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No Spousal Support-Looking for a "buddy"

Hi there - I'm new to the community. I wanted to put this out there to find someone maybe in the same boat-- and also just to know that I am not the only one who has no spousal supprt while trying to get healthy. I should clarify what I mean by support though. My husband is 5'11 and 280lbs. He also smokes and overall does not care about getting healthy at all - no matter how much I may discuss me wanting to get healthier. He would never complain about my new health kick but has no interest in joining me. We have a 3 yr old daughter- no plans for anymore due to my health- and he complains of bad knees and sore back and is always tired and cranky when spending time with her. I'm a stay-at-home mom and he works long hours so he doesn't get to spend a lot of time with her either. One would think that getting healthier to have more energy to play with your child would be motivation enough but not in his case. It's really hard because I don't have any family or friends in the area - I moved here for him. So I am on my own and that is the biggest challenge for me. I know I have huge issues about the fact that my husband does not care about his health and I really need to just get over it and worry about me! I would really love to find a partner in this new "adventure" - someone to be accountable to other than just myself and someone who wants help with any of their issues while getting healthier. I'd like to lose about 40-50 pounds and I am literally just starting out (again). I am really serious about this and have no problem with daily (or 2 or 3 times a day) emails/logs. Please- if there is anyone interested- I know we can help each other!!! Cheers, Taralynn

Thu. Aug 20, 3:49pm

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It's a common theme around here so I'm sure there are many who can relate! While a joint effort would be ideal, perhaps you will inspire him along the way.

In the meantime, good for you for deciding to move forward and take care of you!

Thursday, August 20, 2009, 6:39 PM

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I completely understand!! Although my story differs slightly from yours... I live abroad, in my husband's country so totally relate to the no-family or support thing. However, my hubby is as skinny as a rail but extremely unhealthy. I've tried getting him to think about being healthier, just because he can't see any effects of the damage he's doing by smoking and eating junk all the time doesn't mean there isn't any damage!
I quit smoking last year, he's still smoking.. I quit drinking and he seems to be drinking more (although he's not a big drinker so this isn't much of a problem).. and he NEVER exercises, hates walking.. how can someone hate walking?!?!?!
Taralynn, how do feel about joining a group with me so we can help each other and be the support we need? :-)

Thursday, August 20, 2009, 9:51 PM

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Yes Yes Yes! It sounds like we have some of the same things in common and I would love to join a group together and really get serious about this. I am still navigating my way around the site so if you have any other suggestions - that would be terrific!

Thursday, August 20, 2009, 10:12 PM

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Hey Taralynn :-)

I've called the group 'Sisterly support' so come and join me and we can help each other out in all this!

Thursday, August 20, 2009, 11:39 PM

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Sorry, here's the link!


Thursday, August 20, 2009, 11:41 PM

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I am sorry to say that I cannot access the group via the link - and I can't find the group (or team) name by doing a search either. I hope we can give it another try!!

Friday, August 21, 2009, 11:58 AM

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This is also my unfortunate situation. Hubby is 7 years my senior, considerably overweight and happy. I've lost over 25 pounds and my aim is to achieve my best, probably another 20 pounds from this point. I measure my health not only by weight but energy level, outlook on life, fit of clothes, lab numbers at check-ups, etc. Since I'm flying solo in this quest for optimum health, I've chosen Joel Fuhrman's ETL which is easy enough to stick with during the day. Sometimes the evenings are still a struggle as I tire of saying "No" to everything; by the same token, hubby says "No" to any modifications in his Modern American Diet so we often eat totally different things.

I resent the food-medical-pharmaceutical industries getting rich at the expense of my health for 60 years and am now determined to be my own advocate. I am a regular PT poster and would very much like to have support from others in the same boat.

I'll go now to see if I can find the Sisterly Support group/team -

- Gray

Friday, August 21, 2009, 2:45 PM

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I found the group as stated, "Sisterly Support." On a test, the link also took me there. So, come join Taralynn & myself and let's encourage each other to stay strong with temptations all around us. - Gray

Friday, August 21, 2009, 2:54 PM

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I would love to join this group as my husband is the very same! But I can't find Sisterly Support under team or group! Help! I'll keep trying. Nancy

Saturday, September 05, 2009, 11:47 PM

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I'm in the group but I'm afraid it's already full. I'm sure if you start another group you will get others who join you.

Sunday, September 06, 2009, 3:42 AM

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No spousal support

Hello Nancy,
Only up until today I have read this comments. I am in the same situation and I would like to join or start another group like Sisterly Support.
Please let me know about any news on this. I am barranca

Friday, September 11, 2009, 11:24 AM

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Barranca, I started a group called Melting for Me, but it is already full! I'll bet if you started one, there would be plenty of followers. Sounds like this is a very common problem. I sometimes wonder if my husband subconsciously sabatoges my diet attempts. I get such an attitude and then give up! How do I get past that?

Friday, September 11, 2009, 9:58 PM

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