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Very Off Topic Question. Boys, I Need Advice!

I’m newly back on the market (dating) after nearly 20 years. I think I’m attractive for my age, fit, slender, etc. I’m interested in someone at my gym, and he seems to notice me, but all we’ve ever done is say “hi” when we’re face to face.

I would love advice from the men here on PT. Can you give me any ideas on how to get to know him better? How to strike up a conversation? I know this post sounds so juvenile, but I’m sooo out of practice! Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!


Tue. Dec 1, 5:02pm

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I'm a female, but have you tried asking him for advice on equipment or resistance training? I've done that. See something they are doing and go over and say "i'm sorry to bother you, but i've tried that and I can't seem to get it right. Can you help me?" If he's interested, you'll know it. If he's not, you'll both go back to working out.

The question is: if he isn't interested, are you comfortable approaching him, getting a no, and then seeing him after that on a regular basis?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 5:13 PM

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Thanks for the idea, PP. I can definitely handle it if he's not interested. Our club is big enough where it would not be awkward. I just have such a crush on him that I can barely make eye contact, much less strike up a conversation! We are always at the club first thing in the morning, and often are waiting between the doors before they open for the day. (along with 3 or 4 other men. I'm the only woman.) I wish I had the nerve to talk to him then. If I didn't have a crush on him, I'd have no trouble talking. Silly, huh?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 7:58 PM

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not at all. Rejection is a hard thing--it kills our ego--and that's why we're hesitant to ask questions we don't know the answers to.

Have you talked outside the door in the morning? Has he started conversations with you?

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 8:57 AM

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two thoughts come to mind. One is be as direct as possible, in general. Don't confusem

The other thought is that in general you want to be nice and friendly with as many people. Don't be a flirt, but do project that you are pleasant, sane, outgoing and not a ton of work to deal with.

As a guy, I don't want to have to figure you out. Be yourself. You don't need to lead off with how crazy your alcoholic sister is, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

people are a fit or they are not. I am a big beliver in that if something is going to work, there is sometimes no way to screw it up. It just fits.

Also- get out there in places other than the gym. Network like crazy and all that. meaning don't obsess about this guy too much. If it is meant to be, it will happen.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:54 PM

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also- scarcity and "the takeaway" work really well. meaning, you never ever ever want to appear to eager. The minute you go nuts on a guy he will run.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:56 PM

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