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Very Off Topic Question. Boys, I Need Advice!
I’m newly back on the market (dating) after nearly 20 years. I think I’m attractive for my age, fit, slender, etc. I’m interested in someone at my gym, and he seems to notice me, but all we’ve ever done is say “hi” when we’re face to face.
I would love advice from the men here on PT. Can you give me any ideas on how to get to know him better? How to strike up a conversation? I know this post sounds so juvenile, but I’m sooo out of practice! Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!
Tue. Dec 1, 5:02pm
I'm a female, but have you tried asking him for advice on equipment or resistance training? I've done that. See something they are doing and go over and say "i'm sorry to bother you, but i've tried that and I can't seem to get it right. Can you help me?" If he's interested, you'll know it. If he's not, you'll both go back to working out.
The question is: if he isn't interested, are you comfortable approaching him, getting a no, and then seeing him after that on a regular basis?
Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 5:13 PM
Thanks for the idea, PP. I can definitely handle it if he's not interested. Our club is big enough where it would not be awkward. I just have such a crush on him that I can barely make eye contact, much less strike up a conversation! We are always at the club first thing in the morning, and often are waiting between the doors before they open for the day. (along with 3 or 4 other men. I'm the only woman.) I wish I had the nerve to talk to him then. If I didn't have a crush on him, I'd have no trouble talking. Silly, huh?
Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 7:58 PM
not at all. Rejection is a hard thing--it kills our ego--and that's why we're hesitant to ask questions we don't know the answers to.
Have you talked outside the door in the morning? Has he started conversations with you?
Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 8:57 AM
two thoughts come to mind. One is be as direct as possible, in general. Don't confusem
The other thought is that in general you want to be nice and friendly with as many people. Don't be a flirt, but do project that you are pleasant, sane, outgoing and not a ton of work to deal with.
As a guy, I don't want to have to figure you out. Be yourself. You don't need to lead off with how crazy your alcoholic sister is, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there.
people are a fit or they are not. I am a big beliver in that if something is going to work, there is sometimes no way to screw it up. It just fits.
Also- get out there in places other than the gym. Network like crazy and all that. meaning don't obsess about this guy too much. If it is meant to be, it will happen.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:54 PM
also- scarcity and "the takeaway" work really well. meaning, you never ever ever want to appear to eager. The minute you go nuts on a guy he will run.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:56 PM
No conversation. Just "Hi" and a friendly smile on a few occasions. He works out with a friend, so they are sometimes talking and I couldn't really interrupt. However, there are times when his workout buddy isn't there yet and there are several of us standing around in silence.
I think I'm also feeling a bit insecure because I'm there with yesterday's hair and no make up. I might have more confidence if I was looking my best. However, I also don't want to show up totally primped because I think those people look ridiculous when they're there to sweat.
I have to think of a question to ask without it sounding totally rehearsed. What have your experiences been when you've approached someone at the gym?
Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:57 PM
8:57 checking in with you OP.
Most people don't want to be bothered at the gym, but I've had success with asking help to learn certain machines or how to do certain weight lifting moves. If they're not interested, they'll walk away and not think two things about it. If they are, they'll keep the conversation up.
If you're standing outside with this guy and his friend isn't there, you can always strike up a conversation about the weather "oo, it's chilly out this morning" or a simple "Good morning" and then say Hi, I'm new to the area and introduce yourself. If they ask where you're from, say Texas or some place. If you get to go on a date with this guy, fess up and tell the truth "I'm really from here, but it was an ice breaker to see if you were interested" If he likes you, he'll find it funny.
Personally, I think guys are flattered to have women approach them. So, don't stress too much about it.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 3:06 PM
Thank you for your responses. I will take all of the advice and let you know if anything develops. 2:54 / 2:56, Don't worry. I have the play-it-cool & not-too-eager thing down to perfection. Unfortunately, that hasn't gotten me anywhere thus far! And although it may seem like I'm obsessing, I'm really not. This is just a fun distraction from my otherwise boring life.
Since this is the first I've put myself out there in a long time, any other advice or input would be appreciated. Thanks!
Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 6:02 PM
Friday, December 04, 2009, 2:34 PM
Dear OP. Don't forget that he is afraid of rejection too. So chances are, he's trying to play it cool too.
Friday, December 04, 2009, 5:45 PM
OP here with an update.
This morning he got to the gym before me and was at the lockers when I came in. I've never seen him linger at the lockers before, and after other people walked away, he commented to me how static-y everything is now that it's cold out. (His clothes, etc.) There's no doubt he was trying to connect with me. I only made a comment sort of agreeing about the cold and headed off to my machine. I feel bad that I walked away while he was still standing there, but I just feel so shy. Because of my work schedule, I won't see him again until Saturday. I don't want him to feel rejected because of the butterflies in my stomach, so I definitely have to do better next time I see him. I'm normally a very friendly & outgoing person. I hope I can I connect with him again on Saturday when I feel so nervous around him!
Sunday, December 06, 2009, 1:55 PM
so now you have an opening! Google static cling, get some solutions - share them next time you see him :)
Sunday, December 06, 2009, 4:54 PM
OP, you can find the courage to strike up a conversation with him. When you see him Saturday, think of your cheering section here in the forum and know that we're rooting for you! Just know that even if you never go out with this guy, having the courage to strike up a conversation with a man is great practice for the time when you DO meet the right guy.
Good luck, we're with you and let us know how it goes on Saturday.
Monday, December 07, 2009, 12:24 AM
OP, what's your plan for tomorrow?
Friday, December 11, 2009, 1:44 PM
I don’t know what my plan is for tomorrow!! I’ve been looking forward to Saturday all week, and now I’m stressed out because I don’t know what I’m going to do. (Other than wear my cutest workout outfit and make sure my hair is looking good!)
I’m trying to think of something random to say other than how cold the weather’s been. Oh, here go those butterflies again!
Friday, December 11, 2009, 6:07 PM
Maybe something fitness related, but not a question about a machine? Do you see him on the treadmills? Maybe he's preparing for a race? Good luck!
Friday, December 11, 2009, 9:06 PM
Friday, December 11, 2009, 10:37 PM
Hi. OP again. I read the good luck messages b4 I left this morning. -Thanks! They made me smile.
So... Slow and steady wins the race? I have to say that I'm sure he's interested. He's around where I'm working out so much more than he used to be. We said Hi and made good eye contact before the gym opened, but then he was talking to his work out buddy. The thing is, his conversation with his friend didn't seem natural. More like he was giving information he wanted me to hear. - Saying the name of his street and the streets around his house that lead to a bike path. It's a newer subdivision that I'm familiar with and I think he wanted me to know he's doing well financially. (nicer homes) More conversation with his friend about what he did the night before. Of all the times we've stood between the doors, I don't ever remember hearing his conversation, just that he was talking. That's why it seemed like he wanted me to hear what he was saying.
Tomorrow I know how I’m going to start a conversation. I’m going to ask if he’s a personal trainer. I don’t think he is, but it seems like an ok questions because he offers so much advice to his friend about technique, pushes him to the max with his lifting, etc. I have some follow up conversation in mind that would seem natural after he says “no” to the PT question.
If you’re reading this and rolling your eyes, I don’t blame you. I sound like I’m 14 again! I’ll write back tomorrow with another update. Thanks again for your advice and words of encouragement. PT has helped me lose over 70 lbs. and now you’re helping me get back into the dating scene! What a great web site!
Saturday, December 12, 2009, 11:09 AM
No eye rolls, here, OP! I'm rooting for you :) And if I ever have to get back into the dating game, I'd be entering with NO game whatsoever! So, I can relate!
Keep us posted!
Saturday, December 12, 2009, 11:34 AM
No eye rolling here, either OP! I think it's great that you're putting yourself out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes tomorrow.
Congrats on your big weight loss and for your continued fitness success at the gym! You GO, Girl!
Saturday, December 12, 2009, 8:05 PM
OMG!!!! It went sooo well this morning. Better than I ever could have hoped!
I got to the gym early, but not early enough because they had already opened for the day. I walked into the fitness center (where all of the equipment is) and he was standing right there in front of me looking at a magazine. I gave a friendly smile, “hi” and good eye contact, and then headed straight to the lockers. Well what do you know. He follows me to the lockers and is commenting to me on how it’s warming up a bit. We talked the whole time I was taking off my coat, taking off my warm up pants, hanging everything in the locker, etc.
I asked him if he’s a personal trainer and he says he used to be, but doesn’t do it anymore. He said that he owns his own business now and doesn’t have time to be a PT. He recommended a friend of his, gave me his friend’s name and said I’d be able to get this personal trainer’s contact information at the front desk of our club. I was saying that I do too much cardio and need to mix it up a bit, that’s why a want to hire a PT. He agreed with me indicating that he knows I do a full hour of xyz . (See? I knew he was paying attention!) I joked that I need to do that much cardio today because I’ll be baking all day. I said, “ I bake a dozen, eat one, bake another dozen, eat another one, so I have to work out hard today.” With that, I head off to the machines to start my workout.
I was smiling ear to ear and my heart rate was through the roof because I was so happy - and I had barely even begun my workout! Next thing I know he’s there next to me handing me a piece of paper with the personal trainer’s name & number on it… And HIS name! I said “Hi, (name). It’s nice to meet you. I’m (name).” He reached out & shook my hand and I said, “Have a good workout,” and that was it. I thought.
An hour and a half later I head to my locker and who should approach the lockers at the same time? He has uncanny timing, doesn’t he? He told me to have fun baking and to bring him some cookies. I said, “Maybe I will. See ya!” And he left.
I’m so happy about today’s developments. My heart is racing just typing this post! I will bring a few cookies in a zip lock bag tomorrow morning and kind of make a joke of it. That’s my ice breaker for tomorrow. He’s so cute, and nice and out going and has a great smile. My only fear is, what if he’s a member of PT too and is reading all of this? Oh well. Not much I can do about that now!
Thanks again to everyone who’s commented. You all gave me the courage I needed to step out of my comfort zone a bit and try to make this happen. I couldn’t have done this without you!
Sunday, December 13, 2009, 2:47 PM
yipppeeee!!!! how fun!
Sunday, December 13, 2009, 3:37 PM
Oh goodness, OP, congratulations!
Sunday, December 13, 2009, 4:01 PM
OP! I'm SO happy for you! I've been following this since you started the thread, I've commented before and even read it all to hubby yesterday. GREAT job at finding the courage to even say "hi" and make eye contact.
Keep us posted! I'd love to know if he asks you out.
Sunday, December 13, 2009, 5:53 PM
congrats what a WONDERFUL feeling!!! Keep us posted please
Sunday, December 13, 2009, 7:07 PM
That is so awesome! I'll be checking back to see what happens.
Sunday, December 13, 2009, 10:59 PM
OP: Did you give him cookies on Sunday?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 7:12 PM
I did. (I also brought a little bag for the gentleman who opens every morning, just so it looked more innocent.) I got to the gym a few minutes after they opened and he was standing over his friend (who was lifting) giving him direction. When I handed him the cookies his friend stopped lifting and is like, "Oh come on, Man! How did you get so lucky?" And my crush said, "Forget it! I'm not sharing!" I just said, "Enjoy!" and walked off to my machine. They were both done and gone before I finished my workout.
I won't see him again until Thursday, that is if he's there. I don't want to seem too eager, and I do want to play a little (very little!) hard to get. I called his personal trainer friend this afternoon and am waiting for a call back. Feeling a little nervous about that since it's his friend and I would guess they've talked about me possibly calling.
I hope he makes a move sooner than later. I'm off work until after New Years, my kids will be out of town with their dad and I'd LOVE to go on a date! I'll bring more news as it comes.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 7:39 PM
yea!!!!! he he he
Wednesday, December 16, 2009, 2:26 AM
Hi everyone! No huge, earth-shattering news to share, but I just wanted to check in with you. Things have been going very well with my crush at the gym. We talk every time we see each other. Today I got there and he wasn’t there. I was feeling bummed thinking he took the day off, but when he arrived he came right over to my elliptical and we talked for a few minutes while I pedaled. Definitely some flirting going on and it's so cool that he came straight over to me! =D I'm trying to squeeze into the conversation that I’m on my own for a few days after Christmas, but there hasn’t been an opening for that yet. Maybe tomorrow? Let’s all keep our fingers crossed!
Saturday, December 19, 2009, 11:04 AM
Ask what he's doing over the holidays. Generally when you ask a question, it opens up an opportunity for you to toss out what you are doing too.
Saturday, December 19, 2009, 11:05 AM
Did you talk about what each of you is doing over the holidays this morning?
Sunday, December 20, 2009, 5:25 PM
This is so sweet! I can't wait for the next installment.
Monday, December 21, 2009, 8:11 PM
When I arrived @ the gym yesterday it was just my crush & his buddy waiting between the doors. They had been talking and stopped to say hi to me, and then went back to their conversation. This was ok with me, but the conversation kind of turned me off.
Apparently my crush has family visiting for the holidays and said he took them out to such-and-such restaurant for dinner. He said he never told “Tara” that it was his sister sitting with them and he was chuckling about how this Tara person seemed to be upset that he was there with another woman. (Maybe Tara worked @ the restaurant or something?)
It just seemed really immature to me that this 40-something guy is playing head games like a 14 year old. Or was this whole little scenario discussed for my benefit? In that he wanted me to know there are other women that want him?
It left a bad taste in my mouth, but I’m trying not to let it totally change the way I feel about him. I’m actually kind of glad this happened because it made me realize that he’s just one fish in a sea of millions, and that I have choices. I hope his goofy conversation was just that, goofy. And not a true indication of the kind of person he is.
So, we never talked about holiday plans, or anything else for that matter. Today I went to the gym much later than I usually do, so I didn’t see him at all. I should see him tomorrow if he’s there and I’ll initiate a conversation about my first session with my personal trainer. If there’s anything to report, I’ll let you know.
Thanks for your interest and continued support as I go on this journey back into the dating world!
Monday, December 21, 2009, 9:02 PM
This morning at the gym went much better than yesterday. My huge crush is back on!
He’s so sweet when it’s just the two of us talking and no one else around. It seems like he’s tougher or more macho around his buddy. Guys, any thoughts or input on that?
I got to the gym about 35 minutes after it opened. When I was walking into the fitness center he & his friend were walking out. He held the door for me and I just said, “Thanks. Good morning guys!” They returned the good morning and left the room while I started my workout. About a half hour later he came back into the fitness center and right over to my machine. Said he just wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas in case we don’t see each other again. Said he’s flying to Orlando on Christmas day and staying for a week. Main reason for the trip is a bowl game. I thought it was so cute that he came in and said good bye. And it’s so cute how he seems nervous when he talks to me.
So I guess this means no first date before New Years! That’s ok. I’ll hit the malls and get some good deals shopping…. For a first date outfit! ;)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009, 10:17 AM
I'm glad you're remembering he's one of many fish, in case he turns out to be not so nice. On the other hand, I really DO hope he's a good guy and asks you out once he returns.
Merry Christmas and keep us posted!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009, 12:40 PM
OP Checking In
Hi everyone! My crush is back from Florida and I’ve seen him twice since his return. Things are going great between us and it seems like we’re both getting more comfortable talking to each other. The problem is, I’m really getting tired of waiting for him to ask me out! I know he’s interested. He doesn’t seem excessively shy so I’m not sure why this hasn’t happened yet. I’m trying to give clues that I’d like to be more than gym friends, but it could be that my bouts of shyness are giving him mixed signals.
I’ve considered asking him out, but I’m really not comfortable with that. Maybe just a little old fashioned, I guess. I’d really like him to make the first move, but how do I get him to do that??? I’m so ready to take this to the next level, but how?
Monday, January 04, 2010, 12:19 PM
ask him out for coffee- it's not really a date. If he doesn't make a move after that, move on.
Monday, January 04, 2010, 12:34 PM
OP just be careful. Not to throw water on your but I had a guy that was acting totally interested and he broke my heart when I asked him out (others had told me he was interested too) and he rejected me. He thought we were "just flirting" and that was all he wanted. He had a bad relationship that he'd gotten out of some time ago and just wasn't ready. He enjoyed the flirting, but didn't want more. We had to "work" at being friends and in the end, it was just better that I moved on. I don't even email him any longer.
Monday, January 04, 2010, 12:42 PM
OP, be patient. Don't act desperate or weirdly intense. Heck, don't BE desperate or weirdly intense. Wait and see where it's going -- and in the meantime, cultivate some other crushes. Being newly single is all about looking around, so don't focus right away.
Monday, January 04, 2010, 1:18 PM
I say nothing ventured, nothing gained. No risk, no reward. Let's see, what other cliched saying can I throw out at you?! :) i agree with 12:34. Suggest something casual, if he accepts, great. If not, no big deal. If no one made a move for fear of rejection, no one would ever make a move! You've already put yourself out there, do it again - what's the absolute worst that could happen? He says, 'No thanks.' We can all survive that!
Monday, January 04, 2010, 1:25 PM
Coffee is spot on. You can't lose. I've done this so many times - just casually thrown in "hey, we should grab coffee some time"...and if you get a positive response then "when is good for you". You're not asking him out on a date, but you get to go out with him! It's foolproof.
Reading over this thread, it seems like you're getting a good response from him. Maybe now is the time to just be brave and suggest grabbing coffee after your workout one day (it's sooo hard, I know!) After all, if he says no and it turns out he's not interested, you wouldn't want to waste any more time, would you? It took me 3 and half years to ask a guy out on a coffee date - he said yes, but turned out he didn't want to be more than friends. I wish I'd done it sooner! But your guy will def say yes to you.
P.S. You sound EXACTLY like me.
Monday, January 04, 2010, 1:59 PM
Thanks everybody. I appreciate all of your responses this afternoon.
I feel like we’ve maxed out on all of the gym small talk and something either needs to happen, or nothing happens and I move on. I think I’ll just take a step back and chill for a while. Stop expecting, or hoping, each day that something will happen.
I’ve always thought I look pretty rough when I workout, what without make up, bad hair, etc. So it surprised me that he even noticed me in the first place. If he could just see me when I’m all put together, I think it would close the deal. ;) Would love it if I bumped into him some where besides the gym when I’m looking 100 times better!
If there’s anything to report, you know I’ll be back. Thanks again!
Monday, January 04, 2010, 7:42 PM
"ask him out for coffee- it's not really a date. If he doesn't make a move after that, move on." Monday, January 04, 2010, 12:34 PM
Keep us posted!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010, 12:40 AM
*tee hee hee*
i totally love reading this thread!!
and i'm all the way in South Africa rooting for you!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010, 5:39 AM
I say as long as it won't hurt your feelings if you get rejected, ask him out for coffee. But I agree with an earlier poster- keep looking around, too. I love this post, too! We're all rooting for you!
Friday, January 08, 2010, 4:39 PM
Hi everybody, it’s the OP again. I thought I’d write a few lines since someone bumped this back to the top.
Like I said before, I decided that I’m not going to ask him out. I’m still holding out hope that he’ll ask me out, but if it never goes further than this innocent flirting and butterflies in my stomach, I’m ok with that. It’s fun when I see him and the attention he’s shown has been a big boost for my confidence.
Having said that, he still keeps me guessing and wondering what‘s next. We talk more often and longer when we do, but he‘s still nervous around me. He’s definitely trying not to seem nervous, and will squeeze comments about himself into the conversation like he‘s selling himself. With 15 or more open treadmills this morning, he gets on the one right next to me.
I don’t know how much time a guy takes before he asks someone out. I don’t know how comfortable he needs to feel before he makes that move. I’m pretty sure he’s never been married and is in his mid-forties. I just assumed he was a bit of a “ladies man” and that this sort of thing came easy to him, but maybe not. He has a tough, confident exterior, but maybe he’s more vulnerable than he seems?
I’m keeping my options open (and my eyes!) for other guys, but honestly, most men my age are either married or… Not my type. I’m ready for a relationship Now, but I guess I have to wait until the time is right.
Friday, January 08, 2010, 9:46 PM
This thread is so fun to read! :)
I know when I've been in situations somewhat similar to yours, I always feel awkward. One thing I've done is I've said "sometimes my friends and I go to such and such place to just get together and hang out, you should come sometime!"
That's about all I have for suggestions...
I hope things go well!
Sunday, January 10, 2010, 3:29 PM
Maybe mention an event you'll be attending or ask his opinion on a bar/coffee house/resteraunt that you've planning on trying soon to give him an easier opening or an opportunity to "bump" into you. Then he can see you at your best and will hopefully be more open to conversation other than working out and the weather.
Sunday, January 10, 2010, 3:39 PM
Show up a little late in the morning all ready for work and if he asks, tell him your morning meeting got canceled and so you thought you'd squeeze in your workout.
If you know what time he leaves, shower, do your hair and make up and leave when he typically leaves. Wear something nice and tell him you have a meeting to attend.
Sunday, January 10, 2010, 6:00 PM
It’s me, the OP.
I love all of these ideas to push things along. I’ll see if I can make any of them work. I won’t see him again until Wednesday morning, so I have a little time to think about it. I’ve been getting attention from several guys at the gym recently. On Friday two different guys approached me, said they see me there a lot and introduced themselves. It feels great to know men find me attractive, (after a long time of me not being so cute) but the only one I’m interested in is my crush!
So tell me what you make of this. Everyday when I do my cardio, he shows up on the machine next to me. If I’m on a treadmill, he gets on the one right next to me. Elliptical, he gets on right next to me. Even if the one next to me is right in the sun and blinding him. I have my iPod on so I don’t always know what to do to acknowledge the effort he’s making. Today I pretended like I couldn’t keep my ear buds from falling out while running and just took them off so we could talk a little. The other day he got on a treadmill next to me that does a 30% incline. I said that I finally remembered not to put hand cream on before I left the house, I said I’m usually holding on for dear life because my hands are so slippery. He said something like, “Oh, so that’s why you always smell so good. That’s why I always follow you around, because you smell so good.” So he’s admitting that he’s following me to the different machines, and he said I smell nice :). WHEN IS HE GOING TO ASK ME OUT?!!!!!! I don’t want to be the one to initiate the first date if he’s interested too. It’s starting to feel a little like a game - like who’s going to cave first and ask the other one out. I’m not playing hard to get, but I’m also not showing all of my cards. Have I not made it clear enough that I’m interested?
Sunday, January 10, 2010, 7:59 PM
again- coffee is not a date. There's no unawkward way to kiss goodnight after a coffee get together, so its not a date.
I say either quit thinking about him and really move on, or ask him for coffee. Maybe he's scared you'll tell mgmt he's harassing you if he asks you out. You ask him out for coffee, and if he really is interested, he'll ask you on a date.
But seriously, even at your age, waiting for a man to ask is really silly- especially when you're this interested in him.
Sunday, January 10, 2010, 8:13 PM
Really, I'm you. I haven't even been divorced and I'm dating-wise - 16. Really, ask teh guy for coffee.
JUST ASK IF HE WANTS TO GRAB SOME COFFEE!! If he says no, then just say "hey, maybe he is busy." Then, let the whole thing go. If anything, he will now have to ask you. Really, it is just coffee. Take one WHOLE step forward. Think of it this way --- he already made the first move. If nothing else, it is clarity.
I'm in VA. It is a New Year -consider it closing out old business. January is the Launch Month. Do it for all those, like me, who have to get out there.
Monday, January 11, 2010, 9:23 AM
He might need a more obvious signal before he takes the plunge and asks. You've seen threads here about how women hate it when men hit on them at the gym, he could be a little gun shy and is looking for Hit You Over The Head signs that you will say 'yes' before he does anything. So, if there's a next time you could say some variation of 'I was laughing the other day thinking about how you said I smell nice. You think this is nice? You should see me when I put some effort into it. I clean up pretty well for work or a date!'
Monday, January 11, 2010, 10:03 AM
Hi, OP here.
PP, I really laughed out loud after reading your post! I would love to be that bold. When I read Jan 10, 8:13 pm last night, I just thought no-way I'm asking him out. But I've had time to think about it and I need to stop being such a wuss. I really like him. I can't read his mind so I don't know exactly what his deal is. Waiting for him and wanting this to be more than it currently is, is actually harder than the "rejection" I might experience. SO, I’m going to do it! I feel so nervous now that I just decided to take the next step! I’m not sure how I’ll do it or where I’ll suggest we go, but I’m going to give this a try. It has to fit into the conversation naturally. Not like I’ve been planning it and rehearsing it. I see him again Wednesday morning… I have some planning to do!
Monday, January 11, 2010, 3:33 PM
yay, OP! No matter the outcome, I think that's fabulous!
Monday, January 11, 2010, 5:20 PM
"yay, OP! No matter the outcome, I think that's fabulous!"
me too! I second the PP
you only live -once- and you are makeing the most of it!
Heck I'm looking forward to Wed. Now
Monday, January 11, 2010, 8:40 PM
OP, I"m so proud of you!! I'm married to the most wonderful man (met him when I was 35, he was 39, I was divorced) and I know if I hadn't made the first small move, he wouldn't have had the courage to do it.
Just do it and the absolute worst that could happen is he says no. The best that could happen? Who knows, but you'll never know until you try.
Good luck and thanks for keeping us posted!
Monday, January 11, 2010, 9:09 PM
I just read this great book "French Women Don't Sleep Alone" It's written by a different author than the "French Women Don't Get Fat" author and I liked it better.
Anyway, the author notes that french women don''t date, if they are interested in a man they host a dinner party long with the other mutual contacts. Then when the woman finally invites the man over for a private date, there is no confusion about her amorous intentions. It doesn't really apply perfectly here, but it made great sense and sounds like a lot more fun than the dating treadmill.
Good luck OP!
Monday, January 11, 2010, 10:04 PM
Don't forget your good smelling hand cream, just stay clear of the incline treadmill
Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 1:29 AM
We are ALL rooting for you!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 8:58 PM
Such a great day at the gym today! In addition to lots of conversation before the gym opened and at the lockers, we talked the entire 30 minutes we were on the treadmill! Usually it’s just a little bit of small talk, and he’s only on next to me for about 10 minutes.
We talked about everything: Where we’re from originally, our past marriages (he’s divorced & I thought he’d never been married), our kids (he has 2 adult sons and I guessed he had no children), what we do for a living (in depth), our families, how we both landed in the town where we live now, etc., etc. We talked about my kids and I said how they’re always pointing out how un-cool I am. He said, “You’re not un-cool. You’re cool. You’re very cool!” I really like him. I like who he is; the kind of person he is. His family is important to him and he’s very respectful to me. He seems like the kind of guy who wants to be the man. I’m not sure he’d really want me to make the first move.
So, no, I didn’t mention meeting somewhere besides the gym. It just didn‘t seem to fit in the conversation, but we’re getting very close to that. I’m glad we talked so much today because I was thinking in the back of my mind that I can’t handle face-to-face just-the-two-of-us having coffee. The thought of that made me feel so nervous. I’m not really a drinker, but I was thinking I’d need to go somewhere where they serve cocktails! Now I’m a little more comfortable with the coffee idea.
I hope you’re not all disappointed in me. Today was a great day! (I’m smiling ear to ear!) If suggesting we meet somewhere feels natural, I’ll do it next time, or the time after that. For now I’m on cloud nine. :)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 7:52 PM
this is so super sweet :)
i think you must do whats natural and what YOU feel is right. Besides, if he likes you that much, he'll stick around. And eventually, he will make the move. He's already made so many!!! lol
I love this thread. its my bestest best of PT :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010, 2:52 AM
Speaking for myself, I'm not dissapointed in you at all. The courtship part of the relationship is so great. I agree with the PP - your posts are the best.
Thursday, January 14, 2010, 9:40 AM
Yay! That must make going to the gym a lot more fun!
No disappointment - you are back in the game and doing great!
Thursday, January 14, 2010, 12:44 PM
I'm one of the people who agreed about asking him to go to coffee. It sounds like you have done much better going with your instincts! =) I'm so happy for you. This guy does sound really nice and not like a player. I sure hope he asks you out soon!
Thursday, January 14, 2010, 10:39 PM
Waiting with baited breath. (in a similar boat)
Friday, January 15, 2010, 8:10 AM
This is the best thread!
OP- I've been following this from the beginning and can't get enough. I'm rooting for you and from the sound of it, I think this guy is way into you.
Instead of asking him out for coffee since it hasn't fit into the convos, have you thought about playfully asking him out on another 30 minute cardio "date". Next time you're on the treadmill and he gets on the one next to you, at the end suggest that you meet same time same place same treadmill. It's cute, it's playful, and it's not technically a date-date.
Friday, January 15, 2010, 8:36 AM
oooh I like that PP.. veeeery cute!
Friday, January 15, 2010, 8:53 AM
He Finally Asked Me!!!! =D
My crush asked me out! I think you can call it asking me out. He came over to where I was working out and said tomorrow from 2:00 on he and a bunch of friends will be hanging out at a local bar / restaurant inside a hotel near us. He said if I’m free, he’d like me to go!
=D =D =D =D =D
I like the idea of meeting, and a group of people, and adult beverages. For me, it’s a comfortable next step without as much pressure as a one-on-one date. He’s the only one I’ll know there (probably) but I’m not too worried about that. He’s very outgoing and I’m sure his friends will be fun too. I’m generally not shy (unless I have a huge crush on someone!) and I can handle myself pretty well with people I don’t know.
So what do you think? Can you all stop by my house tonight and help me pick out my outfit for tomorrow? He he he! I’m sooo excited, and talk about butterflies - I feel like I’m floating!
P.S. I was thinking of arriving at about 3:15 - 3:20-ish, since it’s an all afternoon hanging out kind of thing. What do you think?
Friday, January 15, 2010, 10:54 AM
WOOOHOOO!! Yippee!! How exciting!
Showing up fashionably late sounds good to me. Can't wait for the update!
Friday, January 15, 2010, 11:23 AM
Oh, yes, do be fashionably late! That will give him a chance to build up anticipation of seeing you and gives him the opportunity to show his true colors (ie does he have a waitress sitting on his lap). oh, i so hope it goes well and thankyou for taking us along on your romantic journey :D
Friday, January 15, 2010, 11:40 AM
Yay!!!!! I know you'll look GREAT and have a great time! I agree with you and the pp's about getting there a little later. I'm sure this goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. Whether you're having a great time or not, be careful of your alcohol consumption. Mostly HAVE A GREAT TIME and I look forward to hearing the update tomorrow.
Friday, January 15, 2010, 2:34 PM
Don't be THAT fashionably late. Otherwise, you may find that the party has moved on. Show up 20 minutes late, absolute max. 20 is safe, b/c you can blame "traffic", and not look like a game-player.
Saturday, January 16, 2010, 12:35 PM
What a fun afternoon your instincts were TOTALLY right he DOES want to get to know you better. Hanging out with “the friends” -smile-
So what did you wear? I was in a similar situation my sis advised me: skinny jeans, boots and a nice sweater. I felt comfortable.
Thank you for keeping us posted and I too am looking forward for the next installment :)
Saturday, January 16, 2010, 1:17 PM
So, here’s the scoop. The “date” went OK. I got to the pub at about 3:20 and he was there with 7 or 8 friends. I was the only woman for about the first hour. They were all nice to me, welcoming, very complimentary, telling me my crush told them to all be on their best behavior, etc., etc. One guy in particular was super obnoxious and even though I was warned about him, there was no preparing for how out of line this guy was with his comments. Not sure if it was the beer talking or if he’s just an idiot, but there was absolutely no censor on anything that came out of his mouth. Shouting across our area to where my crush & I were standing, “She’s got a nice, tight little ass,” or “She looks like a younger, hotter Katie Couric,” and something to the sentiments of “She could charge more than $300“. Yea, do you believe it? This goof ball was also teasing / insulting his guy friends and it seemed like they were all used to it, apologized to me for him, and said once he got so out of line they all had to leave him. (Can’t imagine how much more out-of-line he could’ve gotten.)
So imagine dealing with that right off the bat and being as nervous as I was. My crush’s workout buddy was also there and he & I really hit it off. More so than my crush & me. I had to try hard not to pay too much attention to the buddy, but honestly it was hard to talk to my crush. He was definitely trying to impress me (?) or put on this cool act, and wasn’t very down-to-earth. Conversation with him was a little strained. I’m not saying he was a bad guy at all, it was just awkward and the evening was not really a step in the right direction.
We all headed out at about 6:30 or 7. Crush walked me to my car and we said good night. No little kiss, didn’t ask me for my number. I am definitely physically attracted to him - He was looking GOOD last night! But I’m not sure how compatible we are otherwise. At one point we were alone at the table talking just the two of us. He was asking a lot of questions about me, my divorce and why I’m able to work so little. I think a legitimate question when many people experience financial difficulties after a divorce. He said I was a very attractive woman and that I take good care of myself. I’m not sure if he was feeling it either, though.
Last night when I got home I was feeling pretty disappointed and sure that that was our first and last time out together. Now this morning I’m wondering if there is still something there worth investigating in a less crazy environment. I’m not sure if I feel this way today because I want the excitement to continue, or if it’s really not dead yet. I will see him at the gym later this morning. If nothing else, I think I got a friend out of it. We’ll see how he acts today.
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 7:20 AM
Sometimes people click, sometimes they don't. The message you should take home from all of this is that you're an attractive woman, and MANY men are attracted to you -- some of them will be players, like the obnoxious friend, some of them will be reserved, "cool" tough-guys like your crush, and some of them may be more normal, perhaps like your crush's gym buddy. The world is your oyster -- don't settle for less than pearls!
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 12:33 PM
PP, thank you for that. I can"t help but feel a little disappointed. I guess because of the huge build up over the last 6 weeks and now the let down. The gym this morning went fine with only a little bit of conversation, but not like we were avoiding each other. It was just very crowded with all of those New Years Resolution people. Luckily there was no romantic / physical situation that would make things awkward going forward.
So... This was great practice, right? A big Thank You to all of my coaches who helped me every step of the way! It was a fun ride.
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 1:08 PM
Great practice, indeed!
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 1:24 PM
OP, im so proud of you :D
you know, its situations like this where you put yourself out there and meet great people (and not so great ones)..and, before you know it, you end up meeting a friend of a friend of a friend who is awesome!
Sounds like the gym buddy might be that guy?
well, as PP said, all else fails, you've made a group of friends... and we can all use more friends ;)
Monday, January 18, 2010, 6:13 AM
Your crush was a total idiot to ask you out with his guy buddies -- you know that, right? There was no way that he could "be himself" in that situation. Chalk it up to his being out of practice, as well as your being out of practice, and if he gets himself straightened out enough to ask you on a REAL date give it a chance. OTOH, do consider what it might mean that both he and his buddy even tolerate Inappropriate Friend. This bespeaks some poor judgment on their parts.
As an aside, $300?? Geez, the most I've ever been offered is $250.
Monday, January 18, 2010, 9:39 AM
PP, it’s funny you say that. During all of the craziness, I said to crush’s buddy, “Why didn’t you warn me this morning at the gym?” (sort of joking, sort of not) He said, “I know! When Crush told me he was bringing you here I said What! Are you crazy?!” Then Crush or Buddy (I can’t remember which one) asked me, “If you knew this is what it would be like, would you have come?” and I replied, “Probably not.” They laughed at my response, repeated it to some of the others and then Crush said something to the effect that this probably wasn’t such a great idea.
If it was a less rowdy group of guys and they also had dates, I think it would’ve been an OK place to ask me. I never thought of it the way you put it though - We probably would’ve connected a lot better if he wasn’t with all of his macho drinking buddies. I remember I made mention of that a while back - that he’s so sweet when it’s just the two of us talking, and he‘s different around the guys.
This is such a bummer. I wish we had a do-over and another chance to get to know each other. *sigh*
P.S. “Inappropriate Friend” lives out of state and they were all getting together to see him because he was passing through town on his way to some other far-away job location. He was staying at the hotel where we all met. (By the way, he offered me one of his room keys and I declined. He took it out & waved it at me several different times throughout the night, to see if I had changed my mind.)
Monday, January 18, 2010, 3:02 PM
OP, do me a favor and go out with him again and pep yourself up for it. If i had to deal with his inappropriate friend, it would have turned me off, too. But separate the events of his friends and him. Go out again and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but I think it's worth the chance.
and if it doesn't work, go for the friend!
Monday, January 18, 2010, 3:40 PM
You know, I wanna be the smart aleck who says "You probably would have been better off going out for coffee with him" ;)
Monday, January 18, 2010, 5:20 PM
Yeah, but it's great to have the opportunity to see all sides of a person, especially if they have different sides depending upon the company they keep. Now the OP can at least decide if the 'Hanging out the Guys guy' is someone who interests her (it would be a turnoff to me!)
Monday, January 18, 2010, 6:08 PM
Too bad Crush's Buddy hasn't asked you out! He sounds like the better choice.
Monday, January 18, 2010, 7:46 PM
When I got to the gym this morning Crush was waiting between the doors with one other man, Buddy took the day off. I started chatting right off the bat, teased him because he parked in “my” parking space, shared a funny text I got with him, etc. He clearly was very relieved that we’re still on good terms. We continued to talk & joke as we walked into the fitness center & took off our coats, etc. I was really glad that things are still good between us.
I did a 30 minute workout on the 30% incline treadmill and near the end when I was really working hard to finish, he walked up on my right side. I took off my ear buds and he said, “I just wanted to say you look really cute walking on your treadmill.” How sweet is that?! :)
If I’m lucky enough to get a do-over, I’m going to go out with him again.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 10:14 AM
That's great there's no awkwardness! BTW - He's the one who needs a do-over and he would be the lucky one to get it! :)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 11:43 AM
OOOOH!!!! this tread makes me so giddy!
very awesome!! :)
but pp is right... he should be so lucky hey ;) ?
So glad the crush isnt ruined. I'd be devastated if this tread ended!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 4:06 AM
Exciting & Dangerous vs. Comfortable & Nice?
Oh boy. Feeling very torn today after the gym. Crush’s Buddy is really starting to grow on me. He’s a super nice guy and so easy to talk to. Confident, without one drop of arrogance, and has a very positive outlook on life. We have a lot of common interests and there’s no struggle keeping an interesting conversation going for 30 minutes. (Like today on the treadmill.)
Crush will surprise me with the super sweet things he’ll say out of the blue, and he’s definitely a good looking guy. Any interaction between the two of us makes me feel nervous and giddy. One day we really click and are into each other. But the next day his guard is right back up again, like I‘m just any other girl at the gym. He’s not a jerk, just kind of closed up.
I’ve never started a relationship from physical attraction first. I’ve always gotten to know someone and then the friendship turns into undeniable sparks. Crush definitely became interested in me based on appearances first, and I guess there’s nothing wrong with that. Gosh, that’s probably how most guys initially become interested, right? But can something meaningful come from that kind of start? I’m not looking for a long-term relationship right now. I just want to have fun and enjoy my new freedom. However, having said that, I will never be someone who hooks up or is casual about sex either. So if there isn’t something “real” between me & Crush, what’s the point in pursuing this? It wouldn’t matter that he’s so super hot because it’s not going to get to the point where I might actually enjoy his hotness. Know what I’m saying?
When I think about me & Crush together, it’s x-rated. When I think about me & Buddy together, we’re in a park smiling and walking our dogs together. Which direction do I go?
Thursday, January 21, 2010, 11:02 AM
Maybe BOTH. You are
. Do not make any big promises. Do not jump straight into anything "real." Just practice dating for a little bit, okay?
Thursday, January 21, 2010, 11:38 AM
Comfortable and nice and X-Rated don't have to be mutually exclusive! :) And starting out on nothing more than a mutual attraction doesn't have to mean it couldn't possibly go anywhere.
There's something to be said for just having fun, and maybe crush can be your flirt fun buddy - who widens your dating circle for when you do want a long term thing.
I say rule out neither, enjoy the company of both, and don't predetermine outcomes!
Thursday, January 21, 2010, 2:25 PM
Great advice from both of you. Thanks! Can I just say I'm looking forward to my workout tomorrow? he he! ;)
Thursday, January 21, 2010, 7:59 PM
I agree, don't rule out either. As long as you keep a 2nd date with Crush casual, who's to say you can't go out with Buddy at some time?
Friday, January 22, 2010, 1:11 PM
Been out of the loop for a week. GREat you went out. yes, you need to go out again. Perhaps, YOU can suggest coffee in a calmer setting. More practice. You're off and going. I'm trying to follow in your babysteps.
Saturday, January 23, 2010, 8:13 AM
So what's the latest update? Flirting with both, blooming relationship with either?
Thursday, January 28, 2010, 2:09 PM
Hi! Thanks for asking.
Not a lot new at the gym. I still get excited to go workout and see my crush everyday. He is still super sweet, interested in me and follows me to the different cardio machines to talk. I would be comfortable asking him for that second date, but haven’t yet because I’m not sure if I want to pursue this or not. I like him a lot, am very attracted to him, etc., but I really like his buddy too. I would hate to start something with Crush and jeopardize something good with Buddy. So basically, I’m undecided and enjoying both of them right now!
From Crush’s point of view, I think he wants to build up a better rapport with me before he asks me out again. It’s funny, but we are both still nervous around each other. I still see him going out of his way to connect with me each day so the spark is still there for both of us. :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010, 7:48 PM
Go ahead. He needs a sign of redemption. Remember, you cannot know if you are interested in either one of them until you at least get to know at lest one of them. A date is for getting to know someone. It is not a lead-on at this point. Relax. Have fun. You already did the hard part. Hey, maybe invite them both and have a group conversation (not with ALL the guys) -- friends -- then see. I'lll stop. I'm actually waiting with baited breath for the beautiful ending.
Friday, January 29, 2010, 5:45 PM
I have to say, this hot-cold act does not seem to bode well from my perspective. It could be a case of genuine nervousness, but then again, he could be purposely trying to keep you off-guard. *shrug* I dunno; I don't have much experience with this sort of thing, but I don't like the way he has you second-guessing yourself. His friend sounds like a better bet, honestly.
Friday, January 29, 2010, 9:17 PM
This is the OP. I understand what you're saying 9:17 pm. I honestly don't think Crush is playing games. He's never stand-offish and never blows me off. I see him trying really hard to make connections with me throughout our workout time, and always responds to any attempt I make to connect, but for some reason it doesn't happen that easily for us. (Because of nerves or because we just don't have that much in common? I don't know.) I'm really reading into this, but I think he feels like I'm a little out of his league. He has a lot more experience as a single person than I do, (He divorced about 18 years ago. He's been divorced for as long as I've been married!) but something makes me feel like I'm a different caliber woman than he's dated in the past. I can't explain why I feel that way, but I do feel like he has me on a pedestal. I haven't given up on him because I don't feel like either one of us have peeled back enough of layers to really know who the other one is. And that, I have to blame on nervousness.
I guess you could say I've thought about this a little bit!
As I've said before, Buddy is a super nice guy. And the funny thing is, the more I get to know him, the more attractive he's becoming! So I just don't know what I want. And I don't feel like I have to decide right now. Taking it one day at a time isn't hurting anything, so I'm going to keep my options open, as others have suggested I do. That's what feels right to me right now.
I appreciate your comment(s) and I hope you keep them coming. I’ll take all the help I can get figuring this out!
Friday, January 29, 2010, 10:32 PM
At the gym this morning, Buddy was telling me about a first date he had the night before. Apparently this woman approached him and asked for his business card, etc. How bold! Anyway, he seemed pretty happy. Said he was going to take it “slooowwww” because that isn’t what he’s done in the past and it’s gotten him into trouble. I learned that Buddy was married and his divorce was final 13 months ago. Since that time he’s already had a woman move in with him and move out. Yikes!
So anyway, Crush, Buddy and I had a lot of fun today. Lots of joking and goofing around. When I was in the stretching area they came over to stretch too. They somehow both got on the topic that it’s hard to not stare at me while I stretch. Crush said he should just set up his video camera and watch the tape at home so he doesn’t stand there like an audience! It was funny, not rude or inappropriate. The three of us hung around and talked for about 10 minutes after working out with our coats on. I left for home feeling like I need to go out with Crush again!
Depending on how things go tomorrow, I’m either going to ask Crush out or, in the coming days, tell Buddy that he should tell Crush to ask me out and the four of us do something together. Then, it’s either happening between Crush and me, or it isn’t. I’m done playing it safe!
Saturday, January 30, 2010, 3:08 PM
Good for you, OP! I agree, you should ask Crush out to something casual, like coffee. I think it's hilarious that he told you about how he feels when you're stretching! That could have come across as total ick but you said it was said appropriately so good for him for giving you that ego boost!!
Saturday, January 30, 2010, 4:21 PM
Let us know what happens. Why do I feel like I am watching a very fun soap opera? Perhaps it's the names "Crush” and "Buddy" love it!
Monday, February 01, 2010, 10:52 PM
I wanted to check in with an update, for those of you who are enjoying following this story. This will probably read more like a journal entry, so if you’re not interested, you can check out now.
Back on Saturday and Sunday, after I learned that Buddy had a new love interest, I think I started talking to him more than usual. He feels more like a brother than a boyfriend. I’m more comfortable talking to Buddy, I think because I don’t have a huge crush on him, so when the 3 of us are together (I noticed later) that I look at Buddy more, my conversation is directed to Buddy more, etc.
Well, on Sunday the 3 of us were putting our coats on and Buddy was giving me the details about how this new woman in his life approached him, and what the deal was with the other woman who moved in with him and then out again. While we talked, we made our way to the lobby and Crush had completely disappeared. I stood around for a while, got a cup of coffee and was thinking he went into the men’s room or something. I made small talk with Buddy waiting for Crush to show up, but he never did. (Buddy didn’t know where Crush was either.) Finally, Buddy and I walked out of the building together and Crush’s truck was gone. He left when Buddy and I were talking and never said good bye or anything! That’s when I realized that my paralyzing excitement around Crush and continued difficulty looking him directly in the eye gave Crush the wrong impression. He thought I liked Buddy! I felt so bad, and knew I was totally to blame for this misunderstanding.
I got to the gym especially early Monday morning so I could catch Crush in the parking lot and walk into the building with him. I was prepared to say something as bold as, “It’s easy for me to talk to Buddy because I don’t have a huge crush on him.” Leaving Crush to fill in the blanks about who I did have the huge crush on. Well, Buddy pulls in and no Crush. I wait and wait. (Like 7 minutes) Then I notice Buddy just getting out of his car. He was waiting for me to walk in with me. Oh no! I gave Buddy the wrong impression too! Ugh. I felt really awful at this point. It was never my intention to play head games with either of them.
When it appeared that Crush just wasn’t coming that day, (Monday) I went inside. At the lockers taking off my coat, Crush finally walks in and he looked so down and out. Right away I said, “What happened to you yesterday? I was standing around drinking coffee and didn’t know where you went. I thought you went into the locker room or something, but you snuck out.” He lit up like a kid on Christmas when he realized he is still my love interest and not Buddy! The rest of the morning was fun, smiles and joking. It surprised me how much Crush wore his feelings on his sleeve. Later, I was finishing my run on the treadmill when I saw Crush and Buddy leave the building together. A good ten minutes after that, I finished stretching and left the building. It’s still dark at this time and as I approached the parking lot I see Crushes head lights come on and he drives slowly toward me. (He had been waiting all that time?) He rolls down his window and says, “I didn’t want to sneak out again without saying good-bye.” We made a little flirty small talk, both with huge smiles on our faces, and said good bye.
I decided that Tuesday (today) I will definitely ask him out if he doesn’t do it first. He got on the treadmill next to me and we talked pretty much the whole time. Some patches of silence. I made sure to tell him that I have workers at the house today, so I have to be out most of the day, and I have nothing to do. Said I’d probably just be wandering around the mall by myself. (Hint, Hint!!!) He didn’t catch it. At the stretching area I so much wanted to ask him to meet me for coffee or lunch, but others were around and I just couldn’t get the words out. Crush, Buddy and I walked out together, Buddy & I had to clear snow off of our cars while Crush’s truck was somehow clean. As Crush pulled away he rolled down his window and I thought, “Ask me! Ask me!” but he just made a snarky, teasing comment about how his truck was clean and drove away. If I could’ve caught him at a stop light I would’ve pulled up next to him and asked him to meet me somewhere. I couldn’t believe another day of crazy, huge attraction came and went with nothing to show for it! My heart just sunk.
I have to work tomorrow so I won’t be at the gym in the morning. I HAVE to make something happen on Thursday!!! 90% of my fear of asking him is gone. I think about him throughout the day and really need to see him besides just the gym. The tension that has built up is unreal! And Thursday feels so far away. I’m tempted to call in sick to work, but I won’t. I hope my courage doesn’t fade between now and then.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010, 11:31 AM
I hope your courage doesn't fade either!!!! I'm sure the patches of silence were just because you were nervous and trying to wait for the perfect time to ask him.
Never trust men to catch a hint. It's only a man who knows you exceptionally well who can take hints, and even then, not always. Women simply observe and process communications meanings etc., more than men do.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010, 1:05 PM
Oh this is so freakin' exciting! I'm crossing my fingers for you!!!
Tuesday, February 02, 2010, 1:22 PM
I've been reading this thread but haven't commented. I'm hooked on it! LOL. It's like a mini drama series on tv. One minute I'm rooting for Crush, the next, I'm rooting for Buddy. I love it.
Good luck on Thursday! Just go for it. He obviously likes you and I agree with the pp...guys NEVER get hints. He is, however, dropping them like crazy. ;)
Wednesday, February 03, 2010, 10:24 AM
I've been on PT for over 3 years, I've followed (and commented) on this thread from the beginning and it is by far the most fun, supportive thread! We are all SO rooting for you! Ask him! He sounds so adorable, wearing is feelings on his sleeve like that. Please, for all of us (ha!), ask him tomorrow! Then report back!
I'm very happily married and I had to make the first move on hubby since he was pretty clueless. Seven plus years later and we couldn't be happier. I'm so glad I stepped outside my comfort zone and ended up calling him first because he was taking too long! =)
Wednesday, February 03, 2010, 1:38 PM
ok OP, I've been following you and rooting for you this whole time.
BUT (and there usually is one): you started this thread on Dec 1st. It's been two months of this playfulness. You had one social outing with this guy that was a disaster because of his friends.
I'm on your side hun, but you need to speed this up. If he doesn't ask you out on Thursday, you absolutely need to ask him out. I think he's waiting for it since he didn't think your reaction to his friends was a good one.
I'm on your side, OP. I have confidence in you!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010, 3:29 PM
Ok, ok ok! I'll do everything I can to make something happen tomorrow! I appreciate the support all of you've given me more than you know. It's like a have a whole bunch of nameless, faceless girlfriends helping me along every step of this journey. Thank You! :) And I'll keep you posted!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010, 8:03 PM
Oh, I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear what went down today .... tee hee hee
Thursday, February 04, 2010, 11:31 AM
This morning Crush and I were on the treadmill together for maybe 15 - 20 minutes and were having a really good conversation. Mine timed out while he was still going. I said I had to leave today without stretching because I had a busy morning. He looked disappointed as I jumped off abruptly to get a towel. When I returned to the treadmill to wipe it off, I was going to ask him, but he told me to have a good day, then got right off his machine and went for a towel. Ugh! Missed my chance again!
As I was getting my coat on at the locker he walked past and I did it! I said, “What does your day look like today? Do you have anything going on?” (He’s self-employed, owns his own business and said he only works 3 - 4 hrs a day in the winter.) He said he had some paperwork to do and a guy was coming to his office to fix his copier. I said, “I’m going to be up by Hwy 123 today. You should meet me at Starbuck’s or something.” Without one second hesitation, he walked over to a counter and found a pen & paper to write his number down. He told me to call him when I was in that area & done with my stuff, and he’d come out and meet me. =D The whole “asking him out” couldn’t have gone more smoothly. Not awkward or anything, and I thought his response was great.
When I called his cell at 11:45 he said he was driving to another town to close out an old bank account. He said he’d call me when he was back & near the Starbuck’s. He called at 12:30 and said he was 10 minutes away, but he was hungry and would I mind going somewhere for lunch. We agreed on Panera and met up a few minutes later. When I got there he was inside near the door waiting for me and said, “You look really cute!“ At the counter I ordered first, had my card out and said, “I want to get this, ok?” and he said ok. As dumb as this might sound, I loved that he let me pay without a fight.
We ate and talked and I was really comfortable with him. We’re similar-minded in a lot of ways. Our conversation was an equal give and take with both of us sharing information about ourselves, asking questions, etc. We continued to talk long after we were finished eating and the workers had cleared our plates. At 1:55 I had to leave to pick up my child at school. I think we could‘ve talked much longer if I didn‘t have to leave. - It was a great ending. He thanked me for lunch, said we’ll have to go out again for a nighttime date, and we confirmed that we each had the other’s phone numbers. He also asked if I’d be at the gym in the morning. It was a good good-bye and not awkward. (Nice to have a busy restaurant full of people.) He used the restroom and I left.
Later this afternoon he sent me a silly, random text and we went back and fourth a couple of times. I thought him texting me was awesome. Just made me happy that he was thinking about me and not too proud or game-playing-ish to contact me again so soon.
Driving away from the date I felt really good. Kind of peaceful and not at all anxious or second guessing myself or anything I said. I’m so glad I asked him out. Thank you SO MUCH for all of the (many, many) nudges. I never would’ve done it without you guys, and even thought of you all at the locker right before I asked him. I know I couldn’t come back to PeerTrainer tonight without having made some serious progress! Any questions?
Thursday, February 04, 2010, 7:51 PM
I'M JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!! sEE ME! bIG grin!! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT!! Thank you for having the courage to put yourself out there!! Thank you for smoothly handling the -who-pays-for-lunch issue! Thank you for smoothly and casually throwing out the invitation!!! Thank you for including us!!! I'm the heretofore wimpy one who was looking for hope and some nerve. Whatever happens now, you are at least back on the field! You mustered your confidence -- you know that you are a catch. You also know that you can step forward!! I'm so happy for you for moving your life along -- I say that because you've conquered that hurdle of starting again (in one way at least). I'm awesomely impressed that you just did it -- in really just 2 months! Great!!
Enjoy your new relationship! Enjoy the freedom!!
Friday, February 05, 2010, 6:01 AM
YAY!!!! OMG - what a great story :) Very happy for you, OP.
Friday, February 05, 2010, 7:05 AM
SEE!!!! Asking out for coffee is not really a date, but he suggested you do a nighttime date after!! Yay you!!!
Might have a good valentines day this year ;)
Friday, February 05, 2010, 7:52 AM
OMG OP this is awesome!!!!
I'm so happy everything went so well.
Friday, February 05, 2010, 8:27 AM
Hi, OP again
I was driving my daughter to school this morning and my phone rang at 8:30 a.m. We have a dinner date tomorrow night at a really fun restaurant / wine bar! =D At some point I'm going to stop sharing the details, but I'm thinking third date, wine bar. . . First kiss? I'm so nervous!
Friday, February 05, 2010, 11:52 AM
Yay!!!!! GOOD FOR YOU! I'm so happy you dug deep and found the courage to ask him out on a non-date that is leading to a real date.
Ok, I totally get that you want to stop sharing details at some point but if this turns into something more down the road, please leave us a little love note, ok? We will just want to know you're happy and doing well.
Happy Valentine's Day, a bit early from your personal cheering section. We couldn't be prouder of you!
Friday, February 05, 2010, 12:59 PM
Yea for you! Oh, I hope he's a good kisser. That always sucks when there is so much buildup, he's hot, but then he's either a boring or spastic kisser. Don't forget something to freshen your breath, other than gum, so you're kissable after dinner. I recomend excusing yourself to the bathroom before you leave and take out one of those pocket, one-time use toothbrushes and a travel bottle of mouth wash. That keeps you from an embarassing food-in teeth moment and you don't have to worry about lose gum in your mouth if the kiss gets heated.
Friday, February 05, 2010, 1:02 PM
He hasn't read this whole thread so he doesn't know how far you've come, OP. I hope he comes back and reads the whole thread. This has been too much fun to follow!
Friday, February 05, 2010, 6:20 PM
Yes, please! Please give an occasional update, especially if it turns into something :)
Friday, February 05, 2010, 8:42 PM
"Yes, please! Please give an occasional update, especially if it turns into something :) " ditto!
So happy that you have a VERY real dinner date tonight! Cheers!
Friday, February 05, 2010, 11:33 PM
Ditto on the occasional update. Yes, this is the turning point -- the rest will be whatever it will be.
Saturday, February 06, 2010, 11:48 AM
The Date... And the final installment?
I had the best time last night! I’m not kidding - The entire date, start to finish, was so much fun!
At 6:30 pm I drove to his house rather than him picking me up, because I don’t want my kids to know that I’m dating just yet. His house is nice and well-decorated for a single guy. Masculine & contemporary and very clean. We drove to the restaurant together in his truck. It was a really cool place - hip with a fun crowd and really interesting decor. It was dimly lit and the atmosphere was really romantic. We shared three “small plates” of the most scrumptious food I’ve had in a long time and each had two glasses of wine. We had the best conversation and again are so in sync with our views of life, relationships, etc. He’s such a gentleman - Held every door for me, including opening my car door every time we got in. Prior to the date, he told me he chose this place because it had a lot of vegetarian options. (How thoughtful & sweet, when I only mentioned once in passing that “I don’t eat meat”.)
We left the restaurant after maybe 2 hours, and met Buddy & his date at a different restaurant/bar in the downtown area. I had a part of a glass of wine there, but then switched over to water. We were all feeling pretty silly at this point! The four of us had a good time together talking and laughing, and then stopped at once last place before the night ended. It wasn’t until this last place that Crush started to “accidentally” touch me. Like standing close enough for our arms to touch and not moving away when they did. We were all taking pictures with our cell phones and he put his arm around me for the pics, which was the most touching we’ve done. I guess I’m making a point of that because I’m a very touchy person, have been wanting to touch him (like on the arm after a joke or whatever) but I’ve been very aware that he has not touched me at all ever.
We got back to his house just before 2:00 am and I went straight from his truck into my car. So disappointed that there was no kiss. We were both commenting all night that it felt like there was cotton in our mouths, so maybe that’s why? Because of that, it probably wouldn’t have been the best kiss, so I guess I should be glad it didn’t happen. The anticipation of this first kiss and his no-hands-on style are about to put me over the edge! Seriously, the tension is palpable. I’m afraid of what will happen when he finally does make a move. ;)
I like him so much and there’s so much more to him than just the person I’ve been seeing at the gym for the last 2-3 months. Throughout the night, he would mention what he said to his sister about me, or to Buddy about me, indicating that our coming together has been as big a deal for him as it has been for me. He said he told his mom about his “Bring me some cookies” comment made back before Christmas, and how it was a test to see if I was interested. (I passed!) He also told me about “when he first started checking me out”. He said he noticed I had a wedding ring on, and then noticed that I didn’t. (He was really paying attention!) Told me several times during the night how I’ve “completely transformed my body“, complimenting my toned arms & legs. I had no idea he had been watching that long. I hadn’t noticed him until November. It’s kind of a relief to me that he knows I was heavier and doesn‘t have a problem with it. He’s never not worked out and is pretty buff, so I didn’t know how he would feel about that.
So there you have it. A budding new romance, and I’m loving every minute of it. I can’t seem to get this smile off my face.
Sunday, February 07, 2010, 2:47 PM
Wow, OP. What a fun journey from that first post when you wondered how to get to know someone new to going on a very fun, first date!! I wish you the best!
Sunday, February 07, 2010, 3:01 PM
I'm practically in tears. I'm so glad taht you had fun. It is awesome that there was this long build-up on both sides. Quite romantic and sweet. Enjoy your life! Wimpy
Sunday, February 07, 2010, 9:14 PM
What a fabulous thread. I just have the biggest smile on my face. Very excited for you. Reading your posts are liking reading a good book. Please keep them up. Incredibly inspiring, and motivating.
Sunday, February 07, 2010, 10:22 PM
OP- I am SO happy for you! Congrats on getting outside your comfort zone and helping him to make this date happen.
I think it's *really* great that he's been watching you for so long and accepts that you were heavier.
I hope you don't disappear from this forum altogether. Please occasionally stop by to wave, say hi and tell us how you're doing. We don't need the play by plays but we want to know you're happy. Good luck with your budding romance. You two have SO started off right. =) Many good wishes to you both.
Sunday, February 07, 2010, 10:53 PM
Not to get ahead of things but wouldn't it be cute if somewhere down you road you showed him this thread?? heehee We love you!
Your Cheering Section
Sunday, February 07, 2010, 10:54 PM
I am so happy you are having a fun time and thank you for sharing your positive dating experiences with all of us too. Send some of your positive vibes my way por favor.
You are a great descriptive writer. Best wishes to the two of you
Monday, February 08, 2010, 1:42 AM
Thank you for all of your kind words and well-wishes. Sharing all of this, and getting your feed back, has been fun for me too!
I will check back occasionally with an update. 10:54 pm - I thought about one day showing him this thread too. I wonder if we'll ever get to that point.
That old saying is true: When God closes one door, he opens another. It wasn't long ago that I felt like my entire world was falling apart. Now I feel like the possibilities are endless. (Not because I have a man in my life, but because I'm happy.) Everyone remember that. The down times in our life are only temporary. No matter how bad things might look, it always gets better. Maybe even better than it was before.
Let's all make this a great week filled with positive choices!
Monday, February 08, 2010, 6:31 AM
I am SO happy for you! What a wonderful story and I agree with others...pop in with updates for us on how you guys are doing.
Monday, February 08, 2010, 12:48 PM
Oh my god, I'll die if you don't keep us in the loop! I've never even commented before now and only started reading like a few weeks ago. It is honestly like a Nicholas Sparks book and every time you post it's like a new chapter! It's unbelievable how well everything has gone for you and out in the open for all of us to follow along! I feel like we should all get an invite to your wedding ;) and Crush can laugh along with us about how "back in the day" you had a forum on your coming-together! Congratulations!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010, 8:36 PM
I've so enjoyed reading this thread op. As others have commented it's been almost like reading a good book.
I think I have some serious work to do on myself before I could contemplate meeting a guy in the gym. I don't think sweating like an elephant with a face like a tomato would cut it somehow, and I could barely manage 3 minutes of conversation on the treadmill, let alone 30 minutes. lol
Thank you for your last comments, about no matter how bad things are, they will always get better. I'm sure there are a lot of people who've felt they're in a black hole they will never climb out of so it's great to hear of a happy ending, or should that be beginning.
One final tip op - don't forget your mates (your real life ones I mean) as well as all your well wishers on here. You don't sound like the sort of woman who would though. I say that because I just had a bad experience with my "friend", who's broken arrangements for the fourth consecutive time to be with her beloved, who sadly doesn't show the same regard for her.
Don't want to mar a brilliant thread though - keep us informed and wishing you all the very best for your future with Crush.
Friday, February 12, 2010, 5:37 AM
Just read the whole thread in 1 hour!
My friend on PT was writing her log about how much she loved reading your thread, so I looked it up. What a great adventure you've been on.
I wish you all the best - no matter the outcome.
You've given me inspiration to jump out of my own "box"!
Monday, February 22, 2010, 5:55 PM
OP With An Update
Crush and I are still together and doing great. I’m so happy! We only live 3 miles from each other, but I continue to keep my “mommy life” separate from my dating life, so we mostly only see each other at the gym and on weekends. During the week we talk on the phone and text all day long. I love hearing from him, and receiving his silly, random texts throughout the day. I’ve said this before, but there’s so much more to him than I ever imagined. He is such a good person. Funny, intelligent, hard-working, thoughtful, considerate, unselfish and cute! We think alike about so many things, big and small, that it’s almost scary.
Last weekend I went to a birthday party for his mom’s 70th and Crush’s 48th (combined). I met his entire family and more of Crush’s friends that I hadn’t already met. The party was a lot of fun and went great. He keeps telling me all of the nice things his friends & family have said about me since the party and how lucky he is to have me in his life. His mom has even called me twice and has invited me to Easter! (My kids will be with their dad so it works out great.)
I never knew this would turn out so well. I miss him when we’re not together and I can’t wait to do all of the fun things we have planned this summer. It’s impossible for me to think about him and not smile! Thank you for helping me step out of my comfort zone and helping to make this happen.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I love to talk about Crush!
Monday, March 29, 2010, 4:38 PM
OP, I'm SO happy for you! I've been meaning to bump this topic in hope you'd give us an update. I'm SO SO SO happy things are working out for you two! I really love it that you've met the whole family and they love you. Very smart also to keep mommy time separate during the early stages here.
Keep having fun, keep us posted, keep stepping outside your comfort zone. We all have no idea what great things are out there if we just find the courage to reach out and try (I'm saying that for myself, too.)
Monday, March 29, 2010, 7:32 PM
YAY! That is fantastic!! I'm happy for you, too, and it just goes to show - with risk (putting yourself out there) there is a reward!!
What do you have planned for the summer?!
Monday, March 29, 2010, 7:57 PM
Tuesday, March 30, 2010, 1:48 AM
Tuesday, March 30, 2010, 9:11 AM
Hi 7:57 pm,
Crush bought a brand new Harley Davidson a few weeks ago. (Neither one of us is the typical Harley person, but then again, what is the typical Harley person these days?) It's absolutely beautiful and we plan on spending a lot of time riding with his sister and her BF. Also, Crush loves to fish and would you believe I've never gone fishing in my life? I'm looking forward to some lazy, sunny days fishing & soaking up some rays with my sweetie. Just being with Crush is fun, I don't care what we're doing.
I'm going to DC for a long weekend in July to visit my bro & sis-in-law. Some of my siblings will also be travelling out there at the same time. I'm going to ask Crush if he'd like to go too. That's a big deal for me to ask him - especially when it's sort of far in the future, but tickets, etc., need to be purchased now. It would be a good way for him to meet my family w/out involving my kids, cousins, etc. Crush talks about us way into the future, so I hope the invitation is received well, whether he goes or not.
I wish you could all meet him and see how great he is. He is sooo not a "player" like I thought he might be. And he's so thoughtful and unselfish. It's funny when you find someone who's so great in so many ways and you feel so lucky, and then to know they feel the same about you and they think they're the lucky one. He's so dreamy:)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010, 11:55 AM
7:57pm here :)
That's awesome, OP! It all sounds wonderful and I can tell you I felt the same way about my Crush when we met and I STILL feel that way 21 years later! Just love being around him - even if we're out pulling weeds. He makes it fun :)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010, 1:42 PM
I'm all a-jitter. Love it!
Thursday, April 08, 2010, 6:16 PM
Dc is a romantic city on a hot, steamy July night. Consider taking a night walk on the mall.
What do you enjoy doing together?
Saturday, April 10, 2010, 8:26 AM
OP, How are you and Crush doing? Did he go with you to meet your family last month?
Tuesday, August 03, 2010, 9:16 PM
I just read this thread the other morning. What a cute story!! I, too, would love to hear how things are now!
Thursday, August 05, 2010, 11:26 PM
This has to be one of the cutest threads I've ever read! I hope things are going well.
Friday, August 06, 2010, 12:00 PM
You know before, I read this thread, I was down in the dumps, you lifted my spirits. God Bless you and crush!
Sunday, August 08, 2010, 12:35 AM
I'd love to hear how things are going for you!
Friday, August 13, 2010, 11:18 AM
I sure wish she would update us!
Monday, August 23, 2010, 4:51 PM
Here I am - It's me, the OP!
Yep, Crush and I are still together! =D It’s been going very, very well between us. (I’m surprised how well this has been going when you consider it’s my first and only dating experience / relationship since my divorce.) I’ve had the BEST summer w/ Crush riding his Harley, working out everyday together, biking, going away on weekend trips, etc. The July trip to DC was just one of several short trips we’ve gone on. Crush and I want the same things and I think that’s why it’s working so well. I don’t think I ever want to get married again. I definitely don’t want to remarry while my kids are still home (No step-dad situation). I’m very busy just being Mom, but Crush’s companionship, friendship, etc., is exactly what I need in my life right now. He also doesn't want to remarry, but is definitely a one-woman-man and has no fear of commitment. We are “exclusive” and I don’t see it ending anytime soon.
I never thought I’d enjoy single life as much as I am. I feel 15 years younger than I did when I was unhappily married. When my kids are away with their dad it’s like a whole different life for a few days or a week. I’m very happy with Crush and still feel the butterflies when I’m with him or think about being with him. We’re coming up on a long 3-day weekend without my kids and I can’t wait! ;)
Thursday, September 02, 2010, 7:55 PM
I happened upon your thread a couple of weeks ago. What a great story! Thank you for sharing. Glad it is still going well!
Thursday, September 02, 2010, 9:38 PM
Yea! I'm so glad you're enjoying each other. How great for you. Congratulations for getting the whole ball rolling in the first place.
Thursday, September 02, 2010, 10:36 PM
OP- I'm so very pleased for you & Crush! I've been following/commenting since you started this thread in Dec. I am SO PROUD of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and putting yourself out there. Who knows how many women you've inspired here with your courage? Thank you for updating us.
Friday, September 03, 2010, 2:17 PM
directed here by PT FB link...
UGH. I did NOT have time for this today! But here I sat and read the WHOLE darn thread!!! : )
I love it!!! Love it love it love it!!
Congrats and best wishes for the future. How fun that you have this whole thing catalogued for you. Some day you should let Crush read it!! : )
Saturday, September 04, 2010, 9:57 AM
PEERtrainer Facebook Page:
Saturday, September 04, 2010, 10:04 AM
I just found this thread for the first time. I feel like I cheated, I got to get the full story without waiting with all the cliffhangers for the last year.
I am in a similar situation, recently divorced and nervous about dating again. It was nice to read such a happy ending.
Congratulations to OP and Crush :-)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010, 5:58 PM
I followed since close tot the beginning. Yes, it is fun! romantic! and inspiring!
Wednesday, December 01, 2010, 6:44 PM
Hi everybody! Just had to share - Crush picked my two daughters up from school today and the three of them went shopping for my Christmas present. How cute is that? If you could see how big and strong and tough Crush is (on the outside), the image of him at the mall with 2 pre-teens is hilarious! His idea to do it. He's so sweet.
Earlier in this thread several people said they were in the same boat as me - recently divorced, just starting to date again, etc. How are all of you doing? Have you made any steps to put yourselves out there?
Friday, December 03, 2010, 7:58 PM
Can't believe it's been a year since your first posted!
thanks for the update! Keem 'em coming!
Friday, December 03, 2010, 8:52 PM
OP-- Happy Holidays to you and Crush. I started reading this thread the first day you posted and it's hard to believe a whole year has gone by! I'm so happy for you both.
I was divorced for a long time and dating all the wrong men before I took a chance 8 years ago with someone I thought wasn't my type. We're very happily married now and I can honestly say no one has treated me with more love, respect, support and kindness than this wonderful man of mine.
I love hearing about women who bravely step outside their comfort zones to reach for love and happiness. Good job. I also hope to hear from other women in this forum who have been inspired by you.
p.s. I'm looking forward to hearing what your Christmas present is. =)
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