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Very Off Topic Question. Boys, I Need Advice!

I’m newly back on the market (dating) after nearly 20 years. I think I’m attractive for my age, fit, slender, etc. I’m interested in someone at my gym, and he seems to notice me, but all we’ve ever done is say “hi” when we’re face to face.

I would love advice from the men here on PT. Can you give me any ideas on how to get to know him better? How to strike up a conversation? I know this post sounds so juvenile, but I’m sooo out of practice! Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!

Tue. Dec 1, 5:02pm

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I'm a female, but have you tried asking him for advice on equipment or resistance training? I've done that. See something they are doing and go over and say "i'm sorry to bother you, but i've tried that and I can't seem to get it right. Can you help me?" If he's interested, you'll know it. If he's not, you'll both go back to working out.

The question is: if he isn't interested, are you comfortable approaching him, getting a no, and then seeing him after that on a regular basis?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 5:13 PM

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Thanks for the idea, PP. I can definitely handle it if he's not interested. Our club is big enough where it would not be awkward. I just have such a crush on him that I can barely make eye contact, much less strike up a conversation! We are always at the club first thing in the morning, and often are waiting between the doors before they open for the day. (along with 3 or 4 other men. I'm the only woman.) I wish I had the nerve to talk to him then. If I didn't have a crush on him, I'd have no trouble talking. Silly, huh?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 7:58 PM

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not at all. Rejection is a hard thing--it kills our ego--and that's why we're hesitant to ask questions we don't know the answers to.

Have you talked outside the door in the morning? Has he started conversations with you?

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 8:57 AM

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two thoughts come to mind. One is be as direct as possible, in general. Don't confusem

The other thought is that in general you want to be nice and friendly with as many people. Don't be a flirt, but do project that you are pleasant, sane, outgoing and not a ton of work to deal with.

As a guy, I don't want to have to figure you out. Be yourself. You don't need to lead off with how crazy your alcoholic sister is, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

people are a fit or they are not. I am a big beliver in that if something is going to work, there is sometimes no way to screw it up. It just fits.

Also- get out there in places other than the gym. Network like crazy and all that. meaning don't obsess about this guy too much. If it is meant to be, it will happen.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:54 PM

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also- scarcity and "the takeaway" work really well. meaning, you never ever ever want to appear to eager. The minute you go nuts on a guy he will run.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:56 PM

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No conversation. Just "Hi" and a friendly smile on a few occasions. He works out with a friend, so they are sometimes talking and I couldn't really interrupt. However, there are times when his workout buddy isn't there yet and there are several of us standing around in silence.

I think I'm also feeling a bit insecure because I'm there with yesterday's hair and no make up. I might have more confidence if I was looking my best. However, I also don't want to show up totally primped because I think those people look ridiculous when they're there to sweat.

I have to think of a question to ask without it sounding totally rehearsed. What have your experiences been when you've approached someone at the gym?

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 2:57 PM

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8:57 checking in with you OP.

Most people don't want to be bothered at the gym, but I've had success with asking help to learn certain machines or how to do certain weight lifting moves. If they're not interested, they'll walk away and not think two things about it. If they are, they'll keep the conversation up.

If you're standing outside with this guy and his friend isn't there, you can always strike up a conversation about the weather "oo, it's chilly out this morning" or a simple "Good morning" and then say Hi, I'm new to the area and introduce yourself. If they ask where you're from, say Texas or some place. If you get to go on a date with this guy, fess up and tell the truth "I'm really from here, but it was an ice breaker to see if you were interested" If he likes you, he'll find it funny.

Personally, I think guys are flattered to have women approach them. So, don't stress too much about it.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 3:06 PM

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Thank you for your responses. I will take all of the advice and let you know if anything develops. 2:54 / 2:56, Don't worry. I have the play-it-cool & not-too-eager thing down to perfection. Unfortunately, that hasn't gotten me anywhere thus far! And although it may seem like I'm obsessing, I'm really not. This is just a fun distraction from my otherwise boring life.

Since this is the first I've put myself out there in a long time, any other advice or input would be appreciated. Thanks!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009, 6:02 PM

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Friday, December 04, 2009, 2:34 PM

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Dear OP. Don't forget that he is afraid of rejection too. So chances are, he's trying to play it cool too.

Friday, December 04, 2009, 5:45 PM

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