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update - is sex important in a relationship?
So for those who have been following my saga about my relationship, I talked to him last night.
We were having sex and it wasn't working at all I could tell that he was really trying hard. I tried hard to keep calm. He finally got up and started making jokes like usual and said that he was going to the bathroom to get a wet towel to "dampen me up down there" and that's when I lost it. He came back and noticed that I was upset and tearing up and suddenly got quiet and laid down next to me. I laid it all on the table then and told him exactly how I felt. He was still quiet. I told him how I need us to kiss more and how it hasn't been working for me lately. He suggested we look at each other and we turned our heads towards each other and then he started to cry. He is very sensitive. He explained how he was basically a virgin before he met me. He did have a relationship but it it wasn't long. He said how he is inexperienced and I need to tell him more about how I feel. We talkted for a while and he was really upset. He later said "jeez it sucks knowing I can't satisfy my girlfriend".
Since yesterday though we have grown much closer I can already tell. I think we are going to be more open toward each other too from now on. We haven't had sex yet but I imagine things are looking up! :D
Thanks for the ladies who put in the good words, you might hear from me in the future!
Mon. Mar 13, 8:12pm
That's great news, SexGirl (for lack of anything better to call you). All he did was make a classic beginner's error of thinking that what works for one of us works for all of us. Your situation is certainly not hopeless. Good luck next time you get him nekkid :)
Monday, March 13, 2006, 8:52 PM
Thank the lord.
Monday, March 13, 2006, 9:53 PM
"Why not start with a Kiss? mmmm?"
"You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at the gate! Give her a kiss, my boy!"
~Monte Python, Meaning of Life
Perhaps inappropriate, but I've always thought there was a lot of truth in it. Have you ever considered cutting out intercourse for a period and driving each other insane with foreplay? Like 2 teenagers with no place to go? It's rather fun ;-)
That's excellent that you two got some things out in the open! Keep communicating with him. Everything won't change overnight, so persistence and lots of practice! :D
Monday, March 13, 2006, 11:44 PM
Good girl!!! I'm glad you finally talked. I'm sure he was feeling very insecure as well, and thought that by "lightening the moment" through laughter, he could get through.
I do have to say that 99% of a good sexual relationship is actually in the brain... once you've got the connection above, things will go better below! :-)
And, the last poster has very good advice-- sometimes just the foreplay can get you both excited and happy together! :-)
Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 1:43 AM
You know that most women are not able to orgasm by just straight sex. Most need added stimulation of some kind, or some prefer to orgasm through oral sex, which I think you said he doesn't want to do for you. My husband doesn't do that either, but we adjust, and have found other ways, and that's ok. It's not for everyone and I don't believe in tit for tat, there really are other factors in the relationship that are more important to me than getting oral sex.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 5:17 AM
Speaking of which,
the following video I found on MySpace is absolutely hilarious!!! :-)
Don't worry, it's safe for the kiddies...
Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 9:54 AM
i have not followed your story but I am a firm believer that it is EXTREAMLY improtatn to be an open book with your partner on the topic of intamcy.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 4:56 PM
How has it been going?
Saturday, March 25, 2006, 12:07 AM
!! I followed this story too !!
how is it going
Saturday, March 25, 2006, 7:30 PM
I have also been following this story , Girl you have it made now you can train him the way you want him don't be shy about it show him what you want and how you want it he will thank you and you will thank your self Good luck
Saturday, March 25, 2006, 8:50 PM
wow... wet towel... thats brutal hun... make him read stuff on sex! GET HIM BOOKS! How could he think water would help.... I think he is just uninformed...
Saturday, March 25, 2006, 9:32 PM
My partner is Kinda the same. He doesn't satisfy me the way he wants to (by making me orgasim). I enjoy sex with him very much. But I feel so much pressure from him and I just can't climax. Latley we haven't been having sex. Last time we did, he was trying so hard. I could tell he was working overtime. I didn't know what to do! When he laid down beside me we were so quiet, i didnt know what to do, if anything. I love sex so much, but he is always saying that he doesnt feel like it. When I ask him why,he just says simply because i dont. Id doesnt make me feel wanted or special at all. I have been with him for almost 5 years and as selfish as it may sound, i need that connection you get from having sex. I enjoyit. And right now, i am thinking of another man. We know eachother and usually just chat online. But he knows what buttons to push that my partner isnt. And it hurts that i am not getting that from my patner. I feel stuck.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 4:38 AM
Hello!!!! Tell your partner what you need. Wether it is emotional or physical. My hubby and I have been together for almost 4 years now and you want to know the best thing we have going for us? It's our communication. If it hurts to have sex I let him know, because he needs to. There are times when he wants sex and I don't he had an extremely hard time with this at first, but once I started opening up about why he has learned to be gentler and add some fore play. Also if I'm not feeling the fore play he knows to just stop and we'll snuggle because I may not be having a great day and don't feel sexual. The NUMBER ONE for making a relationship work is COMMUNICATION. If you don't tell him what works for you or what you need, how's he going to know? Men are not mind readers and neither are women.
Good job op for opening up to your man. I know sometimes the discussions are difficult and sometimes the topics are hurtful or confusing, but communication is a key ingredient for a successful relationship. I consider my hubby my best friend because I can talk to him about ANYTHING. Even if it's him that is ticking me off, I can still tell him and that gives us a starting point to work with.
Keep up the communication.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 9:01 AM
this may sound mean, but you need to see both sides of that coin honey.
if you're asking him to fulfill your needs, which sounds more like romantic needs, be prepared to buck up once in a while and fulfill his needs, of pure hard sex based on his wants.
in my marriage we're the opposite, he's the romantic one and i'm more hard core. so, we're open with what mood we're in and when. there should be no mind reading or guessing going on. that way we're both getting our needs met.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 9:25 AM
Ok, the reason I say communication is key is because of my past. I was molested as a child, and raped in college. This makes a very difficult time sometimes when it comes to sex. My hubby understands though, Thank God!!! Maybe something is going on with either you or him and you need to discuss it. ESPECIALLY before having sex. My hubby knew from the beginning and yeah it's difficult for him at times when I'm not in the mood, but the times that I go that extra mile, like a nighty or some kinky stuff, he really appreciates it. This would have been difficult had I not told him in the beginning. One should always be open before getting to that point. It's a lot harder if you keep putting info off. Maybe he has something in his past that makes it difficult. Who knows, but being forward about it with each other helps resolve some things. Maybe get some KY and see if you can help him know that it is a better option, or try other little tricks. Deffinately communicate though.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 10:42 AM
My fiance and I are giving up sex for six month before the wedding, starting April this year, it's going to be hard but it will be interesting to see what we feel and how think and also the little things in the relationship that change while your not having sex. Sometimes i think it can get in the way of things in the relationship, now we will be able to see it for how it is. If for some reason after we are married we can't have sex then it's good to know that we will be bale to do it... Just a thought, your opinions and ideas would be nice if you would like to contribute...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 9:40 PM
let me see if I have this right, the sex is terrible BEFORE you're getting married, so your giving up UNTIL you get married? bad idea. it isn't going to change in one day, one year, or one century. if you can't work through it now, how are you going to work through it once you're married. being married shouldn't change your sex life.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 1:06 PM
i don't want to sound mean but, is it possible some of these guys are a bit on the gay side? It shouldn't be so hard and so involved to "do it".
Any guys out there who could please advise if this is normal and if they are straight?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 1:16 PM
i think that's a legitimate question. why so much pressure?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 1:32 PM
I'm 9:40pm - no the sex is great before we get married!!!! We just want to see if the relationship changes that we can still cope with each other... The intimacy will need to be found in different ways and this will help us grow closer to each other i think!!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 6:59 PM
I didn't mean you so much 6:59, I meant the OP and some of these others who say the guy has a struggle keeping it going.
Thursday, January 24, 2008, 11:07 PM
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