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Exhausted and depressed

I am thirty five, a single mom of two, and was recently diagnosed with chronic fatigue virus. I am exhausted. The doctor told me there was no medication and there was just vitamins to take (b complete). I am too tired to exercise all the time. I eat like crap, but I eat like crap because I feel like there is nobody that loves me anyway, so f$%k it, you know? I am smart and I know I am just sitting here watching life go by, but I can't seem to get the motivation to make the changes. I can picture exactly what I want to look like. I just cant get there! I don't know what is wrong with me. Seriously.

If feel fat, embarrased of my weight, and very unattractive. I am educated, smart, and have a good job. I know fat people do find love, but not many normal weight guys that are educated and successful in business (the kind of guys I am attracted to) want a woman who is fat. I know there are those few there somewhere, but lets be honest, the masses don't want fat women. I hate those threads that say "lots of guys love a bigger woman, as long as she has confidence" Thats bs I think. Most guys want pretty women and average to thin sized women along with the good personality traits. I want to feel pretty and attractive. I want to find someone who loves me someday and wants to hang out with me. I know I am a worthwhile person, but people can't generally see anything but the fat so there is just not much chance.

I need motivation somwehere, somehow... Any feedback or suggestions are appreciated.


Mon. Jun 29, 9:45pm

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I don't think you're going to find the love of your life until you start loving yourself!

I do believe that self-confidence means everything, no matter how heavy you are. I met my husband when I was at my heaviest weight ever. I've asked him why he was even attracted to me and he said he loved my looks and my personality, even if I was overweight.

Exercise and healthy eating will give you more energy, but don't try to do it all at once. Make little baby steps towards health, and you'll start feeling better little by little and won't feel overwhelmed.

Just tell yourself - Life is too short to be in such a funk!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 9:04 AM

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I also have battled CFS, for many years now. I also was a single mom (of 3, not 2) I also have an ongoing battle with my weight. So I can see where you are.

I have to say, though, that I think you are not being fair to your children. You say that "there is nobady who loves me" Well, your children love you, and need you. Do you have friends? They love you. All this focus on finding a guy means that you are ignoring the blessings you do have. Your children need you to be well and healthy. They need you to show them how to live, and that means feeding yourself well, making yourself take a walk when you want to stay in bed, taking an interest in things other than your lack of a lovelife. If you don't show them this, how will they learn it?

It is true, that you are two exhausted to exercise all the time. Where exercise will energize normal people, it drains us. You must make yourself do gentle exercise, though. Taking a walk in the fresh air is the best thing you can do for yourself, and your kids can join you. Great time to talk about stuff.

Seek out laughter, wherever you can find it. If you like funny movies, start watching them, and laugh at all the funny parts, even if you only think a smile is warranted. Your body and mood do not differentiate between laughter on purpose, and spontaneous laughter, so laugh on purpose. It will help.

Eat for longterm health. Eating a beet won't give you the immediate energy of a candy bar, that is true. But a beet will be helping you the next day, and that candy bar will be destroying you. Show yourself you are worthy of love by how you treat yourself. If you despise yourself, others will despise you, and why not? Any man who wants you when you despise yourself will only treat you badly, and probably treat your children badly, because he will take his cues from you. You are showing everyone, how you want to be treated. You are showing your children that it is normal to hate themselves.

I do understand, I have been fighting this fight. Finding some guy right now won't fix this. Love your children, love yourself, Laugh on purpose and soon you will laugh just because.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 10:38 AM

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By the way, there are a lot of women who are NOT fat who are looking for love. Let's face it, being thin will not solve all your problems. Being healthy and feeling good about yourself will take you in the right direction.And I agree with the PP. Someone does love you - your kids, your friends, your family. The love you seem to be missing may actually be the love for yourself.

Do it for you. Do it for your kids.



Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 5:01 PM

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It sounds like you're in a vicious cycle of eating crap because you think your life is crap, and both of those things make you feel like crap, so then you eat more crap.

Agree with the other posters. Shelve this idea that men won't find you attractive because of your current weight. More likely, they'll be turned off by the negative script you've got going on in that head and the vibes you put out. The confidence thing is not b.s.. I have a friend who is easily 40 pounds overweight - she dates more than anyone I know. Men LOVE her. She thinks she's hot sh*t, as a result, so does every one else!

More importantly, though, as the other posters said, as well. It all starts with you. Take care of yourself, love yourself, do it for yourself. A nice benefit to that is that people are drawn to others who are confident and happy.

You don't have to exercise all the time to reap the benefits of physical activity. You don't have to eat 100% clean to reap the benefits of changing up what you eat.

Sounds like food is your coping mechanism right now. Make food work FOR you, not against you. Get the ball rolling with small steps and bigger steps will follow.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 6:50 PM

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Hi there, sorry to hear you are so sad. I have severe adrenal fatigue, and will never recover from it. I have made so much progress (physically) by sticking to GENTLE exercise. If I over-do it, I'm blown away physically for 5 days. Yes, its a drag but its also another chance to love myself unconditionally and to forgive myself for not being the perfect beautiful athlete I once was.

Good luck and remember.... baby steps add up!! check out flylady.com to make more time in your schedule for exercise. Or pick one easy exercise dvd you really do like and stick to it!!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009, 9:08 PM

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