking about sex. Guys tend to not want to admit they don't already know everything about it, so that's a possibility.

So look at other situations: Is he in general generous and considerate to you, or are you brushing little annoyances under the rug all the time? In general, how does he act if he doesn't know something? In general, how would you rate his psychological comfort with sensuality and sexuality?

Sex is important for itself, and also because when it is NOT working it can tell you something about the rest of the relationship. There are many inconsiderate things a partner can do that you can pretend not to notice for a long time, but it will stand right out in the bedroom, for instance.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 11:50 AM

Add comment
wow thats a good point thank you so much!! You guys are good

Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:10 PM

Add comment
Another thing to consider is that 80% (or so I read) cannot have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so it sucks (no pun intended) that he won't go down on you.
But they DO have these toys called "Little Butterflies" that you can attach to the clitoral area so while he's penetrating you you can get stimulation there at the same time, and VASTLY increase the likelihood of having one, or maybe a few, lol.
Keep us posted, we can be your PT Sex and the City!

Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:44 PM

Add comment
The original poster wrote that they "didn't have condoms so I went down on him, something which he doesn't do in my case (which kinda sucks but I can get over it)" This is a MAJOR problem, in my opinion. You shouldn't have to "get over it." There should be no taboo around oral sex. You two should watch the movie "Kinsey," in which this point is made. Also, there should NEVER be a double standard in a relationship: you'll do something for him that he won't do for you. Like someone else said, there are lots of others out there who would be more respectful of you and your needs.

Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:45 PM

Add comment

Explore Related Articles
Weight Loss Motivation   Sustainable Weight Loss
Weight Lifting    Hypnosis and Weight Loss
Emotional Eating   Help Losing Weight
Free Weight Loss Program   Weight Watchers Points  NutriSystem
How To Change Anything

Related Content:

How To Lose Weight- The Basics
Weight Watchers Points System
The Fat Smash Diet
The Eat To Live Diet
The Beck Diet Solution
How To Get The Motivation To Lose Weight


How To Be Successful Using PEERtrainer

How To Burn Fat
Online Weight Loss Support- How It Works
Does Green Tea Help You Lose Weight?
Tips On Using PEERtrainer
Visit The PEERtrainer Community
Diet and Fitness Resources


Weight Watchers Meetings
Learning To Inspire Others: You Already Are
Writing Down Your Daily Workouts
Spending Money On A Personal Trainer?
How I Became A Marathon Runner


Preventive Health

How To Prevent Injuries During Your Workout
Flu Season: Should You Take The Flu Shot?
Are You Really Ready To Start PEERtrainer?
Super Foods That Can Boost Your Energy
Reversing Disease Through Nutrition

New Diet and Fitness Articles:

Weight Watchers Points Plus
How To Adjust Your Body To Exercise
New: Weight Watchers Momentum Program
New: PEERtrainer Blog Archive
Review Of The New Weight Watchers Momentum Program

Weight Loss Motivation by Joshua Wayne:

Why Simple Goal Setting Is Not Enough
How To Delay Short Term Gratification
How To Stay Motivated
How To Exercise With A Busy Schedule

Real World Nutrition and Fitness Questions

Can Weight Lifting Help You Lose Weight?
Are Protein Drinks Safe?
Nutrition As Medicine?

Everyday Weight Loss Tips

How To Eat Healthy At A Party
How To Eat Out And Still Lose Weight
The Three Bite Rule
Tips On How To Stop A Binge